my brotherinlaw opened the bottom drawer of my sisters bureau and lifted out a tissuewrapped package this he said is not a slip this is lingerie he discarded the tissue and handed me the slip
it was exquisite silk handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace the price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached
jan bought this the first time we went to new york at least 8 or 9 years ago she never wore it she was saving it for a special occasion
well i guess this is the occasion
he took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician his hands lingered on the soft material for a moment then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me dont ever save anything for a special occasion every day you re alive is a special occasion
i remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when i helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death i thought about them on the plane returning to california from the midwestern town where my sisters family lives i thought about all the things that she hadnt seen or heard or done i thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they were special
im still thinking about his words and theyve changed the weeds in the garden im spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings whenever possible life should be a pattern of experience to savour not endure im trying to recognize these moment now and cherish them
im not saving anything we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound getting the sink unstopped the first camellia blossom… i wear my good blazer to the market if i feel like it my theory is if i look prosperous i can shell out 28 49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing im not saving my good perfume for special parties clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my party going friends
someday and one of these days are losing their grip on my vocabulary if its worth seeing or hearing or doing i want to see and hear and do it now im not sure what my sister wouldve done had she know that she wouldnt be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted
i think she would have called family members and a few close friends she might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles i like to think she would have gone out for a chinese dinner her favorite food im guessing ill never know
its those little things left undone that would make me angry if i knew that my hours were limited angry because i put off seeing good friends whom i was going to get in touch with someday angry because i hadnt written certain letters that i intended to write one of these days angry and sorry that i didnt tell my husband and daughter often enough how much i truly love them
im trying very hard not to put off hold back or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives and every morning when i open my eyes i tell myself that every day every minute every breath truly is a gift from god
妹夫开妹妹衣柜底层抽屉出纸包装包裹说件普通衣件豪华衣薄纸撕开递件衣
确精致丝质全手工缝制周围圈网状蕾丝花边价签尚未拆面数字高惊
第次纽约时简买少已八九年前事没穿想等特殊日子穿
唉想现便特殊日子
妹夫手中衣放床带殡仪服务员衣服放起手柔软织物徘徊会砰然关抽屉转身说:永远东西留什特殊日子活着天特殊日子
两句话久久耳边回响着伴度葬礼帮妹夫侄女处理妹妹意外死亡伤心事天位处中西部妹妹家返回加州时飞机想两句话想妹妹未机会听做事想淡然做没意识特殊性事
想着妹夫说话正改变心境花更时间家朋友起少花时间工作会议时生活应种品味非种忍受学欣赏刻珍惜刻
珍藏东西点事吝啬精美瓷器水晶制品说体重减磅时厨房水槽堵塞通时第朵山茶花绽放时……果想穿穿名牌衣服市场购物理:果富足话毫心疼袋杂货付出2849美元特殊派珍藏香水五金店售货员银行出纳员嗅觉会派朋友差
日终天样词正常词汇中淡出果值听做听做总理然必然明天知假妹妹知道没明日会做什
想会家位密友电话会位昔日朋友电话动道歉摒弃前嫌想会外出吃顿喜欢中餐猜想已永远会知道
假知道时间没做事会恼火恼火拖拖没日会友恼火没写出终天写信恼火疚没更常告诉丈夫女:真切爱
正努力拖延保留珍藏生活带欢笑光彩东西天清晨睁开双眼便告诉天分钟瞬间真……帝赐予礼物
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