《老友记》中英文对照剧本（第一季）

101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate
101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The PilotThe Uncut Version)

[Scene Central Perk Chandler Joey Phoebe and Monica are there]
Monica There's nothing to tell He's just some guy I work with
Joey Come on you're going out with the guy There's gotta be something wrong with him
Chandler All right Joey be nice  So does he have a hump A hump and a hairpiece
Phoebe Wait does he eat chalk
(They all stare bemused)
Phoebe Just 'cause I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl oh
Monica Okay everybody relax This is not even a date It's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex
Chandler Sounds like a date to me
[Time Lapse]
Chandler Alright so I'm back in high school I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria and I realize I am totally naked
All Oh yeah Had that dream
Chandler Then I look down and I realize there's a phone there
Joey Instead of
Chandler That's right
Joey Never had that dream
Phoebe No
Chandler All of a sudden the phone starts to ring Now I don't know what to do everybody starts looking at me
Monica And they weren't looking at you before
Chandler Finally I figure I'd better answer it and it turns out it's my mother which is veryvery weird because she never calls me
[Time Lapse Ross has entered]
Ross (mortified) Hi
Joey This guy says hello I wanna kill myself
Monica Are you okay sweetie
Ross I just feel like someone reached down my throat grabbed my small intestine pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck
Chandler Cookie
Monica (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today
Joey Ohh
Monica (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee
Ross Thanks
Phoebe Ooh Oh (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross)
Ross No no don't Stop cleansing my aura No just leave my aura alone okay
Phoebe Fine  Be murky
Ross I'll be fine alright Really everyone I hope she'll be very happy
Monica No you don't
Ross No I don't to hell with her she left me
Joey And you never knew she was a lesbian
Ross No Okay Why does everyone keep fixating on that She didn't know how should I know
Chandler Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian (They all stare at him) Did I say that out loud
Ross I told mom and dad last night they seemed to take it pretty well
Monica Oh really so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 300 AM I'll never have grandchildren I'll never have grandchildren was what  A wrong number
Ross Sorry
Joey Alright Ross look You're feeling a lot of pain right now You're angry You're hurting Can I tell you what the answer is
(Ross gestures his consent)
Joey Strip joint C'mon you're single Have some hormones
Ross I don't want to be single okay I just I just I just wanna be married again
(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room)
Chandler And I just want a million dollars (He extends his hand hopefully)
Monica Rachel
Rachel Oh God Monica hi Thank God I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are you are
Waitress Can I get you some coffee
Monica (pointing at Rachel) Decaff (to All) Okay everybody this is Rachel another Lincoln High survivor (to Rachel) This is everybody this is Chandler and Phoebe and Joey and you remember my brother Ross
Rachel Hi sure
Ross Hi
(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens  He sits back down defeated again  A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain)
Monica So you wanna tell us now or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids
Rachel Oh God well it started about a half hour before the wedding I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents and I was looking at this gravy boat This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat When all of a sudden (to the waitress that brought her coffee) Sweet 'n' Lo I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry And then I got really freaked out and that's when it hit me how much Barry looks like Mr Potato Head Y'know I mean I always knew looked familiar but Anyway I just had to get out of there and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this and who am I doing this for' (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city
Monica Who wasn't invited to the wedding
Rachel Ooh I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue
[Scene Monica's Apartment everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on]
Monica Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ and she's really not happy about it
Chandler (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad  Decide
Ross (in a deep voice) I'll have whatever Christine is having
Rachel (on phone) Daddy I just I can't marry him I'm sorry I just don't love him Well it matters to me
(The scene on TV has changed to show two women one is holding her hair)
Phoebe  If I let go of my hair my head will fall off
Chandler (re TV) Ooh she should not be wearing those pants
Joey I say push her down the stairs
Phoebe Ross Chandler and Joey  Push her down the stairs Push her down the stairs Push her down the stairs
(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers)
Rachel C'mon Daddy listen to me It's like it's like all of my life everyone has always told me 'You're a shoe You're a shoe you're a shoe you're a shoe' And today I just stopped and I said 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe What if I wanna be a a purse y'know Or a or a hat No I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat I'm saying I am a ha It's a metaphor Daddy
Ross You can see where he'd have trouble
Rachel Look Daddy it's my life Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica

Monica Well I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica
Rachel Well maybe that's my decision Well maybe I don't need your money Wait Wait I said maybe
[Time Lapse Rachel is breating into a paper bag]
Monica Just breathe breathe that's it Just try to think of nice calm things Phoebe (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her) bluebells and sleighbells and something with mittens La la la lasomething and noodles with string  These are a few
Rachel I'm all better now
Phoebe (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey) I helped
Monica Okay look this is probably for the best y'know Independence Taking control of your life  The whole 'hat' thing
Joey (comforting her) And hey you need anything you can always come to Joey Me and Chandler live across the hall And he's away a lot
Monica Joey stop hitting on her It's her wedding day
Joey What like there's a rule or something
(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it)
Chandler Please don't do that again it's a horrible sound
Paul (over the intercom) It's uh it's Paul
Monica Oh God is it 630  Buzz him in
Joey Who's Paul
Ross Paul the Wine Guy Paul
Monica Maybe
Joey Wait Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy
Ross He finally asked you out
Monica Yes
Chandler Ooh this is a Dear Diary moment
Monica Rach wait I can cancel
Rachel Please no go that'd be fine
Monica (to Ross) Are are you okay I mean do you want me to stay
Ross (choked voice) That'd be good
Monica (horrified) Really
Ross (normal voice) No go on It's Paul the Wine Guy
Phoebe What does that mean Does he sell it drink it or just complain a lot (Chandler doesn't know)
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul)
Monica Hi come in Paul this is (They are all lined up next to the door) everybody everybody this is Paul
All Hey Paul Hi The Wine Guy Hey
Chandler I'm sorry I didn't catch your name Paul was it
Monica Okay ummumm I'll justI'll be right back I just gotta go ah go ah
Ross A wandering
Monica Change  Okay sit down (Shows Paul in) Two seconds
Phoebe Ooh I just pulled out four eyelashes That can't be good
(Monica goes to change)
Joey  Hey Paul
Paul Yeah
Joey Here's a little tip she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red
Monica (yelling from the bedroom) Shut up Joey
Ross So Rachel what're you uh what're you up to tonight
Rachel Well I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon so nothing
Ross Right you're not even getting your honeymoon God No no although Aruba this time of year talk about your (thinks) big lizards Anyway if you don't feel like being alone tonight Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture
Chandler (deadpan) Yes and we're very excited about it
Rachel Well actually thanks but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight  It's been kinda a long day
Ross Okay sure
Joey Hey Pheebs you wanna help
Phoebe Oh I wish I could but I don't want to
Commercial Break
[Scene The Subway Phoebe is singing for change]
Phoebe (singing) Love is sweet as summer showers love is a wondrous work of art but your love oh your love your loveis like a giant pigeoncrapping on my heart  Lalalalala (some guy gives her some change and to that guy) Thank you (sings) Lalalalaohhh
[Scene Ross's Apartment the guys are there assembling furniture]
Ross (squatting and reading the instructions) I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things using a bunch of these little worm guys I have no brackety thing I see no whim guys whatsoever and I cannot feel my legs
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase)
Joey I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here
Chandler It's a beautiful thing
Joey (picking up a leftover part) What's this
Chandler I would have to say that is an 'L'shaped bracket
Joey Which goes where
Chandler I have no idea
(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant)
Joey Done with the bookcase
Chandler All finished
Ross (clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carol's favorite beer She always drank it out of the can I should have known
Joey Heyheyheyhey if you're gonna start with that stuff we're outta here
Chandler Yes please don't spoil all this fun
Joey Ross let me ask you a question She got the furniture the stereo the good TV what did you get
Ross You guys
Chandler Oh God
Joey You got screwed
Chandler Oh my God
[Scene A Restaurant Monica and Paul are eating]
Monica Oh my God
Paul I know I know I'm such an idiot I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week I mean how clean can teeth get
Monica My brother's going through that right now he's such a mess How did you get through it
Paul Well you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers say her
Monica leg
Paul (laughing) That's one way Me I I went for the watch
Monica You actually broke her watch  Wow  The worst thing I ever did was II shredded by boyfriend's favorite bath towel
Paul Ooh steer clear of you
Monica That's right [Scene Monica's Apartment Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing]
Rachel Barry I'm sorry I am so sorry I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on but it isn't it isn't it's about me and I ju (She stops talking and dials the phone) Hi machine cut me off again anywaylook look I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs Barry Finkel but it isn't me it's not me  And not that I have any idea who me is right now but you just have to give me a chance too (The maching cuts her off again and she redials)
[Scene Ross's Apartment Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture]
Ross I'm divorced  I'm only 26 and I'm divorced
Joey Shut up
Chandler You must stop (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses)
Ross That only took me an hour
Chandler Look Ross you gotta understand between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento   You however have had the love of a woman for four years   Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out and that is why we don't do it  I don't think that was my point
Ross You know what the scariest part is What if there's only one woman for everybody y'know I mean what if you get one woman and that's it Unfortunately in my case there was only one woman for her
Joey What are you talking about 'One woman' That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you Lemme tell you something Ross There's lots of flavors out there There's Rocky Road and Cookie Dough and Bing Cherry Vanilla You could get 'em with Jimmies or nuts or whipped cream This is the best thing that ever happened to you You got married you were like what eight Welcome back to the world Grab a spoon
Ross I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny
Chandler Stay out of my freezer [Scene A Restaurant Monica and Paul are still eating]
Paul Ever since she walked out on me I uh
Monica What What you wanna spell it out with noodles
Paul No it's it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation
Monica Oh so there is gonna be a fifth date
Paul Isn't there
Monica Yeah yeah I think there is What were you gonna say
Paul Well everev ever since she left me um I haven't been able to uh perform (Monica takes a sip of her drink) Sexually
Monica (spitting out her drink in shock) Oh God oh God I am sorry I am so sorry
Paul It's okay
Monica I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now Um how long
Paul Two years
Monica Wow I'mI'mI'm glad you smashed her watch
Paul So you still think you um might want that fifth date
Monica (pause)Yeah Yeah I do
[Scene Monica's Apartment Rachel is watching Joanne Loves Chaci]
Priest on TV We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles ChachiChachiChachi Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony
Rachel Ohsee but Joanne loved Chachi That's the difference
[Scene Ross's Apartment they're all sitting around and talking]
Ross (scornful) Grab a spoon Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon Do the words 'Billy don't be a hero' mean anything to you
Joey Great story  But I uh I gotta go I got a date with AndreaAngelaAndrea  Oh man (looks to Chandler)
Chandler Angela's the screamer Andrea has cats
Joey Right  Thanks  It's June  I'm outta here (Exits)
Ross Y'know here's the thing Even if I could get it together enough to to ask a woman out who am I gonna ask (He gazes out of the window)
[Cut to Rachel staring out of her window]
Commercial Break
[Scene Monica's Apartment Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler]
Rachel Isn't this amazing I mean I have never made coffee before in my entire life
Chandler That is amazing
Joey Congratulations
Rachel Y'know I figure if I can make coffee there isn't anything I can't do
Chandler If can invade Poland there isn't anything I can't do
Joey Listen while you're on a roll if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee grimace and pour it into a plant pot) Although actually I'm really not that hungry
Monica (entering to herself) Oh good Lenny and Squigy are here
All Morning Good morning
Paul (entering from Monica's room) Morning
Joey Morning Paul
Rachel Hello Paul
Chandler Hi Paul is it
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear  The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can)
Paul Thank you  Thank you so much
Monica Stop
Paul No I'm telling you last night was like umm all my birthdays both graduations plus the barn raising scene in Witness
Monica We'll talk later
Paul Yeah (They kiss) Thank you (Exits)
Joey That wasn't a real date What the hell do you do on a real date
Monica Shut up and put my table back
All Okayyy (They do so)
Chandler All right kids I gotta get to work If I don't input those numbers it doesn't make much of a difference
Rachel So like you guys all have jobs
Monica Yeah we all have jobs See that's how we buy stuff
Joey Yeah I'm an actor
Rachel Wow Would I have seen you in anything
Joey I doubt it Mostly regional work
Monica Oh wait wait unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio at the little theater in the park
Joey Look it was a job all right
Chandler 'Look Gippetto I'm a real live boy'
Joey I will not take this abuse (Walks to the door and opens it to leave)
Chandler You're right I'm sorry (Burst into song and dances out of the door) Once I was a wooden boy a little wooden boy
Joey You should both know that he's a dead man  Oh Chandler (Starts after Chandler) Monica So how you doing today Did you sleep okay Talk to Barry I can't stop smiling
Rachel I can see that You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth
Monica I know he's just so so Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco
Rachel Oh yeah
Monica Well it's like that With feelings
Rachel Oh wow Are you in trouble
Monica Big time
Rachel Want a wedding dress   Hardly used
Monica I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here Okay Okay I am just going to get up go to work and not think about him all day Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work
Rachel Oh look wish me luck
Monica What for
Rachel I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things
(Monica exits)
[Scene Iridium Monica is working as Frannie enters]
Frannie Hey Monica
Monica Hey Frannie welcome back How was Florida
Frannie You had sex didn't you
Monica How do you do that
Frannie Oh I hate you I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex  So Who
Monica You know Paul
Frannie Paul the Wine Guy Oh yeah I know Paul
Monica You mean you know Paul like I know Paul
Frannie Are you kidding I take credit for Paul Y'know before me there was no snap in his turtle for two years
[Scene Central Perk everyone but Rachel is there]
Joey (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line
Monica Why Why Why why would anybody do something like that
Ross I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'
Monica I hate men  I hate men
Phoebe Oh no don't hate you don't want to put that out into the universe
Monica Is it me Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear
Phoebe All right c'mere gimme your feet (She starts massaging them)
Monica I just thought he was nice y'know
Joey (bursts out laughing again) I can't believe you didn't know it was a line
(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag)
Rachel Guess what
Ross You got a job
Rachel Are you kidding I'm trained for nothing I was laughed out of twelve interviews today
Chandler And yet you're surprisingly upbeat
Rachel You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale fifty percent off
Chandler Oh how well you know me
Rachel They're my new 'I don't need a job I don't need my parents I've got great boots' boots
Monica How'd you pay for them
Rachel Uh credit card
Monica And who pays for that
Rachel Um my father
[Scene Monica and Rachel's everyone is sitting around the kitchen table   Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors]
Rachel Oh God come on you guys is this really necessary  I mean I can stop charging anytime I want
Monica C'mon you can't live off your parents your whole life
Rachel I know that That's why I was getting married
Phoebe Give her a break it's hard being on your own for the first time
Rachel Thank you
Phoebe You're welcome I remember when I first came to this city I was fourteen My mom had just killed herself and my stepdad was back in prison and I got here and I didn't know anybody And I ended up living with this albino guy who was like cleaning windshields outside port authority and then he killed himself and then I found aromatherapy So believe me I know exactly how you feel
(Pause)
Ross The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'
Monica All right you ready
Rachel No  No no I'm not ready  How can I be ready  Hey Rach  You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute  Come on I can't do this
Monica You can I know you can
Rachel I don't think so
Ross Come on you made coffee   You can do anything (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it)
Ross C'mon cut Cut cut cut
All Cut cut cut cut cut cut cut (She cuts one of them and they cheer)
Rachel Y'know what  I think we can just leave it at that  It's kinda like a symbolic gesture
Monica  Rachel  That was a library card
All Cut cut cut cut cut cut cut
Chandler (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know if you listen closely you can hear a thousand retailers scream
(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer)
Monica Welcome to the real world It sucks You're gonna love it
[Time Lapse Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem]
Monica Well that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch
Ross No No I gotta go home sometime
Monica You be okay
Ross Yeah
Rachel Hey Mon look what I just found on the floor (Monica smiles) What
Monica That's Paul's watch You just put it back where you found it Oh boy Alright Goodnight everybody
Ross and Rachel Goodnight
(Monica stomps on Paul's watch and goes into her room)
Ross Mmm (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh no
Rachel Sorry
Ross No no no go
Rachel No you have it really I don't want it
Ross Split it
Rachel Okay
Ross Okay (They split it) You know you probably didn't know this but back in high school I had a um major crush on you
Rachel I knew
Ross You did Oh I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother
Rachel I did
Ross Oh Listen do you think and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out Sometime Maybe
Rachel Yeah maybe
Ross Okay okay maybe I will
Rachel Goodnight
Ross Goodnight
(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving)
Monica See ya Waitwait what's with you
Ross I just grabbed a spoon (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means)
Closing Credits
[Scene Central Perk everyone is there]
Joey I can't believe what I'm hearing here
Phoebe (sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing here
Monica What II said you had a
Phoebe (sings) What I said you had
Monica (to Phoebe) Would you stop
Phoebe Oh was I doing it again
All Yes
Monica I said that you had a nice butt it's just not a great butt
Joey Oh you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya
Ross There's an image
Rachel (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody like more coffee
Chandler Did you make it or are you just serving it
Rachel I'm just serving it
All Yeah Yeah I'll have a cup of coffee
Chandler Kids new dream I'm in Las Vegas (Rachel sits down to hear Chandler's dream)
Customer (To Rachel) Ahh miss   More coffee
Rachel Ugh (To another customer that's leaving) Excuse me could you give this to that guy over there (Hands him the coffee pot) Go ahead (He does so) Thank you (To the gang) Sorry  Okay Las Vegas
Chandler Okay so I'm in Las Vegas I'm Liza Minelli
End

101 试播


没什说事
少起出拜托交男定问题
住乔伊嘴留德驼背？驼背带假发？
慢着吃粉笔？


想重蹈卡尔覆辙
位急算约会出吃晚餐做爱
听起说约会

记中学时代梦站助餐厅突然发现全身赤裸
做样梦
低头见支电话……
……？
没错
没做样梦没


支电话突然响起知道办开始着
前？
终认应该接结果妈感奇怪妈电话
嗨
家伙招呼时想杀
吧？
感觉手伸入喉咙抓起肠子口中取出然绑脖……
饼干？
卡罗天东西搬走
帮泡杯咖啡
谢
……清理灵气……碰灵气
吧保持晦气
会没事真祝幸福
会没错
会甩掉
直知道女性恋者
没行吧？家围着话题转？连知道会知道

时真希女志刚刚声说出？
昨晚告诉父母挺
真凌晨三点接电话女歇斯底里哭诉抱孙子
抱孙子什？错？
起
闷闷乐罗斯现痛苦肚子火心刀割告诉解决道？
脱衣舞酒店单身性需求
想单身想结婚


想百万
瑞秋？
天啊莫妮卡谢天谢住处着根榔头说会结果真

想杯咖啡？
咖啡位瑞秋位林肯高中生存位钱德勒菲乔伊记哥罗斯？
然
嗨


想现告诉等伴娘说？
婚礼前半时发生变数堆放礼物房间里着船形卤肉盘非常漂亮船形卤肉盘突然间……
没代糖？解船形卤肉盘巴瑞更引起性趣吓跳
巴瑞愈愈猪头先生直认眼熟总必须离开开始想做？谁样做？知该走处知道日渐疏远城市认识唯


唯没受邀参加婚礼
件事甭提啦


猜送台风琴肯定喜欢
金枪鱼鸡蛋沙拉？快决定
拥克莉丝汀拥切
爸嫁……起爱问题


果没头发
死
该穿条裤子
建议推楼
推楼推楼推楼

爸听说……家样评价辈子：鞋……天倒想果鞋会样说果想皮包呢？
帽子呢？需帮买帽子说顶帽子爸种喻
问题
爸生许会莫妮卡住
想已确定谁莫妮卡住
许决定许希罕钱
等等……说许
深呼吸样试着想着美事物……
玫瑰雨滴猫嘴胡须门铃雪橇类啦 啦 啦……手套……


现
功劳
许样立决定事情

需找乔伊准没错钱德勒住面常家
乔伊少趁虚入天喜日子
什？规定？

样声音刺耳
保罗
天啊630？进
保罗谁？调酒保罗？
许吧
等等晚该真调酒保罗约会吧？
终开口约？
终等
瑞秋等等取消
吧会事
罗斯没事吧留？

样……
真？
假吧保罗调酒师耶
什意思？卖酒喝酒评酒？
请进 保罗位……
……位位保罗
保罗……调酒师
抱歉没听清楚名字保罗？

马……
神魂恍惚啦？
换衣服请坐两秒钟
刚拔掉四根睫毛妙
嗨保罗
嗯指教？
秘密莫妮卡实喜欢样摩擦脖子方反反复复直里开始点发红
乔伊闭嘴
瑞秋算渡晚？
应该前阿鲁巴渡蜜月途中没
懂没渡蜜月然阿鲁巴时…………蜥蜴果晚想独处乔伊钱德勒帮组合新家俱
相兴奋
谢谢晚想折磨天
吧然
菲想帮忙？




爱情似炎炎夏日中阵雨般美妙
love is a wondrous work of art
but your love oh your loveyour love
is like a giant pigeoncrapping on my heart啦啦啦啦啦 谢谢
应该蜗杆托架装侧面没见托架蜗杆脚麻


想做书架
真漂亮
什？
说L型托架
？
知道
书架做终做
卡罗爱喝啤酒
总杯子喝早应该出蛛丝马迹
嗨…………
果样走
啊请破坏里乐趣
罗斯问问题
分家俱音响电视
分什？

天啊
昏头吧
嗯天啊
嗯天啊
知道白痴
周四五次牙医时该解
指牙齿干净？
哥正承受着种痛苦
副失魂落魄样子
熬？
心砸烂贵着东西……
……
……腿？
样赖……
砸烂表
真砸烂表？
哇做坏事情
撕碎男朋友喜欢浴巾
嗯机智脱身
啊
巴瑞真起
定认事次说话关
关做爱时
穿着袜子
实
问题出身……
答录机挂断
样……瞧瞧瞧瞧
知道某女孩会思议
成•巴瑞太太

现连谁知道
应该机会……
离婚啦
26岁离婚啦
闭嘴
停吧
花时
啊罗斯应该理解
认识太久
女相爱已四年
四年封闭分享
心麻醉
什样做
重
知道怕什？
万生女办？
意思果女时该办？
幸唯女爱……
说什？女
说吃种口味冰淇淋
罗斯告诉吧
冰淇淋口种千百种
种点心糖果冰淇淋……
加糖条核果
奶油
生中美事
八岁时结婚吧？
欢迎世界 抓住勺子
真知道饥渴欲火焚身？
碰家冰箱
甩掉
什？…………
什算边嚼面条边讲？
第五次约会真情告白
第五次约会？
需？
需想需
刚想说什？
……呃……
离开
直法……没做……
……性方面……
天啊天啊起起
没关系……
现需应该吐口水吧
久？
两年
哇真高兴砸烂表
想第五次约会？
……然想
天里参加
乔安妮•路易丝•坎宁安查尔斯•
恰棋恰棋恰棋•阿勒神圣婚礼
喔…………乔安妮爱恰棋
差
抓住勺子
知道等着抓勺子等久？
尔逞英雄句话感觉？
非常起
走
约会
安德里亚……安吉拉……安德里亚……嗨
安吉拉喜欢尖安德里亚养猫
谢谢六月份走
样
算鼓起勇气约女出
约谁呀？
神奇吧？辈子没泡咖啡
真神奇
恭喜
觉会泡咖啡
没什行
果侵入波兰
征服切
果兴致发想做蛋饼
老实说太饿……
啊LennySquigy啦
早安早安
早安
早安保罗
保罗
嗨保罗？？
谢谢太谢谢

行告诉昨晚
生日毕业典礼
谷仓收获季节加起样
晚点电话
谢谢
约会？
真正约会底干什？
闭嘴桌子抬回
吧
孩子班
果输入数字……
没什关系……
伙工作？
工作
样钱买东西
演员
见？？
概没见吧
部份区性节目中演出
等等非木偶重播
算工作吧？
瞧盖佩活生生男孩
会理睬种羞辱
说抱歉
木偶……木偶……
告诉死定
嗨钱德勒？
天感觉？
睡吧？巴瑞通电话？
法停止笑
出
样子昨晚口中含着衣架睡觉
知道……
记东尼戴马克？
记
样样感觉
惹麻烦
麻烦
需婚纱？没
想点知
清醒工作
整天想
者清醒然工作
祝幸运
什？
找工作
嗨莫妮卡
法兰妮欢迎回
佛罗里达？
床？
出？
哦恨推着洛兹阿姨帕罗丛林
做爱
谁呀？
认识保罗？
保罗调酒？
认识保罗
认识保罗认识样？
爱说笑
谢呢
遇前已两年法入道
显然骗
什？
什会样做？
想答案
设法骗床更复杂
恨男恨男
恨想丢出宇宙吧
问题出身？
难道特殊气味
狗感情严着问题男闻
脚
男
法相信懂骗局
猜猜？
找工作？
开玩笑？ 书白念
天十二面试全泡汤
异常兴奋
换成会样
果遇见John and David皮靴五折
真太解
新皮靴
需工作需父母
新皮靴
付钱？
信卡啊
卡费谁费？
爸
天啊啦必？
说时忍住挥霍
成熟点爸辈子
知道选择结婚
饶吧第次独立轻松
谢谢
客气记第次纽约时情况
时十四岁妈刚杀
继父度入狱
生熟
患白化症男居
港务局清洗车窗
杀
然找芳香摩治疗工作
请相信心情体会
需
……
准备？
没准备
会准备呢？
嗨瑞秋准备降落伞跳出飞机？
行行
行 知道行
觉
吧会泡咖啡
什
剪剪剪剪……
知道？
认留里
做象征性姿势
瑞秋 书卡
剪剪剪剪剪剪剪……
知道果仔细听
会听千商家尖
欢迎现实世界
糟透会喜欢

睡沙发？
回家
没事吧？

嗨板发现什？
什？
保罗手表
放回原
晚安位
晚安
嗯……
起 走开
吃吧饿
分开？
行
概知道高中时
肯定迷死
知道
知道？ 哦……
总想认莫妮卡书呆子哥哥
没错
否认果抛开素
偶尔约出？时？？
许吧……
许会……
晚安
晚安
回头见……
等等？
刚抓住勺子
真敢相信耳朵
真敢相信耳朵
说……
说……
完没完？
老毛病犯？
没错
说错屁股
起屁股
没跳起咬知道起
想象
谁喝咖啡？
煮端已？
端已
杯咖啡
孩子新梦……
拉斯维加斯
嗨姐？加点咖啡？
嗯劳驾请递？
啊
谢谢
起拉斯维加斯
拉斯维加斯……
丽莎明妮莉……

102 The One With the Sonogram at the End
102 The One With the Sonogram at the End


[Scene Central Perk everyone's there]
Monica What you guys don't understand is for us kissing is as important as any part of it
Joey Yeah rightY'serious
Phoebe Oh yeah
Rachel Everything you need to know is in that first kiss
Monica Absolutely
Chandler Yeah I think for us kissing is pretty much like an opening act y'know I mean it's like the standup comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out
Ross Yeah andand it's not that we don't like the comedian it's thatthat that's not why we bought the ticket
Chandler The problem is though after the concert's over no matter how great the show was you girls are always looking for the comedian again y'know I mean we're in the car we're fighting traffic basically just trying to stay awake
Rachel Yeah well word of advice Bring back the comedian Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home listening to that album alone
Joey (pause)Are we still talking about sex
Opening Credits
[Scene Museum of Prehistoric History Ross and a coworker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people]
Ross No it's good it is good it's just that mm doesn't she seem a little angry
Marsha Well she has issues
Ross Does she？
Marsha He's out banging other women over the head with a club while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet
Ross Marsha these are cave people Okay They have issues like 'Gee that glacier's getting kinda close' See
Marsha Speaking of issues isn't that your exwife
(Carol Ross's exwife has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit)
Ross (trying to ignore her) No No
Marsha Yes it is Carol Hi
Ross Okay okay yes it is (waves) How about I'll uh catch up with you in the Ice Age
(Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit)
RossHi
Carol So
Ross You look great I uh I hate that
Carol Sorry You look good too
Ross Ah well in here anyone who stands erect So what's new Still uh
Carol A lesbian
Ross Well you never know How's um how's the family
Carol Marty's still totally paranoid Oh and uh
Ross Why why are you here Carol
Carol I'm pregnant
Ross Pregnant
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Chandler Joey Phoebe and Monica are watching Three's Company]
Chandler Oh I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding
PhoebeThen I've already seen this one (Turns off the TV)
Monica (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that
Joey Yeah sorry the swallowing slowed me down
Monica Whose little ball of paper is this
Chandler Oh uh that would be mine See I wrote a note to myself and then I realised I didn't need it so I balled it up and (sees that Monica is glaring at him) now I wish I was dead
(Monica starts to fluff a pillow)
Phoebe She's already fluffed that pillow Monica you know you've already fluffed that (Monica glares at her) but it's fine
Monica Look I'm sorry guys I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have
Chandler Yes and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow
Phoebe Monica Hi Um Monica you're scaring me I mean you're like you're like all chaotic and twirly And notnot in a good way
Joey Yeah calm down You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come
Monica That's because as far as my parents are concerned Ross can do no wrong Y'see he's the Prince Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born
Chandler (looking out the window) Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew
Monica What
Chandler Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster
All Eeaagh
(Rachel enters from her room)
Rachel Has anybody seen my engagement ring
Phoebe Yeah it's beautiful
Rachel Oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God (Starts to look under the couch cushions)
Phoebe No look don't touch that
Rachel Oh like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough having to give it back to him 'Hi Barry Remember me I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring without the ring which makes it so much harder
Monica Easy Rach we'll find it (To all) Won't we
Chandler and Joey Oh Yeah
Joey Alright when'd'ya have it on last
Phoebe Doy Probably right before she lost it
Chandler You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days
Rachel I know I had it this morning and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with
Chandler Dinah
Rachel (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh don't be mad
Monica You didn't
Rachel Oh I am sorry
Monica I gave you one job (Starts to examin the lasagne through the bottom of the glass pan)
Rachel Oh but look how straight those noodles are
Chandler Now Monica you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne
Monica (puts down the lasagne) I just can't do it
Chandler Boys We're going in
(Chandler Joey and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers)
Ross (standing outside the door)Hi
Monica Wow That is not a happy hi
Ross Carol's pregnant
Phoebe (while everyone else is stunned) Ooh I found it
Monica Wwwh wha www
Ross Yeah Do that for another two hours you might be where I am right about now (He enters)
Chandler Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective huh Mon
Rachel Well now howhow do you fit into this whole thing
Ross Well Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved but if I'm not comfortable with it I don't have to be involved basically it's entirely up to me
Phoebe She is so great I miss her
Monica What does she mean by 'involved'
Chandler I mean presumably the biggest part of your job is done
Ross Anyway they want me to go down to this sonogram thing with them tomorrow
Rachel So what are you gonna do
Ross I have no idea No matter what I do though I'm still gonna be a father
(Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns and stares at him)
Joey Well this is still ruined right
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Monica and Ross are pouring wine for their parents]
Mrs Geller Oh Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you (Tastes a snack) Mmm What's that curry taste
Monica Curry
Mrs Geller Mmmm
Ross I I think they're great I I really do
Mr Geller (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins The big one had a thing for you didn't she
Mrs Geller They all had a thing for him
Ross Aw Mom
Monica I'm sorry why is this girl going to call me
Mrs Geller Oh she just graduated and she wants to be something in cooking or food or I don't know Anyway I told her you had a restaurant
Monica No Mom I don't have a restaurant I work in a restaurant
Mrs Geller Well they don't have to know that (She starts to fluff the same pillow Monica fluffed multiple times earlier)
Monica Ross could you come and help me with the spaghetti please
Ross Yeah (They go to the kitchen)
Mrs Geller Oh we're having spaghetti That's easy

Monica I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish but were you planning on bringing up the whole babylesbian thing Because I think it might take some of the heat off me
[Time Lapse everyone is now eating]
Mrs Geller What that Rachel did to her life We ran into her parents at the club they were not playing very well
Mr Geller I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money


Mrs Geller Well at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar
Monica What's that supposed to mean
Mrs Geller Nothing It's an expression
Monica No it's not
Mr Geller Don't listen to your mother You're independent and you always have been Even when you were a kid and you were chubby and you had no friends you were just fine And you would read alone in your room and your puzzles
[Time Lapse]
Mr Geller Look there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars with his museum and his papers getting published Other people are satisfied with staying where they are I'm telling you these are the people who never get cancer
[Time Lapse]
Mr Geller And I read about these women trying to have it all and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't seem to have that problem
Monica (trying desperately to change the subject) So Ross what's going on with you Any stories (Digs her elbow into his hand) No news no little anecdotes to share with the folks
Ross (pulls his hand away) Okay Okay (To his parents) Look I uh I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me and so well here's the deal Carol's a lesbian She's living with a woman named Susan She's pregnant with my child and she and Susan are going to raise the baby
(Stunned silence ensues)
Mrs Geller (To Monica) And you knew about this
Commercial Break
[Scene Central Park everyone's there]
Joey Your folks are really that bad huh
Ross Well y'know these people are pros They know what they're doing they take their time they get the job done
Monica Boy I know they say you can't change your parents boy if you could (To Ross) I'd want yours
Ross Must pee (Goes to pee)
Phoebe Y'know it's even worse when you're twins
Rachel You're twins
Phoebe Yeah We don't speak She's like this highpowered driven career type
Chandler What does she do
Phoebe She's a waitress

Rachel All right you guys I kinda gotta clean up now (They all start to leave)
Monica Chandler you're an only child right You don't have any of this
Chandler Well no although I did have an imaginary friend who my parents actually preferred
Rachel The lights please
(Joey turns off the lights and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean up  Ross enters from the bathroom)
Ross How long was I in there
Rachel I'm just cleaning up
Ross D'ya uh Do you need any help
Rachel Uh okay sure Thanks (She hands him the broom and sits down)
Ross Anyway um (Starts to sweep) So you uh you nervous about Barry tomorrow
Rachel Oh a little
Ross Mmhmm
Rachel A lot
Ross Mm
Rachel So got any advice Y'know as someone who's recently been dumped
Ross Well you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped' Chances are he's gonna be this this broken shell of a man y'know so you should try not to look too terrific I know it'll be hard Or y'know uh hey I'll go down there and I'll give Barry back his ring and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OBGYN
Rachel Oh you've got Carol tomorrow When did it get so complicated
Ross Got me
Rachel Remember when we were in high school together
Ross Yeah
Rachel I mean didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone fall in love and that'd be it (Ross gazes at her) Ross
Ross Yes yes
Rachel Oh Man I never thought I'd be here (She leans back onto his hand)
Ross Me either (He pulls up a stool so that he doesn't have to move his hand)
[Scene Carol's OBGYN Carol is waiting]
Ross (entering) Sorry I'm late I was stuck at work There was this big dinosaur thing anyway
(Susan enters holding a drink)
Susan Hi
Carol Ross you remember Susan
Ross How could I forget
Susan Ross
Ross (they shake hands) Hello Susan (To Carol) Good shake Good shake So uh we're just waiting for
Carol Dr Oberman
Ross Dr Oberman Okay And is he
Susan She
Ross she of course she uh familiar with our special situation
Carol Yes and she's very supportive
Ross Okay that's great (Susan gives her drink to Carol) No I'm Oh 
Carol Thanks
Ross (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it) Quack quack
Carol Ross That opens my cervix (He drops it in horror)
[Scene Barry's office Barry is working on patient Robbie as Rachel enters]
Rachel Barry
Barry Come in
Rachel (hesitates) Are you sure
Barry Yeah It's fine it's fine Robbie's gonna be here for hours
Robbie Huh
Barry So how ya doin
Rachel I'm uh I'm okay You look great
Barry Yeah well
Bernice (over intercom) Dr Farber Jason Greenstein's gagging
Barry (answering the intercom) Be right there (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec
(As Barry exits Robbie stares at Rachel)
Rachel I dumped him
Robbie Okay
[Scene Carol's OBGYN they're talking about how this is going to work]
Ross So um so how's this uh how's this gonna work Y'know with us Y'know when like important decisions have to be made
Carol Give me a 'for instance'
Ross Well uh uh I don't know okay okay how about with the uh with the baby's name
Carol Marlon
Ross Marlon
Carol if it's a boy Minnie if it's a girl
Ross As in Mouse
Carol As in my grandmother
Ross Still you you say Minnie you hear Mouse Um how about um how about Julia
Carol Julia
Susan We agreed on Minnie
Ross 'S'funny um uh we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together Things change roll with the punches I believe Julia's on the table
[Scene Barry's office Rachel is doing her makeup in the mirror on Barry's lamp as Barry enters]
Barry Sorry about that So What have you been up to
Rachel Oh not much II got a job
Barry Oh that's great
Rachel Why are why are you so tanned
Barry Oh I uh I went to Aruba
Rachel Oh no You went on our honeymoon alone
Barry No I went with uh Now this may hurt
Robbie Me
Barry No (To Rachel) I went with Mindy


Rachel Mindy My maid of honour Mindy
Barry Yeah well uh we're kind of a thing now
Rachel Oh Well um (Grabs his forehand) You've got plugs
Barry Careful They haven't quite taken yet

Rachel And you've got lenses But you hate sticking your finger in your eye
Barry Not for her Listen I really wanted to thank you
Rachel Okay
Barry See about a month ago I wanted to hurt you More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life And I'm an orthodontist
Rachel Wow
Barry You know you were right I mean I thought we were happy We weren't happy But with Mindy now I'm happy Spit


Rachel What
Robbie Me (Spits)
Rachel Anyway um (Gets the ring out of her purse) I guess this belongs to you And thank you for giving it to me
Barry Well thank you for giving it back
(Barry and Rachel look at each other)
Robbie Hello
[Scene Carol's OBGYN they're still arguing about what to name the baby]
Susan Oh please What's wrong with Helen
Ross Helen Geller I don't think so
Carol Hello It's not gonna be Helen Geller
Ross Thank you
Carol No I mean it's not Geller
Ross What it's gonna be Helen Willick
Carol No actually um we talked about Helen WillickBunch
Ross Well wait a minute wha why is she in the title
Susan It's my baby too
Ross Oh 's'funny really Um I don't remember you making any sperm
Susan Yeah and we all know what a challenge that is
Carol All right you two stop it

Ross No no no she gets a credit hey I'm in there too
Carol Ross You're not actually suggesting Helen WillickBunchGeller 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse
Ross Of course not I'm suggesting GellerWillickBunch
Susan Oh no nonononono you see what he's doing He knows noone's gonna say all those names so they'll wind up calling her Geller then he gets his way


Ross My way Youyou think this is my way Believe me of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being this is not my way y'know what Uh um this is too hard I'm not I can't do
Dr Oberman (entering) Knock knockHow are we today Any nausea
All Yeah Yeah A little
Dr Oberman Well I was just wondering about the mothertobe but thanks for sharing (To Carol) Uh lie back
Ross You uh y'know what I'm gonna go I don't I don't think I can be involved in this particular thing right now
(He turns to go but the sound of the sonogram catches hes ear  He returns and stares at it)
Ross Oh my God
Susan Look at that
Carol I know
Closing Credits
[Scene Monica and Rachel's apartment everyone is watching the tape of the sonogram   Rachel is on the phone]
Ross Well Isn't that amazing
Joey What are we supposed to be seeing here
Chandler I don’t know but I think it's about to attack the Enterprise
Phoebe You know if you tilt your head to the left and relax your eyes it kinda looks like an old potato
Ross Then don't do that alright
Phoebe Okay
Ross (walks over to where Monica is standing) Monica What do you think
Monica (welling up) Mmhmm
Ross Wh are you welling up
Monica No
Ross You are you're welling up
Monica Am not
Ross You're gonna be an aunt
Monica (pushes him and starts to cry) Oh shut up
Rachel (on phone) Hi Mindy Hi itit's Rachel Yeah I'm fine II saw Barry today Oh yeah yeah hehe told me No no it's okay I hope you two are very happy I really do Oh oh and Mind y'know ifif everything works out and you guys end up getting married and having kids and everything I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose (Slams the phone down) (To everyone) Okay I know it was a cheap shot but I feel so much better now

102 参加助产训练班

男生懂亲吻女生重性
没错真
真
想解切全初吻中
没错
言亲吻开场佛洛伊飞船出场前耐着性子先完脱口秀
非讨厌脱口秀买票原
问题出演唱会结束表演精采女生总想脱口秀车奋力杀出车阵拼命睡着
哦建议脱口秀持度场否次坐家里听唱片
谈性
样起点生气
麻烦事

外头乱搞女家里设法毯乳齿象味道
玛莎穴居关心问题冰河愈愈接懂
谈问题前妻

嘿
冰河期找
编剧：马卡克夫曼卫克恩

气色极讨厌样
抱歉谢
气色直立……女志
问问妨嘛家庭生活
玛蒂疑心病重
卡萝
怀孕
似急着离开讨厌误会间误会
集
喝完没
抱歉吞时间太慢
谁纸团
写张便条觉需揉成纸团想活
已拍松枕头摩妮卡已拍枕头
抱歉位想藉题发挥机会
没错知道父母孩子枕头求苛刻
摩妮卡…吓慌慌张张显
冷静没见次时罗斯慌张样子
爸妈心目中罗斯犯错王子显然出生前型仪式 什
丑陋裸男美腿器
见订婚戒指
漂亮糟•．
嘿动
明天戒指似够担心巴瑞记穿白纱亲友面前出糗天啊必须戒指戒指见面？
急会找
呀会
次戴什时候
孩仔概遗失前
年头说孩仔
天早戴厨房戴着做…
面条？
生气
起
做件事情
面条现变直
摩妮卡千层面中找订婚戒指样找
办
高兴做
语气开心
卡萝怀孕
找
什什什
持续两时会变成样
枕头事先拦旁
现办
卡萝说苏珊想加入件事太感舒服想卷进切做决定
真想念
谓加入代表什
猜部分工作已结束
总做超音波检查
算做
知道做孩子爹
面已搅乱

玛莎路金女会电话
会咖哩味
放咖哩
东西吃真
记路金家女喜欢
家女喜欢
样妈妈
抱歉电话
刚毕业想找份烹饪工作吧告诉开家餐馆
妈没开餐馆餐厅工作
需知道
罗斯帮做义利面
吃义利面呀太简单
知道样求私说孩女性恋类事样喘口气
瑞秋底俱乐部遇见父母开心
想讲婚礼花什4万块数目
少机会男留教堂里圣坛
什意思
没什便说说
听妈乱讲话直独立连时候胖嘟嘟朋友没活会房里书玩拼图
罗斯种追求卓越博物馆发表文…安现状告诉种会癌症
知道女想拥切幸家摩妮卡似没种问题
罗斯呢什新闻八卦类老爸老妈分享
吧知道想解卡萝间倒底事情样卡萝女志名字苏珊女居怀孩子算苏珊抚养
全知道
状况真糟糕
知道十分专业会躲里
突然袭击
常言道：父母法交换果父母
尿尿
果双胞胎情况会更惨
双胞胎
心追求事业
事什工作
服务生
位扫
钱德独子没困扰
没想中朋友爸妈较喜欢
帮关灯
里面久
扫
需帮忙
呀谢
明天见巴瑞紧张
点
紧张
建言刚甩言应该避免甩字眼现痛欲生该显艳光知道点难做样吧戒指巴瑞陪卡萝苏珊做检查
明天见卡萝事时变复杂
问倒
记高中时代 记
没想会遇见心谈恋爱然厮守终生罗斯 什事
没想会沦落步

抱歉迟忙法脱身恐龙类事
罗斯记苏珊
忘
罗斯
苏珊手力等…
欧伯曼夫
欧伯曼夫•

解特殊状况
解非常支持
太
谢
罗斯
开子宫颈
巴瑞
进
没问题
没问题罗时

气色极
法夫杰森快没气
马
马回
甩
哦
该处理事方说某重决定

方说孩子名字
马龙
果男孩马龙果女孩米妮
米奇女友名
奶奶名
样听想老鼠朱莉亚
朱莉亚
决定米妮
真幽默决定生活辈子世事难料兵挡茱莉亚决定
抱歉
混刚找工作
太
晒黑
阿鲁巴
渡蜜月
… 许会受

明蒂
伴娘明蒂
认真
做植发
心固定
时配隐形眼镜讨厌手指放进眼睛
真感谢
月前想伤害未激动整牙医师
说没错会快乐快乐明蒂起现快乐吐掉
什
说
总东西属谢谢送
谢谢送

拜托海伦什
海伦盖勒行
会海伦盖勒
说姓盖勒
难道海伦威利克
老实说考虑海伦威利克班奇
等等份
宝宝
记女会制造精子
知道极挑战
够两吵
功劳全抢场
罗斯该会想海伦威利克班奇盖勒吧虐童嫌
然没想盖勒威利克班奇
绝行没会全名知道会盖勒样逞
逞认样算逞相信没想会沦落种步已…
天想呕吐
点点
问准妈妈感谢分享躺
知道加入认时法淌浑水
天呀
啊
知道
神奇吧
该什
知道攻击企业号(星舰迷航记)

果头稍微左偏两眼放轻松样子颗老马铃薯
干
摩妮卡认呢
热泪盈眶
没
…
热泪盈眶
成阿姨
闭嘴
明蒂瑞秋天巴瑞见面告诉没关系真告诉诚心祝福幸福快乐果切利结婚生子希发线鼻子
知道招贱感觉棒


103 The One With the Thumb
103 The One With the Thumb


[Scene Central Perk everyone but Phoebe is there]
Phoebe (entering) Hi guys
All Hey Pheebs Hi
Ross Hey Oh oh how'd it go
Phoebe Um not so good He walked me to the subway and said 'We should do this again'
All Ohh Ouch
Rachel What He said 'we should do it again' that's good right
Monica Uh no Loosely translated 'We should do this again' means 'You will never see me naked'
Rachel Since when
Joey Since always It's like dating language Y'know like 'It's not you' means 'It is you'
Chandler Or 'You're such a nice guy' means 'I'm gonna be dating leatherwearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you'
Phoebe Or or y'know um 'I think we should see other people' means 'Ha ha I already am'
Rachel And everybody knows this
Joey Yeah Cushions the blow
Chandler Yeah it's like when you're a kid and your parents put your dog to sleep and they tell you it went off to live on some farm
Ross That's funny that no because uh our parents actually did uh send our dog off to live on a farm
Monica Uh Ross
Ross What Wh hello The Millners' farm in Connecticut The Millners they had this unbelievable farm they had horses and and rabbits that he could chase and it was it w Oh my God Chi Chi
Opening Credits
[Scene Chandler and Joey's Chandler is helping Joey rehearse for a part]
Chandler So how does it feel knowing you're about to die
Joey Warden in five minutes my pain will be over But you'll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die
Chandler Hey that was really good
Joey Thanks Let's keep going
Chandler Okay So Whaddya want from me Damone huh
Joey I just wanna go back to my cell 'Cause in my cell I can smoke
Chandler Smoke away
(Joey takes out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter  He fumbles and drops the lighter  Then he lights a cigarett takes a drag and coughs)
Chandler I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell alone
Joey What
Chandler Relax your hand
(Joey lets his wrist go limp)
Chandler Not so much
Joey Whoah
Chandler Hey
Joey Hey
Chandler Alright now try taking a puff
(Joey tries and visibly winces)
Chandler Alright okay No Give it to me
Joey No no no I am not giving you a cigarette
Chandler It's fine it's fine Look do you wanna get this part or not Here
(Joey reluctantly gives him the cigarette)
Chandler Don't think of it as a cigarette Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand When you're holding it you feel right You feel complete
Joey Y'miss it
Chandler Nah not so much Alright now we smoke (Takes a puff) Oh my God (He continues to smoke)
[Scene Central Perk everyone except Phoebe and Rachel is there]
Monica No no no They say it's the same as the distance from the tip of a guy's thumb to the tip of his index finger
(The guys stretch out their fingers)
Joey That's ridiculous
Ross Can I use either thumb
Rachel (carrying a tray of drinks) Alright don't tell me don't tell me (Starts handing them out) Decaf cappucino for Joey Coffee black Late And an iced tea I'm getting pretty good at this
All Yeah Yeah excellent
Rachel (leaving to serve others) Good for me
(The gang swaps all the drinks for what they ordered as Phoebe enters  She sits down without saying hi)
Joey Y'okay Phoebe
Phoebe Yeah no I'm just it's I haven't worked It's my bank
Monica What did they do to you
Phoebe It's nothing it's just Okay I'm going through my mail and I open up their monthly you know STATEMENT
Ross Easy
Phoebe and there's five hundred extra dollars in my account
Chandler Oh Satan's minions at work again
Phoebe Yes 'cause now I have to go down there and deal with them
Joey What are you talking about Keep it
Phoebe It's not mine I didn't earn it if I kept it it would be like stealing
Rachel Yeah but if you spent it it would be like shopping
Phoebe Okay Okay let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes Do you know what I'd hear with every step I took 'Notmine Notmine Notmine' And even if I was happy okay and and skipping 'Notnotmine notnotmine notnotmine notnotmine'
Monica We're with you We got it
(Chandler leans over the back of the couch out of sight)
Phoebe Okay I'd just I'd never be able to enjoy it It would be like this giant karmic debt
Rachel Chandler what are you doing
Monica (puling him up) Hey Whaddya doing
(Chandler tries to shrug nonchalantly but eventually he has to exhale a mouthful of smoke)
All Oh Oh God
Ross What is this
Chandler I'm smoking I'm smoking I'm smoking
Phoebe Oh I can't believe you You've been so good for three years
Chandler And this is my reward
Ross Hold on a second alright Just think about what you went through the last time you quit
Chandler Okay so this time I won't quit
All Ohhh Put it out
Chandler All right I'm putting it out I'm putting it out (He drops it in Phoebe's coffee)
Phoebe Oh no I I can't drink this now
Monica Alright I'm gonna go change I've got a date
Rachel This Alan again How's it goin'
Monica 'S'going pretty good y'know It's nice and we're having fun
Joey So when do we get to meet the guy
Monica Let's see today's Monday Never
All Oh come on Come on
Monica No Not after what happened with Steve
Chandler What are you talking about We love Schhteve Schhteve was schhexy Sorry
Monica Look I don't even know how I feel about him yet Just give me a chance to figure that out
Rachel Well then can we meet him
Monica Nope Schhorry
[Scene Iridium Monica and Paula are at work]
Monica I mean why should I let them meet him I mean I bring a guy home and within five minutes they're all over him I mean they're like coyotes picking off the weak members of the herd
Paula Listen As someone who's seen more than her fair share of bad beef I'll tell you that is not such a terrible thing I mean they're your friends they're just looking out after you
Monica I know I just wish that once I'd bring a guy home that they actually liked
Paula Well you do realise the odds of that happening are a little slimmer if they never get to meet the guy
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Chandler is smoking out on the balcony Phoebe is absent]
Joey Let it go Ross
Ross Yeah well you didn't know Chi Chi
Monica Do you all promise
All Yeah We promise We'll be good
Monica (shouts to Chandler) Chandler Do you promise to be good
(Chandler makes a 'Cross my heart' sign  It starts to rain and he taps on the window)
Joey You can come in but your filtertipped little buddy has to stay outside
(Chandler sulkilty picks up a garbage can lid and uses it as an umbrella)
(Phoebe enters walks to the couch sits down and begins to read a letter without saying hi)
Ross Hey Pheebs
Phoebe 'Dear Ms Buffay Thank you for calling attention to our error We have credited your account with five hundred dollars We're sorry for the inconvenience and hope you'll accept this (Searches in her purse) football phone as our free gift' Do you believe this Now I have a thousand dollars and a football phone
Rachel What bank is this
(The intercom buzzes)
Monica Hey It's him (On the intercom) Who is it
Alan (on the intercom) It's Alan
Joey (shouting to Chandler) Chandler He's here
(Chandler comes in dripping wet)
Monica (to all) Okay please be good please Just remember how much you all like me
(She opens the door and Alan enters)
Monica Hi Alan this is everybody Everybody this is Alan
Alan Hi
All Hi Alan
Alan I've heard schho much about all you guyschh
(Everyone laughs)
[Time lapse Alan is leaving]
Monica (to Alan) Thanks I'll call you tomorrow (Alan exits to all) Okay Okay let's let the Alanbashing begin Who's gonna take the first shot hmm
(Silence)
Monica C'mon
Ross I'll go Let's start with the way he kept picking at no I'm sorry I can't do this can't do this We loved him
All Loved him Yeah He's great
Monica Wait a minute We're talking about someone that I'm going out with
All Yeah
Rachel And did you notice (She spreads her thumb and index finger)
The Guys (reluctantly) Yeah
Joey Know what was great The way his smile was kinda crooked
Phoebe Yes yes Like the man in the shoe
Ross What shoe
Phoebe From the nursery rhyme 'There was a crooked man Who had a crooked smile Who lived in a shoe For a while'
(Dubious pause)
Ross So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured
Rachel What future boyfriends Nono I th I think this could be y'know it
Monica Really
Chandler Oh yeah I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties right (Does the impression)
Ross You know what I like most about him though
All What
Ross The way he makes me feel about myself
All Yeah
Commercial Break
[Scene Central Perk Monica is alone as Ross Rachel Chandler and Joey enter dejectedly in softball gear]
Monica Hi how was the game
Ross Well
All WE WON Thank you Yes
Monica Fantastic I have one question How is that possible
Joey Alan
Ross He was unbelievable He was like thatthatthat Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions right but instead of Bugs it was first baseAlan second baseAlan third base
Rachel I mean itit was like it was like he made us into a team
Chandler Yep we sure showed those Hassidic jewellers a thing or two about softball
Monica Can I ask you guys a question D'you ever think that Alan is maybe sometimes
Ross What
Monica I dunno a little too Alan
Rachel Well no That's impossible You can never be too Alan
Ross Yeah it's his uh innate Alanness thatthatthat we adore
Chandler I personally could have a gallon of Alan
[Scene A street Phoebe walks up to a homeless person (Lizzie) she knows]
Phoebe Hey Lizzie
Lizzie Hey Weird Girl
Phoebe I brought you alphabet soup
Lizzie Did you pick out the vowels
Phoebe Yes But I left in the Ys 'Cause y'know sometimes y Uh I also have something else for you (She searches in her purse)
Lizzie Saltines
Phoebe No but would you like a thousand dollars and a football phone
Lizzie What (She opens the envelope Phoebe has given her) Oh my God there's really money in here
Phoebe I know
Lizzie Weird Girl what are you doing
Phoebe No I want you to have it I don't want it
Lizzie No no I haI have to give you something
Phoebe Oh that's fine no
Lizzie Would you like my tinfoil hat
Phoebe No 'Cause you need that No it's okay thanks
Lizzie Please let me do something
Phoebe Okay alright you buy me a soda and then we're even Okay
Lizzie Okay
Phoebe Okay
[Scene Chandler's office Chandler looks around opens his desk drawer takes a puff of a cigarette sprays around some air freshener and takes some breath spray  He types for a little while opens the drawer again and takes another drag of the cigarette   While not paying attention he sprays the breath spray around the room takes a squirt of air freshener and gags]
[Scene A Street Phoebe and Lizzie are at a hot dog vendor]
Lizzie Keep the change (To Phoebe) Sure you don't wanna pretzel
Phoebe No I'm fine
Lizzie (leaves) See ya
(Phoebe opens the can and reacts)
Phoebe Huh
[Scene Central Perk Phoebe is telling everyone about her discovery]
Ross A thumb
(Phoebe nods)
All Eww
Phoebe I know I know I opened it up and there it was just floating in there like this tiny little hitchhiker
Chandler Well maybe it's a contest y'know Like collect all five
Phoebe Does um anyone wanna see
All Nooo
(Chandler lights a cigarette)
All Oh hey don't do that Cut it out
Rachel It's worse than the thumb
Chandler Hey this is so unfair
Monica Oh why is it unfair
Chandler So I have a flaw Big deal Like Joey's constant knucklecracking isn't annoying And Ross with his overpronouncing every single word And Monica with that snort when she laughs I mean what the hell is that thing I accept all those flaws why can't you accept me for this
(An awkward silence ensues)
Joey Does the knucklecracking bother everybody
Rachel Well II could live without it
Joey Well is it like a little annoying or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair
(Phoebe spits out her hair)
Ross Oh now don't listen to him Pheebs I think it's endearing
Joey Oh (Imitating Ross) you do do you
(Monica laughs and snorts)
Ross You know there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly
Rachel Indeed there isn't I should really get back to work
Phoebe Yeah 'cause otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered
Rachel Ohhhohooohhh The hair comes out and the gloves come on
(They degenerate into bickering and Chandler happily starts to smoke undisturbed)
[Scene Iridium Monica and Paula are working]
Monica Did you ever go out with a guy your friends all really like
Paula No
Monica Okay Well I'm going out with a guy my friends all really like
Paula Waitwait we talking about the coyotes here All right a cow got through
Monica Can you believe it Y'know what I just don't feel the thing I mean they feel the thing I don't feel the thing
Paula Honey you should always feel the thing Listen if that's how you feel about the guy Monica dump him
Monica I know it's gonna be really hard
Paula Well he's a big boy he'll get over it
Monica No he'll be fine It's the other five I'm worried about
[Scene Cental Perk Joey and Ross are persecuting Chandler about his smoking]
Joey Do you have any respect for your body
Ross Don't you realise what you'reyou're doing to yourself
Chandler Hey y'know I have had it with you guys and your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease The bottom line is smoking is cool and you know it
Rachel (holding the phone out to Chandler) Chandler It's Alan he wants to speak to you
Chandler Really He does (taking the phone) Hey buddy what's up Oh she told you about that huh Well yeah I have one now and then Well yeah now Well it's not that big well that's true Gee y'know noone noone's ever put it like that before Well okay thanks (He hands the phone back and stubs out his cigarette)
Rachel (to Ross who has wandered up) God he's good
Ross If only he were a woman
Rachel Yeah
(They give each other a dubious look)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's everyond except Monica and Joey is watching Lambchop]
Chandler Ooh Lambchop How old is that sock If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too
Ross Okay I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch (Does so)
Monica (entering) Hey Where's Joey
Chandler Joey ate my last stick of gum so I killed him Do you think that was wrong
Rachel I think he's across the hall
Monica Thanks (Goes to fetch him)
Ross (finishing changing Chandler's nicotine patch) There y'go
Chandler (deadpan) Ooh I'm alive with pleasure now
Ross Hey Pheebs you gonna have the rest of that PopTart Pheebs
Phoebe Does anyone want the rest of this PopTart
Ross Hey I might
Phoebe Sorry Y'know those stupid soda people gave me seven thousand dollars for the thumb
All You're kidding Oh my God
Phoebe And on my way over here I stepped in gum What is up with the universe
Joey (dragged in by Monica he has just gotten out of the shower) What's going on
Monica Nothing I just think it's nice when we're all here together
Joey Even nicer when everyone gets to wear their underwear
Rachel Uh Joey
Joey Oh God (Hurriedly closes his legs)
Monica (turns off the TV) Okay
All Oh That was Lambchop
Monica Please guys we have to talk
Phoebe Wait wait I'm getting a deja vuno I'm not
Monica Alright we have to talk
Phoebe There it is
Monica Okay It'sit's about Alan There's something that you should know I mean there's really no easy way to say this uh I've decided to break up with Alan
(They all gasp and clutch each other)
Ross Is there somebody else
Monica No nononono it's just things change People change
Rachel We didn't change
Joey So that's it It's over Just like that
Phoebe You know you let your guard down you start to really care about someone and I just I (starts chewing her hair)
Monica Look I I could go on pretending
Joey Okay
Monica but that wouldn't be fair to me it wouldn't be fair to Alan It wouldn't be fair to you
Ross Whowho wants fair Y'know I just want things back Y'know the way they were
Monica I'm sorry
Chandler (sarcastic) Oh she's sorry I feel better
Rachel (tearful) I just can't believe this I mean with the holidays coming up I wanted him to meet my family
Monica I'll meet somone else There'll be other Alans
All Oh yeah Right
Monica Are you guys gonna be okay
Ross Hey hey we'll be fine We're just gonna need a little time
Monica (dubious) I understand
[Scene A Restaurant Monica is breaking the news to Alan]
Alan Wow
Monica I'm I'm really sorry
Alan Yeah I'm sorry too But I gotta tell you I am a little relieved
Monica Relieved
Alan Yeah well I had a great time with you I just can't stand your friends
Closing Credits
[Scene Monica and Rachel's everyone is mopping around and eating ice cream]
Rachel Remember when we went to Central Park and rented boats That was fun
Ross Yeah He could row like a viking
Monica (entering) Hi
All Mmm
Ross So how'd it go
Monica Oh y'know
Phoebe Did he mention us
Monica He said he's really gonna miss you guys (dubious look)
Ross You had a rough day huh c'mere (She sits down and Ross strokes her forehead)
Chandler That's it I'm getting cigarettes
All No no no
Chandler (leaving) I don't care I don't care Game's over I'm weak I've gotta smoke I've gotta have the smoke
Phoebe (shouting as he leaves) If you never smoke again I'll give you seven thousand dollars
Chandler (returns) Yeah alright
End

103 飞横财


嗨位
嘿 菲 嗨
嘿 哦哦约会样
送铁
然说应该次
哦喔
啦
说次

说应该次
代表法见裸体
什时候样子
直样
约会语
问题出
代表
真代表
皮革族酒徒约会
然抱怨
该试试
代表已约会
家懂
善意谎言
没错
父母孩狗安乐死时
会说
跑家农场住
真意思
爸妈真
狗送农场养
呃 罗斯
米纳家康迪克州农场
米纳家
家农场棒
马供追逐兔子…
噢天芝芝
知道久世感受
华顿
痛苦五分钟消
承受
埋葬老实痛苦
嘿表演真
谢继续吧
做
迪默嗯？
想回牢房
样
抽烟
里抽吧
想迪默
牢房里抽烟原
什
手放轻松手腕然点
太火
哦 嘿
嘿
吐口烟

烟
谓
底想想演角色
成支烟成
想念时东西
夹着
感感满足
想
没严重
抽烟
噢爽呀
样
说拇指尖
食指尖距离样
太荒谬
便姆指行
告诉…
咖啡卡布诺
乔
纯咖啡
铁
冰茶
进步神速
真
真行
菲没事吧

太值…
银行

信件时
见月通知
激动
户头五百元
撤旦奴开始活跃
没错银行找处理
傻留着吧
钱
赚
留偷窃
果花购物
吧方说买双棒鞋
知道踏出步
会听什
…
快乐雀跃会听
…
知道意思
法享受非份财乐趣
业报样
钱德干什
嘿干什
噢天
什
抽烟…
真敢相信
三年直表现良
奖励
等等想想戒烟活
次戒
熄掉…
吧熄掉
拜托现喝
(难道会_)
换衣服
约会
亚伦
进展
进展错
起开心
时见
啊
天星期…
永远想…
哦 嘛
史提夫次事…
说什
爱史提夫
史提夫性感
抱歉
连感觉
知道
点时间想清楚
时见罗
行抱歉
见
带回五分钟
便蜂拥
郊狼样
找弱者手
愉快场面见
告诉
件坏事
朋友
关心
知道
希带
真正喜欢男回家
知道果没见
机会更渺茫
样子罗斯想
认识芝芝
保证
保证
会乖
钱德保证会乖
进
滤嘴屁股朋友呆外面
嘿 菲
亲爱巴菲姐
谢谢提醒错误
已五百元存户头
造成便处请包涵
请接受足球电话…
作礼物
懂意思
现千元足球电话
家银行

谁啊
亚伦
钱德
拜托乱
记爱
嗨亚伦家
位亚伦
嗨
嗨亚伦
位已雷灌耳
谢谢明天电话
开始攻击亚伦吧
谁先开始
呀

直
…抱歉办
爱…太棒
等等谈约会象
啊
注意
啊
知道什棒
微笑点邪邪
鞋里男
什鞋
童谣里
驼背着扭曲微笑
住鞋子里阵子
想亚伦成日男友丈量标准
什日男友
想
真呀
光学海滩游侠样子
想嫁
参加派
知道喜欢点
点？
改变方式
嗯
嗯
嗨
赛
说呢
赢啦 谢谢 太棒啦
太 问题 呢
亚伦真太思议
兔宝宝卡通里
兔宝宝守位置
没兔宝宝
垒手亚伦
二垒手亚伦三垒手亚伦
形成团队
手见识什垒球
没错
问问题
否感觉亚伦时…
时样
说点太亚伦

太亚伦
没错欣赏亚伦
喝加仑亚伦
嘿露西
嘿古怪女孩
带字母汤
挑掉母音
Y留
时会
什(Why音Y)
带东西
咸鱼
想千元足球电话
什
天啊里真钱
怪女孩干什
想
点东西

锡箔纸帽帽
需
谢谢
求
表示谢意
样吧
请喝汽水扯？
吧
吧
找
谢谢莉兹
真椒盐卷饼
谢谢
见
拇指
知道
开时
浮里面
搭便车
者
场竞赛
集满五奖
想

嘿嘿样
拜托
拇指更坏
嘿公啊
公
缺点
乔常扳指关节惹厌
罗斯音发太清楚
摩妮卡笑时鼻音
搞什嘛？
接受家缺点
什家肯接受缺点呢
扳指关节惹厌
觉点点烦
声音点点惹厌
菲咬头发样惹厌
菲介意
觉样爱
哦真？？
咬字清晰犯法
没错
该回工作
没错否会真正点东西
哦
全发泄出

朋友喜欢男约会
没

朋友喜欢男约会
谈郊狼
头牛居然全身退
相信
知道 毫感觉
感觉
毫感觉
应该感觉啊
听着果没感觉
甩呀
知道难
没错
会熬
没事
担心
五
难道尊重身体
知道残害身体
受够
癌症肺气肿
心脏病
少抽烟酷
点清楚
钱德亚伦找
真？找？
老兄什事
告诉
偶尔会犯烟瘾
现
没糟
倒真
天啊没说
谢谢
天啊真神
果女该
啊
羊排
袜子底旧
果手戴着袜子三十年
会开始说话
该换尼古丁贴片
嘿乔
乔吃片口香糖
杀
认样
想面
啦
哦重拾快乐生活
菲想吃？菲？
谁想吃剩

抱歉
汽水公司笨蛋
七千元姆指补偿金
天啊
七千元
闹
然路踩口香糖
世界底
啦
没什觉伙起温馨
果家穿裤会更
Joey里
天呀

哦羊排
家必须谈谈
等等似相识感觉
没
吧需谈谈
瞧
关亚伦事
件事应该知道
真难启齿
决定亚伦分手
第三者
没
世事难料会变
没变啊
样样结束？样？
放防御真心…
继续伪装…
啊
样公
亚伦公
家公
谁公
想回失回日
抱歉
哦说抱歉感觉
真敢相信
假期
想带见家
会找新欢会亚伦
呀
会事吧
嘿嘿会起
需点时间
解
哇
真抱歉
抱歉
真松口气
松口气
起开心
受朋友
记中央公园划船
真玩
啊划维京样
嗨
嘿
情况
嗯知道
提
说会想念
悲惨天
法体会

受够抽烟
行…

投降懦夫抽烟抽烟
果抽烟七千块
吧没问题

104 The One With George Stephanopoulos
104 The One With George Stephanopoulos


[Scene Central Perk everyone is there except Joey]
Monica Alright Phoebe
Phoebe Okay okay If I were omnipotent for a day I would want um world peace no more hunger good things for the rainforestAnd bigger boobs
Ross Yeah see you took mine Chandler what about you
Chandler Uh if I were omnipotent for a day I'd make myself omnipotent forever
Rachel See there's always one guy (Mocking) If I had a wish I'd wish for three more wishes (Joey enters)
All Hey Joey Hi Hey buddy
Monica Hey Joey what would you do if you were omnipotent
Joey Probably kill myself
Monica Excuse me
Joey Hey if Little Joey's dead then I got no reason to live
Ross Joey uh OMnipotent
Joey You are Ross I'm sorry
Opening Credits
[Scene Central Perk Ross and Monica are watching Phoebe sleep]
Monica How does she do that
Ross I cannot sleep in a public place
Monica Would you look at her She is so peaceful
Phoebe (waking and startling them) Oh What what what Hi
Ross It's okay y'know you just nodded off again
Monica What's going on with you
Phoebe I got no sleep last night
Ross Why
Phoebe My grandmother has this new boyfriend and they're both kind of insecure in bed Oh and deaf So they're constantly like having to reassure each other that they're having a good time You have no idea how loud they are
Monica Well if you want you can stay with Rachel and me tonight
Phoebe Thanks
(Chandler and Joey enter  Joey is counting his steps)
Joey Ninetyfive ninetysix ninetyseven See I told you Less than a hundred steps from our place to here
Chandler You got waaaay too much free time
Joey (to Ross) Hey Here's the birthday boy Ross check it out hockey tickets RangersPenguins tonight at the Garden and we're taking you
Chandler Happy birthday pal
Joey We love you man (Kisses Ross)
Ross Funny my birthday was seven months ago
Joey So
Ross So I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date
Chandler Well aren't we Mr The glass is half empty
Ross Oh my God oh is today the twentieth October twentieth
Monica Oh I was hoping you wouldn't remember
Ross Ohhh
Joey What's wrong with the twentieth
Chandler Eleven days before Halloween all the good costumes are gone
Ross Today's the day Carol and I first consummated our physical relationship (Joey is puzzled) Sex You know what II'd better pass on the game I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my exwife and her lesbian lover
Joey The hell with hockey let's all do that
Chandler (trying to stop Ross leaving) C'mon Ross You me Joey ice guys' night out c'mon whaddya say big guy (Pretending to punch him in the stomach) Huh Huh Huh
Ross What are you doing
Chandler (stops) I have no idea
Joey C'mon Ross
Ross Alright alright maybe it'll take my mind off it Do you promise to buy me a big thumb finger
Chandler You got it
(Rachel runs up cluching an envelope)
Rachel Looklooklooklooklook my first pay check Look at the window there's my name Hi me
Phoebe I remember the day I got my first pay check There was a cave in in one of the mines and eight people were killed
Monica Wow you worked in a mine
Phoebe I worked in a Dairy Queen why
Rachel God isn't this exciting I earned this I wiped tables for it I steamed milk for it and it was totally—(opens envelope)—not worth it Who's FICA Why's he getting all my money I mean what Chandler look at that
Chandler (looking) Oh this is not that bad
Joey Oh you're fine yeah for a first job
Ross You can totally totally live on this
Monica Yeah yeah
Ross Oh by the way great service tonight
All Oh Yeah
(They all get their wallets out and give generous tips)
Guys Hockey (They go to leave but are blocked by three of Rachel's friends Leslie Kiki and Joanne  The guys pause to stare at them) Hockey Hockey (The guys)
Leslie (looking around) Rachel
Rachel Oh my God (Rachel Leslie Kiki and Joanne all scream and hug each other
Monica (to Phoebe) I swear I've seen birds do this on Wild Kingdom
Rachel What are you guys doing here
Kiki Well we were in the city shopping and your mom said you work here aaand it's true
Joanne Look at you in the apron You look like you're in a play
Rachel (to a pregnant Leslie) Look at you you are so big I can't believe it
Leslie I know I know I'm a duplex
Rachel (to Joanne) So what's going on with you
Joanne Well guess who my dad's making partner in his firm (She points to herself and they all scream again)
Kiki And while we're on the subject of news (She holds up here finger to show off her engagement ring and they all scream again)
Phoebe (to Monica) Look look I have elbows (They scream)
[Scene A Street Chandler and Joey are kicking a can to each other]
Chandler Poulet passes it up to Leetch (Passes it to Joey)
Joey Leetch spots Messier in the crease there's the pass (He kicks it to Ross but Ross is staring into a shop window)
Chandler We'll take a brief time out while Messier stops to look at some women's shoes
Ross Carol was wearing boots just like those the night that we we first y'know Fact she uh she never took'em off 'cause wewe (off Chandler's look) Sorry Sorry
(They walk on  Chandler and Joey start to talk but Ross stops and whines)
Joey What
Ross Peach pit
Chandler Yes Bunny
Ross (points) Peach pit That night we uh we had
Joey Peaches
Ross Actually nectarines but basically
Chandler (to Joey) Could've been a peach
Ross Then uh then we got dressed and II I walked her to the (looks up realises and points) the bus stop I'm fine
Joey Hey that woman's got an ass like Carol's (They turn to stare at him) What Thought we were trying to find stuff
[Scene Central Perk Rachel Lesile Kiki and Joanne are talking]
Rachel So c'mon you guys tell me all the dirt
Kiki Well the biggest news is still you dumping Barry at the altar
Joanne Alright Let's talk reality for a second
Rachel Okay
Joanne When are you coming home
Rachel What Guys I'm not
Joanne C'mon this is us
Rachel I'm not This is what I'm doing now I've got this job
Kiki Waitressing
Rachel Okay I'm not just waitressing I'm I um I write the specials on the specials board and uh and I uh I take the uh dead flowers out of the vase Oh and um sometimes Artelle lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies
Leslie Well Your mom didn't tell us about the blobbies
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Phoebe and Monica are in pajamas and Monica is making something in the blender as Rachel enters]
Monica Hey Rach How was it with your friends (She and Phoebe scream) Okay How would you like some Tiki Death Punch (She pours the contents of the blender into some glasses)
Rachel What's that
Monica Weeeell it's rum and
Rachel Okay (Grabs the blender and starts to drink)
Monica We thought since Phoebe was staying over tonight we'd have kinda like a slumber party thing We got some trashy magazines we got cookie dough we got Twister (The phone rings and Monica answers it)
Phoebe Ooh Ooh And I brought Operation But um I lost the tweezers so we can't operate But we can prep the guy
Monica Uh Rach it's the Visa card people
Rachel Oh God ask them what they want
Monica (on phone) Could you please tell me what this is in reference to (Listens) Yes hold on (To Rachel) Um they say there's been some unusual activity on your account
Rachel But I haven't used my card in weeks
Monica That is the unusual activity Look they just wanna see if you're okay
Rachel They wanna know if I'm okay Okay they wanna know if I'm okay okay let's see Well let's see the FICA guys took all my money everyone I know is either getting married or getting promoted or getting pregnant and I'm getting coffee And it's not even for me So if that sounds like I'm okay okay then you can tell them I'm okay okay
Monica (pauses then on the phone) Uh Rachel has left the building can you call back
Rachel Alright c'mon (Miserably) Let's play Twister
[Scene Madison Square Garden the guys are trying to find their seats]
Ross (squeezing past people) Sorry sorry Uhoh
Chandler What There was ice there that night with Carol Plastic seats Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans
Ross No actually I was just saying it looks like we're not sitting together But now you mention it there was ice there that night It was the first frost
Joey C'mon sit Just sit down sit
[Scene Monica and Rachel's they're all hanging out in the living room]
Monica You should feel great about yourself You're doing this amazing independence thing
Rachel Monica what is so amazing I gave up like everything And for what
Phoebe You are just like Jack
Rachel Jack from downstairs
Phoebe No Jack and the Beanstalk
Monica Ah the other Jack
Phoebe Yeah right See he gave up something but then he got those magic beans And then he woke up and there was this this big plant outside his window full of possibilities and stuff And he lived in a village and you live in the Village
Rachel Okay but Pheebs Pheebs Jack gave up a cow I gave up an orthodontist Okay III know I know I didn't love him
Phoebe Oh see Jack did love the cow
Rachel But see it was a plan Y'know it was clear It was figured out and now everything's just kinda like
Phoebe Floopy
Rachel Yeah
Monica So what you're not the only one I mean half the time we don't know where we're going You've just gotta figure at some point it's all gonna come together and it's just gonna be unfloopy
Phoebe Oh like that's a word
Rachel Okay but Monica what if what if it doesn't come together
Monica Pheebs
Phoebe Oh well 'cause you just I don't like this question
Rachel Okay see see you guys what if we don't get magic beans I mean what if all we've got are beans
[Scene Madison Square Garden the guys are watching the game]
Ross Get him GET HIM Get him Get YESSS Not laughing now are ya pal
Chandler (to Ross) See buddy that's all you need a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks
Ross Pass it Pass it
Chandler He's open
All Shoot Shoot Shoot
(The player shoots and the puck flies off the rink and hits Ross in the face  Chandler looks concered until he notices)
Chandler Hey look we're on that TV thing
(Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV thing)
Commercial Break
[Scene An Emergency Room Chandler and Joey are leading Ross in]
Chandler (to the receptionist)'Scuse me
Receptionist (holds up her hand—she is on the phone) It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar Well I'm not completely satisfied
Chandler Listen it's kind of an emergency Well I guess you know that or we'd be in the predicament room (The receptionist glares at him)
Receptionist (on phone) Hold on (To Chandler) Fill these out sit over there (Tosses him some forms)
Ross (jumping to his feet) Look I don't wanna make any trouble okay but I'm in a lot of pain here alright My face is dented
Receptionist Well you'll have to wait your turn
Joey Well how long do you think it'll be
Receptionist (sarcastic) Any minute now
Ross Hey this (she gives him a look and the guys back off) Heyy
[Scene Monica and Rachel's the slumber party continues]
Rachel I'm so sorry you guys I didn't mean to bring you down
Monica No you were right I don't have a plan (There's a knock on the door)
Pizza Guy (yelling from outside) Pizza guy
Rachel Thank God Food (She goes to answer the door)
Monica Phoebe
Phoebe What
Monica Do you have a plan
Phoebe I don't even have a 'pl'
Pizza Guy Hi one uh mushroom green pepper and onion
Rachel (miserably) No no that's not what we ordered We ordered a fatfree crust with extra cheese
Pizza Guy Wait you're not 'GStephanopoulos' Man my dad's gonna kill me
Monica (leaping off of the couch and runs up) Wait Did you say 'GStephanopoulos'
Pizza Guy Yeah This one goes across the street I must have given him yours Oh bonehead bonehead
Monica Wait was this aa small mediterranean guy with curiously intelligent good looks
Pizza Guy Yeah that sounds about right
Monica Was he wearing a stunning blue suit
Phoebe Andand a power tie
Pizza Guy No pretty much just a towel
Monica (staggered) Oh God
Pizza Guy So you guys want me to take this back
Monica Are you nuts We've got George Stephanopoulos' pizza (Rachel pays him Monica grabs some binoculars and runs to the window)
Rachel Uh Pheebs Who's George Snuffalopagus
Phoebe Big Bird's friend
Monica I see pizza
Phoebe Oh I wanna see Lemme see Lemme see (She runs up and takes the binoculars)
Rachel Hello Who are we spying on
Monica White House adviser Clinton's campaign guy The one with the great hair sexy smile really cute butt
Rachel Oh him the little guy Oh I love him
Phoebe Ooh wait wait I see a woman
Monica Please tell me it's his mother
Phoebe Definitely not his mother
Monica Oh no
Phoebe Oh wait she's walking across the floor she's walking she's walking she's going for the pizza (Yelling) Hey that's not for you bitch (Phoebe covers her mouth with her hand walks away from the window)
[Scene The Emergency Room Joey is miming hockey pucks kitting foreheads  Chandler realises it's getting tense and goes to the receptionist again]
Chandler Excuse me look we've been here for over an hour and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in I mean that guy with the toe thing Who's he sleeping with (She slides the gladd panel over and Chandler talks through it in a loud voice) Oh c'mon Dora don't be mad I know we both said some things we didn't mean but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other (To the waiting room) Y'know I feel like I've lost her (She slides the panel back he turns and it takes him by surprise) Ba
[Scene Monica and Rachel's the girls are all out on the balcony]
Monica Light still out
Rachel Yeah
Monica Oh Maybe they're napping
Rachel Oh please they're having sex
Monica and Phoebe Shut up
Rachel So whaddya think George is like
Monica I think he's shy
Phoebe Yeah
Monica Yeah I think you have to draw him out And then when you do he's a preppy animal
[Scene The Emergency Room Ross is still going on about his first night with Carol]
Ross I remember the moonlight coming through the window and her face had the most incredible glow
Chandler Yes the moon the glow the magical feeling you did this part Could I get some painkillers over here please
Joey He's right enough already What is the big deal about today So you slept with her for the first time so what You slept with her for seven years after that
Ross Look it's just a little more complicated
Chandler Well what What What is it That she left you That she likes women That she left you for another woman that likes women
Ross Little louder okay I think there's a man on the twelfth floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you
Chandler Then what
Ross My first time with Carol was (He mumbles the last part)
Joey What
Ross It was my first time
Joey With Carol (Ross gives him a look) Oh
Chandler So in your whole life you've only been with one—(He gets a look too)—oh
Joey Whoah boy hockey was a big mistake There was a whole bunch of stuff we could've done tonight
[Scene Monica and Rachel's the girls are still out on the balcony]
Monica Okay Okay I got one Do you remember that vegetarian pate that I made that you loved so much
Phoebe Uhhuh
Monica Well unless goose is a vegetableha haaaah
Phoebe Oh Oh Oh Okay fine fine Now I don't feel so bad about sleeping with Jason Hurley
Monica What You slept with Jason
Phoebe You'd already broken up
Rachel How long
Phoebe A couple hours
Monica Oh that's nice
Rachel Okay okay okay I got one (She sits up and the cushion she was leaning against falls off of the balcony) Anyway The valentine Tommy Rollerson left in your locker was really from me
Monica Excuse me
Rachel Hello Like he was really gonna send you one (To Phoebe) She was a big girl
Monica Really Well at least 'big girls' don't pee in their pants in seventh grade
Rachel I was laughing You made me laugh (Monica and Rachel start to squabble)
Phoebe There he is There he is
Monica Where
Phoebe Right where we've been looking all night
Rachel He is so cute
Monica Oh George baby drop the towel
All Yeah drop it Drop the towel Please drop the—(pause)—wowww
[Scene The Emergency Room Ross is absent]
Joey Man Can you believe he's only had sex with one woman
Chandler I think it's great Y'know it's sweet it's romantic
Joey Really
Chandler No you kidding The guy's a freak (Ross enters off camera)
Both Hey buddy
Ross Hi (He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged to his nose  He tosses some forms onto reception desk)
Receptionist (sarcastic) Oh that's attractive
Chandler Oh I thought you were great in Silence of the Lambs Oh come on admit it All things considered you had fun tonight
Ross Fun Where was the fun Tell me specifically which part was the fun part Where's my puck
Joey Oh ah the kid has it
Ross The kid (To the kid) Excuse me uh that's that's my puck
Kid I found it Finders keepers losers weepers (Ross looks at Chandler for help)
Chandler You gotta do it man
Ross (to the kid) Oh yeah Well I'm rubber you're glue whatever—(to Chandler)—can't do it (to the kid) Listen uh gimme back my puck
Kid No
Ross 'Yes' how about C'mere Gimme
Kid No No (They start to fight over it)
Receptionist Hey Hey No rough holding in my ER
Ross (tries to snatch it from the kid) GIVE ME MY PUCK (but it files out of his grasp and knocks out the receptionist)
Ross Now that was fun
Closing Credits
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Joey and the girls are playing twister]
Ross (Doing the spinning) Okay Monica Right foot red
Monica Could've played Monopoly but nooooo
(There's a knock on the door Chandler opens it and silently hands back the cushion)
Chandler Thanks (The guy nods and leaves)
Ross Okay Pheebs Right hand blue (Phoebe has to bend over)Good (Joey stares at her butt appreciatively)
(The phone rings and Chandler answers it)
Chandler Hello Oh uh Rachel it's the Visa card people
Rachel Oh okay Will you take my place
Chandler Alright (on phone) Yes this is Rachel
Rachel Nooo (She grabs the phone and Chandler takes her place on the mat) (On phone) Hello (Listens) Oh yeah no I know II haven't been using it much (Listens) Oh well thanks but I'm okay really
Ross Green To the green
Rachel (on phone) I've got magic beans (Listens) Nevernever mind
Chandler To the left to the left aww (They all collapse)
Rachel (on phone) Ohhh I'm fine
End

104 （克林顿亲信助手）乔治•史特喷彼拉斯先生


菲
果天变全
世界
饥饿
雨林遭受破坏
更胸部
说愿
钱德呢？
果天变全
变永远全
吧总样
愿
更愿
乔果变全
希做什？
概杀吧
什？
果乔死
没活理
乔伊全
()
？
起
办
公场合根睡着

睡安祥
制片：陶德史帝芬
什事？
没事
瞌睡
？
昨晚没睡
什？
导演：詹姆斯布罗
祖母交新男友
俩床翻覆
耳聋…
两断确定
彼否兴
简直吵死
果愿意
晚瑞秋睡
谢
959697
说没错吧
住处
百步
真闲
天寿星？
瞧冰球赛门票
骑兵队企鹅队
晚花园球场
带
生日快乐老兄
爱
真幽默
生日七月前
呢？
定张票
找起
悲观
天啊天10月20号
正希没记起
20号什劲？
万圣节前十天？
服装抢走？
天第次卡萝…
进行肉体接触…
作爱
球赛
回家
想着前妻爱吧
曲棍球
回起想吧
罗斯样
乔伊冰夜游样？
算干？
知道
拜托罗斯
吧许忘记伤痛
帮买手指
定
家第份薪水
框框面名字

记起第份薪水天
矿场塌陷八惨遭活埋
矿场工作？
黛莉冰淇淋工作干嘛问？
真兴奋赚
天擦桌椅蒸牛奶
真太…
值
谁FICA？
走钱？
钱德
没糟
第份薪水言
已算错
单够日子
没错
优秀服务员
没错
球赛
球赛
瑞秋
天呀
发誓动物园
种场面
什风吹？
市区逛街
听妈工作
结果真
瞧围裙
演戏般
肚子
简直敢相信
知道变成两倍
？
猜爸谁合伙？
话题
手腕
罗斯球传李奇
李奇见纳斯空档
记妙传
先暂停
纳斯正停女鞋
夜卡萝穿着种靴子
第次
老实说没脱
…
起
瞧
什？
桃核
样？
天晚
吃桃子？
事实蜜桃
基
桃子
然穿衣服
送公车站牌
没事
女臀部卡萝样
什？
找东西
快点讲八卦
八卦
圣坛前抛巴瑞
谈点正
算时回家？
什？回家
拜托姐妹
回家
工作
工作
女服务生？
女服务生
写日特餐
摘瓶中枯死花朵
时老板会
饼干涂巧克力酱
妈没提起巧克力酱
瑞秋朋友聊？
想喝杯鸡尾酒？
里面什？
郎姆酒
知道
然菲夜谈通宵
买八卦杂志
饼干面团扭体游戏
带手术游戏
镊子弄丢玩
演练
瑞秋信卡
问想干什
请问什事？
稍
说账户问题

已星期没刷卡
问题出
想知道否没事
想知道否没事？
想
FICA钱全走
认识朋友
结婚怀孕升职
端咖啡
端喝
果样没事话
告诉没事
？
瑞秋刚出
？
吧
玩扭体游戏吧
起起
？
卡萝夜冰？
塑胶座位？
四千名愤怒匹兹堡球迷？
说
会坐起
然已提起
没错夜结冰
第次结霜
坐吧
应该感豪
正学起独立
摩妮卡什起言？
放弃切
底什？
杰克没两样
楼杰克？
杰克魔豆
杰克
放弃某东西
魔豆
起床
发现窗外棵树
充满切
住村庄
住村庄…
菲杰克放弃牛
放弃整牙医生
知道喜欢
杰克深爱着头牛
预谋
切清楚
现事
利？

样
常知
仔细想清楚
然步轨道
样诸事利
真拼
果法步轨道呢？
菲
…
喜欢问题
瞧果没魔豆？
般豆子呢？
宰掉…
笑出吧老兄
正需
群棍子互齿徒
快传空档
射门射门
瞧电视
抢
面说满意条巧克力糖
拨号码
满意
紧急事件
想清楚
否会
等等填资料
坐填
想惹麻烦？
现疼脸歪
序
概等久？
快
真起
存心开心
说
生毫计划
送Pizza
感谢帝食物终
Pheobe
干？
计划？
根毫计划
磨菇青椒洋葱
点
点奶酪脆皮口味
史先生住？
没
惨爸定会宰掉
等等说史先生？
住街
定送错笨
慢着
矮中海
幅聪明样帅哥？
应该
穿着迷蓝色西装？
着领带？
围条浴巾
帝呀
忍心带回？
什？开什玩笑
吃史先生Pizza
菲史先生谁？
鸟朋友
见Pizza

偷瞄谁？
白宫顾问克林顿助选员
迷头发性感微笑
带劲屁股？矮？
喜欢
等等女
告诉妈
绝妈
慢着走板
走着…Pizza
臭女
蓝夫请接分号256…
抱歉已等时
许情况朋友轻走
脚趾挂东西
谁睡觉？
朵拉生气
知道说
伤害彼话
意味着
爱着方
想会理
灯关着？
许睡
拜托做爱
闭嘴
认史先生什样？
认害羞
真？
必须勾引
会渐渐显露出兽性
拜托
记月光透窗户进
脸庞露出甜蜜微笑
月光微笑甜蜜
说
谁点止痛药？
说够没？
天什？
第次床起？
做七年
事情没简单
问题出？
甩？
爱女？
爱女女离开？
声点行？
12楼昏迷听清楚
然呢？
卡萝第次
第次
什？
第次
卡萝？
说辈子…
天啊冰球赛真错误
晚干事

记
喜欢做蔬菜面团？
非鹅蔬菜
吧行
强森床感觉没糟
什？强森床？
分手
久？
时
真

情节汤姆放置物箱东西
实放
什？
真会送东西？
太天真
真？天真女孩
少会七年级时尿裤子
时笑逗笑

？
整夜方
真帅
宝贝乔治快掉浴巾
快掉浴巾…次
相信女床？
样啊
甜蜜浪漫
真样认？
怪家伙怪胎
老兄
真迷
沉默羔羊里演真
快承认吧观切晚开心
开心？里开心？
告诉点值开心？
冰球？
孩手里
孩子…
球
找
谁发现谁丢掉活该
争气点
？橡胶胶水…
做
底

球

闹事

玩
摩妮卡右脚红
玩富翁？
谢
菲右手蓝

瑞秋信卡员
愿意代？
瑞秋

知道久没
谢谢没事真
绿色绿色里
魔豆
没说
左转
没事

105 The One With the East German Laundry Detergent
105 The One With the East German Laundry Detergent


[Scene Central Perk all six are there]
Monica Would you let it go It's not that big a deal
Ross Not that big a deal It's amazing Ok you just reach in there there's one little maneuver and bam a bra right out the sleeve All right as far as I'm concerned there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close Am I right
Rachel Come on You guys can pee standing up
Chandler We can All right I'm tryin' that
Joey Ok you know what blows my mind Women can see breasts any time they want You just look down and there they are How you get any work done is beyond me
Phoebe Oh ok you know what I don't get The way guys can do so many mean things and then not even care
(Long pause)
Ross Multiple orgasms
Opening Credits
[Scene Central Perk all are there]
Chandler So Saturday night the big night date night Saturday night Saturday night
Joey No plans huh
Chandler Not a one
Ross Not even say breaking up with Janice
Chandler Oh right right shut up
Monica Chandler nobody likes breaking up with someone You just gotta do it
Chandler No I know but it's just so hard you know I mean you're sitting there with her she has no idea what's happening and then you finally get up the courage to do it and there's the horrible awkward moment when you've handed her the note
Joey Why do you have to break up with her Be a man just stop calling
Phoebe You know if you want I'll do it with you
Chandler Oh thanks but I think she'd feel like we're gangin' up on her
Phoebe No I mean you break up with Janice and I'll break up with Tony
Ross Tony
Monica Oh you're breaking up with Tony
Phoebe Yeah I know he's sweet but it's just not fun anymore you know I don't know if it's me or his hunger strike or I don't know
Rachel (waitressing) Does anybody want anything else
Ross Oh yeah last week you had a wonderful nutty chocolatey kind of a cakey pie thing (Rachel gives him a dirty look) Nothing just just I'm fine
Phoebe (to Rachel) What's the matter Why so scrunchy
Rachel It's my father He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible
Ross That guy he burns me up
Rachel Yeah well it's a Mercedes if I move back home Oh it was horrible He called me young lady
Chandler Ooh I hate when my father calls me that
Monica Did he give you that whole You'renotuptothis thing again
Rachel Oh yeah yeah Actually I got the extended disco version with three choruses of You'll never make it on your own
Phoebe (rhythmically) Uhhuh uhhuh
(Angela a beautiful woman in a tight dress enters)
Angela Hi Joey
Joey My god Angela
(Angela takes a seat at the counter)
Monica Wow being dumped by you obviously agrees with her
Phoebe Are you gonna go over there
Joey No yeah no ok but not yet I don't wanna seem too eager One Mississippi two Mississippi three Mississippi That seems pretty cool (he walks over to her) Hey Angela
Angela (casually) Joey
Joey You look good
Angela That's because I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs
Joey You don't say
(Cut to Ross and Rachel talking next to one of the tables)
Ross So uh Rachel what are you uh what're you doing tonight
Rachel Oh big glamour night Me and Monica at Laundorama
Ross Oh you uh you wanna hear a freaky coincidence Guess who's doing laundry there too
Rachel Who
Ross Me Was that not clear Hey why don't um why don't I just join you both here
Rachel Don't you have a laundry room in your building
Ross Yes I do have a laundry room in my building um but there's a rat problem Apparently they're attracted to the dryer sheets and they're goin' in fine but they're comin' out all fluffy Anyway say sevenish
Rachel Sure
(Cut back to Joey and Angela at the counter)
Angela Forget it Joey I'm with Bob now
Joey Bob Who the hell's Bob
Angela Bob is great He's smart he's sophisticated and he has a real job You you go on three auditions a month and you call yourself an actor but Bob
Joey Come on we were great together And not just at the fun stuff but like talking too
Angela Yeah well sorry Joe You said let's just be friends so guess what
Joey What
Angela We're just friends
Joey Fine fine so why don't the four of us go out and have dinner together tonight You know as friends
Angela What four of us
Joey You know you and Bob and me and my girlfriend uh uh Monica
[Scene Monica and Rachel's apartment Joey is there trying to convince Monica to pose as his girlfriend His plan is to hook Monica up with Angela's boyfriend Bob and then take Angela back for himself]
Joey Monica I'm tellin' you this guy is perfect for you
Monica Forget it Not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet
Joey Come on This guy's great His name's Bob He's Angela's brother He's smart he's sophisticated and he has a real job Me I go on three auditions a month and call myself an actor but Bob is
Monica (looking out window) Oh god help us
Joey What
Monica Ugly Naked Guy's laying kitchen tile Eww
Joey Eww Look I'm asking a favor here If I do this for her brother maybe Angela will come back to me
Monica What's going on here You go out with tons of girls
Joey (proud) I know but I made a huge mistake I never should have broken up with her Will you help me Please
[Scene Ross' apartment Chandler is over]
Ross (on phone) Ok bye (hangs up) Well Monica's not coming it's just gonna be me and Rachel
Chandler Oh Well hold on camper are you sure you've thought this thing through
Ross It's laundry The thinking through is minimal
Chandler It's just you and Rachel just the two of you This is a date You're going on a date
Ross Nuhuh
Chandler Yuhhuh
Ross So what're you saying here I should shave again pick up some wine what
Chandler Well you may wanna rethink the dirty underwear This is basically the first time she's gonna see your underwear—you want it to be dirty
Ross (sheepish) No
Chandler Oh and uh the fabric softener
Ross Ok ok now what is wrong with my Snuggles What it says I'm a sensitive warm kinda guy you know like a warm fuzzy bear Ok I can pick something else up on the way
Chandler There you go
[Scene A fancy restaurant Joey and Monica are there meeting Angela and Bob who Monica thinks is Angela's brother]
Monica Thank you So what does this Bob guy look like Is he tall Short
Joey Yep
Monica Which
Joey Which what
Monica You've never met Bob have you
Joey No but he's
Monica Oh my god Joey for all we know this guy could be horribly
(Angela and Bob walk in Bob is goodlooking)
Angela Hey Joey
Monica horribly attractive I'll be shutting up now
[Scene Central Perk Chandler and Phoebe are there both ready to break up with their significant others]
Chandler Where are they Where are they
Phoebe This is nice We never do anything just the two of us
Chandler It's great Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies
Phoebe Eww I don't wanna do that
(Janice and Phoebe's boyfriend Tony walk in)
Chandler Here we go
Phoebe Ok have a good breakup
Chandler Hey Janice
Janice Oh my god I am so glad you called me I had the most supremely awful day
Chandler Hey that's not good Can I get an espresso and a latte over here please
Janice We got the proofs back from that photo shoot you know the one with the little vegetables Anyway they pretty much sucked so I blew off the rest of the day and I went shopping(looks through her bags) and I got you I'm looking I'm looking I'm looking I got you
(Chandler sees Phoebe breaking up with Tony She talks to him for a few seconds hugs him and then he leaves Chandler is amazed how easy it was for her)
Chandler What
Janice What
Chandler (covering) What did you get me there
Janice I got youthese (pulls out a pair of socks)
Chandler Bullwinkle socks That's so sweet
Janice Well I knew you had the Rockys and so I figured you know you can wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle or you can wear Rocky and Rockyor you can mix and match moose and squirrel Whatever you want
Chandler That's great
(The drinks arrive and Chandler downs his espresso in one gulp)
Chandler Well I'm gonna get another espresso Can I get you another latte
Janice (holding the full cup) No no I'm still working on mine
(Chandler walks over to the counter where Phoebe is and is asking her about the breakup)
Chandler That's it
Phoebe Yeah it was really hard
Chandler Oh yeah that hug looked pretty brutal
Phoebe Ok you weren't there
[Scene The Launderama Rachel is there waiting for Ross An old woman takes Rachel's clothes off the machine and begins loading it with her things]
Woman Comin' through Move move
Rachel Oh 'scuse me I was kinda using that machine
Woman Yeah well now you're kinda not
Rachel But I saved it I put my basket on top
Woman Oh I'm sorry is that your basket It's really pretty Unfortunately I don't see suds
Rachel What
Woman No suds no save Ok
(Ross arrives)
Ross What's goin' on
Rachel Hi uh nothing That horrible woman just took my machine
Ross Was your basket on top
Rachel Yeah but there were no suds
Ross So
Rachel Well you know no suds no save
Ross No suds Excuse me hold on a second (to woman) That's my friend's machine
Woman Hey hey hey her stuff wasn't in it
Ross Hey hey hey that's not the rule and you know it
(The woman and Ross stare at each other Finally she takes her stuff out of the machine and leaves)
Ross (to the crowd in the laundromat) All right show's over Nothing to see here (to Rachel) Ok let's do laundry
Rachel That was amazing I can't even send back soup
Ross Well that's because you're such a sweet gentle uhDo you uh do youOh hey uh you must need detergent
(Ross pulls out a huge box of laundry detergent)
Rachel What's that
Ross Uberveiss It's new it's German it's extratough
(Rachel starts to load her clothes)
Ross Rach do you uh are you gonna separate those
Rachel Oh god Oh am I being like a total laundry spaz I mean am I supposed to use like one machine for shirts and another machine for pants
Ross Rach have you never done this before
Rachel Well not myself but I know other people that have Ok you caught me I'm a laundry virgin
Ross Uh well don't worry I'll use the gentle cycle Ok um basically you wanna use one machine for all your whites a whole nother machine for colors and a third for your uh your uh delicates and that would be your bras and your underpanty things
Rachel (holds a pair of panties in front of Ross) Ok Well what about these are white cotton panties Would they go with whites or delicates
Ross (visibly nervous) Uh that that that would be a judgment call
[Scene Fancy restaurant Monica Joey Angela and Bob are seated at the table]
Monica (to Joey) He is so cute (to Angela and Bob) So where did you guys grow up
Angela Brooklyn Heights
Bob Cleveland
Monica How how did that happen
Joey Oh my god
Monica What
Joey I suddenly had the feeling that I was falling But I'm not
Commercial Break
[Scene Fancy restaurant Joey and Bob are talking]
Joey So you and Angela huh
Bob Yep Pretty much
Joey You're a lucky man You know what I miss the most about her That cute nibbly noise when she eats Like a happy little squirrel or a weasel
Bob Huh I never really noticed
Joey Oh yeah yeah listen for it
Bob Monica Monica is great
Joey Yeah but it's not gonna last She's too much for me in bed Sexually
[Scene The ladies' bathroom at the restaurant Monica and Angela are talking]
Monica I've gotta tell you Bob is terrific
Angela Yeah isn't he
Monica It is so great to meet a guy who is smart and funny and has an emotional age beyond like eight
Angela You know what else He's unbelievable in bed
Monica Wow My brother never even told me when he lost his virginity
Angela Huh That's nice
[Scene Central Perk Phoebe is coaching Chandler on how to break up with Janice]
Phoebe Ok you can do this It's just like pulling off a Bandaid Just do it really fast and then the wound is exposed
(Chandler walks back to couch where Janice is)
Chandler Janice Hi Janice Ok here we go I don't think we should go out anymore Janice
Janice All right Well there you go (she gets extremely wound up and begins to try and calm herself down) Stop it stop it stop it
[Scene The laundromat]
Rachel Ok I know this is gonna sound really stupid but I feel that if I can do this you know if I can actually do my own laundry there isn't anything I can't do
Ross That does not sound stupid to me You know it's like the first time I had to make dinner for myself after Carol left me (the buzzer on the washer goes off) I'm sorry that's all the time we have Next on Ross(opens up the washer) Uhoh
Rachel What uhoh
Ross (not wanting to tell her) Uhoh uhoh the laundry's done It's uh it's a song The laundry song that we sing (singing) Uhoh the laundry's done uhoh uhoh
Rachel Ross what's the matter
Ross Nothing nothing Leelo the laundry's done
Rachel Come on show me
Ross All right all right it's just that you left a red sock in with all your whites and now everything's kinda pink
Rachel Oh everything's pink
Ross Yeah uh except for the red sock which is still red I'm sorry please don't be upset it could happen to anyone
Rachel Except it didn't It happened to me Oh god I'm gonna look like a big marshmallow peep What am I doing What am I doing My father's right I can't live on my own I can't even do laundry
(The woman who had tried to steal the washing machine walks by and laughs)
[Scene The fancy restaurant Angela has her hand in Bob's shirt and Monica is very uncomfortable]
Monica Something went wrong with Underdog and they couldn't get his head to inflate So anyway um his head is like flopping down Broadway right and I'm just thinking how inappropriate this is Um I've got something in my eye uh Joey could we check it in the light please
(Her and Joey walk away from the table)
Monica Oh my god
Joey What
Monica Hello Were we at the same table It's like cocktails in Appalachia
Joey Come on they're close
Monica Close She's got her tongue in his ear
Joey Oh like you've never gotten a little rambunctious with Ross
Monica Joey this is sick it's disgusting it's it's—not really true is it
Joey Well who's to say what's true I mean
Monica Oh my god what were you thinking
Joey All right look I'm not proud of this ok Well maybe I am a little
Monica (hits him lightly) Oh
Joey Ow
Monica (leaving) I'm outta here
Joey Wait wait wait You want him I want her He likes you
Monica Really
Joey Yeah I'm thinking if we put our heads together between the two of us we can break them up
[Time lapse Monica accidentally spilled her drink on Bob's shirt and is wiping it off Joey is making eyes at Angela]
Monica I'm so sorry I can't believe I did this but I couldn't stop laughing at your Norman Mailer story
(Angela is eating chicken wings and making the weasellike noise Joey had told Bob about)
Joey Uh waiter one more plate of chicken wings over here
[Scene Central Perk Chandler is still trying to ease things over with Janice and there are about a dozen empty Espresso cups in front of him He is extremely wired]
Chandler Here's the thing Janice You know I mean it's like we're different I'm like the bing bing bing You're like the boom boom (Chandler flails his hand out and hits Janice in the eye) boom
Janice Ow
Chandler Oh my god I'm so sorry Are you ok
Janice Ow Um it's just my lens It's just my lens I'll be right back
(She leaves)
Chandler (to Phoebe) I hit her in the eye I hit her in the eye This is the worst breakup in the history of the world
Phoebe Oh my god (Chandler downs another espresso) How many of those have you had
Chandler Oh I don't know a million
Phoebe Chandler easy easy Go to your happy place La la la la la la la
Chandler I'm fine
Phoebe All right
(Janice returns from the bathroom)
Chandler I'm not fine Here she comes
Phoebe Wait here Breathe
(Phoebe goes over to speak to Janice She talks to her for a few seconds and then Janice immediately smiles hugs her waves to Chandler and leaves)
Chandler How do you do that
Phoebe It's like a gift
Chandler We should always always break up together
Phoebe Oh I'd like that
[Scene The Launderama Rachel is sorting her nowpink clothes]
Ross You got the clothes clean Now that's the important part
Rachel Oh I guess Except everything looks like jammies now
(The same woman walks over and takes Rachel's laundry cart)
Rachel Whoa I'm sorry Excuse me We had this cart
Woman Yeah well I had a 24inch waist You lose things Now come on get outta my way
(Rachel looks at Ross who motions to her to get the cart back)
Rachel I'm sorry you know maybe I wasn't being clear Uh this is our cart
Woman Hey hey hey there aren't any clothes in it
Rachel Hey hey hey hey quit making up rules
Woman Let go
(They struggle for the cart Finally Rachel climbs inside of it)
Rachel All right listen missy If you want this cart you're gonna have to take me with it
(She thinks it over and then walks away)
Rachel (to Ross) Yes Did you see that
Ross You were incredible Brand new woman ladies and gentlemen
Rachel I could not have done this without you
(Rachel stands up and kisses Ross He is stunned A moment of silence follows)
Ross Ok um uh more clothes in the dryer (Ross turns and bangs his head on an open dryer door) I'm fine I'm fine
Rachel Are you sure
Ross No
Closing Credits
[Scene Central Perk Ross Rachel and Phoebe are there Ross has an icepack to his head]
Rachel Oh are you sure you're ok
Ross Yeah
Rachel Does it still hurt
Ross Yeah
Phoebe (seeing Rachel's clothes) What a neat idea All your clothes match I'm gonna do this
(Monica and Joey enter)
Monica Hi
Phoebe Hey how'd it go
Joey Excellent
Monica We ripped that couple apart and kept the pieces for ourselves
Ross What a beautiful story Hey I'm fine by the way
Monica (notices his head) Oh I'm sorry
Rachel Where's Chandler
Phoebe Oh he needed some time to grieve
(Chandler runs by the window outside joyous)
Chandler I'm free I'm free
Phoebe That oughta do it
End

105 洗衣服


争
没什
没什
简直太神奇
手伸进 轻轻碰
胸罩解开袖子里抽出
知 男生做
说
拜托男生站着尿
行倒试试
知道什令嫉妒
女时胸部
低头
真搞懂
会心工作
知道搞懂什
男做许流事
毫
重高潮
起周末夜
重夜晚约会夜晚
周末夜 周末夜
没计划
没
连珍妮丝分手算没
…闭嘴
钱德没喜欢分手
做呀
知道难
意思
坐身旁知
鼓起勇气
实尴尬时刻
纸条•
干嘛分手
争气点电话行
果愿意起做
谢样会认
联手付
琼妮分手
东尼分手
东尼东尼分手
知道
没新鲜感
知道问题
绝食抗议
需什
星期
做核果巧克力类派
没事
啦怪怪
爸
买奔驰敞篷车
家伙真生气
果想奔驰 搬回家
太恶
称年轻女士
受爸样
说
年纪太轻类话
次迪斯科加长版
带着三重唱说永远立
嘿乔伊
天呀安琪拉
甩掉处
想
想想想
会说想显太急见
密西西两密西西三密西西样显较酷
安琪拉
乔伊
样子真
衣服
突显出胸部
出
瑞秋晚节目
精彩丰富
摩妮卡洗衣店
想知道巧合
猜猜谁洗衣店
谁？

难道够清楚
加入
公寓没洗衣间
公寓洗衣间
老鼠
显然
烘干机里香香纸感兴趣
进入时
出毛绒绒
7点左右见
吧
免乔
现鲍伯交
鲍伯谁鲍伯
鲍伯简直棒透
聪明成熟真正工作
月面识三次称演员
鲍伯
起时开心
寻欢作乐聊
没错抱歉
说朋友

什
朋友
行四起出吃晚饭
朋友样
四
鲍伯
女友…
摩妮卡
摩妮卡绝适合
算吧
会啧出字母块表兄
敢领教
没骗真棒
鲍伯安琪拉哥哥
鲍伯简直棒透
聪明成熟真正工作
呢
月面试三次称演员 鲍勃
天
什
丑陋裸男铺厨房磁砖
求帮忙
果哥哥做点事
许会回身旁

千百女约会
知道
犯天错误
该分手
愿意帮求求
见
摩妮卡
现剩瑞秋
等等老兄确定仔细想
洗店没仔细想
说瑞秋两

约会约会

没错
说该办
该刮刮胡子挑瓶美酒
许该考虑
肮脏衣裤
什
首度见衣裤
想见
肮脏衣裤
想
衣物柔软精
熊宝贝
代表敏感 贴心
毛绒绒熊宝贝
吧路买
路
谢谢鲍伯长什样
底高矮

什
什什
没鲍伯见面
…
拜托家伙相…
嘿乔伊
相吸引闭嘴

感觉真俩未独处
许明天
租辆车撞狗
想样

祝愉快分手
珍妮丝
真高兴电话
没悲惨天
妙
端杯浓缩咖啡铁
刚摄影站拍
颗蔬菜
总蔬菜烂透
整午样毁
逛街购物
然买…
找找…找找
…
什
帮买什
帮买…
布文哥袜
真爱
知道已洛基
想穿双布文哥
穿双洛基
混着穿高兴
杯浓缩咖啡
想杯铁
没喝完
样
真难
哦 拥抱起真绝情呢
事
开…
抱歉似台洗衣机
现似
占位置
放篮子面
抱歉篮子

真漂亮没肥皂水
什
没肥皂水算保留行

没什
位凶婆娘抢洗衣机
篮子放面
没肥皂水
然呢
没肥皂水算保留
没肥皂水算保留
抱歉等等
朋友机器
东西没里面
明知规矩样
表演结束
没什
洗衣服吧
简直太神奇
连汤敢退
温柔 爱
洗衣粉
什
乌伯怀斯
德国新产品
洗净力超强
瑞秋准备分开洗
洗衣白痴
台洗衬衣
台洗裤子
没洗衣服
没
认识样洗
吧发现
第次衣服
担心会轻柔循环
台
洗全部白衣
白衣
台
洗颜色衣服
颜色衣服
第三台洗贴身…
胸罩裤类
棉质白色裤呢
白衣贴身衣物起洗
便罗
爱
长
布鲁克林
克里佛兰
会样
哎哟
突然种坠落感觉
没
安琪拉起
差
真幸运
知道想念什
轻啃东西声音
快乐松鼠
鼬
倒没注意
注意听
摩妮卡摩妮卡
没错会维持久
心余力足…
床
告诉
鲍伯简直太棒

遇聪明幽默
心智年龄超八岁真棒
知道
床更流
哥未告诉
时失童贞
真
办
拔绷带样
快速拔起露出伤口
快走
珍妮丝…

想该交
珍妮丝
知道…
停停
知道
听起笑
想洗衣服话
没办事
点觉笑
太
卡罗尔离开
第次动手做晚饭
抱歉时间
集谈罗斯

衣服洗
首歌
唱首洗衣歌
衣服洗
罗斯底
没事 衣服洗…
罗斯快…
吧红袜放白色衣物里面
白衣
全变成粉红色
全变成粉红色
红袜红袜
抱歉千万伤心
发生种事
发生身
穿会粉红猪
爸说法独立生活
连洗衣服会
狗气球出意外
头法膨胀
头落百老汇
心想实太话
东西跑进眼睛
乔灯帮
天呀
啦
坐桌
太离谱
拜托姐弟感情
感情
舌头伸进耳朵
罗斯会动作
乔伊病态 太恶心
真
谁说真
底想什
吧喜欢样
许点
走
等等喜欢
喜欢
真
没错
想起想办法
分开
真抱歉没想会样
事笑嘴巴合拢
服务生盘鸡翅
珍妮丝
类型
声音丁丁丁
声音梆梆梆
糟抱歉
没事吧
没事隐形眼镜
等会没事
马回
中眼睛
史世糟糕分手
天
底喝杯
知道
百万杯
钱德放轻松
快回快乐天堂
没事…
妙回
等着深呼吸
办
天赋
次应该起分手
乐意
已衣服洗净
现重部份
概吧
衣服成睡衣
抱歉推车

腰围尺八
时境迁
请道
抱歉许没说清楚
推车
面没衣服
乱编规矩
放手
车先
吧想辆车
推着起走
赢见没
真太神奇
位位脱胎换骨新女性
亏办
烘干机里衣服
没事没事
确定没事
嗯
疼
真聪明衣服颜色样
做
嘿样啦
佳掰成两半
半
真美丽动事
已没事
钱德
需点时间疗伤
…
应该复原

106 The One With the Butt
106 The One With the Butt


[Scene A Theater the gang is in the audience wating for a play of Joey's to start]
Rachel (reading the program) Ooh Look Look Look Look there's Joey's picture This is so exciting
Chandler You can always spot someone who's never seen one of his plays before Notice no fear no sense of impending doom
Phoebe The exclamation point in the title scares me (Gesturing) Y'know it's not just Freud it's Freud
(The lights dim)
Ross Oh shhh shh Magic is about to happen
(The lights go up on the stage Joey as Freud is talking to a female patient)
Joey well Eva we've done some excellent work here and I would have to say your problem is quite clear (He goes into a song and dance number)
All you want is a dingle
What you envy's a schwang
A thing through which you can tinkle
Or play with or simply let hang
Opening Credits
[Scene The Theater the play has ended and everyone is applauding  As soon as the cast leaves the gang all groan and sit down heavily]
Rachel God I feel violated
Monica Did anybody else feel they just wanted to peel the skin off their body to have something else to do
Chandler (staring at a woman across the room) Ross ten o'clock
Ross Is it Feels like two
Chandler No ten o'clock
Ross What
Chandler (sighs and gestures to explain) There's a beautiful woman at eight nine ten o'clock
Ross Oh Hello
Chandler She's amazing She makes the women that I dream about look like short fat bald men
Monica Well go over to her She's not with anyone
Chandler Oh yeah and what would my opening line be 'Excuse me Blarrglarrghh'
Rachel Oh c'mon She's a person you can do it
Chandler Oh please could she be more out of my league Ross back me up here
Ross He could never get a woman like that in a million years
Chandler Thank you buddy
Phoebe Oh oh but y'know you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys you could be one of those guys
Monica You could do that
Chandler Y'think
All Yeah
Chandler Oh God I can't believe I'm even considering this I'm very very aware of my tongue
Ross C'mon C'mon
Chandler Here goes (He walks over to her but just stands there)
Aurora Yes
Chandler Hi um okay next word would be Chandler Chandler is my name and uh(He clears his throat noisily)hi
Aurora Yes you said that
Chandler Yes yes I did but what I didn't say was what I was about to say what I wanted to say was uh would you like to go out with me sometime thankyou goodnight (He walks back to the others but she calls him back)
Aurora Chandler
(Joey enters from behind a curtain  The others all talk at once)
All Hey You're in a play I didn't know you could dance You had a beard
Joey Whadja think
(Pause)
All Hey You're in a play I didn't know you could dance You had a beard
Joey C'mon you guys it wasn't that bad It was better than that thing I did with the trolls at least you got to see my head
All (admitting) Saw your head Saw your head
Chandler (running back) She said yes She said yes (To Joey) Awful play man Whoah (To All) Her name's Aurora and she's Italian and she pronounces my name 'Chandlrr' 'Chandlrr' I think I like it better that way (To Joey) Oh listen the usher gave me this to give to you (He fishes a card out of his pocket)
Rachel What is it
Joey The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency Wow an agency left me its card Maybe they wanna sign me
Phoebe Based on this play Based on this play
[Scene Central Perk everyone else is there as Chandler enters]
Chandler Hey kids
All Hey
Phoebe (reading Monica's palm) No 'cause this line is passion and this is just a line
Chandler Well I can't believe I've been here almost seven seconds and you haven't asked me how my date went
Monica Oh right right How was your date 'Chandlrr'
Chandler It was unbelievable II've never met anyone like her She's had the most amazing life She was in the Israeli army
(A flashback of Aurora and Chandler on their date in Central Perk is denoted by italics)
Aurora Luckily none of the bullets hit the engine block So we made it to the border but just barely and I I've been talking about myself all night long I'm sorry What about you Tell me one of your stories
Chandler Alright Once I got on the subway right and it was at night and I rode it all the way to Brooklyn just for the hell of it
Chandler We talked 'til like two It was this perfect evening more or less
Aurora All of a sudden we realised we were in Yammon
Chandler Oh I'm sorry so 'we' is
Aurora 'We' would be me and Rick
Joey Who's Rick
Chandler Who's Rick
Aurora My husband
All Ooooohhh
Chandler Oh so you're divorced
Aurora No
Chandler Oh I'm sorry then you're widowedHopefully
Aurora No I'm still married
Chandler So tell me how do how do you think your husband would feel about you sitting here with meSliding your foot so far up my pant leg you can count the change in my pocket
Aurora Don't worry I imagine he'd be okay with you because really he's okay with Ethan
Chandler Ethan There's there's an Ethan
Aurora Mmmm Ethan is my boyfriend
All What
Chandler So explain something to me here uh what kind of a relationship do you imagine us having if you already have a husband and a boyfriend
Aurora I suppose mainly sexual
Chandler Hm
Monica Oh I'm sorry it didn't work out
Chandler What 'not work out' I'm seeing her again on Thursday Didn't you listen to the story
Monica Didn't you listen to the story I mean this is twisted How could you get involved with a woman like this
Chandler Well y'know I had some trouble with it at first too but the way I look at it is I get all the good stuff all the fun all the talking all the sex and none of the responsibility I mean this is every guy's fantasy
Phoebe Oh yeah That is not true Ross is this your fantasy
Ross No of course not (Thinks) Yeah yeah it is
Monica What So you guys don't mind going out with someone else who's going out with someone else
Joey I couldn't do it
Monica Good for you Joey
Joey When I'm with a woman I need to know that I'm going out with more people than she is
Ross Well y'know monogamy can be a uh tricky concept I mean anthropologically speaking
(They all pretend to fall asleep)
Ross Fine Fine alright now you'll never know
Monica We're kidding C'mon tell us
All Yeah C'mon
Ross Alright There's a theory put forth by Richard Leakey
(They all fall asleep again)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Rachel is there as enter except Joey enter]
Rachel Tahdaaah
Chandler Are we greeting each other this way now 'Cause I like that
Rachel Look I cleaned I did the windows I did the floors I even used all the attachments on the vacuum except that little round one with the bristles I don't know what that's for
Ross Oh yeah nobody knows And we're not supposed to ask
Rachel Well whaddya think
All Very clean It looks great Terrific
Monica Oh II see you moved the green ottoman
All Uhoh
Monica Howhow did that happen
Rachel I dunno II thought it looked better there And I and also it's an extra seat around the coffee table
Monica Yeah yeah it's interesting but y'know what Just for fun let's see what it looked like in the old spot (She moves it) Alright just to compare Let's see Well it looks good there too Let's just leave it there for a while
Phoebe (to Rachel) I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman
Chandler Thank God you didn't try to fan out the magazines I mean she'll scratch your eyes right out
Monica You guys I am not that bad
Phoebe Yeah you are Monica Remember when I lived with you You were like a little y'know (psycho) Ree Ree Ree Ree
Monica That is so unfair
Ross Oh c'mon When we were kids yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy
Monica Okay so I'm responsible I'm organised But hey I can be a kook
Ross Alright you madcap gal Try to imagine this The phone bill arrives but you don't pay it right away
Monica Why not
Ross Because you're a kook Instead you wait until they send you a notice
Monica I could do that
Rachel Okay uh you let me go grocery shopping and I buy laundry detergent but it's not the one with the easypour spout
Monica Why would someone do that One might wonder
Chandler Someone's left a glass on the coffee table There's no coaster It's a cold drink it's a hot day Little beads of condensation are inching their way closer and closer to the surface of the wood
Monica STOP IT Oh my God It's true Who am I
Ross Monica You're Mom
(Monica gasps)
Phoebe Ree Ree Ree Ree Ree
(Joey enters and he's on the phone)
Joey (on phone) Uh huh uh huh oh my God Okay Okay I'll be there (He hangs up and to all) That was my agent (He tosses and catches the phone) My agent has just gotten me a jobin the new Al Pacino movie
All Oh my God Whoah
Monica Well what's the part
Joey Can you believe this Al Pacino This guy's the reason I became an actor I'm out of order Pfeeeh You're out of order This whole courtroom's out of order
Phoebe Seriously whatwhat's the part
Joey Just when I thought I was out they pull me back in
Ross C'mon seriously Joey what's the part
Joey I'm his (mumbles)
Rachel You're you're 'mah mah mah' what
Joey I'm his butt double 'Kay I play Al Pacino's butt Alright He goes into the shower and then I'm his butt
Monica (trying not to laugh) Oh my God
Joey C'mon you guys This is a real movie and Al Pacino's in it and that's big
Chandler Oh no it's terrific it's it's y'know you deserve this after all your years of struggling you've finally been able to crack your way into show business
Joey Okay okay fine Make jokes I don't care This is a big break for me
Ross You're right you're right it isSo you gonna invite us all to the big opening
Commercial Break
[Scene Monica and Rachel's the next morning Monica is getting the door]
Monica Alright alright alright
(Joey enters with Monica's paper and hands it to her)
Joey Here I need to borrow some moisturizer
Monica For what
Joey What do you think Today's the big day
Monica Oh my God Okay go into the bathroom use whatever you want just don't ever tell me what you did in there
Joey Thank you (He goes into the bathroom)
(Chandler enters with the phone)
Chandler Where's Joey His mom's on the phone
Monica He's in the bathroom I don't think you wanna go in there
Chandler C'mon we're roommates (He goes into the bathroom screams and runs back out) My eyes My eyes
Monica I warned you
(Rachel enters from her room)
Rachel Who is being loud
Chandler Oh that would be Monica Hey listen I wanna borrow a coupla things Aurora spent the night I really wanna make her breakfast
Monica Oh you got the whole night huh
Chandler Yeah well I only have twenty minutes until Ethan so y'know (He starts to raid the fridge)
Rachel Ooh do I sense a little bit of resentment
Chandler No no resentment believe me it's worth it 'Kay Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life Well every single second is like that with Aurora and I've just wasted about thirtyfive of them talking to you people so uh Monica can you help me with the door (He has armloads of stuff)
Monica Sure Oh um Chandler Y'know thethe old Monica wouldwould remind you to scrub that Teflon pan with a plastic brushBut I'm not gonna do that
(She opens the door and he leaves)
[Scene A Film Set Joey is entering for his scene]
Director (on phone)Dammit hire the girl (He hangs up the phone) Okay everybody ready
Joey Uh listen I just wanna thank you for this great opportunity
Director Lose the robe
Joey Me
Director That would work
Joey Right Okay Losing the robe (He takes off the robe) And the robe is lost
Director Okay everybody we'd like to get this in one take please Let's roll it water's working (The shower starts) and action
(Joey starts to the shower with a grim determined look on his face)
Director And cut Hey Butt Guy what the hell are you doing
Joey Well I'm I'm showering
Director No that was clenching
Joey Oh Well the way I see it the guy's upset here y'know I mean his wife's dead his brother's missing I think his butt would be angry here
Director I think his butt would like to get this shot before lunch Once again rolling water working and actionand cut What was that
Joey I was going for quiet desperation But if you have to ask
[Scene Chandler and Joey's Aurora and Chandler are in bed in Chandler's room]
Chandler God I love these fingers
Aurora Thank you
Chandler No actually I meant my fingers Look at 'em look at how happy they are
Aurora (moves Chandler's arm and look at his watch) Oh my God I'm late (She starts to get up)
Chandler Oh no nonononononnononono don't go (He kisses her and pulls her back down)
Aurora Okay
Chandler Don't go
Aurora Okay Oh no I have to
Chandler (to himself) Too bad she's leaving
Aurora (getting up and dressing) I'm sorry He'll be waiting for me
Chandler Well I thought I thought you talked to Rick
Aurora It's not Rick
Chandler What Ethan He got to spend the whole day with you
Aurora No it'sit's Andrew
Chandler I know there'll be many moments in the years to come when I'll regret asking the following question but And Andrew is
Aurora He's new
Chandler Oh so what you're saying is you're not completely fulfilled by Rick Ethan and myself
Aurora No that's not exactly what I was
Chandler Well y'know most women would kill for three guys like us
Aurora So what do you want
Chandler You
Aurora You have me
Chandler Nono just you
Aurora Whaddyou mean
Chandler Lose the other guys
Aurora Like all of them
Chandler C'mon we're great together why not
Aurora Why can't we just have what we have now Why can't we just talk and laugh and make love without feeling obligated to one another and up until tonight I thought that's what you wanted too
Chandler Well y'know part of me wants that but it's like I'm two guys y'know I mean one guy's going 'Shut up This is great' But there's this other guy Actually it's the same guy that wells up every time that Grinch's heart grows three sizes and breaks that measuring device And he's saying y'know 'This is too hard Get out Get out'
Aurora So which one of the two guys will you listen to
Chandler I don't know II have to listen to both of them they don't exactly let each other finish
Aurora Which one
Chandler The second guy
Aurora (gets up to leave) Well call me if you change your mind
(She kisses him he holds her and kisses her passionately)
Chandler Sorry the first guy runs the lips
(She leaves Chandler sighs and falls back on his bed)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Ross is trying to comfort Chandler  Joey is absent]
Ross Look at it this way you dumped her Right I mean this woman was unbelievably sexy and beautiful intelligent unattainable Tell me why you did this again
(Joey enters)
All Hey
Monica Hey waitwait aren't you the guy that plays the butt in the new Al Pacino movie
Joey Nope
Ross No What happened big guy
Chandler (to Ross) Big guy
Ross It felt like a 'big guy' moment
Joey I got fired
All Oh
Joey Yeah they said I acted too much with it I told everybody about this Now everybody's gonna go to the theatre expecting to see me and
Rachel Oh Joey you know what noone is gonna be able to tell
Joey My mom will
Chandler Something so sweet anddisturbing about that
Joey Y'know I've done nothing but crappy plays for six years And I finally get my shot and I blow it
Monica Maybe this wasn't your shot
Ross Yeah I mean I think when it's your shot y'know youyou know it's your shot Did it feel like your shot
Joey Hard to tell I was naked
Phoebe No I don't think this was your shot I mean I don't even think you just get one shot I really believe big things are gonna happen for you I do You've gotta just keep thinking about the day that some kid is gonna run up to his friends and go 'I got the part I got the part I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass'
Joey Yeah That's so nice (They hug)
(Ross and Chandler look at each other and hug as well)
Monica I'm sorry Joey I'm gonna go to bed guys
All Night
Rachel Uh Mon youyou gonna leave your shoes out here
Monica (determined) Uhhuh
Rachel Really Just casually strewn about in that reckless haphazard manner
Monica Doesn't matter I'll get 'em tomorrow Or not Whenever (He goes to her room)
Ross She is a kook
Closing Credits
[Scene Monica's Bedroom she's lying in bed wide awake]
Monica (hums for a while then gives up and in her head) If it bothers you that much just go out and get the shoes No Don't do this This is stupid I don't have to prove anything I'm gonna go get themBut then everyone will know Unless I get them and then wake up really early and put them back I need help (She buries her head in her pillow)
End

106 屁股秀


乔伊片
真令兴奋
总见
未作品中出现某注意力强畏惧算死头觉
标题惊叹号令点害怕
佛洛德佛洛德
安静奇迹出现
伊娃天表现错
说
问题相清楚
……^_^






感觉受犯
感觉想剥皮果事做
罗斯十点钟
感觉两点
十点钟
什
位美女8910点钟方

简直仙女
梦中情变矮胖秃子
啊旁边没
该什开场白
起啦啦啦啦类
拜托罩住
请告诉配
罗斯帮壮壮胆
副德行
辈子想种美女
谢老兄
种美女
身边总着蹩脚货
成中
没错办
认
没想竟种念头
谨言慎行
快

事
字…Chandler
Chandler
知道说
说
没说想说
愿意约会
谢谢晚安
钱德
出
想会跳舞
演戏
刮掉胡子
感觉
想会跳舞
演戏
拜托没糟吧
角
次轮唱中出现
少见头
没错见头
答应…
烂戏
亚萝拉义利
Chandlerrrrrrr
喜欢样称呼
领座员交
Estelle Leonard纪公司
纪公司名片
许想签约
场戏
场戏
嘿伙计
嘿
感情线
条普通线
法相信
坐七秒钟
竟没问约会
约会钱德
真令难置信
没见样
生活真太令称羡
穿色列阵
幸子弹没中引擎
越边界
真惊险
整晚谈抱歉
呢说听听嘛
回晚搭铁
布鲁克林区
然活着回
直谈两点
真美夜晚
说
突然发现身叶门
谁
瑞克
瑞克谁
丈夫
噢呜呜呜呜呜呜呜
说已离婚
没
起说寡妇
希
夫妻
告诉丈夫做感想
坐身旁脚伸腿
足数口袋里零钱
担心想会接受
接受伊森做
伊森
伊森号物
伊森男友
什
告诉期
间会什关系
然已丈夫男友
概性关系吧
真遗憾吹
什吹
周四约会
难道没听懂
难道没听懂
太离谱
种女交
开始法接受
想事百益害
谈天说笑做爱
负责
男梦想
未必吧
罗斯梦想
然
没错
男生介意
已象女交
办
干乔伊
女交时
必须确定
交象
夫妻值商榷
类学观点言…
行…损失
逗告诉吧
快说想知道
吧理查李奇提出样理…
现样招呼喜欢
瞧扫
擦窗户拖板
甚吸尘器装置
圆形鬃毛外
知道途
没知道该问
感觉样
移动垫椅
会呢
知道
摆会更
咖啡桌旁座位
倒意思
样玩
原位置感觉
做较
放错
摆阵子吧
法相信竟敢搬动垫椅
幸没摊开杂志
否铁定会挖出眼睛
位没凶吧
凶
记住起时
…
太公
拜托时候
破娃娃唯破
责感组织性
懒散
吧懒女想情况
电话单
立刻交钱
什
懒
直拖寄催缴通知单
办
买日常品
买洗衣粉
容易弄出种
会样做
会想…
咖啡桌留杯子
桌没垫子天气热
杯冷饮
水珠逐渐逼桌面…
够
天啊没错谁
摩妮卡妈妈样
天啊
会
纪
安排艾尔帕西诺新片中演出
太棒…
演什角色
相信
艾尔帕西诺
喜欢
立志演员
失控失控
整法庭失控
言正传什角色
认已出局时
拉回
快老实说什角色
…什
臀部身
演艾尔帕西诺臀部
走进浴室
然屁股
天
样
部艾尔帕西诺演制作电影
误会真太棒
应
年努力成果
终登银幕
行笑吧
千载难逢机会
没错准备邀请
参加首映会
雷
保湿乳液
干什呢
认呢
天日子
吧进浴室什
告诉里面干什
谢谢
乔伊妈电话
浴室里进
拜托室友
眼睛眼睛
警告
谁吼
定摩妮卡
点东西
萝拉昨晚夜
想做早点
陪夜
没错剩20分钟
直伊森…
难道悔
然悔
相信绝值
交程中
少重时刻
会怀念辈子
萝拉相处秒
已浪费35秒说话
摩妮卡请帮开门
然
钱德老摩妮卡会提醒
塑胶刷刷铁弗龙锅
会做
门恶
请女算
家准备没
想感谢机会
解开浴袍
样演
正解开浴袍
浴袍已解开
位想次解决
吧放水
开始
停
屁股男干什
洗澡
挤屁股
认沮丧
太太死弟弟失踪
想屁股定愤怒
想屁股
会想午餐前杀青
次
开机
放水
开始
停
干什
表现出绝
果想问
天啊爱手指
谢谢
指手指
瞧开心
天啊
走
吧
抱歉等
瑞克谈
瑞克
什伊森
陪整天
安德鲁
知道会悔问问题
安德鲁谁
新欢
说瑞克伊森
三满足
前种
三知迷死少女
想什

已拥

什意思
甩掉
全部
样快乐
什行
时行乐

彼没负担
晚前
想
部分想
双面
说闭嘴时行乐

回挺身出
仗义直言
说太丑陋快脱身
听话
知道
两话听
争执休
？
第二
吧改变意
电话吧
抱歉第动口
样想吧甩
女性感
美丽聪明遥
告诉次
做
电影明星回
等等艾尔帕西诺新片中
演屁股




感觉时刻
开
没错说太投入
处宣扬
现家想戏院演…
乔伊没会认出
妈认出
真令感动呕心
六年演烂角色事成
机会竟搞砸
等等许机会
机会否清楚
感觉机会
难分辨时全身赤裸
认唯机会
机会会
相信机会降身
必须想着
伙子跑朋友面前说
录取…
演乔伊屁股
真
真遗憾乔伊
位睡
晚安•
摩鞋子留
真
样乱丢
谓
明天
者算
便
真懒散
然困扰快吧
千万太愚蠢
须证明什
会知道
非然早起放回
谁帮
剧终
谢谢观赏

107 The One With the Blackout
107 The One With the Blackout

[Scene Central Perk Rachel is introducing Phoebe who is playing her guitar for the crowd]
Rachel Everybody Shh shhh Uhhh Central Perk is proud to present the music of Miss Phoebe Buffay
(applause)
Phoebe Hi Um I want to start with a song thats about that moment when you suddenly realize what life is all about OK here we go (plays a chord then the lights go out) OK thank you very much
[Scene The ATM vestibule of a bank Chandler is inside The lights go out and he realizes he is trapped inside]
Chandler Oh great This is just
(Chandler sees that there is a gorgeous model inside the vestibule with him He makes a gesture of quiet exuberance)
Opening Credits
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Monica is on the phone with her mother Phoebe Rachel and Ross are there]
Rachel Wow this is so cool you guys The entire city is blacked out
Monica Mom says it's all of Manhattan parts of Brooklyn and Queens and they have no idea when it's coming back on
Rachel Wow you guys this is big
Monica (into phone) Pants and a sweater Why mom Who am I gonna meet in a blackout Power company guys Eligible looters Could we talk about this later OK (hangs up)
Phoebe Can I borrow the phone I want to call my apartment and check on my grandma (to Monica) What's my number
(Monica and Rachel look at Phoebe strangely)
Phoebe Well I never call me
[Scene ATM vestibule Jill Goodacre is on the cellular phone Chandler's thoughts are in italics]
Chandler Oh my God it's that Victoria's Secret model Something something Goodacre
Jill (on phone) Hi Mom it's Jill
Chandler She's right it's Jill Jill Goodacre Oh my God I am trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre (pause) Is it a vestibule Maybe it's an atrium Oh yeah that is the part to focus on you idiot
Jill (on phone) Yeah I'm fine I'm just stuck at the bank in an ATM vestibule
Chandler Jill says vestibule I'm going with vestibule
Jill (on phone) I'm fine No I'm not alone I don't know some guy
Chandler Oh Some guy Some guy 'Hey Jill I saw you with some guy last night Yes he was some guy
(Chandler strides proudly across the vestibule and Jill stares at him)
[Scene Monica's apartment Joey enters with a menorah the candles lit]
Joey Hi everyone
Ross And officiating at tonight's blackout is Rabbi Tribbiani
Joey Well Chandler's old roomate was Jewish and these are the only candles we have so Happy Chanukah everyone
Phoebe (at window) Eww look Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles
(They all look at the window grossed out then flinch in pain)
Rachel That had to hurt
[Scene ATM vestibule]
Chandler Alright alright alright It's been fourteen and a half minutes and you still have not said one word Oh God do something Just make contact smile
(Chandler smiles at her she smiles back sweetly)
Chandler There you go
(He continues to smile like an idiot and she looks frightened)
Chandler You're definitely scaring here
Jill (awkwardly) Would you like to call somebody (offering phone)
Chandler Yeah about 300 guys I went to high school with Yeah thanks (takes phone)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's The phone rings it's Chandler]
Monica Hello
Chandler Hey it's me
Monica (to everyone) It's Chandler (on phone) Are you OK
Chandler Yeah I'm fine (trying to cover up what he is saying) I'm trppd in an ATM vstbl wth Jll Gdcr
Monica What
Chandler I'm trppd in an ATM vstbl wth Jll Gdcr
Monica I have no idea what you just said
Chandler (angry) Put Joey on the phone
Joey What's up man
Chandler I'm trppd in an ATM vstbl wth JLL GDCR
Joey (to everyone) Oh my God He's trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre (on phone) Chandler listen (says something intentionally garbled)
Chandler Yeah like that thought never entered my mind
[Scene Monica and Rachel's time has passed The five are sitting around the coffee table talking]
Rachel Alright somebody
Monica OK I'll go OK senior year of college on a pool table
All Whoooaa
Ross That's my sister
Joey OK my weirdest place would have to be the women's room on the second floor of the New York CIty public library
Monica Oh my God What were you doing in a library
Ross Pheebs what about you
Phoebe Oh Milwaukee
Rachel Um Ross
Ross Disneyland 1989 'It's a Small World After All'
All No way
Ross The ride broke down So Carol and I went behind a couple of those mechanical Dutch children then they fixed the ride and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom
Phoebe Oh Rachel
Rachel Oh come on I already went
Monica You did not go
All Come on
Rachel Oh alright The weirdest place would have to be (sigh) oh the foot of the bed
Ross Step back
Joey We have a winner
[Time lapse Ross and Rachel are talking Joey is on the couch and Monica and Phoebe are out of the room]
Rachel I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion you know where you have to have somebody right there in the middle of a theme park
Ross Well it was the only thing to do there that didn't have a line
Rachel There well see Barry wouldn't even kiss me on a miniature golf course
Ross Come on
Rachel No he said we were holding up the people behind us
Ross (sarcastically) And you didn't marry him because
Rachel I mean do you think there are people who go through life never having that kind of
Ross Probably But you know I'll tell you something Passion is way overrated
Rachel Yeah right
Ross It is Eventually it kind of burns out But hopefully what you're left with is trust and security and well in the case of my exwife lesbianism So you know for all of those people who miss out on that passion thing there's all that other good stuff
Rachel (sigh) OK
Ross But um I don't think that's going to be you
Rachel You don't
Ross Uhuh See I see big passion in your future
Rachel Really
Ross Mmmm
Rachel You do
Ross I do
Rachel Oh Ross you're so great (she playfully rubs his head and gets up)
(Ross gets up pleased with himself)
Joey It's never gonna happen
Ross (innocently) What
Joey You and Rachel
Ross (acts surprised) What (pause) Why not
Joey Because you waited too long to make your move and now you're in the friend zone
Ross No no no I'm not in the zone
Joey Ross you're mayor of the zone
Ross I'm taking my time alright I'm laying the groundwork Yeah I mean every day I get just a little bit closer to
Joey Priesthood Look Ross I'm telling you she has no idea what you're thinking If you don't ask her out soon you're going to end up stuck in the zone forever
Ross I will I will See I'm waiting for the right moment (Joey looks at him) What What now
Joey Yeeeeaaaahhh What's messing you up The wine The candles The moonlight You've just got to go up to her and say 'Rachel I think that' (Rachel comes into the room behind them)
Ross Shhhh
Rachel What are you shushing
Ross We're shushing because we're trying to hear something Listen (everyone is silent) Don't you hear that
Rachel Ahhhh
Ross See
Rachel Huh (she agrees but looks very confused)
[Scene ATM vestibule]
Jill Would you like some gum
Chandler Um is it sugarless
Jill (checks) Sorry it's not
Chandler Oh then no thanks What the hell was that Mental note If Jill Goodacre offers you gum you take it If she offers you mangled animal carcass you take it
[Scene Monica's apartment Phoebe is singing]
Phoebe (singing) New York City has no power and the milk is getting sour But to me it is not scary 'cause I stay away from dairy la la la la la la la (she writes the lyrics down)
Ross (to Joey) OK here goes
Joey Are you going to do it
Ross I'm going to do it
Joey Do you want any help
Ross You come out there you're a dead man
Joey Good luck man
Ross Thanks (Joey hugs him) OK
Joey OK (Ross goes out on the balcony to talk to Rachel)
(Monica walks in starts to go out on the balcony)
Joey Hey where are you going
Monica Outside
Joey You can't go out there
Monica Why not
Joey Because of the reason
Monica And that would be
Joey I um can't tell you
Monica Joey what's going on
Joey OK you've got to promise that you'll never ever tell Ross that I told you
Monica About what
Joey He's planning your birthday party
Monica Oh my God I love him
Joey (as Phoebe enters) You'd better act surprised
Phoebe About what
Monica My surprise party
Phoebe What surprise party
Monica Oh stop it Joey already told me
Phoebe Well he didn't tell me
Joey Hey don't look at me This is Ross's thing
Phoebe This is so typical I'm always the last one to know everything
Monica No you are not We tell you stuff
Phoebe Yuhhuh I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo I was the last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in (Monica gestures at Phoebe to shut up Joey looks surprised but pleased) Looks like I was second to last
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Balcony Ross and Rachel are talking]
Rachel Hmmm this is so nice
Ross OK I have a question Well actually it's not so much a question as more of a general wondering ment
Rachel OK
Ross OK Here goes For a while now I've been wanting to um
Rachel Ohhh (looking at something behind Ross)
Ross Yes yes that's right
Rachel Oh look at the little cat (a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross)
Ross What (the cat jumps on his shoulders) Ow
[Cut to inside Monica Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder]
Monica Joey and Phoebe (singing) I'm on top of the world looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find is the wonders I've found ever since
Commercial Break
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Phoebe is holding the cat Monica is treating the scratches on Ross' back Joey is holding the menorah over the wound]
Monica (to Ross) This is just Bactine It won't hurt
(Ross flinches in pain)
Joey Sorry that was wax
Phoebe Oh poor little Tooty is scared to death We should find his owner
Ross Why don't we just put 'poor little Tooty' out in the hall
Rachel During a blackout He'd get trampled
Ross (nonchalantly) Yeah
[Scene ATM vestibule]
Chandler You know on second thought gum would be perfection (Jill gives him a stick of gum and a strange look) 'Gum would be perfection' 'Gum would be perfection' Could have said 'gum would be nice' or 'I'll have a stick' but no no no no For me gum is perfection I loathe myself
[Scene The hallway of Monica's building Phoebe and Rachel are trying to find the cat's owner]
Phoebe (stops at a door) Oh no the Mendels they hate all living things right
Rachel Oh (they knock at the next door Mr Heckles answers) Hi We just found this cat and we're looking for the owner
Mr Heckles Er yeah it's mine
Phoebe (trying to hold back the struggling cat) He seems to hate you Are you sure
Mr Heckles Yeah it's my cat Give me my cat
Phoebe Wait a minute What's his name
Mr Heckles Ehhhh BButtons
Rachel Bob Buttons
Mr Heckles Mmm Bob Buttons Here Bob Buttons
Phoebe (the cat runs away from her) Oooh You are a very bad man
Mr Heckles (as Phoebe and Rachel leave) You owe me a cat
[Scene Rachel has gone off on her own to look for the cat's owner]
Rachel Here kittykitty Here kittykitty Where did you go little kittykittykitty Here kittykittykittykitty
(While looking at the floor for the cat Rachel runs into a pair of legs She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat Who by the way you'll hate very very soon The man Not the cat)
Paolo (something Italian)
Rachel Wow (she exhales in amazement blowing the candle out)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Ross Monica and Joey are playing Monopoly]
Ross (rolling) Lucky sixes
Rachel (entering with Paolo arm in arm) Everybody this is Paolo Paolo I want you to meet my friends This is Monica
Monica (smitten) Hi
Rachel And Joey
Monica Hi
Rachel And Ross
Monica Hi
Paolo (something in Italian)
Rachel (proudly) He doesn't speak much English
Paolo (pointing at game) Monopoly
Rachel Look at that
Ross (jealous) So um where did Paolo come from
Rachel Oh Italy I think
Ross No I mean tonight in the building Suddenly Into our lives
Rachel Well the cat the cat turned out to be Paolo's cat
Ross That that is funny (to Joey) and Rachel keeps touching him
(Phoebe enters)
Phoebe Alright I looked all over the building and I couldn't find the kitty anywhere
Rachel Oh I found him He was Paolo's cat
Phoebe Ah Well There you go Last to know again And I'm guessing since nobody told me this is Paolo
Rachel Ah Paolo this is Phoebe
Paolo (something in Italian he is apparently attracted to Phoebe)
Phoebe (smiling) You betcha
[Scene ATM vestibule]
Chandler (chewing gum) Ah let's see What next Blow a bubble A bubble's good It's got a boyish charm it's impish Here we go
(Chandler waits until Jill is looking then starts to blow a bubble But instead of blow one he accidentally spits the gum out of his mouth and hits the wall)
Chandler Nice going imp OK it's OK All I need to do is reach over and put it in my mouth (Chandler slyly grabs the gum from the wall and slides it back in his mouth)
Chandler Good save We're back on track and I'm (grimacing) chewing someone else's gum This is not my gum Oh my God Oh my God And now you're choking
(Chandler starts to choke)
Jill Are you alright
(Chandler tries to save face and makes the 'OK' sign with his hands while obviously unable to breathe)
Jill My God you're choking (she runs over and gives him the Heimlich the gum flies from his mouth) That better
Chandler (gasping) Yes thank you That was that was
Jill Perfection
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Rachel and Paolo are at the window Ross and Joey are watching disgustedly]
Paolo (something romantic in Italian about Rachel and the stars)
Ross (mocking Paolo) Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blaaaaaah
(Rachel walks away from Paolo laughing)
Ross WhaWhat did he say that was so funny
Rachel I have absolutely no idea
Ross That's that's classic
Rachel (to Monica and Phoebe) Oh my God you guys what am I doing What am I doing This is so unme
Monica If you want I'll do it
(Ross looks at Joey)
Phoebe I know I just want to bite his bottom lip (Rachel looks at her) But I won't
Rachel God the first time he smiled at me those three seconds were more exciting than three weeks in Bermuda with Barry
Phoebe You know did you ride mopeds 'Cause I've heard (they stare at her) oh I see it's not about that right now OK
Rachel Y'know I know it's totally superficial and we have absolutely nothing in common and we don't even speak the same language but Goooooooddddddd
[Cut to the other side of the apartment Ross has gone over to straighten things out with Paolo]
Ross Paolo Hi
Paolo Ross
(Ross notices that Paolo is standing on a step which makes him taller Ross gets up on the same step so he can look down at Paolo)
Ross Listen Um listen Something you should know um Rachel and I we're kind of a thing
Paolo Thing
Ross Thing yes Thing
Paolo Ah you have the sex
Ross No no no Technically the sex is not being had but that's see that's not the point See um the point is that Rachel and I should be er together You know and if you get in the um
Paolo Bed
Ross No no that's not where I was going Er if you get in the way of us becoming a thing then I would be well very sad
Paolo Oh
Ross Yeah Se vice
Paolo Si
Ross So you do know a little English
Paolo Poco a leetle
Ross Do you know the word crapweasel
Paolo No
Ross That's funny because you know you are a huge crapweasel
(They hug)
[Scene ATM vestibule Chandler and Jill are sitting below the counter with two pens dangling from their chains in front of them Jill is showing Chandler how to swing the pen around his head]
Jill Chandler we've been here for an hour doing this Now watch it's easy
Chandler OK
Jill Ready (she swings the pen around her head in a circle)
(Chandler tries to do the same thing but the pen hits him in the head)
Jill No you've got to whip it
(He swings the pen hard and it snaps back and almost hits him again)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's the gang is all sitting around the table]
Phoebe Oh look look look The last candle's about to burn out 10 9 8 7 (time lapse) negative 46 negative 47 negative 48 (someone blows it out the room gets completely dark)
Ross Thank you
Phoebe Thanks
Ross Kinda spooky without any lights
Joey (does a maniacal laugh) Bwahhahhah
(Everyone starts to imitate him)
Ross OK guys guys I have the definitive one Mwwwooooohahhah
(The lights come back on and Rachel and Paolo are making out Ross clutches his chest)
Ross Oh oh oh
Joey Hey Ross This probably isn't the best time to bring it up but you have to throw a party for Monica
Closing Credits
[Scene ATM vestibule the power has come back on]
Jill Well this has been fun
Chandler Yes Yes thanks for letting me use your phone and for saving my life
Jill Well goodbye Chandler I had a great blackout (she kisses him on the cheek) See ya
(She leaves Chandler presses his face to the glass door after her stroking the window lovingly He then turns to the security camera and starts talking to it)
Chandler Hi um I'm account number 7143457 And uh I don't know if you got any of that but I would really like a copy of the tape
End

107 停电


位请安静
中央公园荣幸位介绍
菲姐
谢谢
首先想演唱关顿悟生刻歌
开始罗
非常感谢
什

真太…
简直酷毙
纽约停电
妈说整布鲁克林
外加部份曼哈顿皇区
知时恢复电力真停电
制作：陶德史帝芬
裤子毛衣
什妈
停电见谁
电力公司
单身趁火劫徒
聊
电话？
导演：詹姆斯布罗
想回住处
确定祖母否安
等等电话号
未电话
天啊
维利亚秘密模特
…古亚克
妈洁
没错洁古亚克
没想洁时困提款机室
室正厅
值注意象笨蛋
没事困银行提款机室
洁说室
说室
没事
旁边
认识某
某
行某
洁昨晚见某起
没错某
位
晚持停电晚会
崔维安尼拉
钱德老室友犹太
剩蜡烛
祝位光明节快乐
瞧丑陋裸男点燃根蜡烛
定痛
已14分30秒
连字没说
争气点破沉闷
微笑
效果错
算吧正吓
想电话某
啊
高中时代三百学
谢

钱德


洁吉亚克困提款机室
什
洁吉亚克困提款机室
听懂说什
乔伊听电话

洁吉亚克困提款机室
噢天
洁吉亚克困提款机室
钱德听着…
没念头
换快
吧换
四撞球台
妹啦
奇怪方
纽约市立图书馆二楼女厕
拜托图书馆干什
菲呢
密尔瓦基
罗斯
迪士尼1989年世界
…
机器障
卡萝荷兰机器童面
死死正巧修机器…
禁止奇幻王国
瑞秋呢
拜托说
没
快点告诉
吧奇怪方床脚
晚优胜
没种关系没种感受
题乐园中忽然欲火中烧
时件事做
巴瑞连迷高尔夫时
肯亲
少
说样会耽误面
逃婚原…
认辈子没种…
许吧
告诉
激情度重视
没错
激情快退
双方保信赖安全感
前妻例…女志义

缺乏激情取处
想种
认？

未充满激情
真样认
没错
罗斯真太起
发生
什
瑞秋
什
拖太久行动
现朋友区
没朋友区
罗斯朋友区席
静观变行
正铺路
天前推进点
圣
罗斯根知道想什
果快点约出
困朋友区永远法脱身
会
等恰时机
什
什
缺什
美酒烛光月光
需走面前说
瑞秋想…
嘘什
正听
听什
难道没听见
听见没
想片口香糖
糖
抱歉
谢
搞什东西
切记
洁请吃口香糖吃
吃动物死尸
吃
纽约停电
牛奶变酸
没关系
喝牛奶

决定啦
决定
需帮助
果想电灯泡死定
罗斯…祝幸运
里
外面
行外面
什
理
什理
告诉
乔伊底
吧答应
会告诉罗斯说
说什
正准备生日舞会
天啊爱
装成副吃惊样子
装什
生日舞会
什生日舞会
少装蒜
乔伊已告诉
没告诉
罗斯意
次样
总知道
告诉哦
钱德动物园孔雀咬
知道
知道乔伊刚搬时
意思
什
倒数第二
感觉
问题
谈问题
奇
样
日子直想…
没错
瞧猫
什
药会痛
起蜡油
怜猫快吓死
找
放走廊
停电时会踩死

考虑
口香糖绝佳选择
口香糖绝佳选择
口香糖绝佳选择
说片

说口香糖绝佳选择
真鄙视
修女
讨厌切生物

刚捡猫
目前正找
猫
似讨厌
确定
确定猫猫
等等什名字
鲍伯钮扣
鲍伯钮扣
鲍伯钮扣
真坏蛋
欠猫
猫咪…
猫咪…
(意利语)
吧幸运六
位保罗
保罗介绍朋友
位摩妮卡
位乔伊
罗斯
太会讲英语
富翁
呀
保罗里
猜意利
指晚
栋公寓
突然介入生活
猫结果保罗
意思
真敢相信猫
真意思
瑞秋断摸
找遍整栋公寓
找猫
找保罗猫
瞧知道
没告诉
猜保罗
保罗菲
菲
没错
步呢
吹泡泡
吹泡泡展现男性魅力顽皮面
吧
吹真…
紧
需手伸
放回口中
救
现已重回轨道
嚼着口香糖
口香糖
现呛
没事吧
天呀呛
感觉点没

谢谢真…
绝佳选择
讲什
笑
完全搞懂
女样
天啊干什
太
介意话
知道
想咬嘴唇
会做
第次微笑时
三秒钟巴瑞
百慕达三礼拜令兴奋
骑机踏车
听说…离题
知道样肤浅
毫通点
连语言通
保罗
罗斯
听着
件事该解
瑞秋点
点
做爱没？
技术言没做爱
重点
重点瑞秋应该…起加入
床
指
果法结台
会非常…难
噢
太
懂点英文
会点
懂什二百五
懂
懂真笑
超级二百五
钱德已玩时
简单准备没
试试
该拍
根蜡烛燃
10987
464748•．
464748•．
没灯光点恐怖
停逼真
罗斯现提恰
摩尼卡开舞会
玩真开心
谢谢手机
救命
见钱德
次停电玩开心
见
帐号7143457
知道没录
想卷录影带
剧终
谢谢观赏

108 The One Where Nana Dies Twice
108 The One Where Nana Dies Twice


[Scene Chandler's Office Chandler is on a coffee break   Shelley enters)
Shelley Hey gorgeous how's it going
Chandler Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights does it get better than this
Shelley Question You're not dating anybody are you because I met somebody who would be perfect for you
Chandler Ah y'see perfect might be a problem Had you said 'codependent' or 'selfdestructive'
Shelley Do you want a date Saturday
Chandler Yes please
Shelley Okay He's cute he's funny he's
Chandler He's a he
Shelley Well yeah Oh God I just I thought Good Shelley I'm just gonna go flush myself down the toilet now(backs out of the room) Okay goodbye
Opening Credits
[Scene Monica and Rachel's everyone is there)
Chandler Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that I mean is that ridiculous Can you believe she actually thought that
Rachel Um yeah Well I mean when I first met you y'know I thought maybe possibly you might be
Chandler You did
Rachel Yeah but then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party talking to my breasts so then I figured maybe not
Chandler Huh Did uh any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me
Monica I did
Phoebe Yeah I think so yeah
Joey Not me
Ross Nono me neither Although uh y'know back in college Susan Sallidor did
Chandler You're kidding Did you tell her I wasn't
Ross No No it's just 'cause uh I kinda wanted to go out with her too so I told her actually you were seeing Bernie Spellman who also liked her so
(Joey congratulates Ross sees Chandler's look and abruptly stops)
Chandler Well this is fascinating So uh what is it about me
Phoebe I dunno 'cause you're smart you're funny
Chandler Ross is smart and funny d'you ever think that about him
All Yeah Right
Chandler WHAT IS IT
Monica Okay II d'know youyou just you have a quality
All Yes Absolutely A quality
Chandler Oh oh a quality good because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this
(Phone rings Monica gets it)
Monica Hello Hello Oh Rachel it's Paolo calling from Rome
Rachel Oh my God Calling from Rome (Takes phone) Bon giorno caro mio
Ross (to Joey) So he's calling from Rome I could do that Just gotta go to Rome
Rachel Monica your dad just beeped in but can you make it quick Talking to Rome (Showing off to Phoebe and Chandler) I'm talking to Rome
Monica Hey dad what's up (Listens) Oh God Ross it's Nana
[Scene The Hospital Mr and Mrs Geller are there along with Aunt Lillian Ross and Monica enter and everyone says hi and kisses)
Ross So uh how's she doing
Aunt Lillian The doctor says it's a matter of hours
Monica Howhow are you Mom
Mrs Geller Me I'm fine fine I'm glad you're here What's with your hair
Monica What
Mrs Geller What's different
Monica Nothing
Mrs Geller Oh maybe that's it
(Monica strides over to Ross who is making coffee and talks to him aside)
Monica She is unbelievable our mother is
Ross Okay relax relax We are gonna be here for a while it looks like and we still have boyfriends and your career to cover
Monica Oh God
(They hug)
[Cut to the hospital later Everyone is talking about Nana]
Monica The fuzzy little mints at the bottom of her purse
Ross Oh Yeah they were gross Oh you know what I loved Her Sweet 'n' Los How she was always stealing them from from restaurants
Mr Geller Not just restaurants from our house
(The nurse comes out of Nana's room)
Nurse Mrs Geller
(Everyone stands up Cut to Ross and Monica in Nana's room)
Ross She looks so small
Monica I know
Ross Well at least she's with PopPop and Aunt Phyllis now
Monica G'bye Nana (She kisses her on the forehead)
Ross Bye Nana
(He goes to kiss her but she moves Monica screams Ross shouts and stares in disbelief Monica runs out of the room)
Monica Ross
(Ross runs out too)
Mrs Geller What is going on
Ross Y'know howhow the nurse said thatthat Nana had passed Well she's not quite
Mrs Geller What
Ross She's not past she's present she's back
Aunt Lillian (reentering) What's going on
Mr Geller She may have died
Aunt Lillian She may have died
Mr Geller We're looking into it
(Monica returns with the nurse and they go into Nana's room)
Ross I uh I'll go see (He goes in)
Nurse This almost never happens
(Nana passes for the second time and the nurse pulls the blanket over her Ross and Monica go to tell the family)
Ross Now she's passed
[Scene Central Perk Chandler Phoebe Joey and Rachel are there]
Chandler I just have to know okay Is it my hair
Rachel (exasperated) Yes Chandler that's exactly what it is It's your hair
Phoebe Yeah you have homosexual hair
(Monica and Ross enter)
Rachel So um did she
Ross Twice
Joey Twice
Phoebe Oh that sucks
Joey You guys okay
Ross I dunno it's weird I mean I know she's gone but I just don't feel uh
Phoebe Maybe that's 'cause she's not really gone
Ross Nono she's gone
Monica We checked A lot
Phoebe Hm I mean maybe noone ever really goes Ever since my mom died every now and then I get the feeling that she's like right here y'know (She circles her hand around her right shoulder Chandler sitting on her right draws back nervously) Oh And Debbie my best friend from junior high got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course I always get this really strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils y'know I miss her
Rachel Aw Hey Pheebs want this (Gives her a pencil)
Phoebe Thanks
Rachel Sure I just sharpened her this morning
Joey Now see I don't believe any of that I think once you're dead you're dead You're gone You're worm food (realises his tactlessness) So Chandler looks gay huh
Phoebe Y'know I dunno who this is but it's not Debbie (Hands back the pencil)
[Scene Nana's house Ross Mrs Geller and Aunt Lillian are going through clothes]
Ross I thought it was gonna be a closed casket
Mrs Geller Well that doesn't mean she can't look nice
(They open a cupboard which amongst other things contains a chest of drawers)
Mrs Geller Sweetie you think you can get in there
Ross (sarcastic) I don't see why not
(He tries pushing against the chest of drawers Then he opens one of the drawers and climbs into the closet using that he falls behind the chest of drawers with a shout)
Ross Here's my retainer
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Monica is talking to her father]
Mr Geller I was just thinking When my time comes
Monica Dad
Mr Geller Listen to me When my time comes I wanna be buried at sea
Monica You what
Mr Geller I wanna be buried at sea it looks like fun
Monica Define fun
Mr Geller C'mon you'll make a day of it You'll rent a boat pack a lunch
Monica And then we throw your body in the water Gee that does sound fun
Mr Geller Everyone thinks they know me Everyone says 'Jack Geller so predictable' Maybe after I'm gone they'll say 'Buried at sea Huh'
Monica That's probably what they'll say
Mr Geller I'd like that
[Scene Chandler's Office Shelley is drinking coffee Chandler enters]
Chandler Hey gorgeous
Shelley (sheepish) Hey Look I'm sorry about yesterday I um
Chandler No nono don't don't worry about it Believe me apparently other people have made the same mistake
Shelley Oh Okay Phew
Chandler So uh what do you think it is about me
Shelley I dunno uh you just have aa
Chandler Quality right great
Shelley Y'know it's a shame because you and Lowell would've made a great couple
Chandler Lowell Financial Services' Lowell that's who you saw me with
Shelley What He's cute
Chandler Well yeah 's'no Brian in Payroll
Shelley Is Brian
Chandler No Uh I d'know The point is if you were gonna set me up with someone I'd like to think you'd set me up with someone like him
Shelley Well I think Brian's a little out of your league
Chandler Excuse me You don't think I could get a Brian Because I could get a Brian Believe you me I'm really not
[Scene Nana's Bedroom Ross is holding a dress out from inside the closet]
Ross (holding a dress out from inside the closet) This one
Aunt Lillian No
Ross I have shown you everything we have Unless you want your mother to spend eternity in a lemon yellow pantsuit go with the burgundy
Aunt Lillian You know whatever we pick she would've told us it's the wrong one
Mrs Geller You're right We'll go with the burgundy
Ross Oh A fine choice I'm coming out (Starts to climb over the furniture)
Aunt Lillian Wait We need shoes
(Ross falls back inside)
Ross Okay Um how about these (Holds out a pair)
Mrs Geller That's really a day shoe
Ross And where she's going everyone else'll be dressier
Aunt Lillian Could we see something in a slimmer heel
Ross (forages around) Okay I have nothing in an evening shoe in the burgundy I can show you something in a silver that may work
Aunt Lillian No it really should be burgundy
Mrs Geller Mm Unless we go with a different dress
Ross No Nonono wait a sec I may have something in the back
(He finds a shoebox (out of shot) pulls it down and opens it It is full of Sweet 'n' Lo's)
Ross Oh my God
Mrs Geller Is everything all right dear
Ross Yeah just just Nana stuff
(He reaches up higher and knocks down another shoebox lid Sweet 'n' Lo's rain down on him)
Commercial Break
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Monica and Rachel are preparing to leave for the funeral]
Ross (entering) How we doing you guys ready
Monica Mom already called this morning to remind me not to wear my hair up Did you know my ears are not my best feature
Ross Some days it's all I can think about
Phoebe (entering) Hi sorry I'm late I couldn't find my bearings
Rachel Oh youyou mean your earrings
Phoebe What'd I say
Rachel (sticking her foot out) Hmm
Monica Are these the shoes
Rachel Yes Paolo sent them from Italy
Ross What weuh we don't have shoes here or
Joey (entering with Chandler) Morning We ready to go
Chandler Well don't we look nice all dressed upIt's stuff like that isn't it
(They all leave)
[Scene The cemetary after the funeral]
Monica It was a really beautiful service
Mrs Geller It really was Oh c'mere sweetheart (Hugs her) Y'know I think it might be time for you to start using night cream
(Joey listens to his overcoat for a second and sighs then notices Chandler watching)
Joey What
Chandler Nothing just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Mussberger
Joey Check it out GiantsCowboys (He has a pocket TV)
Chandler You're watching a football game at a funeral
Joey No it's the pregame I'm gonna watch it at the reception
Chandler You are a frightening frightening man
(Rachel steps in a patch of mud)
Rachel Oh no My new Paolo shoes
Ross Oh I hope they're not ruined
Phoebe God what a great day What Weatherwise
Ross I know uh the air thethe trees even though Nana's gone there's there's something almost uh I dunno almost lifeaff (Not looking where he is going he falls into an open grave)
All God Ross
Ross I'm fine Justjust having my worst fear realised
[Scene The Wake at the Gellers' house Ross is lying on his back with Phoebe squatting over him checking to see if he's injured]
Phoebe Okay don't worry I'm just checking to see if the muscle's in spasmhuh
Ross What what is it
Phoebe You missed a belt loop
Ross Oh Non
Phoebe Okay it's in spasm
Mrs Geller Here sweetie here I took these when I had my golfing accident (Hands Ross a bottle of pills Then turns to Monica and pats her hair over her ears)
(Cut to Chandler and a woman Andrea reaching for the same slice of meat)
Chandler Oh no
Andrea Sorry Hi I'm Dorothy's daughter
Chandler Hi I'm Chandler and I have no idea who Dorothy is
(They shake hands Cut to Ross emerging from a hallway grinning inanely He is obviously very stoned)
Phoebe Hey look who's up How do you feel
Ross I feel great I feel great I fleel great
Monica Wow those pills really worked huh
Ross Not the first two but the second two woooo I love you guys You guys are the greatest I love my sister (Kisses Monica) I love Pheebs (Hugs her)
Phoebe Ooh That's so nice
Ross Chandler
Chandler Hey
Ross (hugs him) And listen man if you wanna be gay be gay Doesn't matter to me
Andrea (turns to a friend) You were right (They walk off and leave Chandler)
Ross Rachel Rachel Rachel (Sits down beside her) I love you the most
Rachel (humouring him) Oh well you know who I love the most
Ross No
Rachel You
Ross Oh you don't get it (Passes out and slumps across her)
(Cut to Joey watching TV in the corner He makes an extravagant gesture of disappointment)
Mr Geller Whaddya got there
Joey (hides the TV but he still has an earphone) Just a uh hearing disability
Mr Geller What's the score
Joey Seventeenfourteen Giants three minutes to go in the third
Mr Geller Beautiful (Turns to watch with him)
(Time lapse A large crowd of men are now watching the game)
Rachel (still trapped under Ross) Pheebs could you maybe hand me a cracker
Mrs Geller (to Monica) Your grandmother would have hated this
Monica Well sure what with it being her funeral and all
Mrs Geller No I'd be hearing about 'Why didn't I get the honeyglazed ham' I didn't spend enough on flowers and if I spent more she'd be saying 'Why are you wasting your money I don't need flowers I'm dead'
Monica That sounds like Nana
Mrs Geller Do you know what it's like to grow up with someone who is critical of every single thing you say
Monica I can imagine
Mrs Geller I'm telling you it's a wonder your mother turned out to be the positive lifeaffirming person that she is
Monica That is a wonder So tell me something Mom If you had to do it all over again I mean if she was here right now would you tell her
Mrs Geller Tell her what
Monica How she drove you crazy picking on every little detail like your hair for example
Mrs Geller I'm not sure I know what you're getting at
Monica Do you think things would have been better if you'd just told her the truth
Mrs Geller No I think some things are better left unsaid I think it's nicer when people just get along
Monica Huh
Mrs Geller More wine dear
Monica Oh I think so
Mrs Geller (reaches out to fiddle with Monica's hair again and realises) Those earrings look really lovely on you
Monica Thank you They're yours
Mrs Geller Actually they were Nana's
(There is a cry of disappointment from the crowd of men)
Mr Geller Now I'm depressed (To everyone) Even more than I was
[Scene Central Perk the gang are looking at old photos]
Rachel Hey who's this little naked guy
Ross That little naked guy would be me
Rachel Aww look at the little thing
Ross Yes yes fine that is my penis Can we be grownups now
Chandler Who are those people
Ross Got me
Monica Oh that's Nana right there in the middle (Reads the back) 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'
Rachel Wow Monica you look just like your grandmother How old was she there
Monica Let's see 1939 yeah 24 25
Ross Looks like a fun gang (They all look at each other and smile)
Joey Ooh looklooklooklooklook I got Monica naked
Ross (looking) Nono that would be me again I'm uh just trying something
Closing Credits
[Scene Chandler's Office Chandler is on a coffee break as Lowell enters]
Chandler Hey Lowell
Lowell Hey Chandler
Chandler So how's it going there in Financial Services
Lowell It's like Mardi Gras without the paper mache heads How 'bout you
Chandler Good good Listen heh I dunno what Shelley told you about me but uh I'm not
Lowell I know That's what I told her
Chandler Really
Lowell Yeah
Chandler So you can tell
Lowell Pretty much most of the time We have a kind of radar
Chandler So you don't think I have a a quality
Lowell Speaking for my people I'd have to say no By the way your friend Brian from Payroll he is
Chandler He is
Lowell Yup and waaay out of your league (Exits)
Chandler Out of my league I could get a Brian (Brian enters behind him) If I wanted to get a Brian I could get a Brian (Sees him) Hey Brian
End

108 （祖母）奶奶死两回


帅哥
萤光灯脱水日面

问问题
目前没约会象吧
遇见绝配
绝配许问题
说独立毁灭话…
周六想约会象
然拜托
帅风趣…

糟…
青年
雪莉
马桶掉
见
听完
没心情吃面
荒谬
相信会样想法
第次见时

真样认
菲生日会
直盯着胸部
想概吧
第次见时
样认

觉

然学时代苏珊
样认
开什玩笑
告诉
没
没想约会
告诉
伯尼
喜欢

简直太神奇
什原
知道
聪明风趣
罗斯聪明风趣
想
哦
底什
说
种调调
没错
调调说
担心出呢
瑞秋保罗罗马
天啊罗马
(意利语)
起罗马

罗马
摩妮卡爸
长话短说
正罗马通电话
爸
天
罗斯奶奶
吧
情况
医生说剩时
妈吧

真高兴见
头发
什
起点
没什变化呀
许缘
真令难置信
放松点
段时间
免谈男友工作事
老天
皮包里发霉钱币
真呕心
知道喜欢什
工袋糖
总餐厅里偷走
餐厅
家样
格雷太太
起
知道
少现阿公婶婶陪伴
奶奶
见奶奶
罗斯
护士
？
护士说已世实际
什
没完全世
活着回
回事
死
死
想知道
进
种事发生
世
必须知道
头发
正头发
头性恋头发
样
两次
两次
吧
说诡异
知道已世
感觉
许没
世
检查
遍
许会真正世
妈死
偶尔会感觉身旁
黛
初中朋友
迷高尔夫时
闪电击中
枝黄色铅笔时
总感股强烈心灵感应
想念
菲
谢谢
客气早刚削
信套
死死
死成虫食物
钱德起性恋
知道谁
绝黛
密封棺木
代表
起体面点
孩子想进
然
牙齿矫正器
想走时候
爸
听说
走时候
海葬
什
海葬
挺意思
定义
天会玩开心
会着船带着午餐…
然尸体丢海
真意思
认解
说杰克太成变
许死会说
海葬哈
概会说吧
希
美女
昨天事抱歉
担心
相信
显然犯相错误
认缘
说
种调调哦
真惜
罗尔登
罗尔会计部门罗尔
觉配
帅
布莱恩
布莱恩
重点果想配
希会挑
想配布莱恩
起
认配
配
相信
真配


已件衣服
非想永远穿着柠檬黄长裤
配紫红色衣服
选什
会说选错
没错选紫红色吧
错选择出
等等缺鞋子
双
双日鞋
方
家会穿更正式
找鞋细点鞋
找紫红色晚鞋
双银色鞋许适合
行定紫红色
非找件套装
等等

面许
天呀
没事吧孩子
没事奶奶东西
位准备没
早妈电扎头发
知道耳朵
漂亮部位
时候认
抱歉迟
找耳圈
指耳环
刚说什
穿双
保罗义利寄
没卖鞋子
早安准备走没
穿戴整齐
许
模样
刚刚仪式简单隆重

心肝
该晚霜

没什外套吵
瞧巨队牛仔队
葬礼时足球赛
赛没开始
接会赛
真恶劣
保罗送新鞋
希没坏
没事吧
美天啊
什指天气
空气树木
奶奶已世

罗斯吧罗斯…
没事

梦魇终成真
担心
否肌肉痉挛

皮带穿孔掉
痉挛
孩子
擦伤时
妈谢谢
抱歉安朵拉
桃乐丝女
钱德
知道桃乐丝谁
谁出现
感觉
感觉…
药丸真效
第次两颗
两颗
爱家
棒
爱妹妹
爱菲
钱德爱
听着果想志
吧

说
瑞秋
爱
知道爱谁
知道

懂
什
听力
数少
巨队1714领先
第三节剩3分钟结束
极
菲块饼干
奶奶定喜欢
然葬礼
听
没糖浆火腿
买花够
果买
会说
必花钱
死需花
口气奶奶
知道批评句话起生活
什滋味
想
告诉
会成积极乐观
真奇迹
妈告诉
果重
果时
会告诉
告诉什
抓狂
挑剔件事
例头发
懂说什
难道认说出实话
情况会改善
认
认
某事说
家万事兴
酒亲爱
戴副耳环真
谢谢
实奶奶
真难
刚难
光屁股谁

瞧东西
弟弟
成熟点行
谁
问倒
中间奶奶

伙摄爪哇乔家
摩妮卡
奶奶长模样
时岁
1939年…39年
2425岁
玩开心
…光屁股摩妮卡


尝试新事物
罗威
钱德
会计部门情况
简直团乱
呢

知道雪莉说
（性恋）
知道样告诉
真
出
十八九
某种…雷达
说认没种调调
代表男志发言
说没
朋友布莱恩


配
配
布莱恩
果愿意
布莱恩

109 The One Where Underdog Gets Away
109 The One Where Underdog Gets Away


[Scene Central Perk Rachel is confronting her boss Terry]
Rachel Terry I I I know that I haven't worked here very long but I was wondering do you think it would be possible if I got a 100 advance in my salary
Terry An advance
Rachel It's so that I can spend Thanksgiving with my family See every year we go skiing in Vail and normally my father pays for my ticket but I sort of started the whole independence thing you know which is actually why I took this job
Terry Rachel Rachel sweetheart You're a terrible terrible waitress Really really awful
Rachel Ok I I hear what you're sayin' I'm with you Um but I but I'm trying really hard And I think I'm doing better I really do Does anybody need coffee (everyone in the place raises their hand) Oh look at that
Opening Credits
[Scene Central Perk Rachel is approaching a customer]
Rachel Excuse me sir Hi you come in here all time I was just wondering do you think there's a possibility that you could give me an advance on my tips
Guy Huh
Rachel Ok ok that's fine Fine Hey I'm sorry about that spill before (picks up the tip he leaves) Only 9850 to go
(Monica enters)
Monica Hey Ross did you know Mom and Dad are going to Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving
Ross No they're not
Monica Yes they are The Blymens invited them
Ross You're wrong
Monica I am not wrong
Ross You're wrong
Monica No I just talked to them
Ross (getting up upset) I'm calling Mom
(Joey enters His face looks abnormally colorful)
Joey Hey hey
Chandler Hey
Phoebe Hey
Chandler And this from the cryforhelp department Are you wearing makeup
Joey Yes I am As of today I am officially Joey Tribbiani actor slash model
Chandler That's so funny 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani man slash woman
Phoebe What were you modeling for
Joey You know those posters for the city free clinic
Monica Oh wow so you're gonna be one of those healthy healthy healthy guys
Phoebe You know the asthma guy was really cute
Chandler Do you know which one you're gonna be
Joey No but I hear lyme disease is open so (crosses fingers)
Chandler Good luck man I hope you get it
Joey Thanks
(Ross comes back to the couch)
Ross (to Monica) Well you were right How can they do this to us huh It's Thanksgiving
Monica Ok I'll tell you what How about I cook dinner at my place I'll make it just like Mom's
Ross Will you make the mashed potatoes with the lumps
Monica You know they're not actually supposed to have (Ross looks at her sheepishly) I'll work on the lumps Joey you're going home right
Joey Yeah
Monica And I assume Chandler you are still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays
Chandler Yes every single one of them
Monica Phoebe you're gonna be with your grandma
Phoebe Yes and her boyfriend But we're celebrating Thanksgiving in December 'cause he is lunar
Monica So you're free Thursday then
Phoebe Yeah Oh can I come
Monica Yeah Rach are you thinking you're gonna make it to Vail
Rachel Absolutely Shoop shoop shoop Only a hundred and two dollars to go
Chandler I thought it was 9850
Rachel Yeah well it was I I broke a cup
Ross Well I'm off to Carol's
Phoebe Ooh ooh Why don't we invite her
Ross (mimicking) Ooh ooh Because she's my exwife and will probably want to bring her ooh ooh lesbian life partner
[Scene Carol and Susan's apartment Susan is there Ross enters]
Ross Hi is uh is Carol here
Susan No she's at a faculty meeting
Ross Oh I uh just came by to pick up my skull Well not mine butSusan Come in
Ross Thanks Yeah Carol borrowed it for a class and I have to get it back to the museum
Susan What's it look like
Ross Kinda like a big face without skin
Susan Yes I'm familiar with the concept We can just look for it
Ross Ok (browsing the apartment) Wow you guys sure have a lot of books about bein' a lesbian
Susan Well you know you have to take a course Otherwise they don't let you do it
Ross (picking up a book) Hey hey Yertle the Turtle A classic
Susan Actually I'm reading it to the baby
Ross The uh the baby that hasn't been born yet Wouldn't that mean you're crazy
Susan What you don't think they can hear sounds in there
Ross You're not serious I mean you really you really talk to it
Susan Yeah all the time I want the baby to know my voice
Ross Do you uh do you talk about me
Susan Yeah yeah all the time
Ross Really
Susan But um we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy
[Scene Monica and Rachel's everyone is there but Rachel]
Ross Look if she's talking to it I just think that I should get some belly time too Not that I believe any of this
Phoebe Oh I believe it I think the baby can totally hear everything I can show you Look this will seem a little weird but you put your head inside this turkey and then we'll all talk and you'll hear everything we say
Chandler I'd just like to say that I'm totally behind this experiment In fact I'd very much like to butter your head
(Rachel enters)
Monica Hey Rach did you make your money
Rachel No not even close Forget Vail forget seeing my family forget shoop shoop shoop
Monica Rach here's your mail
Rachel Thanks you can just put it on the table
Monica (insistently) No here's your mail
Rachel Thanks you can just put it on the table
Monica (gives her an envelope) Would you just open it
(Rachel opens it Inside is the money she needed)
Rachel Oh my god oh you guys are great
Monica We all chipped in
Joey (to Monica) We did
Monica (to Joey) You owe me 20 bucks
Rachel Thank you Thank you so much
Monica (hands Chandler a bag) Chandler here you go got your traditional Thanksgiving feast you got your tomato soup your grilled cheese fixin's and your family size bag of Funyuns
Rachel Wait wait Chandler this is what you're havin' for Thanksgiving dinner What what what is it with you and this holiday
Chandler All right I'm nine years old
Ross Oh I hate this story
Chandler We just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner I haveand I remember this part vividlya mouthful of pumpkin pie and this is the moment my parents choose to tell me they're getting divorced
Rachel Oh my god
Chandler Yes It's very difficult to appreciate a Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse
[Scene The subway Joey spots a gorgeous woman waiting He goes up to her]
Joey Uh hi We uh we used to work together
Girl We did
Joey Yeah at Macy's You were the Obsession girl right I was the Aramis guy (pretends to spray cologne) Aramis Aramis
Girl Yeah right
Joey I gotta tell you You're the best in the business
Girl Get out
Joey I'm serious You're amazing You know when to spritz when to lay back
Girl Really You don't know what that means to me
Joey Ooh you smell great tonight What're you wearing
Girl (provocatively) Nothing
Joey Listen uh you wanna go get a drink or something
Girl Yeah (she gets up notices something behind Joey) Oh
Joey What's wrong
Girl I just remembered I have to do something
Joey Oh What
Girl Um leave
Joey Wait wait wait
(Joey turns around and sees his face on a poster in the subway The poster says What Mario isn't telling youVD you never know who might have it A variety of scenes are shown with the poster displayed all over New York City)
[Scene Central Perk Joey enters amongst snickers from the gang]
Joey So I guess you all saw it
Rachel Saw what
Phoebe No we were just laughing You know how laughter can be infectious
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Joey enters upset]
Joey Set another place for Thanksgiving My entire family thinks I have VD
Chandler Tonight on a very special Blossom
Commercial Break
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Monica is cooking Thanksgiving dinner Chandler is standing in the doorway not wanting to participate in the festivities]
Monica Mmm looking good Ok cider's mulling turkey's turking yams are yamming (notices Ross is depressed) What
Ross I don't know It's just not the same without Mom in the kitchen
Monica All right that's it You know what Just get out of my way and stop moping
Ross That's closer
(Rachel enters excited)
Rachel I got the tickets I got the tickets Five hours from now shoop shoop shoop
Chandler Oh you must stop shooping
Rachel Ok I'm gonna get my stuff
Joey Chandler will you just come in already
Chandler No I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this merriment
(Phoebe takes a slice of pumpkin pie and waves it in front of Chandler's face)
Phoebe Look out incoming pumpkin pie
Chandler Ok we all laughed when you did it with the stuffing but that's not funny anymore
(Chandler leaves)
Joey Hey Monica I got a question I don't see any tater tots
Monica That's not a question
Joey But my mom always makes them It's like a tradition You get a little piece of turkey on your fork a little cranberry sauce and a tot It's bad enough I can't be with my family because of my disease
Monica All right fine Tonight's potatoes will be both mashed with lumps and in the form of tots
Ross Ok I'm off to talk to my unborn child
(Ross grabs for some food Monica slaps his hand away)
Monica Ah
Ross Ok Mom never hit
(Ross exits)
Phoebe (stirring pot) Ok all done
Monica What Phoebe did you whip the potatoes Ross needs lumps
Phoebe Oh I'm sorry oh I just I thought we could have them whipped and then add some peas and onions
Monica Why would we do that
Phoebe Well 'cause then they'd be like my mom used to make them you know before she died
Monica Ok three kinds of potatoes coming up
Rachel Ok goodbye you guys Thanks for everything (she starts to leave and hits everyone with her skis) Oh sorry Oh sorry
(Chandler enters running)
Chandler The most unbelievable thing has happened Underdog has just gotten away
Joey The balloon
Chandler No no the actual cartoon character Of course the balloon It's all over the news Right before he reached Macy's he broke free and was spotted flying over Washington Square Park I'm goin' to the roof who's with me
Rachel I can't I gotta go
Chandler Come on An 80foot inflatable dog let loose over the city How often does that happen
Phoebe Almost never
Monica Got the keys or Got the keys
Rachel Ok
(Everyone leaves the apartment)
[Scene Carol and Susan's Ross is preparing to talk to her belly]
Carol Anytime you're ready
Ross Ok ok here we go (he crouches down near her stomach) Ok where am I talking to here I mean uh well there is one way that seems to offer a certain acoustical advantage but
Carol Just aim for the bump
Ross Ok ok ok ok here goes You know I you know can't do this Uh this is too weird I feel stupid
Carol So don't do it it's fine You don't have to do it just because Susan does it
Ross (quickly talking) Hello baby Hello hello
[Scene Monica and Rachel's the group is coming back from the roof]
Rachel I loved the moment when you first saw the giant dog shadow all over the park
Phoebe Yeah but did they have to shoot him down I mean that was just mean
Monica Ok right about now the turkey should be crispy on the outside juicy on the inside Why are we standing here
Rachel We're waiting for you to open the door You got the keys
Monica No I don't
Rachel Yes you do When we left you said got the keys
Monica No I didn't I asked got the keeys
Rachel No no no you said got the keys
Chandler Do either of you have the keys
Monica (panicked) The oven is on
Rachel Oh I gotta get my ticket
Joey Wait wait we have a copy of your key
Monica Well then get it get it
Joey That tone will not make me go any faster
Monica (angry) Joey
Joey That one will
(Joey leaves to get the copy of the key)
[Scene Carol and Susan's Carol is reading Ross is talking to her stomach]
Ross And everyone's telling me you gotta pick a major you gotta pick a major So on a dare I picked paleontology And you have no idea what I'm saying because let's face it you're a fetus You're just happy you don't have gills anymore
Carol Look you don't have to talk to it You can sing to it if you want
Ross Oh please I am not singing to your stomach ok
(Susan enters)
Susan Hi how's it goin
Ross Shh (singing) Here we come walkin' down the street get the funniest looks from everyone we meet Hey hey (to Carol) Hey uh did you just feel that
Carol I did
Ross Does it always uh
Carol No no that was the first
Susan Keep singing Keep singing
Ross (singing) Hey hey you're my baby and I can't wait to meet you When you come out I'll buy you a bagel and then we'll go to the zoo
Susan I felt it
Ross (singin) Hey hey I'm your daddy I'm the one without any breasts
[Scene The Hallway Joey has a tray full of keys and is trying each one in the lock]
Joey Nope not that one
Monica Can you go any faster with that
Joey Hey I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys You do the math
Monica Why do you guys have so many keys in there anyway
Chandler (sarcastic) For an emergency just like this
Rachel (grabs Chandler by the shirt) All right listen smirky If it wasn't for you and your stupid balloon I would be on a plane watching a woman do this (makes a gesture like a stewardess pointing out exits) right now But I'm not
Monica I swear you said you had the keys
Rachel No I didn't I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had the keys and I obviously didn't have the keys
Phoebe Ooh ok that's it Enough with the keys No one say keys
(Short pause)
Monica Why would I have the keys
Rachel Aside from the fact that you said you had them
Monica But I didn't
Rachel Well you should have
Monica Why
Rachel Because
Monica Why
Rachel Because
Monica Why Because everything is my responsibility Isn't it enough that I'm making Thanksgiving dinner for everyone You know everyone wants a different kind of potatoes so I'm making different kinds of potatoes Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want Nooooo no no (starting to cry) Just as long as Phoebe gets her peas and onions and Mario gets his tots and it's my first Thanksgiving and it's all burned and and I I
Chandler Ok Monica only dogs can hear you now so look the door's open Here we go
(They walk in Smoke fills the apartment)
Monica Well the turkey's burnt (checking pots) Potatoes are ruined potatoes are ruined potatoes are ruined
(Ross enters singing)
Ross Here we come walkin' down the—this doesn't smell like Mom's
Monica No it doesn't does it But you wanted lumps Ross (picks up the pan of badly burnt potatoes) Well here you go buddy ya got one
Rachel Oh god this is great The plane is gone so it looks like I'm stuck here with you guys
Joey Hey we all had better plans This was nobody's first choice
Monica Oh really So why was I busting my ass to make this delicious Thanksgiving dinner
Joey You call that delicious
(all shouting)
Monica Stop it stop it stop it
Chandler Now this feels like Thanksgiving
[Time lapse Everyone is upset with each other Phoebe is at the window]
Phoebe Ooh
Rachel What
Phoebe Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the oven Oh my god He's not alone Ugly Naked Guy's having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal
(They all run to the window)
Joey I've gotta see this All right Ugly Naked Guy
Monica Ooh Ugly Naked Dancing
Phoebe It's nice that he has someone
[Time lapse The gang is around the table eating grilled cheese sandwiches]
Chandler Shall I carve
Rachel By all means
Chandler Ok who wants light cheese and who wants dark cheese
Ross I don't even wanna know about the dark cheese
Monica (holding sandwich) Does anybody wanna split this with me
Joey Oh I will
Phoebe Ooh you guys have to make a wish
Monica Make a wish
Phoebe Come on you know Thanksgiving Ooh you got the bigger half What'd you wish for
Joey The bigger half
Chandler I'd like to propose a toast Little toast here ding ding I know this isn't the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned but for me this has been really great you know I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting Anyway I was just thinking I mean if you'd gone to Vail and if you guys'd been with your family if you didn't have syphilis and stuff we wouldn't be all together you know So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked
All That's so sweet
Ross And hey here's to a lousy Christmas
Rachel And a crappy New Year
Chandler Here here
Closing Credits
[Scene The Subway Joey sees his poster and he peels off the caption on his poster revealing more posters underneath The captions read as follows
Bladder Control Problem
Stop Wife Beating
Hemorrhoids
Winner of 3 Tony Awards
He's finally happy with that and walks away]
End

109 气球飞


特里知道里干时间长
想
您否考虑预支100块薪水
预支？
样家里度感恩节
年全家韦尔滑雪
通常父亲出票钱
现已开始学独立
恩实际里干原
瑞秋瑞秋亲爱
位非常非常糟糕女招
真真糟糕透顶
吧明白意思意您说
直努力做
想会做更会
需咖啡？
( 边)
噢瞧
扰先生
恩您里老顾
知道您否考虑预支点费
恩？
算没说前咖啡泼您表示歉意
差98块5
嗨嗨
罗斯知道老爸老妈波黎感恩节？
会
布莱曼家邀请
瞎说
没瞎说
瞎说
刚通电话
妈妈
嘿嘿
嘿
里紧急求助部 化妆？
天起正式身份乔伊崔安尼
演员兼模特
真趣
正想说：起更象
乔伊崔安尼
男兼女
什模特？
知道城市免费门诊招贴画？
oh哇成
健康族中员？
哮喘病真爱
知道什代言？
知道听说脑膜炎少
祝运老兄 希染
谢谢
吧 抛？
感恩节
提议
做顿餐样？
会做妈妈味样
会弄成块土豆泥吃？
真该土豆
做土豆块
乔伊回家？
没错
钱德抵制清教徒节日
然中
菲奶奶起？
男朋友
12月庆祝
脑子点乱
星期四空
噢？然
瑞秋定韦尔？
没错咻咻咻
差102元成行
记刚98块5
没错摔杯子
卡萝里
哦哦 干嘛？
哦哦前妻
想带
哦哦女志
Hi卡萝？
开教工会
噢想头骨走
嗯……
进
谢谢 样卡萝回走课
现回博物馆
什样子？
象张没皮脸
印象 找找
哇讲样成名女志书
嗯知道必须接受门课程
否性恋
嘿嘿Yertle the Turtle 典作品
没错现念宝宝听
噢没出生宝宝？
疯？
什觉宝宝里面听声音？
然常说 宝宝认声音
提？
常事
真？
嗯称提供精液BoBo
行果宝宝说话
应该肚子谈话时间
表示相信
噢相信 觉宝宝什听见
演示
会点怪异
头放火鸡里面
然伙说话肯定听说
想说完全赞成实验
非常想脑袋涂黄油
嘿瑞秋钱没？
没关门
忘掉韦尔吧
忘掉家庭团聚吧
忘掉咻咻咻吧
瑞秋信
谢谢放桌行
信
谢谢放桌子行
想现开？
喔天真
伙凑
伙？
欠20块
谢谢太感谢
钱德感恩节餐
西红柿汤
奶酪杂拌特号洋葱吃
等等钱德感恩节晚餐？
节底什？
吧9岁年…
噢厌恶事
全家刚刚吃完顿丰盛感恩节餐
现清楚记细节
塞满嘴南瓜派
父母选择会告诉：
离婚
噢天
旦样负面印象
难感恩节餐兴趣
hi起工作
？
美西百货 迷幻女郎吧？
卖阿拉米香水 阿拉米？阿拉米？
哦想起
说 里面棒
少
说真太吃惊
表演样张弛度
真？ 受宠惊
噢晚闻起妙极
身什？
什没
想想喝杯？
哦
？
刚想起紧事做
噢什事情？
离开
等等嘿等等
马里奥没告诉事…性病
永远知道谁会染（广告词）
想见
见什？
笑 知道笑会传染
找方感恩节
全家认花柳病
夜花怒放
嗯起错 苹果酒搞定
火鸡搞定山芋搞定
？
知道 妈妈厨房感觉样
够 知道屁？
边站擦
点象
噢咻？
Ok收拾行李
钱德晚会？
喜欢欢乐保持安全距离
注意南瓜派
吧塞填料时候笑
会笑
喂莫尼卡问题 没见塔特酒
问题
妈妈总做
象传统
弄点火鸡肉叉子配点蓝莓酱
塔特酒
病家团聚
真糟糕透
吧吧 晚土豆泥会成块酒味
没出生宝宝说话
嘿
吧妈妈
Ok搞定
干菲搅烂土豆？ 罗斯吃块状
噢抱歉噢搅烂
加豌豆洋葱
什样做？
嗯妈样做
知道世前
吧第3种吃法出现
伙见 感谢
哦抱歉 噢抱歉
思议事情发生
点头狗刚刚飞
气球？
真卡通物
然气球
电视全新闻
走美西百货时候断线华盛顿广场公园发现
屋顶谁？
赶飞机
吧 80英尺长充气狗城市空游荡
样机会少？
恐怕会
钥匙
开始吧
开始
里着里说？
意思：
象样听见
着鼓出方
开始
知道知道做出
噢太搞笑 感象傻瓜
说
必苏珊做非做
？宝宝
狗公园时候挺玩
必须射？
真作孽
现火鸡应该外焦里嫩
站里干嘛？
等开门钥匙
没没
出时候说钥匙
没 说钥匙？
说：钥匙
俩没带？
烤炉开着
噢票
等等等等家备钥匙
快快
种语气法加快速度
乔伊
凑合
说：选专业
选专业
鼓起勇气挑古生物学
懂正说什
面现实胎
应该高兴会鳃
老说话唱歌
噢拜托想着胃唱歌
进展？
嘘 正忙着呢着街道走着
表情笑嘿嘿
喂噢觉着？

总样噢
没第次
接着唱接着唱
嘿嘿宝宝已等想见
等出会买百吉饼
然带动物园
嘿嘿爸爸没乳房……

快点？
锁眼钥匙千 试试
会钥匙？
备时需象现样
听着假笑家伙
该死气球
现飞机着空中姐指手画脚
说带钥匙发誓
没 果钥匙会说
显然没该死钥匙
哦吧够提钥匙
什应该钥匙？
说
没
嗯应该
什？

什？ 切事情该责？
难道家准备感恩节晚餐够？
土豆泥样
做种样式土豆泥
谁关心种土豆泥？
没没……
菲洋葱豌豆土豆泥
马里奥塔特酒口味第次搞感恩节餐
现全焦…………
莫尼卡狗现听见说
门已开 进吧
嗯火鸡烧焦土豆完土豆完土豆完
着……？
妈妈厨房味
象吧？ 土豆块罗斯？
伙计
噢天 飞机已飞走
留呆起
错计划
伙佳选择
噢真？ 苦什做顿丰盛
感恩节餐？
丰盛？
#&^*&^*
闭嘴闭嘴闭嘴
终点感恩节气氛
噢
什？
丑陋裸男正烤炉中取出火鸡
噢天丑陋裸男
正丑陋裸女进感恩节晚餐

丑陋裸男真爽
裸舞开场
陪真
切？
然
谁想浅色起司谁想深色起司？
点想知道深色起司
想分块？
噢
必须先许愿
许愿？
吧感恩节
噢半 许什愿？
半
敬位杯杯叮叮
知道计划感恩节说
样挺棒
想没离婚者呕吐沾边
想
果韦尔果父母起
果没梅毒玩意
起 想
说谢天谢感恩节计划砸
真感
祝糟糕圣诞节
失败新年
干干
便失禁
停止家庭暴力
痔疮？
三次东尼奖获者

110 The One With the Monkey
110 The One With the Monkey

[Scene Monica and Rachel's Ross is entering]
Ross Guys There's a somebody I'd like you to meet
(A monkey jumps on to his shoulder)
All Oooh
Monica Wwait What is that
Ross 'That' would be Marcel You wanna say hi
Monica No no I don't
Rachel Oh he is precious Where did you get him
Ross My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab
Phoebe That is so cruel Why Why would a parent name their child Bethel
Chandler Hey that monkey's got a Ross on its ass
Monica Ross is he gonna live with you like in your apartment
Ross Yeah I mean it's been kinda quiet since Carol left so
Monica Why don't you just get a roommate
Ross Nah I dunno I think you reach a certain age having a roommate is kinda pathe (Realises) sorry that's that's 'pathet' which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'
Opening Credits
[Scene Central Perk Phoebe is getting ready to sing Joey is not there]
Phoebe So you guys I'm doing all new material tonight I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide and one about a snowman
Chandler Might wanna open with the snowman
(Enter Joey)
All Hey Joey Hey buddy
Monica So how'd it go
Joey Ahhhhhh I didn't get the job
Ross How could you not get it You were Santa last year
Joey I dunno Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager He's not even jolly it's all political
Monica So what are you gonna be
Joey Ah I'm gonna be one of his helpers It's just such a slap in the face y'know
Rachel Hey do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's (They all protest and hit her with cushions) Gee what What is wrong with New Year's
Chandler Nothing for you you have Paolo You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops Man I'm talking loud
Rachel Well for your information Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you
Phoebe Yeah you wish
Chandler It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday I say this year no dates we make a pact Just the six of us dinner
All Yeah okay Alright
Chandler Y'know I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm
All Woooo Yeah
Rachel Phoebe you're on
Phoebe Oh oh good
Rachel (Into microphone) Okay hi Ladies and gentlemen back by popular demand Miss Phoebe Buffay Wooh
Phoebe (Takes mike) Thanks hi Um I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung)
I made a man with eyes of coal
And a smile so bewitchin'
How was I supposed to know
That my mom was dead in the kitchen
(shakes bell) La lalala la la la la lalala la la
(Cut to later Everyone is totally depressed by now)
Phoebe (Sung)
My mother's ashes
Even her eyelashes
Are resting in a little yellow jar
And sometimes when it's breezy
(Over the sound of Phoebe singing we hear two scientists Max and David having a noisy discussion)
Phoebe (Sung)
I feel a little sneezy
And now I (abruptly stops)
Excuse me excuse me Yeah noisy boys (They stop talking and look up) Is it something that you would like to share with the entire group
Max No No that's that's okay
Phoebe Well c'mon if it's important enough to discuss while I'm playing then I assume it's important enough for everyone else to hear
Chandler (Quietly to the others) That guy's going home with a note
David Noth I was I was just saying to my
Phoebe Could you speak up please
David (Stands up and speaks more loudly) Sorry I wa I was just saying to my friend that I thought you were the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen in my in my life And then he said that you said you thought
Max Daryl Hannah
David Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah I liked her in Splash a lot but not so much in in Wall Street I thought she had kind of a
Max Hard quality
David hard quality And uh while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional way you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace Then uh thatthatthat's when you started yelling (Sits down)
Phoebe Okay we're gonna take a short break (Goes over to their table)
Joey Hey that guy's going home with more than a note
[Scene Monica and Rachel's everyone except Joey is decorating for Christmas]
Ross Come here Marcel Sit here (Marcel wanders off)
Rachel Pheebs I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet I mean God by my sixth date with Paolo I mean he had already named both my breasts Ooh Did I just share too much
Ross Just a smidge
Phoebe David's like y'know Scientist Guy He's very methodical
Monica I think it's romantic
Phoebe Me too Oh Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman
Rachel Yeah
Phoebe Well he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with Except except hehe's smarter and gentler and sweeter I just I just wanna be with him all the time Day and night and night and day and special occasions
Chandler Wait a minute wait a minute I see where this is going you're gonna ask him to New Year's aren't you You're gonna break the pact She's gonna break the pact
Phoebe No no no no no no Yeah could I just
Chandler Yeah 'cause I already asked Janice
Monica What
Ross C'mon this was a pact This was your pact
Chandler I snapped okay I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped
Monica Yeah but Janice Thatthat was like the worst breakup in history
Chandler I'm not saying it was a good idea I'm saying I snapped
[Joey enters his shoes have bells on which jingle as he walks He is wearing a long coat]
Joey Hi Hi sorry I'm late
(He removes the coat to reveal an elf costume)
Chandler Too many jokes must mock Joey
Joey Nice shoes huh (He wiggles his foot and the bells tinkle)
Chandler Aah y'killing me
(Marcel knocks over some kitchen tools)
Monica Ross He's playing with my spatulas again
Ross Okay look he's not gonna hurt them right
Monica Do you always have to bring him here
Ross I didn't wanna leave him alone Alright We we had our first fight this morning I think it has to do with my working late I said some things that I didn't mean and he he threw some faeces
Chandler Y'know if you're gonna work late I could look in on him for you
Ross Oh that'd be great Okay but if you do make sure it seems like you're there to see him okay and you're not like doing it as a favour to me
Chandler Okay but if he asks I'm not going to lie
[Scene Max and David's lab David is explaining something to Phoebe with the aid of a whiteboard]
David But you can't actually test this theory because today's particle accelerators are nowhere near powerful enough to simulate these conditions
Phoebe Okay alright I have a question then
David Yuh
Phoebe Um were you planning on kissing me ever
David Uh that's definitely a uh valid question And uh the answer would be (Writes YES on the board) yes Yes I was But see I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss that happened at this phenomenal moment because well 'cause it's you
Phoebe Sure
David Right But see the longer I waited the more phenomenal the kiss had to be and now we've reached a place where it's just gotta be one of those things where I just like sweep everything off the table and throw you down on it And uh I'm not really a uh sweeping sorta fella
Phoebe Oh David I I think you are a sweeping sorta fella I mean you're a sweeper trapped inside a physicist's body
David Rrrreally
Phoebe Oh yeah oh I'm sure of it You should just do it just sweep and throw me
David Now Now
Phoebe Oh yeah right now
David Okay okay okay (Gets ready to sweep and then picks up a laptop computer) Y'know what this was just really expensive (Puts it down elsewhere Then picks up a microscope) And I'll take this was a gift (Moves it)
Phoebe Okay now you're just kinda tidying
David Okay what the hell what the hell (Sweeps the remaining papers off the desk and grabs Phoebe) You want me to actually throw you or youyou wanna just hop
Phoebe I can hop (She hops onto the table)
(They kiss finally)
[Scene Central Perk everyone is there]
Ross So tell me something What does the phrase 'no date pact' mean to you
Monica I'm sorry okay It's just that Chandler has somebody and Phoebe has somebody I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby
Chandler Fun Bobby Your exboyfriend Fun Bobby
Monica Yeah
Joey You know more than one Fun Bobby
Chandler I happen to know a Fun Bob
Rachel (Brings Joey a mug of coffee) Okay here we go
Joey Ooh ooh ooh ooh there's no room for milk
Rachel (Glances at Joey and then sips his coffee) There Now there is
Ross Okay so on our nodate evening three of you now have dates
Joey Uh four
Ross Four
Rachel Five
Ross Five (Buries his head in his hands)
Rachel Sorry Paolo's catching an earlier flight
Joey Yeah and I met this really hot single mom at the store What's an elf to do
Ross Okay so I'm gonna be the only one standing there alone when the ball drops
Rachel Oh c'mon We'll have we'll have a big party and noone'll know who's with who
Ross Hey y'know this is so not what I needed right now
Monica What's the matter
Ross Oh it'sit's Marcel He keeps shutting me out y'know He's walking around all the time dragging his hands
Chandler That's so weird I had such a blast with him the other night
Ross Really
Chandler Yeah we played we watched TV that juggling thing is amazing
Ross What uh what juggling thing
Chandler With the balledup socks I figured you taught him that
Ross No
Chandler Y'know it wasn't that big a deal He just balled up socks and a melon
(Max runs in)
Max Phoebe Hi
Phoebe Oh hi Max Hey do you know everybody
Max No Have you seen David
Phoebe No no he hasn't been around
Max Well if you see him tell him to pack his bags We are going to Minsk
Phoebe Minsk
Max Minsk It's in Russia
Phoebe I know where Minsk is
Max We got the grant Three years all expenses paid
Phoebe So when when do you leave
Max January first
Commercial Break
[Scene Max and David's lab they are working Phoebe knocks on the door]
Phoebe Hello
David Hey
Phoebe Hi
David Hi (Kisses her) Whatwhat're you doing here
Phoebe Um well Max told me about Minsk so (Puts on a fake cheery voice) congratulations This is so exciting
Max It'd be even more exciting if we were going
Phoebe Oh you're not going (Fake disappointed voice) Oh why
Max Tell her David 'I don't wanna go to Minsk and work with Lifson and Yamaguchi and Flench on nonononononono I wanna stay here and make out with my girlfriend' (Storms out)
David Thank you Max Thank you
Phoebe Soso you're really not going
David I don't know I don't know what I'm gonna do I just you decide
Phoebe Oh don't do that
David Please
Phoebe Oh no no
David No but I'm asking
Phoebe Oh but I can't do that
David No but I can't
Phoebe It's your thing and
David make the decision
Phoebe Okay um stay
David Stay
Phoebe Stay
(He thinks for a moment and sweeps the stuff off the table)
Phoebe Getting so good at that (She hops on)
David It was Max's stuff (They kiss)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's the party has started]
Janice I love this artichoke thing Oh don't tell me what's in it the diet starts tomorrow (Laughs her Janice laugh)
Chandler You remember Janice
Monica Vividly
(Someone knocks on the door Monica gets it)
Monica Hi
Sandy Hi I'm Sandy
Joey Sandy Hi C'mon in (She enters followed by a young boy and a younger girl)You brought your kids
Sandy Yeah That's okay right
(Joey and Monica look at each other and shrug Ross enters with Marcel on his shoulder)
Ross Partay
Monica That thing is not coming in here
Ross 'That thing' This is how you greet guests at a party Let me ask you something if I showed up here with my new girlfriend she wouldn't be welcome in your home
Monica I'm guessing your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my coffee table
Ross Okay He was more embarrassed about that than anyone Okay And for him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothing happened
Monica Alright Just keep him away from me
Ross Thank you (She walks off) C'mon Marcel whaddya say you and I do a little mingling (Marcel runs off) Alright I'll uh catch up with you later
(The door opens Rachel is standing there Her coat is muddy and torn her hair is dishevelled and her face is bruised Everyone turns to look)
Monica Oh my gosh Rachel honey are you okay Wherewhere's Paolo
Rachel Rome Jerk missed his flight
Phoebe And then your face is bloated
Rachel No Okay I was at the airport getting into a cab when this woman this blonde planet with a pocketbook starts yelling at me Something about how it was her cab first And then the next thing I know she just starts starts pulling me out by my hair So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up and as I'm going to get into a cab she tackles me And I hit my head on the kerb and cut my lip on my whistleoheverybody having fun at the party (To Monica) Are people eating my dip
[Time lapse Monica and Rachel fixed up somewhat emerge from a bedroom]
Sandy Y'know when I saw you at the store last week it was probably the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf
Joey Wow that's uh dirty
Sandy Yeah
(They almost kiss and then Joey realises her kids are staring at them)
Joey Hey kids
Ross (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe To Chandler) Look at him I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me but at least check in
Janice (Startles them) There you are Haaah you got away from me
Chandler (Imitating) But you found me
Janice Here Ross take our picture (Hands him a camera and he starts snapping) Smile You're on Janice Camera
Chandler Kill me Kill me now
(Someone else knocks on the door Monica looks through the spyhole)
Monica Hey everybody It's Fun Bobby
(Everyone cheers Monica opens the door Bobby is obviously very depressed)
Fun Bobby Hey sorry I'm late But my uh grandfather he died about two hours ago But III couldn't get a flight out 'til tomorrow so here I am
Joey (Approaching) Hey Fun Bobby Whoah Who died
(Monica gestures wildly behind Fun Bobby's back)
[Time lapse Bobby is talking about his grandfather Everyone else is virtually in tears]
Fun Bobby It's gonna be an open casket y'know so at least I'll I get to see him again
Janice (Ross is still taking their photo) Oh I'm gonna blow this one up and I'm gonna write 'Reunited' in glitter
Chandler Alright Janice that's it Janice Janice Hey Janice when I invited you to this party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that we
Janice Oh no Oh no
Chandler I'm sorry you misunderstood
Janice Oh my God You listen to me Chandler you listen to me One of these times is just gonna be your last chance with me (She runs off)
(Ross is still taking photos)
Chandler Oh will you give me the thing (Snatches the camera)
(David is feeding Phoebe popcorn Max walks up)
Phoebe Hi Max
Max Yoko (To David) I've decided to go to Minsk without you
David Wow
Max It won't be the same but it'll still be Minsk Happy New Year(Walks off)
Phoebe Are you alright
David Yeah I'm fine I'm fine
(Phoebe leads David into a bedroom)
Phoebe You're going to Minsk
David No I'm not going to Minsk
Phoebe Oh you are so going to Minsk You belong in Minsk You can't stay here just 'cause of me
David Yes I can Because if I go it means I have to break up with you and I can't break up with you
Phoebe Oh yes yes yes you can Just say um 'Phoebe my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now' And I say 'your work Your work How can you say that' And then you say um 'it's tearing me apart but I have no choice Can't you understand that' And I say (Hits him) 'no No I can't understand that'
David Uh ow
Phoebe Ooh sorry Um and and then you put your arms around me And then you put your arms around me (He does so) And um and then you tell me that you love me and you'll never forget me
David I'll never forget you
Phoebe And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it (They kiss) I'm gonna miss you You scientist guy
Dick Clark (on TV) Hi this is Dick Clark live in Times Square We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti here in Times Square
(Joey puts a blanket over Sandy's kids)
Joey There y'go kids
Chandler (To a woman who he has clearly just met) And then the peacock bit me (Laughs) Please kiss me at midnight (She leaves)
Joey You seen Sandy
Chandler Ooh Uh I don't know how to tell you this but she's in Monica's bedroom getting it on with Max that scientist geek Ooh look at that I did know how to tell you
Rachel Vrrbddy the bll is drrbing
All (in the kitchen) What
Rachel The bll is drrbing
Dick Clark (on TV) In twenty seconds it'll be midnight
Chandler And the moment of joy is upon us
Joey Looks like that no date pact thing worked out
Phoebe Everybody looks so happy I hate that
Monica Not everybody's happy Hey Bobby
(Bobby waves and then bursts into tears Midnight comes and everyone at the party except for the gang cheers and kisses)
Chandler Y'know I uh just thought I'd throw this out here I'm no math whiz but I do believe there are three girls and three guys right here (Makes kiss noise)
Phoebe I dunno I don't feel like kissing anyone tonight
Rachel I can't kiss anyone
Monica So I'm kissing everyone
Joey Nonono you can't kiss Ross that's your brother
Ross Perfect Perfect So now everybody's getting kissed but me
Chandler Alright somebody kiss me Somebody kiss me it's midnight Somebody kiss me
Joey Alrightalrightalright (Kisses him Ross takes a photo) There
Closing Credits
[Scene Monica and Rachel's time lapse]
Ross (Watching Marcel and talking to Rachel) I wanted this to work so much I mean I'm still in there changing his diapers pickin' his fleas but he's just phoning it in Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you back
Rachel I think that bitch cracked my tooth
End

110 猴子


位想介绍家认识
等等…回事？
Marcel想声招呼？

珍贵里？
朋友贝瑟实验室救出
真残忍
父母会孩子取名贝瑟？
猴子屁股长罗斯
罗斯住？

Carol离开家里冷清清
找室友？
知道
定年纪
室友住点悲…
抱歉pathet
梵语中代表酷生活方式
位天唱全新曲目
写12首关妈杀歌
首关雪歌
先唱雪
乔伊
老兄
？
没份工作
会没？年圣诞老
知道胖子店理腿
根法逗开心简直利益输送
扮演什？
助手真耻辱
算新年？
什？新年什劲？
然没事保罗
须面新年带压力
须急着寻找嘴唇生物
球落刻亲嘴象
讲太愤慨
告诉吧保罗新年时会罗马
位样悲
想美
新年时想听迪克拉克疲劳轰炸
年起出约会
6进晚餐
吧
希家更开心点
哦太啦
菲该台

位
应观众求Phoebe Buffay姐
谢谢首先首歌种时节令感慨万分
做眼睛煤炭做
谜样微笑
承受母亲死厨房事实
La lalala la la
母亲骨灰甚睫毛
安放黄色骨灰坛
天寒冻时
感觉点想啧涕
…抱歉吵闹两位
什想家分享？
没没事
快说果事重
非唱歌时谈
重足分享
家伙铁定会训顿回家
告诉朋友…
声点行？
抱歉告诉朋友
见漂亮女孩
说黛瑞汉娜…黛瑞汉娜
见美女
说喜欢美鱼中
华尔街没喜欢
没种气质
黛瑞汉娜传统美
散发出高雅气质
然
休息片刻
家伙抱美
Marcel坐
拜托没想没亲
第6次保罗约会时
双峰取名字
分享太？
点点
卫科学家
做事丝苟
觉

军官绅士？

心目中白马王子
更聪明温柔体贴
想整天厮守起
白天夜晚
夜晚白天
特日子
等等知道
邀度新年？
想抛弃
想抛弃

？
吧已约Janice
拜托六行
六
毁约行？
耐住寂寞毁约
Janice…
分手糟透？
没说意
毁约
意思晚
太滑稽乔伊太逗
鞋子正点吧
快笑死
罗斯玩铲子
会玩坏
非次带？
想独守空房
早吵架
定加班惹祸
说该说话
扔坨屎
果必须加班
顾
太果顾
装成付找样子
知道帮忙
果问起
实话实说
法测试理
日粒子加速速度
法模拟出样情况
问题
亲？
正合理问题
答案…
想
非事件
发生非时刻

然
等越久亲吻越非
时
想扫桌切
丢面
会扫切
种猴急男
卫想
困物理学家体猛男
真？
没错确定
扫切然丢吧
现？
现

东西贵
家送
清理场？
吧
想丢跳？
跳
告诉
六行意义？
抱歉钱德象菲象
约搞笑巴
搞笑巴？前男友搞笑巴？
啊
认识搞笑巴？
认识搞笑巴伯

没添牛奶方

说六行中三节目
四
四
五
五
抱歉保罗提早搭飞机回
梅西百货遇火辣辣单身妈妈
精灵抗拒？
说球落刻
孤零零？
样
举行盛派
知道…
现需知道
？
Marcel
直进门
拖着双手断绕圈子
真诡异
前天晚相处愉快
真？
起玩电视
杂耍部份真太精彩
什杂耍？
袜子球耍
教
没
算什袜子球耍罢
颗香瓜
菲
马克斯认识家？
认识见David？
没没
见时告诉快包
明斯克
明斯克？
苏联
知道明斯克
已申请奖助金
全额赞助三年
时走？
元旦
干什？
马克斯告诉明克斯事
恭禧真兴奋
话会更兴奋
？什？
告诉David
明克斯
李斯亚马古基法朗克事

留女友培养感情
够马克斯谢谢
真？
知道
知道该
决定
样
求求
求
做
决定
事…

吧留
留
留
进步神速
马克斯东西
喜欢菊芋
告诉里面什
明天开始节食
记Janice？
历历目
Sandy
Sandy请进
孩子带
？

东西进
东西？
样招呼客？
问
果带着新女友
欢迎进？
新女友会尿咖啡桌
已够难情行？
已鼓足勇气回里
切没发生样
离远点
谢谢Marcel
交际吧
会见
天啊瑞秋没事吧？
保罗？
罗马混蛋没赶飞机
然脸爆炸？

机场进入计程车时
带着书金发女
开始
说计程车先拦
然开始扯头发
出口哨猛吹
结果三辆计程车
车时
跘
结果撞路缘
嘴唇口中哨子弄伤
家玩愉快吧？
吃沙司？
周见时
许第次想裸体精灵
真淫荡
孩子

没说整晚起
少问候声
原
跑
逮
罗斯帮张
笑
Janice相机中
杀吧
位搞笑巴
抱歉迟
祖父两时前世
明天飞机

搞笑巴
？
谁死？
棺材暂时盖
少见面
次想搞砸
写破镜重圆
Janice够
Janice…
邀
代表…

抱歉误会
听说…
次处
东西？
马克斯
嗨野洋子
决定明斯克
少失色少明斯克
新年快乐
吧？
没事
明克斯吧

定明斯克
属明斯克
留

果走
代表必须分手
分手

说：
菲爱工作生命
现
说工作？
竟说出种话？
说
痛苦欲绝
没选择
难道解？
说
解
痛
抱歉
然抱住…
然说爱
永远会忘记
永远会忘记
说现已接午夜
必须走
想度新年
实狠心离开
会想科学家
迪克拉克
时代广场做实况报导
时代广场五彩纸片纷纷落
年年进步
睡吧孩子
然孔雀咬
请午夜吻
见Sandy没？
知该告诉
马克斯摩妮卡房里
科学怪
酷告诉
位球掉
什
球掉
20秒钟午夜
兴奋时刻
六行计划似奏效
家开心
喜欢
家开心
嘿巴
说
数学师
相信3男女
晚想亲
法亲
该亲家？
亲罗斯
哥
太
家亲外
谁亲…
谁亲…现午夜…
吧吧
真想相处
换尿布抓跳蚤
视理然
深爱某回报
真令难
想贱断牙齿
剧终
谢谢观赏

111 The One With Mrs Bing
111 The One With Mrs Bing

[Scene A Street Monica and Phoebe are walking to a newsstand]
Phoebe Do you think they have yesterday's daily news
Monica Why
Phoebe Just wanna check my horoscope see if it was right
Monica Oh my God (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) Phoebe Don't look now but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression
Phoebe Where (Turns to face him) Ooh come to Momma
Monica He's coming Be cool be cool be cool
(The guy walks past them)
Guy Nice hat
Monica and Phoebe (in unison) Thanks
(The guy walks on)
Phoebe We should do something Whistle
Monica We are not going to whistle
Phoebe Come on do it
Monica No
Phoebe Do it
Monica No
Phoebe Do it do it do it
Monica (Shouts to the guy) Woowoo
(The guy turns round startled Monica points to Phoebe The guy gets hit by a truck)
Phoebe I can't believe you did that
Opening Credits
[Scene Hospital the guy is in a coma and Mon and Pheebs are visiting]
Monica Why did I 'woohoo' I mean what was I hoping would happen Thatthat he'd turn round and say 'I love that sound I must have you now'
Phoebe I just wish there was something we could do (Bends down and talks to him) Hello Hello Coma Guy GET UP YOU GIRL SCOUT UP UP UP
Monica Phoebe what are you doing
Phoebe Maybe nobody's tried this
Monica I wish we at least knew his name Look at that face I mean even sleeping he looks smart I bet he's a lawyer
Phoebe Yeah but did you see the dents in his knuckles That means he's artistic
Monica Okay he's a lawyer who teaches sculpting on the side And he can dance
Phoebe Oh And he's the kinda guy who when you're talking he's listening y'know and not saying 'Yeah I understand' but really wondering what you look like naked
Monica I wish all guys could be like him
Phoebe I know
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Monica and Phoebe are telling everyone about their coma guy]
Chandler Are there no conscious men in the city for you two
Monica He doesn't have anyone
Phoebe Yeah wewe feel kinda responsible
Joey I can't believe you said woowoo I don't even say woowoo
Rachel Oh she's coming up She's coming up (Turns on the TV)
Jay Leno (on TV) Folks when we come back we'll be talking about her new book 'Euphoria Unbound' the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one
(Everyone has settled down to watch except Chandler)
Chandler Y'know we don't have to watch this Weekend At Bernie's is on Showtime HBO and Cinemax
Rachel No way forget it
Joey C'mon she's your mom
Chandler Exactly Weekend At Bernie's Dead guy getting hit in the groin twenty thirty times No
Rachel Chandler I gotta tell you I love your mom's books I love her books I cannot get on a plane without one I mean this is so cool
Chandler Yeah well you wouldn't think it was cool if you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch'
Ross C'mon Chandler I love your mom I think she's a blast
Chandler You can say that because she's not your mom
Ross Oh please
(Rachel opens the door to Paolo)
Paolo Bona sera
Rachel Oh hi sweetie (They kiss)
Ross When did Rigatoni get back from Rome
Monica Last night
Ross Ah so then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire Just a dream I had but phew
Phoebe Hey hey hey She's on
Paolo Ah Nora Bing
Jay Leno (on TV) Now what is this about youyou being arrested iin London What is that all about
Phoebe Your mom was arrested
Chandler Shhh busy beaming with pride
Mrs Bing (on TV) This is kind of embarrassing but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man
Chandler Now why would she say that's embarrassing
All Shhh
Mrs Bing (on TV) I just get this craving for Kung Pow Chicken
Chandler THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION
Jay Leno (on TV) Alright so now you're doing this whole book tour thing how is that going
Mrs Bing (on TV) Oh fine I'm leaving for New York tomorrow which I hate but I get to see my son who I love
All Awww
Chandler This is the way that I find out Most moms use the phone
Jay Leno (on TV) Y'know don't take this wrong II just don't see you aas a mom somehow I don't mean that I don't mean that bad
Mrs Bing (on TV) Oh no I am a fabulous mom I bought my son his first condoms
(The gang turn to look at Chandler)
Chandler And then he burst into flames
[Scene The Hospital it's a montage of Monica and Phoebe's visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background  It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him]
Monica Let's see Congress is debating a new deficit reduction bill the mayor wants to raise subway fares again the high today was fortyfive and oh teams played sports
[Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room then Monica knitting a sweater then Phoebe singing then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica]
Phoebe What about Glen He could be a Glen
Monica Nah notnot special enough
Phoebe Ooh How about Agamemnon
Monica Waaay too special
[Scene A Mexican Restaurant Monica Phoebe Joey Chandler and his mom are there]
Mrs Bing I am famished What do I want (Looks at Chandler's menu)
Chandler Please God don't let it be Kung Pow Chicken
Mrs Bing Oh you watched the show What'd you think
Chandler Well I think you need to come out of your shell just a little
Ross (Entering) What is this dive Only you could've picked this place
Mrs Bing Oooh c'mon shut up it's fun Gimme a hug (They both sit down) Well I think we're ready for some tequila
Chandler I know I am
Mrs Bing Who's doing shots
Monica Yeah
Phoebe I'm in
Mrs Bing There y'go Ross
Ross Uh I'm not really a shot drinking kinda guy
(Enter Rachel and Paolo They are both somewhat flustered)
Rachel Hi Sorry sorry we're late we uh kinda just y'know lost track of time
Ross But a man can change (Downs a shot)
[Time lapse Ross is now clearly drunk He is holding up a shot glass to his eye like a jeweller's eye]
Ross Anyone want me to appraise anything
(Rachel feeds something to Paolo He eats it and licks her hand)
Rachel Mrs Bing I have to tell you I've read everything you've ever written No I mean it I mean when I read Euphoria at Midnight all I wanted to do was become a writer
Mrs Bing Oh please honey listen if I can do it anybody can You just start with half a dozen European cities throw in thirty euphemisms for male genitalia and bam You have got yourself a book
Chandler Myyy mother ladies and gentlemen
[Cut to Mrs Bing on the telephone]
Mrs Bing Yeah any messages for room 226
(Ross emerges from a toilet marked 'Chicas')
Mrs Bing You okay there slugger
Ross Yeah I'm fine I'm fine (A woman emerges from the toilet behind him and he tries to pretend he was in the other one)
Mrs Bing What is with you tonight
Ross Nothing Nothing nothing nothing
Mrs Bing (To phone) Okay thank you (To Ross) It's the Italian HandLicker isn't it
Ross No It's the one he's licking
Mrs Bing She's supposed to be with you
Ross You're good
Mrs Bing Oh Ross listen to me I have sold a hundred million copies of my books and y'know why
Ross The girl on the cover with her nipples showing
Mrs Bing No Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with Believe me I cannot sell a Paolo People will not turn three hundred twentyfive pages for a Paolo C'mon the guy's a secondary character a y'know complication you eventually kill off
Ross When
Mrs Bing He's not a hero You know who our hero is
Ross The guy on the cover with his nipples showing
Mrs Bing No it's you
Ross Please
Mrs Bing No really c'mon You're smart you're sexy
Ross Right
Mrs Bing You are gonna be fine believe me
(She kisses him on the cheek)
Ross Uhoh
(Then full on the mouth)
(Enter Joey)
Joey Uhhhh I'll just pee in the street
Commercial Break
[Scene Chandler and Joey's the next morning Joey is getting the door in his dressing gown—it's Ross]
Ross Hey is Chandler here
Joey Yeah
(Ross drags Joey into the hall and slams the door)
Ross Okay uh about last night um Chandler you didn't tell (Joey shakes his head) Okay 'cause I'm thinking we don't need to tell Chandler I mean it was just a kiss right One kiss No big deal Right
Joey Right No big deal
Ross Okay
Joey In Bizarro World You broke the code
Ross What code
Joey You don't kiss your friend's mom Sisters are okay maybe a hotlookin' aunt but not a mom never a mom
(Chandler opens the door and startles them He picks up the paper)
Chandler What are you guys doing out here
Ross Uh uh Well Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game But um apparently somebody overslept
Joey Yeah well you don't have your racket
Ross No no I don't because it's being restrung somebody was supposed to bring me one
Joey Yeah well you didn't call and leave your grip size
Chandler Okay you guys spend waaaay too much time together (Goes back inside and shuts the door)
Ross Okay I'm scum I'm scum
Joey Ross how could you let this happen
Ross I don't know God I well it's not like she's a regular mom y'know She's she's sexy she's
Joey You don't think my mom's sexy
Ross Well not in the same way
Joey I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day alright You think it's easy giving birth to seven children
Ross Okay I think we're getting into a weird area here
(Monica and Rachel's door opens and Rachel and Paolo emerge)
Rachel Hey
Ross Hey
Rachel What're you guys doing out here
Ross Well not playing raquetball
Joey He forgot to leave his grip size
Ross He didn't get the goggles
Rachel Wellsounds like you two have issues
(She and Paolo walk a little way down the hall)
Rachel Goodbye baby
Paolo Ciao bela
(They kiss Ross is watching them)
Ross Do they wait for me to do this
(Joey and Ross go into Monica and Rachel's apartment)
Joey So are you gonna tell him
Ross Why would I tell him
Joey How about 'cause if you don't his mother might
Ross Oh
Monica (Entering) What are you guys doing here
Joey Uhhhh he's not even wearing a jockstrap
Monica What did I ask
[Scene Hospital Phoebe is there stroking Coma Guy's hair when Monica enters with a bunch of balloons]
Monica Hi
Phoebe Hi
Monica What are you doing here
Phoebe Nothing I just thought I'd stop by y'know after the uh that I y'know so what are you doing here
Monica I'm not really here Just thought I'd drop these offon the way my way Do you come here a lot Without me
Phoebe No (Monica brushes Coma Guy's hair in the other direction) No No So um do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning
Monica How would I know II wasn't here
Phoebe Really Not even to um change his PAJAMAS (Whips back the sheet to reveal him wearing new pajamas)
[Scene Chandler and Joey's Ross is talking to Chandler Joey is making a snack at the bar]
Chandler Oh my God
Ross You're my friend II had to tell you
Chandler I can't believe it Paolo kissed my mom
Ross Yeah um I don't know if you noticed but he had a lot to drink and you know how he gets when he's drunuh (He has caught sight of Joey scowling at him) I can't do this I did it it was me I'm sorry I kissed your mom
Chandler What
Ross I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo and I think I had too much tequila and Nora um Mrs Mom your Bing was just being nice y'know and But nothing happened nothing Ask Joey Joey uh came in
Chandler (To Joey) You knew about this
Joey Uh y'know knowledge is a tricky thing
Chandler I spent the entire day with you why didn't you tell me
Joey Hey hey hey you're lucky I caught them when I did or else who knows what woulda happened
Ross Thanks man big help
Chandler (To Ross) I can't believe this What the hell were you thinking
Ross I wasn't I mean I
Chandler Y'know of all my friends noone knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you
Ross I know
Chandler I can't believe you did this (Walks toward the door)
Ross Chandler
Joey Me neither y'know what
Chandler I'm still mad at you for not telling me
Joey What are you mad at me for
Ross Chandler
Chandler You gotta let me slam the door (Leaves slams the door)
Joey (Shouting after him) Chandler I didn't kiss her he did (To Ross) See what happens when you break the code
Ross Joey
Joey Ah (Points to door) Huh (Leaves and slams the door)
[Scene Central Perk everyone is there except for Chandler  Rachel is writing something and Monica walks up]
Monica Hey
Rachel Hey
Monica (Reading) 'A Woman Undone by Rachel Karen Green'
Rachel Yeah Thought I'd give it a shot I'm still on the first chapter Now do you think his 'love stick can be liberated from its denim prison'
Monica (Reads) Yeah I'd say so And there's no 'j' in 'engorged'
Phoebe (Walks up with her guitar) Hey Rach
Rachel Hey
Phoebe Hello
Monica Hello
Phoebe Going to the hospital tonight
Monica No you
Phoebe No you
Monica You just asked me
Phoebe Okay maybe it was a trick question (Plays a few chords) Um Rachel can we do this now
Rachel Okay (Writes a little more) I am so hot
Joey (To Ross on the couch) Now here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day Now you tell me she's not a knockout
Ross I cannot believe we're having this conversation
Joey C'mon Just try to picture her not pregnant that's all
Rachel (Into microphone) Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay
Phoebe Thanks Hi um 'kay I'd like to start with a song that's about a man that I recently met who's um come to be very important to me (Monica gives her a look) 'Kay (Sung)
You don't have to be awake to be my man
As long as you have brainwaves I'll be there to hold your hand
Though we just met the other day
There's something I have got to say
(She sees Monica sneaking out) Okay thank you very much I'm gonna take a short break (Runs out knocking over the mike stand)
Rachel (Into mike) Okay that was Phoebe Buffay everybody Woo
(Enter Chandler)
Chandler What was that
Ross Oh uh Phoebe just started a
Chandler Yeah I believe I was talking to Joey alright there MotherKisser (Goes to the counter)
Joey (Laughing) MotherKisser (Sees Ross's look) I'll shut up
Ross Chandler can I just say something II know you're still mad at me I just wanna say that there were two people there that night Okay Two sets of lips
Chandler Yes well I expect this from her Okay She's always been a Freudian nightmare
Ross Okay well if she always behaves like this why don't you say something
Chandler Because it's complicated it's complex Hey you kissed my mom
(People turn to look)
Ross (To the rest of Central Perk) We're rehearsing a Greek play
Chandler That's very funny We done now
Ross No Okay you mean you're not gonna talk to her you're not gonna tell her how you feel
Chandler That would be no Look just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom doesn't mean you know her Alright Trust me you can't talk to her
Ross Okay 'you' can't or (Points to Chandler) you can't (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay that's my finger (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's that's my knee (To Central Perk) Still doing the play Aaah
[Scene The Coma Guy's Room Monica bursts in closely followed by Phoebe There is no sign of Coma Guy  His bed is empty]
Phoebe Alright whadyou do with him
(There is the sound of a flushing toilet and Coma Guy emerges from the bathroom)
Monica Oh You're awake
Phoebe Look at you How how do you feel
Coma Guy Uh a little woozy but basically okay
Monica You look good
Coma Guy I feel good Who are you
Monica Oh sorry
Phoebe I'm Phoebe Buffay
Monica I'm Monica Geller I've been taking care of you
Phoebe Well we both have
Coma Guy So the EtchaSketch is from you guys
Phoebe Well actually it's just from me
Monica I got you the foot massager
Phoebe You know who shaved you That was me
Monica I read to you
Phoebe I sang (To Monica) Hah
Coma Guy Well thanks
Monica Oh my pleasure
Phoebe You're welcome
Coma Guy So I guess I'll see you around
Phoebe What that's it
Monica See you around
Coma Guy Well what do you want me to say
Monica Oh I don't know Maybe um That was nice Admit something to me I'll call you
Coma Guy Alright I'll call you
Phoebe I don't think you mean that
Monica This is so typical Y'know we give and we give and we give And then we just get nothing back And then one day y'know it's just you wake up and See you around Let's go Phoebe
Phoebe Y'know what We thought you were different But I guess it was just the coma
[Scene Chandler and Joey's Chandler is talking with his mom]
Mrs Bing Car's waiting downstairs I just wanted to drop off these copies of my book for your friends Anything you want from Lisbon
Chandler No just knowing you're gonna be there is enough
Mrs Bing Alright well be good I love you (Kisses him and goes to leave)
Chandler You kissed my best Ross Or something to that effect
Mrs Bing (Reentering) Okay Look it it was stupid
Chandler Really stupid
Mrs Bing Really stupid And I don't even know how it happened I'm sorry honey I promise it will never happen again Are we okay now
Chandler Yeah No No
[Cut to the hallway Joey is listening to Chandler and his mom's conversation through the door as Ross walks up]
Ross Ah the forbidden love of a man and his door
Joey Shh He did it He told her off and not just about the kiss about everything
Ross You're kidding
Joey No no He said When are you gonna grow up and start being a mom
Ross Wow
Joey Then she came back with The question is when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb
Ross 'Kay wait a minute are you sure she didn't say When are you gonna grow up and realise I am your mom
Joey That makes more sense
Ross So what's going on now
Joey I dunno I've been standing here spelling it out for you (Goes back to the door) I don't hear anything Oh wait wait wait (Looks through the spyhole)
Ross Whaddya see
Joey Hard to tell they're so tiny and upsidedown Wait wait They're walking away they're walking away No no they're not they're coming right at us Run Run
(Joey runs off down the hall Ross tries Monica and Rachel's apartment but it is locked so he has to stand in the hall and pretend he wasn't listening Chandler and his mom come out)
Mrs Bing You okay kiddo
Chandler Yeah okay
Mrs Bing Alright (Kisses him)
Chandler Nice save
(She walks down the hall)
Ross (Very politely) Mrs Bing
Mrs Bing Mr Geller
(She leaves)
(Ross knocks on Monica and Rachel's door)
Chandler Hey
Ross You mean that
Chandler Yeah why not (They shake hands) So I told her
Ross Yeah How'd it go
Chandler Awful Awful Couldn'ta gone worse
Ross Well howdya feel
Chandler Pretty good I told her
Ross Well see So maybe it wasn't such a bad idea y'know me kissing your mom uh Huh (Wags his finger at Chandler then puts it down) But we don't have to go down that road
Closing Credits
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Rachel is handing out copies of her book to the gang]
Rachel Okay Now this is just the first chapter and I want your absolute honest opinion Oh oh and on page two he's not 'reaching for her heaving beasts'
Monica What's a 'niffle'
Joey You usually find them on the 'heaving beasts'
Rachel Alright alright so I'm not a great typist
Ross Wait did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens' Tell ya you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those
Rachel Alright that's it Give it back That's it
All Nooo
End

111 宾太太（钱德母）


想昨天报纸
干嘛
想星运准准
天啊菲
背会令
伤心欲绝帅哥

妈妈呀
酷点…
帽子
谢谢
应该行动吹口哨
吹
快吹吹吹吹
法相信会样
会学狼
期会发生什
回头说喜欢声音
现
希帮点忙
昏迷中帅哥
起起起
Phebe干什
许没试招
希少知道名字
瞧张脸
昏迷中副聪明样
猜律师
见手关节凹凸
说明艺术家
兼职教雕塑律师
会跳舞
种静静听讲话
说解
猜想着裸体样子
希男生样
知道
纽约难道没适合清醒男生
身旁没顾
觉应该负起责
敢相信会吹口哨
连吹口哨
出现
位稍谈新书
豪放女
永远引胜诺拉泰勒宾
孩子床睡觉

电影台许电影
行没门
拜托作者妈妈
柏尼斯周末夜
死腹股沟二三十次
钱德勒告诉
爱妈书
飞机没书陪伴
会度日年
书简直酷毙
果时候朋友争相传阅
情妇婊子79页会认酷
拜托爱妈
第流
然样说
妈
拜托
亲爱
意利时罗马回
昨晚
飞机没空中炸成火球
做梦？

出现
啊诺拉宾
等会谈书吧
听说伦敦逮捕
妈逮捕
安静正感骄傲
说点难情
意男亲热
会说难情
嘘
想吃宫保鸡丁
透露太
现正新书做宣传
情况
错明天前纽约
实喜欢纽约
子住爱
母亲会透电话说
会错意
出已母
绝没恶意
前卫母亲
子第保险套
买
然欲火焚身
国会正讨新削算赤字法案
市长想度提高铁票价
天高气温45度
球队正赛
格伦
格伦
够特
阿格曼侬
太特
饿死想吃什呢
拜托宫保鸡丁
节目感觉
觉更开放…
选种二流餐厅
会选种方
闭嘴样满错
抱
想喝点龙舌酒
知道
谁点


罗斯？
喝酒
抱歉迟
点忘时间
男改变
评价事物
宾太太告诉
拜读作
说真
读浪漫夜
心想成作家
说
办家办
需先描述欧洲城市
委婉语形容男性生殖器
样写成书
位母亲
226房留言
吧猛男

晚
没什
谢谢
意利舔手男
舔
应该起
真行
罗斯卖出亿书
知道什
封面辣妹露两点
知道样描写
会女爱男
相信保罗没卖点
没兴趣翻325页
保罗罗曼史
二等货
终结纠葛
什时候
女心中英雄
知道心中英雄
什样？
封面露两点猛男
啊
说真
聪明性感
呀
会走出阴霾相信
街尿
钱德勒？
昨晚事没告诉钱德勒吧？
极想需告诉
吻没什
没什
疯狂世界中没什
违反规定
什规定
亲朋友母亲规定
姐妹
火辣姑妈许
母亲行绝行
外面干什
乔伊说
早起回力球
显然睡头
没带球拍
拍子换线
应该帮准备支拍子
没说握尺寸
俩真会浪费时间
吧渣
罗斯种事发生
知道
般妈妈
性感
认妈性感
样性感
妈年美丽
认生7孩件容易事
愈谈愈离谱
干什
回力球
忘告诉握尺寸
没带护目镜
起两
关系暧昧
见宝贝
等做件事
底告诉
会告诉
告诉
果说妈许会
干什
没穿护裆
刚问什
干什
没事路…
干什
专程
路
常
没
认早点没
会知道没
真
没换睡衣
天
朋友告诉
简直敢相信
保罗亲妈
知道否注意
喝酒
酒醉模样见识
办…

抱歉亲妈
什
瑞秋保罗事令沮丧
想喝太龙舌酒
诺拉妈太太
宾体贴
没发生什事
问乔伊
乔伊刚走进
知道件事
知识奇怪
整天起
没告诉
逮算幸运
然果堪设想
谢老兄忙
简直法相信
底想什
没…知道
妈间鸟事
朋友中属清楚
知道
法相信会做种事
钱德勒知道样
气
没告诉气
钱德勒
力关门吧
钱德勒没亲亲
违反规定种场
乔伊
瑞秋
嘿
丢脸女 瑞秋 凯瑞 格林
想尝试
写第章
认粗棉布监牢中爱棒
获解放
想吧认
外拼错词
瑞秋
晚医院
没呢
没呢
刚问
吧许圈套
瑞秋现开始

兴奋
爸妈婚礼时
告诉
旷世美
没想会谈
试着想没挺着肚子
Central Perk荣幸位介绍
菲布菲姐
谢谢
首歌关刚认识男生
已成生命中重男
须醒男
息尚存
会旁守候
然相遇久
想说
谢谢位暂停
感谢菲布菲姐
搞什东西
菲刚…
乔伊讲话亲妈妈
亲妈妈
闭嘴
钱德勒说句话
知道生气
想说夜两
两双嘴唇
哦预料会
直佛洛德梦魇
果
找谈谈
太复杂情结
亲妈
正排练希腊剧
真幽默排练完没
没找谈
说出感受
然会找谈
亲
解
相信找谈
底
手指
膝盖
排练

醒
瞧感觉
头点晕基行
气色极
感觉极
谁
菲
莫妮卡
直顾
直顾
蚀刻艺术送
实
做脚底摩
知道谁帮刮胡子
念书听
唱歌听
谢
荣幸
见
什样
见
然说什
知道
许该说真
感激
会电话
吧会
点诚意没
男生样
断付出
没回报
天醒说见
走吧菲
知道众
想昏迷缘
楼车已发动
想书朋友
需里斯帮买什
需知道够
吧乖哦爱
亲罗斯
说错反正差
吧做蠢事
愚蠢极愚蠢极
知道发生
抱歉孩子
保证会发生种事
没事吧


男门间禁忌爱
说责备
亲吻事
切说出
开玩笑吧
说时成熟
开始妈
等等回答说
时长解
性感女郎
等等确定说
时长解
妈
样较合理
样认
现情况
知道
直说听
什听等等…
见什
难说颠倒
走走
没
走快逃
吧孩子

希
注意安全
宾太太
罗斯先生
真

告诉
样？
简直笑极点
感觉样
错
告诉
瞧许亲妈馊意…
继续说
第章
家坦白意见
第二页中
手没伸灰尖挺双峰
什头
通常双峰找
吧…算会字
直伸颤动笔
支笔时会想场
够…

112 The One With the Dozen Lasagnes
112 The One With the Dozen Lasagnes

[Scene Central Perk everyone is there Ross working on crossword puzzle starts humming theme from The Odd Couple Chandler joins in followed by Monica and Phoebe then the whole gang Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie]
Chandler Nononono we're done
Opening Credits
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Monica is on the phone in the kitchen]
Monica Aunt Syl stop yelling All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna I would have made vegetarian lasagna (pauses listens to person on phone) Well the meat's only every third layer maybe you could scrape
(Camera moves to Chandler Phoebe Ross and Joey sitting in living room)
Joey Ross did you really read all these baby books
Ross Yup You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus no compass and I can find my way out of there like that (snaps fingers)
Phoebe Ooh this is coolit says in some parts of the world people actually eat the placenta (Joey grimaces)
Chandler And we're done with the yogurt (Sets yogurt down on table)
Phoebe (softly) Sorry (Camera pans back to Monica still on phone)
Monica Aunt Syl I did this as a favor I am not a caterer What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas (listens to Aunt Syl on phone looks shocked) Nice talk Aunt Syl (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth
(Camera pans back to group in living room)
Joey Hey Ross listen you know that right now your baby's only this big (measures about 2 inches with his thumb and index finger) This is your baby (in babylike voice) Hi Daddy
Ross (waves) Hello
Joey (in babylike voice) How come you don't live with Mommy (pause shows Ross less than amused) How come Mommy lives with that other lady (pause Ross still looks less than amused Joey smiling) What's a lesbian (playfully hits Ross)
(Rachel enters with Paolo speaking Italian Ross looks annoyed)
Rachel Honey you can say it Poconos Poconos it's like Poconos (touching Paolo's nose with forefinger with each syllable)
Paolo Ah poke (Paolo touches Rachel's nose) a (touches nose again) nose mmm (they rub noses then kisses her)
Joey Chandler and Ross (sitting in living room imitating Paolo) Mma Mma Mmaah
(Camera pans to Rachel Monica and Phoebe in the kitchen)
Monica So did I hear Poconos
Rachel Yes my sister's giving us her place for the weekend
Phoebe Woohoo first weekend away together
Monica Yeah that's a big step
Rachel I know
(Camera pans to Ross looking dejected)
Chandler (to Ross) Ah it's just a weekend big deal
Ross Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling huh Shouldn't it be(makes flinging motions with hands) flung by now
(Camera pans back to Rachel)
Rachel I mean we are way past the fling thing I mean I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books you know I mean when I'm with him I'm totally totally
(Camera pans to Ross holding his stomach)
Ross nauseous I'm physically nauseous What am I supposed to do huh Call immigration (pauses looks suddenly inspired) I could call immigration
[Scene The Hallway Chandler and Joey leaving girls' apartment carrying lasagna]
Joey I love babies with their little baby shoes and their little baby toes and their little baby hands
Chandler Ok you're going to have to stop that forever
(Joey opens door throws keys on kitchen table table falls over)
Joey Need a new table
Chandler You think
[Scene Carol and Susan's there's a knock on the door and Carol answers it to Ross]
Carol Hey hey come on in
(Ross enters carrying lasagna)
Ross Hey hello mmwa (kisses Carol) I brought all the books and Monica sends her love along with this lasagna
Carol Oh great Is it vegetarian 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat
Ross (pauses) I'm pretty sure that it is
Carol So I got the results of the amnio today
Ross (making flinging gestures with hands) Oh tell me tell me is everything uhh
Carol Totally and completely healthy
Ross Oh that's great that is great (Hugs and kisses Carol Then picks up a picture frame)
Ross Hey when did you and Susan meet Huey Lewis
Carol Uh that's our friend Tanya
Ross (surprised chuckling nervously) Of course it's your friend Tanya (looks up frightenedly)
Carol Don't you want to know about the sex
Ross (chuckles nervously) The sex (chuckles) Um I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair that's the best I could think of) yaw
Carol The sex of the baby Ross
Ross Oh you know the sex of the baby Oh ohohoh
Carol Do you want to know
Ross No no no no no I don't want to know absolutely not I think you know I think you should know until you look down there and say oop there it is (pauses) Or isn't
(Susan enters)
Susan Oh hello Ross
Ross Susan
Susan So so did you hear
Ross Yes we did everything's AOK
Susan Oh that's so (Susan hugs Carol they giggle Ross steps away) It really isdo we know
Carol Yes we certainly do it's going to be
Ross (flailing arms in protest) Oh hey hey hey ho ho ho hello guy who doesn't want to know standing right here
Susan Oh well is it what we thought it would be
Carol Mmhmmm (Susan and Carol hug giggling Ross stands back reaches out and lightly taps Susan's shoulder)
Ross Ok what whatok what did we think it was going to be
Carol and Susan It's a
Ross (interrupts) No no no I don't want to know don't want to know Ok you know I should probably I should probably just go
Carol Well thanks for the books
Ross No problem ok mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan (Ross leaves)
Susan All right who should we call first your folks or Deb and Rona (intercom buzzer rings)
Carol Hello
Ross (on intercom) Uh never mind I don't want to know (Carol and Susan laugh)
[Scene Chandler and Joey's  Joey and Chandler use their knees as a table to support the lasagna]
Chandler Ok so it's just because it was my table I have to buy a new one
Joey That's the rule
Chandler What rule There's no rule if anything you owe me a table
Joey How'd you get to that
Chandler Well I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio
Joey You knew about that
Chandler Well let's just say the impressions you made in the butter left little to the imagination
Joey Ok ok How about if we split it
Chandler What do you mean like buy it together
Joey Yeah
Chandler You think we're ready for something like that
Joey Why not
Chandler Well it's a pretty big commitment I mean what if one of us wants to move out
Joey Why are you moving out
Chandler I'm not moving out
Joey You'd tell me if you were moving out right
Chandler Yeah yeah it's just that with my last roommate Kip
Joey Aw I know all about Kip
Chandler It's just that we bought a hibachi together and then he ran off and got married and things got pretty ugly
Joey Well let me ask you something was Kip a better roommate than me
Chandler Aw don't do that
[Scene Phoebe's Massage Parlor Phoebe's assistant is telling her about the changes to her schedule]
Phoebe's Assistant We've got a couple changes in your schedule Your 400 herbal massage has been pushed back to 430 and Miss Somerfield canceled her 530 shiatsu
Phoebe Ok thanks (assistant leaves then walks back in)
Phoebe's Assistant Oh here comes your 300 I don't mean to sound unprofessional but yum (walks out Paolo enters)
Paolo Buon Giorno Bella Phoebe
Phoebe Oh Paolo hi what are you doing here
Paolo Uh Racquela tell me you massage eh
Phoebe Well Racquela's right yeah
(Paolo speaks Italian)
Phoebe Oh okay I don't know what you just said so let's get started
Paolo Uh I am uh being naked
Phoebe Um that's really your decision I mean some people prefer you know to take offoh whoops You're being naked
[Scene Central Perk everyone but Phoebe is there]
Rachel (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know I mean I couldn't not know I mean if if the doctor knows and Carol knows and Susan knows
Monica And Monica knows
Ross Wha heh how could you know I don't even know
Monica Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna I asked she told me
Joey So what's it gonna be (Monica whispers in Joey's ear Ross gets up and waves arms frantically in protest)
Ross Wait—oh—hey—huh oh great now he knows and I don't know
Monica I'm sorry I'm just excited about being an aunt
Joey Or an uncle
(Phoebe enters)
Joey and Chandler Hey Phoebe
Ross Hi Pheebs
Rachel Pheebs
Phoebe Fine
Monica Phoebe what's the matter
Phoebe Nothing I'm sorry I'm just I'm out of sorts
Customer Hey can we get some cappuccino over here
Rachel Oh right that's me
Joey Hey Chandler that table place closes at 7 come on
Chandler Fine (Joey and Chandler walk towards the door)
Monica Phoebe what is it
Phoebe All right you know Paolo
Ross I'm familiar with his work yes
Phoebe Well he made a move on me
(Joey and Chandler come back)
Joey Whoa store will be open tomorrow
Chandler More coffee over here please
Commercial Break
[Scene Central Perk continued from earlier]
Monica Well what happened
Phoebe Well he came in for a massage and everything was fine until (A flashback starts Paolo lying on massage table moving his hands up Phoebe's legs)
[Cut back to Central Perk]
Joey and Chandler  Ooooohh
Ross My God
Monica Are you sure
(The flashback resumes with Paolo grabbing her butt)
[Cut back to Central Perk]
Phoebe Oh yeah I'm sure (Flashback resumes with Phoebe doing a voiceover) And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore (Flashback continues Paolo rolls over Phoebe looks down then quickly looks up bites lip shakes her head)
Monica Was it
Phoebe Oh boy scouts could have camped under there
Guys Oooooo
(Rachel runs over)
Rachel Ooo what
Phoebe Uma Thurman
Monica Oh
Ross The actress
(all talking indistinctly highfiving)
Ross Thanks Rach
(Rachel walks away)
Chandler So what are you gonna do
Ross You have to tell her You have to tell her It's your moral obligation as a friend as a woman I think it's a feminist issue Guys Guys (waiting for guys to chime in)
Chandler Oh yeah you have to tell her
Joey Feminist issue That's where I went
Phoebe She is gonna hate me
Ross(sympathetic yet) Yeah well
[Scene The Table Store Joey and Chandler and looking for their new table]
Joey Will you pick one just pick one Here how about that one (points to a table)
Chandler That's patio furniture
Joey So what like people are gonna come in and think Uhoh I'm outside again Of course
Chandler (gesturing towards another table) What about the birds
Joey I don't know birds just don't say Hello sit here eat something
Chandler You pick one
Joey All right how about the ladybugs
Chandler Oh so forget about the birds but big red insects suggest fine dining
Joey Fine you want to get the birds get the birds
Chandler Not like that I won't (pauses) Kip would have liked the birds (Joey turns and gives Chandler a dirty look)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Rachel folding and packing clothes in suitcases as Phoebe enters]
Phoebe Hey
Rachel Hi Pheebs
Phoebe Are you moving out
Rachel No these aren't all my suitcases (picks up small blue suitcase and shows to Phoebe) This one's Paolo's
Phoebe Um um Rachel can we talk for a sec
Rachel Well surejust a sec though 'cause Paolo's on his way over
Phoebe Oh (sits down) Ok um ok um
Rachel Oh Pheebs Pheebs
Phoebe Ok um (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time and um there are three things that you should know about me One my friends are the most important thing in my life two I never lie and three I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)
Rachel (taking cookie) Ok thanks Pheebs (takes bite of cookie overwhelmed) Oh my God why have I never tasted these before
Phoebe Oh I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies
Rachel All right well you're right these are the best oatmeal cookies I've ever had
Phoebe Which proves that I never lie
Rachel I guess you don't
Phoebe Paolo made a pass at me
(Rachel looks stunned)
[Scene Chandler and Joey's Ross Chandler Joey and Monica admiring their new table]
Chandler So what do you think
Ross I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen
Chandler I know
(The camera pans back to reveal Joey and Chandler's new foosball table)
Monica So how does this work you going to balance the plates on these little guys' heads
Joey Who cares we'll eat at the sink Come on let's play
Monica Heads up Ross (Monica scores on Chandler and Joey) Score (points at Chandler) You suck
(Chandler looks at Joey in amazement)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Rachel is recovering from the shock]
Phoebe Are you okay
Rachel I need some milk
Phoebe Ok I've got milk (takes thermos from her bag and starts to pour a cup) Here you go (Rachel drinks straight from thermos) Oh(Rachel finishes thermos) Better
Rachel Nooh I feel so stupid Oh I think about the other day with you guys and I was all Oh Paolo he's so great he makes me feel so Oh God I'm so embarrassed
Phoebe I'm so embarrassed I'm the one he hit on
(Phoebe's and Rachel's lines overlap)
Rachel Pheebs if I had never met him this never would have happened
Rachel and Phoebe I'm so sorry No I'm sorry No I'm sorry No I'm sorry
Phoebe No wait oh what are we sorry about
Rachel I don't knowright he's the pig
Phoebe Such a pig
Rachel Oh God he's such a pig
Phoebe Oh he's like a
Rachel He's like a big disgusting
Phoebe like a
Rachel pigpig man
Phoebe Yes good Ok
Rachel (voice wavers) Oh but he was my pig manhow did I not see this
Phoebe (raises hand) Oh I know (Rachel startled) It's because he's gorgeous and he's charming and when he looks at you
Rachel Ok Ok Pheebs
Phoebe The end
Rachel Oh God
Phoebe Should I not have told you
Rachel No no trust me it's it's it's much better that I know Uh I just liked it better before it was better
(Phoebe scoots her chair over to Rachel and hugs her)
[Scene Chandler and Joey's Phoebe is telling everyone how it went across the hall as the foosball game continues]
Phoebe I think she took it pretty well You know Paolo's over there right now so
Monica We should get over there and see if she's okay (switching places with Ross) Just onesecond Score (Monica scores highfives with Ross) Game Come on (Monica and Phoebe leave)
Ross (wiping his brow) Ahooh Well looks like uh we kicked your butts
Joey Nono she kicked our butts You could be on the Olympic standingthere team
Ross Come on two on one
Chandler What are you still doing here She just broke up with the guy it's time for you to swoop in
Ross What now
Joey Yes now is when you swoop You gotta make sure that when Paolo walks out of there the first guy Rachel sees is you She's gotta know that you're everything he's not You're like like the antiPaolo
Chandler My Catholic friend is right She's distraught You're there for her You pick up the pieces and then you usher in the age of Ross (Ross and Chandler look off into the distance Joey wondering what they are looking at looks in the same direction)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Balcony Rachel is throwing Paolo's clothes over the side]
Paolo No that's cold that's cold that's
[Cut to inside the apartment]
Ross (entering) How's it going
Monica Don't stare Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony now there's just a lot of gesturing and armwaving (shows Rachel gesturing with hands in front of her chest) Ok that is either How could you or Enormous breasts Here he comes
Phoebe Ooh
(Paolo enters Ross Phoebe and Monica scatter)
Paolo Uh I am uh to say goodbye
Phoebe Oh ok byebye
Monica Paolo I really hate you for what you did to Rachel (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles
Paolo Grazie
Ross Paolo II just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I say (shuts door in his face and walks away)
Phoebe Oh just look at her (girls move toward Rachel on the balcony)
Ross Oh you guys II really think just one of us should go out there so she's not overwhelmed
Monica Oh you're right
Ross (pulls Monica back) and I really think it should be me
[Cut to the balcony Ross has just climbed through the window]
Ross Hey
Rachel Hey
Ross You all right
Rachel Ooh I've been better
Ross Come here (he hugs Rachel) Listen you deserve so much better than himyou know I mean you you you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you
Rachel Oh Ross
Ross What
Rachel I am so sick of guys I don't want to look at another guy I don't want to think about another guy I don't even want to be near another guy (Ross crosses arms)
Ross Huh
Rachel Oh Ross you're so great
Ross Ohhhh (Hugs her and sighs)
[Cut to inside the apartment Rachel and Ross are entering]
Monica Oohhey honey are you all right
Rachel Oh
Phoebe You ok
Rachel mediumhmmany cookies left
Phoebe Yep
Ross See Rach uh see I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer I really don't I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process
Rachel No I just need to be by myself for a while you know I just got to figure out what I want
Ross Uh no no see because notnot all guys are going to be a Paolo
Rachel No I know I know and I'm sure your little boy is not going to grow up to be one
Ross (astonished) What
Rachel What
Ross II'm I'm having a boy
Rachel Uhno No no in fact you're not having a boy
Ross WhaI'm having I'm having a boy (babbling) Huh am I having a boy
Girls Yes you're having a boy (Monica runs over and hugs Ross)
Ross I'm having a boy Oh I'm having a boy
(Joey and Chandler run in)
Chandler Wha
Joey Wha
Joey and Chandler What is it
Ross I'm having a boy II'm having a boy
Joey Hey
Chandler Hey
Joey and Chandler We already knew that (they hug)
Ross I'm having a son Um
(Ross looks scared)
Closing Credits
[Scene Chandler and Joey's Monica is busy killing Chandle and Joey at foosball]
Monica Yes And that would be a shutdown
Joey and Chandler Shutout (They both start heading for their rooms)
Monica Where are you guys going Come on one more game
Joey Uh it's 230 in the morning
Chandler Yeah get out
Monica You guys are always hanging out in my apartment Come on I'll only use my left hand huh Come on wussies (Joey and Chandler pick her up) All right ok I gotta go I'm going (they throw her out) and I'm gone
Chandler (to Joey) One more game
Joey Oh yeah
End

112 十二碗面条


够
Syl婶婶喊果告诉
素面条会做素
吧肉第三层
许刮
罗斯真婴书读
恩塞子宫里
方着指南针
里面爬出~~
噢太棒书说方
真吃胎盘
呃酸奶算吃
起
Syl婶婶帮
承包宴席
面办
说话真听Syl婶婶
张嘴亲Freddie叔叔
嘿 罗斯知道现宝贝
孩子 嘿 爸爸
嘿
什妈咪起住
什妈咪女起住
什女性恋
亲爱说泊科农斯泊科农斯
泊科阿农斯 (Poconos)
啊 戳鼻子(poke a nose) 嗯
呵
听见泊科农斯
妹妹渡周末
第次周末结伴出游
啊进展步
知道
啊 周末 没什
说玩玩真嗯
该玩完吧现
想已远远超出玩范围
现感觉
Danielle Steele书里找
说起时候
完全完全
恶心恶心
该办 电话移民局
电话移民局
喜欢孩子 鞋
脚指头 手
样 永远
需新桌子
想
嘿 进吧
嘿
书回
莫妮卡送面条
太 素苏珊吃肉
肯定素
超声波结果
哦告诉告诉样
完全彻底健康
哦 太棒 太棒
嗨苏珊什时候认识Huey Lewis
啊朋友Tanya
原朋友Tanya
想知道性（性）
性 嗯光想苏珊起样子够舒服
Tanya加进 呃
说孩子性 罗斯
噢 知道 噢
想知道
想绝想
想现知道认应该等时低头瞧瞧
然说 嘿 带
带
罗斯
苏珊
结果样
知道切正常
噢 真太
知道
然知道
嘿 嘿 想知道站呢
嗯 希
嗯
什 什希男女

想知道想 吧
先回
谢谢书
没问题 嗯
哦 嗯
苏珊
吧该先告诉谁
家DebRona
喂
嗯没事 想知道
桌子买新
规矩
什规矩没什规矩
果话规矩欠桌子
结
桌子直结实直开始
早餐时蹂躏Angela Delvecchio（黄油牌子）
知道事
说吧罐黄油惨相
根连想象省
吧 合伙买样
什意思 起买
呀
认关系进展程度
什
承诺
意思 想搬出呢
什 搬
搬呐
搬话告诉
室友Kip
噢 知道Kip事
起买日式古桌
结婚走结果事情搞糟
吧问问题
作室友Kip
噢问
日程变化
400香蕈摩推迟430
Somerfield太太取消530日式指压
谢谢
哦 300顾客
想表现专业迷哦
Buon Giorno Bella Phoebe(意利语)
哦 Paolo 贵干
嗯 Racquela告诉摩
Racquela's说
噢知道刚说什
开始吧
嗯 需裸体
嗯喜 说喜欢脱噢 光着身子
相信想知道 意思
知道果 果医生知道
卡罗尔知道苏珊知道话
莫妮卡知道
知道 知道
卡罗尔面条电话道谢
问告诉
孩子
嘿 哈 太 现知道
知道
起 姑姑太兴奋
叔叔
嘿 菲
嘿 菲

菲
没什 起 舒服
嘿 咖啡
哦
嘿 钱德 卖桌子方
7点关 走吧
吧
菲
吧 知道Paolo
解点戏
调戏
急 商店明天会开
请点咖啡
回事
摩 挺直
噢天
确定
确定
然突然间手算什问题

童子军扎营
哦
哦 什
Uma Thurman
女演员
谢 瑞秋
算办
必须告诉 必须告诉
道德义务作朋友女
认涉女权问题 伙计
哦 必须告诉
女权问题 观点
会恨
没错
挑 挑 样
放院子里
什难道进屋会想
哦出
鸟桌样
知道鸟桌会说
坐 吃点什
选吧
吧 瓢虫桌样
哦 说鸟
红色昆虫够进食感觉
想鸟 鸟吧
样
Kip会喜欢鸟桌
嘿
嘿 菲
搬出
全行李 Paolo
瑞秋谈会
然会
Paolo正呢
哦 嗯嗯
哦 菲
嗯 认识长
嗯 三件事应该知道
朋友生命中重
二说谎
三 做提子燕麦饼干
谢谢
哦 太吃
什没吃
哦 做想
饼干说太公
吧
吃提子燕麦饼干
证明说谎
想
Paolo调戏
样
想见漂亮桌子
知道
呢
盘子衡头
呢 水槽边吃饭
吧 开玩
闪开罗斯
分 真臭
没事吧
需牛奶
准备牛奶
杯子
点
没
哦 真太蠢
哦 回想起天
哦 Paolo真 觉真
天 真难情
难情 调戏
菲 果没遇见
事情会发生
真起 起
等等 什互相道歉
知道 猪
真猪
哦 天 真头猪
猪 恶心猪猪
骂
噢 猪
什出
知道
太帅
太迷时候
说 菲
说
噢 天
应该瞒着
相信 知道
呃 事情想太
想情绪算
Paolo现边
应该没事
会 分 赢 走吧
嗯 起
呃屁滚尿流
屁滚尿流
参加奥林匹克站边队
吧 二
干什 刚
男分手该趁虚入啦
什 现
现正时候
确保Paolo走出屋子
瑞秋见第男
知道 处
反Paolo(罗马教皇)
天教朋友说
现烦恼
陪伴
帮承担烦恼
然走 罗斯时代
太残忍 太残忍
样
盯
现刚衣服阳台
扔现画画
嗯 动作表示
表示 胸脯

嗯 说声见
噢 行 走吧
Paolo 非常憎恨瑞秋做事
五没处理掉
烤箱里烤奶酪泡行
Grazie (意利语)
Paolo 想告诉代家说
说
噢 伤心
伙计 认中 样会压垮
说
应该
嘿 嘿
没事吧
噢 点

听着 远远配
意思 应该找
明白拥幸福
哦 罗斯
什
讨厌死男想见男
想考虑男
甚想听男说话
哈
哦 罗斯 真
嘿 亲爱 吧
没事
般吧嗯饼干

瑞秋认应该男拒门外
想 认需建立成熟筛选程序
想先单身阵知道
先弄明白想什样

会Paolo样
知道 知道 肯定
子会长成样
什 什
子
事实 子
子
嗯 子
子
子 哦 子
什
子 子
嘿 嘿
已知道
子 嗯
赢局
闭嘴吧
呀 局
嘿 现已凌晨230
出
老屋泡着
吧 左手 吧 软蛋
吧 走
走 已走
局
然

113 The One With the Boobies
113 The One With the Boobies

[Scene Monica and Rachel's Chandler walks in and starts raiding the fridge Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her waist drying herself with another towel Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel for a second and snatches the rug off the couch]
Rachel That is IT You just barge in here you don't knock
Chandler I'm sorry
Rachel You have no respect for anybody's privacy
Chandler Rachel wait wait
Rachel No you wait This is ridiculous
Chandler Can I just say one thing
Rachel What What
Chandler That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your nipular areas
Rachel Oh
(She storms off)
Opening Credits
[Scene Central Perk Phoebe is there with her boyfriend Roger talking to Rachel and Monica]
Phoebe Oh honey honey tell them the story about your patient who thinks things are like other things Y'know Like the phone rings and she takes a shower
Roger That's pretty much it
Phoebe Oops
Roger But you tell it really well sweetie
Phoebe Thanks Okay now go away so we can talk about you
Roger Okay I'll miss you
Phoebe Isn't he great
Rachel He's so cute And he seems to like you so much
Phoebe I know I know So sweet and so complicated And for a shrink he's not too shrinky y'know
Monica So you think you'll do it on his couch
Phoebe Oh I don't know I don't know I think that's a little weird y'know Vinyl
Rachel Okaaay (To the guys on the couch) Any of you guys want anything else
Chandler Oh yes could I have one of those (Points)
Rachel No I'm sorry we're all out of those Anybody else
Chandler Okay
Roger Did I uh did I miss something
Chandler No she's still upset because I saw her boobies
Ross You what Wh what were you doing seeing her boobies
Chandler It was an accident Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts
Rachel Okay okay could we change the subject please
Phoebe Yeah 'cause hello these are not her boobies these are her breasts
Rachel Okay Pheebs I was hoping for more of a change
Chandler Y'know I don't know why you're so embarrassed they were very nice boobies
Rachel Nice They were nice I mean that's it I mean mittens are nice
Chandler Okaaay (Gestures) rock hard place me
Roger You're so funny He's really funny I wouldn't wanna be there when when the laughter stops
Chandler Whoah whoah back up there Sparky What'd you mean by that
Roger Oh just seems as though that maybe you have intimacy issues Y'know that you use your humour as a way of keeping people at a distance
Chandler Huh
Roger I mean hey I just met you I don't know you from Adam Only child right Parents divorced before you hit puberty
Chandler Uhhuh how did you know that
Roger It's textbook
(Joey enters with his dad)
Joey Hey you guys Hey you all know my dad right
All Hey Hey Mr Trib
Monica Hey how long are you in the city
Mr Tribbiani Just for a coupla days I got a job midtown I figure I'm better off staying with the kid than hauling my ass back and forth on the ferry (Sees Roger) I don't know this one
Phoebe Oh this is my friend Roger
Roger Hi
Mr Tribbiani Hey hey Good to meet you Roger
Roger You too sir
Mr Tribbiani (To Phoebe) What happened to the uh puppet guy
Joey Dad dad (Shakes his head)
Mr Tribbiani Oh 'scuse me So Ross uh how's the wife (Ross whines and lays his head on Chandler's shoulder) Off there too uh Uh Chandler quick say something funny
(Chandler stays stonefaced)
[Scene Chandler and Joey's Mr Tribbiani is on the phone]
Mr Tribbiani Gotta go I miss you too I love you but it's getting real late now
Joey (Snatches the phone) Hey Ma Listen I made the appointment with Dr Bazida and Excuse me (To his dad) Did you know this isn't Ma
(His dad nods Cut to later Joey is chopping mushrooms)
Mr Tribbiani Her name's Ronni She's a pet mortician
Joey Sure So how long you been (Goes back to chopping)
Mr Tribbiani Remember when you were a little kid I used to take you to the navy yard and show you the big ships
Joey Since then
Mr Tribbiani No it's only been six years I just wanted to put a nice memory in your head so you'd know that I wasn't always such a terrible guy Joe Y'ever been in love
Joey I d'know
Mr Tribbiani Then y'haven't You're burning your tomatoes
Joey You're one to talk (Puts the mushrooms in a saucepan)
Mr Tribbiani Joe your dad's in love big time And the worst part of it is it's with two different women
Joey Oh man Please tell me one of 'em is Ma
Mr Tribbiani Of course course one of 'em's Ma What's the matter with you
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Joey is lamenting to everyone about hid dad's affair]
Joey It's like if you woke up one day and found out your dad was leading this double life He's like actually some spy working for the CIA (Considers) That'd be cool This blows
Rachel I know I mean why can't parents just stay parents (She walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her chest) Why do they have to become people Why do they have (Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at my breasts
Chandler (Without looking up) What (Looks up) What
Rachel Did you not get a good enough look the other day
Ross Alright alright We're all adults here there's only one way to resolve this Since you saw her boobies I think uh you're gonna have to show her your peepee
Chandler Y'know I don't see that happening
Rachel C'mon he's right Tit for tat
Chandler Well I'm not showing you my 'tat'
(Door buzzer goes)
Monica Hello
Phoebe (Intercom) It's Phoebe
Roger (Intercom) And Rog
Monica C'mon up
Chandler (Sarcastic) Oh good Rog is here
Joey What's the matter with Rog
Ross Yeah
Chandler Oh it's nothing it's a little thing I hate that guy
Ross What so he was a little analytical That's what he does y'know C'mon he's not that bad
(Cut to Chandler Ross and Roger sitting at the table Ross is upset)
Ross Y'see that's where you're wrong Why would I marry her if I thought on any level thatthat she was a lesbian
Roger I dunno Maybe you wanted your marriage to fail
Ross Why Why would I why Why Why Why
Roger I don't know Maybe maybe low selfesteem maybe maybe to compensate for overshadowing a sibling maybe you
Monica Waitwait go back to that sibling thing
Roger Well I don't know I mean it's conceivable that you wanted to sabotage your marriage so that the sibling would feel less of a failure in the eyes of the parents
Ross That that's ridiculous I don't feel guilty for her failures
Monica Oh So you think I'm a failure
Phoebe Isn't he good
Ross Nonono thatthat's not what I was saying
Monica Y'know all these years I thought you were on my side But maybe what you were doing was sucking up to Mom and Dad so they'd keep liking you better
Ross Hey I married a lesbian to make you look good
(Cut to later Rachel is in tears)
Rachel You're right I mean you're right It wasn't just the Weebles but it was the Weeble Play Palace and and the Weebles' Cruise Ship Oh which had this little lifeboat for the Weebles to wobble in
Roger That's tough Tough stuff C'mon Pheebs we're gonna catch that movie we gotta get going
Phoebe Oh okay Feel better Rachel 'kay
Roger Geez we're gonna be late sweetie
Phoebe Oh okay Listen thanks for everything Mon
Monica You're welcome
Roger Listen guys it was great seeing you again Mon um easy on those cookies okay Remember they're just food they're not love
(He shuts the door and Ross and Monica fling cookies at it)
Monica Hate that guy (Throws another cookie)
[Scene The Hallway Chandler and Joey are just leaving Monica and Rachel's]
Joey Night you guys
(They notice that a woman is sitting by their door)
Chandler Oh look it's the woman we ordered
Joey Hey Can uh can we help you
Ronni Oh no thanks I'm just waiting for uh Joey Tribbiani
Joey I'm Joey Tribbiani
Ronni Oh no not you big Joey Oh my God you're so much cuter than your pictures (Joey stares at her) II'm I'm RonniCheese Nip
Chandler Uh Joey's having an embolism but I'd go for a Nip y'know
Commercial Break
[Scene Chandler and Joey's Ronni is talking to Chandler Joey's dad is not around]
Ronni Now y'see most people when their pets pass on they want 'em sorta laid out like they're sleeping But occasionally you get your person who wants them in a pose Like chasing their tail (Demonstrates) or uh jumping to catch a frisbee
Chandler Joey if I go first I wanna be looking for my keys
Ronni That's a good one
(Joey's dad enters)
Mr Tribbiani Hey Joe
Joey Dad Ronni's here
Mr Tribbiani Huh
Ronni Hi
Mr Tribbiani Hey Hello babe Wh what're what're you doing here
Ronni Oh uh well you left your good hair at my apartment I figured you'd need it tomorrow for your meeting (Hands him the hair)
Mr Tribbiani Thank you Uh
Chandler So who's up for a big game of Kerplunk
Ronni Look I uh I shouldn'ta come II'd better get going I don't wanna miss the last train
Mr Tribbiani I don't want you taking that thing
Ronni Oh where'm I gonna stay here
Joey Whoahho
Mr Tribbiani We'll go to a hotel
Ronni (Shrugs) We'll go to a hotel
Joey No you won't
Ronni No we won't
Joey If you go to a hotel you'll bedoing stuff I want you right here where I can keep an eye on you
Mr Tribbiani You're gonna keep an eye on us
Joey That's right mister and I don't care how old you are as long as you're under my roof you're gonna live by my rules And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend
Ronni Wow He's strict
Joey Now dad you'll be in my room Ronni uh you can stay in Chandler's room
Ronni Thanks You're uh you're a good kid
Chandler C'mon I'll show you to my room That sounds so weird when it's not followed by No thanks it's late
Joey Okay Now this is just for tonight Starting tomorrow you gotta make a change This has gone on long enough
Mr Tribbiani What kinda change
Joey Well either you break it off with Ronni
Mr Tribbiani I can't do that
Joey Then you gotta come clean with Ma This is not right
Mr Tribbiani Yeah but this is
Joey I don't wanna hear it Now go to my room
[Scene Chandler and Joey's night Chandler and Joey are sharing the sofabed in the living room Joey is restless]
Chandler Hey Kicky What're you doing
Joey Just trying to get comfortable I can't sleep in my underwear
Chandler Well you're gonna
Joey I've been thinking Y'know about how I'm always seeing girls on top of girls
Chandler Are they end to end or tall like pancakes
Joey Y'know what I mean about how I'm always going out with all these women And I always figured when the right one comes along I'd be able to be a standup guy and go the distance y'know Now I'm looking at my dad thinking
Chandler Hey you're not him You're you When they were all over you to go into your father's pipefitting business did you cave
Joey No
Chandler No You decided to go into the outofwork actor business Now that wasn't easy but you did it And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along you will have the courage and the guts to say No thanks I'm married
Joey You really think so
Chandler Yeah I really do
Joey Thanks Chandler (Snuggles up to him)
Chandler Get off
[Scene Monica and Rachel's morning Someone knocks on the door and Monica gets it]
Ronni Hi
Monica HiMay I help you
Ronni Yeah uh Joey said I could use your shower since uh Chandler's in ours
Monica Okaywho are you
Ronni Oh I'm Ronni Ronni Rappelano The mistress
Monica Oh c'mon in
Ronni Thanks
Rachel Hi I'm Rachel
Ronni Hi
Rachel Bathroom's up there
Ronni Great
Rachel Hey listen Ronni how long would you say Chandler's been in the shower
Ronni Oh like uh five minutes
Rachel Perfect Fasten your seatbelts it's peepee time (She goes into Joey and Chandler's apartment where Mr Tribbiani is reading the paper) Hey Mr Trib
Mr Tribbiani Hey Morning dear
(Rachel goes up to the door of their bathroom)
Rachel Chandler Bing It's time to see your thing
(She opens the door and whips back the curtain It's Joey They both scream)
Joey (Runs out in a towel) What's the matter with you
Rachel I thought it was Chandler
Chandler (Comes out of his room) What What
Rachel You were supposed to be in there so I could see your thing
Chandler Sorry my my thing was in there with me
[Scene Central Perk everyone is there as Phoebe enters]
All Hey Pheebs
Phoebe Hey
Monica How's it going
Phoebe Good Oh oh Roger's having a dinner thing and he wanted me to invite you guys
(Chandler laughs)
Phoebe So what's going on
Monica Nothing um it's just um It's Roger
Ross I dunno there's just something about
Chandler Basically we just feel that he's
Rachel We hate that guy
All Yeah Hate him
Ross We're sorry Pheebs we're sorry
Phoebe Uhhuh Okay Okay don't you think maybe though it's just that he's so perceptive that it freaks you out
All No we hate him
Rachel We're sorry
[Scene Chandler and Joey's apartment Joey is trying to turn the sofabed back into a sofa Someone knocks on the door and it rears up at him]
Joey Ma What're you doing here
Mrs Tribbiani I came to give you this (Gives him a bag of groceries) and this (Whacks him round the ear)
Joey Oww Big ring
Mrs Tribbiani Why did you have to fill your father's head with all that garbage about making things right Things were fine the way they were There's chicken in there put it away For God's sake Joey really (She gives the sofabed a tiny push and it folds away)
Joey Hold on youyou knew
Mrs Tribbiani Of course I knew What did you think Your father is no James Bond You should've heard some of his cover stories I'm sleeping over at my accountant's I mean what is that Please
Joey So then how could you I mean how could you
Mrs Tribbiani Do you remember how your father used to be Always yelling always yelling nothing made him happy nothing made him happy not that wood shop not those stupid little ships in the bottle nothing Now he's happy I mean it's nice he has a hobby
Joey Ma I don't mean to be disrespectful but what the hell are you talking about I mean what about you
Mrs Tribbiani Me I'm fine Look honey in an ideal world there'd be no her and your father would look like Sting And I'll tell you something else Ever since that poodlestuffer came along he's been so ashamed of himself that he's been more attentive he's been more loving I mean it's like every day's our anniversary
Joey I'mhappyfor you
Mrs Tribbiani Well don't be because now everything's screwed up I just want it the way it was
Joey Ma I'm sorry I just did what I thought you'd want
Mrs Tribbiani I know you did cookie Oh I know you did So tell me Did you see her
Joey Yeah You're ten times prettier than she is
Mrs Tribbiani That's sweet Could I take her
Joey With this ring (Her engagement ring) No contest
[Scene Central Perk Phoebe is there with Roger]
Roger What's wrong sweetie
Phoebe Nothing nothing
Roger Aaaah what's wrong c'mon (Pats his leg She lies down and rests her head in his lap)
Phoebe It's I mean it's nothing I'm fine It's my friends Theythey have a liking problem with you In that um they don't
Roger Oh They don't
Phoebe But they don't see all the wonderfulness that I see They don't see all the good stuff and all the sweet stuff They just think you're a little
Roger What
Phoebe Intense and creepy
Roger Oh
Phoebe But I don't Me Phoebe
Roger Well I'm not I'm not at all surprised they feel that way
Phoebe You're not See that's why you're so great
Roger Actually it's it's quite y'know typical behaviour when you have this kind of dysfunctional group dynamic Y'know this kind of codependant emotionally stunted sitting in your stupid coffee house with your stupid big cups which I'm sorry might as well have nipples on them and you're like all 'Oh define me Define me Love me I need love'
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Joey is letting everyone in on the new developments]
Monica So you talked to your dad huh
Joey Yeah He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted she's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she does and my little sister Tina can't see her husband any more because he got a restraining orderwhich has nothing to do with anything except that I found out today
Rachel Wow
Chandler Things sure have changed here on Waltons mountain
Ross So Joey you okay
Joey Yeah I guess It's just parents after a certain point you gotta let go Even if you know better you've gotta let them make their own mistakes
Rachel Just think in a couple of years we get to turn into them
Chandler If I turn into my parents I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twentyyearold boys or I'll end up like my mom
Phoebe (entering) Hey
All Hey Pheebs
Monica How's it going
Phoebe Oh okay except I broke up with Roger
All Awww
Phoebe Yeah right
All Aaawwwwww
Rachel What happened
Phoebe I don't know I mean he's a good person and he can be really sweet and in some ways I think he is so right for me it's just I hate that guy
Closing Credits
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Phoebe is reading the paper and Joey enters]
Phoebe Hey Joey What's going on
Joey Clear the tracks for the boobie payback express Next stop Rachel Green (He goes into the bathroom We hear a scream and he comes out closely followed by Monica in a towel)
Monica Joey What the hell were you doing
Joey Sorry Wrong boobies
(He leaves Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment She sneaks up to the shower door)
Monica Hello Joey
(She whips back the curtain to reveal Joey's dad)
Mr Tribbiani Oh Hello dear (She whips the curtain shut in horror)
End

113 胸脯


抱歉 天啊受够
敲门闯进 难道尊重隐私权
瑞秋慢着 慢着太荒唐
说件事 什事
块布编非常松
见胸脯
亲爱告诉病事想成件事
例电话响时洗澡
差样
说 谢谢
快走开谈
吧会想念
错吧
帅喜欢
知道
导演：亚伦梅尔森
复杂
成间男女
会沙发做
知道…点奇怪
聚乙稀做
家想
… 抱歉卖完呢
否错某事 没
生气见胸脯
胸脯干 意外
着远镜甜甜圈街感觉
改变话题
没错胸脯
胸部
菲改变字眼
知介意
胸脯
样手套
…左右难
真逗
真逗
笑时候 想
等等
什意思
似亲密问题
幽默保持距离
刚认识
毫知
独子
父母青春期前离婚
会知道？ 典型
位 乔伊
认识爸吧
算纽约久天
中城工作
想子住 回坐渡轮
没见
朋友罗杰
幸会罗杰 彼彼
玩布偶 爸
抱歉罗斯太太呢
两出局
钱德说点笑
挂电话想
爱现晚
声招呼
妈包西达夫约时间
什
知道妈
罗妮宠物殡葬业者
然
久…
记时候常带海军军港船
时候
6年
想勾起美回忆
会觉直烂
乔伊爱
知道 没
蕃茄烧焦
想转移话题
乔老爸爱法拔
糟爱两女
拜托告诉中妈
然中妈
搞
某天起床突然发现爸双面
中情局工作间谍
定酷
烂
懂
父母父母
成间男女
盯着胸部
什
什
天够
已成年
事解决道
然胸脯
应该弟弟
办
拜托说
眼眼
会
会
快
罗杰
罗杰什劲
没什事
讨厌家伙
什太善分析
种样嘛没糟
错误方
果初感觉女志必结婚呢
知道
许想婚姻失败
什…
知道许信心足
许弥补妹相形见绌愧疚
许…等等回妹妹话题
什知道
婚姻触礁
妹父母面前抬起头
太荒谬
争气未感责
认争气
错吧意思
年支持
许婚姻失败目想巴结爸妈
更心疼
娶女志想建立信
说
威伯问题
威伯游乐宫游轮问题
面救生艇威伯缓缓驶出
滋味受
菲果想电影现该走
起精神瑞秋
菲快
谢谢 客气
位高兴位度见面
摩妮卡饼干吃太
切记食物
爱
讨厌家伙
晚安位
订女
需帮忙
谢谢等乔
乔
老乔
天啊片帅
罗妮
想吃起司块(夹子)
乔伊栓子
点
部份宠物世
希长眠样
摆出姿势
追尾巴
跳起接住飞盘
乔伊果先走 姿势找钥匙样
姿势错 乔伊
罗妮
宝贝
干什
假发留住处
想明天
谢谢
谁想玩科普朗克
该
该走 想错班铁
坐晚车
住里
住饭店
住饭店
行 行
饭店定会办事

样监视
监视
没错
住家 —切听
准睡起
严格
爸睡房间
罗妮睡钱德房间
谢谢
真孩子
带房间
感觉真奇怪
没说谢时候早
晚 明天做出改变
6年已够久
什改变
分手… 办
然妈首 样
… 想听
快进房里
踢
干什找寻舒适位置
穿着裤睡着 非穿
直想…
总见女叠女面
首尾相接 煎饼样高
懂意思
总想女约会
总想梦中情出现时
会勇直前坚持
见爸…

全天希继承爸事业时
屈服？ 没
决心演员
件容易事 办
相信梦中情出现时
会勇气说抱歉已婚
真样认
真
谢谢 滚开
事
乔伊说浴室
钱德正 啊
谁？ 罗妮
情妇
请进 谢谢
瑞秋
浴室
罗妮钱德进浴室久
约5分钟 太
请系安全带
弟弟时间
崔先生
早安
钱德该弟弟
搞
钱德
什事
应该浴室 样见弟弟
抱歉弟弟
菲
？ 错
罗杰想邀家起吃晚餐
？ 没事
…罗杰
说事…
基认…
讨厌…
菲抱歉
观察入微反吓
讨厌… 抱歉
妈干什


头晕
讲堆爸改正垃圾
然呢
里面鸡肉放
拜托乔真
慢着知道
然知道认呢
爸詹姆士庞德
应该听谎言
会计睡
什拜托
…记爸前模样
总吼
总开心
连木店瓶船法开心
样总算嗜
妈恕直言
底说什
呢？ 啊
理想世界中没
爸长史汀样帅
告诉
女出现
感疚开始体贴
天结婚纪念日
该高兴
需
现全搞砸
想回前
妈起
做想做事
知道
告诉见没
漂亮
嘴巴真甜
斗
戒指斗
？ 没事
底快说嘛
吧…没事
问题出朋友身
意见
… ？
见处
见面
认点… 什？
难相处
菲认
反应毫感惊讶
惊讶 欣赏方
群体动力失调时常反应
种相互赖情绪激动
坐家烂咖啡屋
着咖啡杯
抱歉许乳头面
会说定义
爱需爱
爸谈
妈希方式继续欺骗妈
妈继续假装知
妹蒂娜见丈夫
接禁制令
两件事没关系 天听说
华登山事全变
乔伊没事吧
许吧父母
然
知道样做
犯错误
年样
拜托
果样
变成追逐金发帅哥酒鬼
变妈样
？
罗杰分手
没错 …
？ 说
体贴
某方面适合
…讨厌


114 The One With the Candy Hearts
114 The One With the Candy Hearts

[Scene Central Perk Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her No pun intended I mean it]
Joey I'm tellin' you Ross she wants you
Ross She barely knows me We just live in the same building
Chandler Any contact
Ross She lent me an egg once
Joey You're in
Ross Aw right
Woman Hi Ross
Ross Hey (stutters something incoherent)
Chandler Come on Ross you gotta get back in the game here ok The Rachel thing's not happening your exwife is a lesbian—I don't think we need a third
Joey Excuse me could we get an egg over here still in the shell Thanks
Ross An egg
Joey Yeah you're gonna go up to her and say Here's your egg back I'm returning your egg
Chandler I think it's winning
Ross I think it's insane
Chandler She'll love it Go with the egg my friend
(Ross walks over to the woman egg in hand)
Joey Think it'll work
Chandler No it's suicide The man's got an egg
Opening Credits
[Scene Central Perk Monica Rachel Phoebe Joey Chandler are there Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman]
Monica You can not do this
Rachel Do what do what
Monica Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night
Rachel No Phoebes Don't you remember why you dumped the guy
Phoebe 'Cause he was creepy and mean and a little frightening alright still it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day
Monica But Phoebe you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year I know I do
Rachel Well what are you guys doing tomorrow night
Joey Actually tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes
Chandler Oh uh listen about tonight
Joey No no no don't you dare bail on me The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend
Chandler Yes I know but her friend sounds like such a
Joey Pathetic mess I know but—come on man she's needy she's vulnerable I'm thinkin' chaching (Rachel throws a roll at Joey He picks it up and eats it) Thanks Look you have not been out with a woman since Janice You're doin' this
Ross Hi She said yes
Chandler Yes Way to go man (Chandler and Ross hug Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket) Still got the egg huh
[Scene A Restaurant Joey and Chandler are there waiting for their dates to show up]
Joey (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I look
Chandler Oh uh I don't care (Joey's date shows up) Ok now remember no trading You get the pretty one I get the mess
Lorraine Hi Joey Well well look what you brought Very nice
Chandler And what did you bring
Lorraine She's checking the coats Joey I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands Will you get me a white Zinfandel and a glass of red for Janice
Chandler Janice
(Lorraine leaves Joey shakes his head as though to say 'It can't be the same Janice' Janice enters)
Janice Oh my God
Chandler (angrily) Hey it's Janice
[Scene The bathroom at the restaurant Chandler and Joey are talking]
Chandler Ok I'm makin' a break for it I'm goin' out the window
Joey No no no don't I've been waitin' for like forever to go out with Lorraine Just calm down
Chandler Calm down Calm down You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice in the last five months
Joey (at the urinal) Can you stop yellin' You're makin' me nervous and I can't go when I'm nervous
Chandler I'm sorry I'm sorry you're right (gets up right behind Joey and yells in his ear) Come on do it do it go come on
[Scene Monica and Rachel's the girls are all there discussing their bad luck with men]
Rachel Ok ok Roger was creepy but he was nothing compared to Pete Carney
Monica Which one was Pete Carney
Rachel Pete the Weeper Remember that guy who used to cry every time we had sex (imitating) Was it good for you
Monica Yeah well I'll take a little crying any day over HowardtheIwinguy (imitating) I win I win I went out with the guy for two months—I didn't get to win once
Rachel How did we end up with these jerks We're good people
Monica I don't know Maybe we're some kinda magnets
Phoebe I know I am That's why I can't wear a digital watch
Monica There's more beer right
Phoebe Oh You know my friend Abby who shaves her head She said that if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle you can do like a cleansing ritual
Rachel Pheebes this woman is voluntarily bald
Phoebe Yeah So we can do it tomorrow night you guys It's Valentine's Day It's perfect
Monica Ok well what kind of ritual
Phoebe Ok We can um we can burn the stuff they gave us
Rachel Or
Phoebe Oror we can chant and dance around naked you know with sticks
Monica Burning's good
Rachel Burning's good Yeah I got stuff to burn
[Scene The Restaurant Joey Lorraine Chandler and Janice are at the table Joey and Lorraine are seated very close Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another]
Lorraine You know ever since I was little I've been able to pick up quarters with my toes
Joey Good for you (jumps suddenly) Uh quarters or rolls of quarters
Janice By the way Chandler I cut you out of all my pictures So if you want I have a bag with just your heads
Chandler That's OK
Janice Oh are you sure Really Because you know you could make little puppets out of them and you could use them in your theater of cruelty
(Lorraine whispers into Joey's ear)
Joey (to Lorraine) We can't do that
Chandler (disgusted) What What can't you do
Joey Uh can I talk to you for a second over there
(Chandler and Joey leave the table)
Joey Uh we might be leaving now
Chandler Tell me it's you and me we
Joey She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off I'm not even sure what slathering is but I definitely want to be a part of it
Chandler Ok you can not do this to me
Joey You're right I'm sorry You're right
Lorraine (to waiter) Uh can we have three chocolate mousses to go please
Joey I'm outta here Here's my credit card Dinner's on me I'm sorry Chandler
Chandler I hope she throws up on you
(Joey leaves with Lorraine Chandler sits back down with Janice)
Chandler So
Janice Just us
Chandler Oh what a crappy night
Janice Although I have enjoyed the fact that uh your shirt's been stickin' outta your zipper ever since you came back from the bathroom
Chandler Excuse me (gets up jumps up and down while he zips his zipper up other patrons look at him) How ya doin'
Janice So do we have the best friends or what
Chandler Joey's not a friend He'sa stupid man who left us his credit card Another drink Some dessert A big screen TV
Janice I will go for that drink
Chandler You got it Good woman (the waiter turns around it's a man) Could we get a bottle of your most overpriced champagne
Janice Each
Chandler That's right each Oh and a uh Rob Roy (to Janice) I've always wanted to know
[Scene Chandler's bedroom Chandler wakes up and finds someone else's hand on his chest He rolls over and is shocked to see Janice there]
Janice Happy Valentine's Day
Commercial Break
[Scene The Hallway Chandler is trying to get Janice out of his apartment]
Janice Oh I miss you already Can you believe this happened
Chandler No no And yet it did Goodbye Janice
Janice Kiss me
(Janice kisses him Monica comes out for the newspaper}
Monica Oh Chandler sorry
(Janice turns around Monica sees who it is)
Monica Ohhh Chandler sorry Hey Janice
Janice Hi Monica
Chandler Ok well this was very special
Monica Rach come see who's out here
(Rachel comes out)
Rachel Oh my god Janice hi
Chandler Janice is gonna go away now
Monica I'll be right back
(Joey enters from the stairs)
Rachel Oh Joey look who it is
Joey (in disbelief) Whoa
Chandler Oh good Joey's home now
Janice This is so fun This is like a reunion in the hall
(Monica comes out with her cordless phone)
Monica Oh hi Ross Yeah There's someone I want you to say hi to (to Chandler) He just happened to call
Janice Hi Ross Yes it's me How did you know (she laughs obnoxiously)
[Scene A Chinese Restaurant Ross is there with his date]
Ross I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag then because of the whole um seven dog years to one human year thing then when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles he doesn't just lose three hours he loses like a week and a half
(Ross starts to laugh and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that' Ross' exwife Carol and her lesbian lover Susan enter the restaurant Ross stares at them)
Kristin That's funny Who are they
Ross The blond woman is my exwife and the woman touching her is her close personal friend
Kristin You mean they're lovers
Ross If you wanna put a label on it
Kristin Wow uh anything else I should know
Ross Nope nope that's it
(Carol takes off her jacket her pregnant belly is exposed)
Ross Oh and she's pregnant with my baby I always forget that part (to Carol and Susan) Helloo
[Scene Monica and Rachel's the girls are holding their boyfriend bonfire]
Phoebe Ok so now we need um sage branches and the sacramental wine
Monica All I have is is oregano and a Fresca
Phoebe Um that's ok (throws it in fire) Ok All right Now we need the semen of a righteous man
Rachel Ok Pheebs you know what if we had that we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place
Monica Can we just start throwing things in
Phoebe Ok yeah ok (she throws the directions in) Oh OK
Rachel (tossing things in the fire) Ok Barry's letters Adam Ritter's boxer shorts
Phoebe Ok and I have the uh receipt for my dinner with Nokululu Oon Ah Ah
Monica Look here's a picture of Scotty Jared naked
Rachel (looking at picture) Hey he's wearing a sweater
Monica No
Rachel and Phoebe Eww
Rachel And here we have the last of Paulo's grappa
Monica Hey Rachel isn't that stuff almost pure
(Rachel throws the alcohol in the fire A burst of flames shoots up from it)
[Scene Central Perk Chandler and Joey are there Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again]
Chandler How can I dump this woman on Valentine's day
Joey I don't know You dumped her on New Year's
Chandler Oh man In my next life I'm coming back as a toilet brush
(Janice enters)
Janice Hello funny Valentine
Chandler Hi Just Janice
Janice Hello Joey our little matchmaker I could just kiss you all over and I'm gonna
(Janice kisses Joey all over Chandler smiles)
Joey (to Chandler) If you don't do it I will
[Scene The Chinese Restaurant]
Ross So um what do you do for a living
Kristin Well um for the past few years I've been working(Ross is watching Carol and Susan not listening to Kristin Susan gets up and has to go Carol is left stranded)which is funny because that wasn't even my major
Carol Oh no I thought you said they could shoot the spot without you
Susan I thought they couldI'll try to get back as soon as I can I'm sorry (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh so he starts to laugh hysterically)
Ross Now that is funny Hey do you thinkwould it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us 'Cause she's she's alone now and pregnant and and sad
Kristin (reluctantly) I guess
Ross Are you sure Great Carol Wanna come over and join us
Carol Oh no no no I'm fine I'm fine
Ross Come on These people'll scooch down You guys'll scooch won't you Let's try scooching Come on Come on Uh Kristen Riggs this is Carol Willick Carol Kristin Uh Carol teaches sixth grade And Kristin Kristin(struggling)does something that funnily enough wasn't even her major
[Scene Monica and Rachel's firemen are there to handle the bonfire that got out of control]
Fireman No 1 What do we got there
Fireman No 2 A piece of something boxer shorts greeting cards and what looks like a halfcharred picture—Wow that guy's hairier than the Chief
Monica You know it's a really funny story how this happened
Fireman No 3 It's all right It's all right You don't have to explain This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire that we've seen get out of control
Fireman No 1 You're our third call tonight
Rachel Really
Fireman No 2 Oh sure Valentine's is our busiest night of the year
[Scene Central Perk]
Janice I brought you something
Chandler Is it loaded Oh little candy hearts (reading the candy) Chan and Jan Forever
Janice I had them made special
Chandler Ok Janice Janice Hey Janice Look there's no way for me to tell you this At least there's no new way for me to tell you this I just don't things are gonna work out
Janice That's fine
Chandler (surprised) It is
Janice Mmmhmm Because I know that this isn't the end
Chandler Oh no you see actually it is
Janice No it isn't because you won't let that happen Don't you know it yet You love me Chandler Bing
Chandler Oh no I don't
Janice Well then ask yourself this Why do you think we keep ending up together New Year's Who invited who Valentine's Who asked who into whose bed
Chandler I did but
Janice You seek me out Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn Janice Janice You want me You need me You can't live without me And you know it You just don't know you know it See ya
(She kisses him passionatelythen leaves)
Chandler Call me
[Scene The Chinese Restaurant Ross and Carol are talking Kristin is not there]
Carol It's not true I never called your mother a wolverine
Ross You did so I swear I swear—(noticing Kristin's absence) How long has she been in the bathroom
Carol Uh I don't think she's in the bathroom Her coat is gone
Ross Well maybe it's cold in there Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in 9 years
Carol That could be it
Ross Oh god (He puts his head down on the grill) You know this is still pretty hot (He picks his head up and a mushroom sticks to his head Carol picks it off and eats it)
Carol Mushroom Smile They won't all be like this Some women might even stay through dinner Sorry that's not funny
Ross No it's justyou know the whole getting on with your life thing Well do I have to I mean I'm sitting here with this cute woman and and and she's perfectly nice and but that there's that's it And um and then I'm here talkin' to you and and it's easy and it's fun and and I don't I don't have toYou know here's a wacky thought Um what's say you and I give it another shot No no no I know what you're gonna say you're a lesbian But what do you say we just put that aside for now you know Let's just stick a pin in it ok Because we're great together you know You can't deny it Besides you're carrying my baby I mean how perfect is that But see you know you keep sayin' that but there's somethin' right here I love you
(They kiss)
Carol Oh I love you too But
Ross No but no but
Carol You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it It's time to take the pin out You'll find someone I know you will The right woman is just waiting for you
Ross That's easy for you to say you found one already
Carol All you need is a woman who likes men and you'll be set
(A beautiful woman walks by Ross he stares at her)
Carol Not her
Closing Credits
[Scene Monica and Rachel's The girls are talking with the firemen]
Fireman No 3 We get off around midnight why don't we pick you up then
Rachel So um will you bring the truck
Fireman No 3 I'll even let you ring the bell
Rachel Oh my god
Phoebe See there you go the cleansing works
Monica They're nice guys
Rachel Oh they're firemen guys
[Scene Out in the hall the firemen are talking]
Fireman No 1 You guys tell them you were married
Fireman No 2 No way
Fireman No 3 Are you kidding My girlfriend doesn't know I'm not gonna tell them
End

114 情节糖果


告诉吧罗斯
熟
住栋公寓
接触
颗蛋
机会
罗斯
嗨
快接厉
瑞秋事没指
前妻女志
想第三回
抱歉
颗蛋？
整颗蛋谢谢
蛋？
颗蛋说
鸡蛋
赢定
拜托太离谱
会喜欢
朋友带着蛋
想会成功？
怪简直杀
样做
做什？
罗杰明天带出
菲难道忘抛弃？
惹厌怖
情节度差
菲夜约会谓
知道会做
明晚节目？
明天节目全天表现
关晚
背叛
答应朋友带位男伴
答应约会
知道朋友
怜虫知道
渴脆弱
想
谢谢
Janice没约会
定
答应
干
蛋？

样子？
关事
切记准交换
美女相伴贱货作陪
乔
瞧带什真帅
带谁？
放外套
乔伊洗掉手猫味
帮Janice点萄葡酒红酒
Janice…
Janice…
天啊
Janice
逃窗子爬出
拜托样
直梦想萝拉妮约会
冷静点
冷静？
竟凑合五月
甩掉两次女
声行？紧张…
紧张尿出
抱歉说
快尿快点尿啊
罗杰讨厌彼德卡尼相较差远呢
谁彼德卡尼？
爱哭鬼彼德
次做爱哭
满足？
天想霍尔家伙哭
赢
约会两月次没赢
会浑蛋起？
良家妇女
知道
许某种吸引力吧
知道
戴电子表
啤酒？
记剃光头朋友艾？
说想停止恶男交恶性循环
举行清理仪式
菲秃头

明晚试试
明天情节绝佳时刻
什仪式？
烧掉送东西
者？
念着权杖裸体跳舞
烧东西
烧东西
东西烧
时脚趾夹起两毛五
？真厉害
种两毛五？
钱德
片剪掉
果需
袋头

确定？真？
残酷戏院中
玩傀儡游戏
做
什？做什？
谈谈？
先离开
告诉
说身涂满东西
然舔干净
知道涂什意思
想错
样
说抱歉
三份巧克力慕斯外带
走
信卡
顿算起钱德
希吐身
剩
真糟糕夜
直欣赏拉链里衣服
洗手间回
抱歉
？
朋友？
乔伊称朋友
…
笨蛋留信卡
想杯？
甜点？银幕电视？
想杯
没问题女
瓶贵香槟
瓶
瓶
罗伯罗伊
老早想品尝
情节快乐
现开始想念
相信会发生种事？

发生
见Janice
吻
钱德抱歉
钱德抱歉Janice
摩尼卡
真太特
瑞秋谁
天啊Janice
走
马回
乔伊谁
乔伊回
真太玩
团圆样
罗斯某招呼吧
恰电话
罗斯

会知道？
说会果狗时差问题
狗七年等年
狗纽约飞洛杉矶
损失三时十天
真笑
谁？
金发前妻
碰密友
指情？
果硬说话
需知道什？

怀孩子
总忘件事
需鼠尾草沙加缅度酒
牛叶佛瑞斯加
样行
现需正义男子精液
菲果
现需进行仪式
丢东西？

巴瑞信
亚瑞塔四角裤
纳路路晚餐收
史考帝裸体片
穿着毛衣
没
保罗萄葡酒
等等纯…
情节甩掉
天晓新年甩掉
辈子马桶刷
趣情
Janice
乔伊媒婆
忍住想吻
果敢开口
事什职业？
年
说做
会试试
会量赶回抱歉
真笑修
真笑
邀Carol会奇怪？
现落单怀孕心情
概吧
确定？谢谢
Carol
愿意坐？
没事
吧
会挪
位挪
动起
克莉丝汀位Carol
Carol位克莉丝汀
Carol教六年级
克莉丝汀…
工作
笑修
里面什东西？
肥皂四角裤问候卡
烧半焦片
家伙体毛队长浓密
件事说笑
没关系须解释
烧毁男友物品失控事件见
已晚第三件
真？
然情节夜忙时刻
带东西
装子弹没？
心型糖果
钱珍永远
订做
Okay Janice…
Janice…
知说
少知道办法说
觉会结果
谓
？
嗯
知道没结束
事实已结束
没会发生
难道懂？
爱钱德
爱
扪心问
总会复合？
新年谁邀谁？
情节谁邀谁床？
…
寻找象
心深处断呼喊着
Janice…
需
没
知道
知道知道罢
见
电话
没没说妈狼
发誓
洗手间久？
想洗手间
外套见
许太冷吧
许搞砸九年第次约会

里热
磨菇
笑会回样
女会晚餐吃完
抱歉笑
老说继续生
必须？
位美女坐
吹
现聊天
轻松必…
懂
疯狂念头
试次？
知道说女志
暂时摆旁
完全想
起开心
容否认
怀孩子
样完美？
然直回绝
然想说
爱
爱


暂时放旁事
迟早会出现
会找象知道会
合适女正等着
说倒轻松
已找合适女
需找爱男女

午夜班
找？
会开消防车？
会拉警铃
天啊
清理仪式奏效
没错男
消防队员
告诉已婚？
然没
逗
连女友知道
会告诉呢

115 The One With the Stoned Guy
115 The One With the Stoned Guy

[Scene Central Perk Rachel is serving Joey Ross and Monica their drinks]
Rachel (to Joey) Coffee (Hands it to him)
Joey Thank you
Rachel (to Ross) Cappuccino (Hands it to him)
Ross Grazie
Rachel And a nice hot cider for Monica (Hands it to her)
Monica Aww thank you (Notices something) Uh Rach
Rachel Yeah
Monica Why does my cinamon stick have an eraser
Rachel Oh That's why (Rachel checks behind her ear and finds a cinamon stick) I'm sorry
(She takes the pencil out of Monica's coffee and Monica puts her cup down in disgust)
Opening Credits
[Scene Chandler's job Chandler is typing data into his computer he keeps typing even while taking a drink of coffee with one hand One of his coworkers walks by]
Woman Chandler
Chandler Mrs Tedlock You're looking lovely today And may I say that is a very flattering sleeve length on you
Mrs Tedlock Yes Well Mr Kostelick wants you to stop by his office at the end of the day
Chandler Oh listen If this is about those prank memos I had nothing to do with them Really Nothing at all Really (Chandler tries to hide a rubber chicken from the woman) Nothing
[Scene Central Perk everyone is there but Chandler Phoebe runs in excitedly]
Phoebe Hey you guys Chandler's coming and he says he has like this incredible news so when he gets here we could all act like you know
(Chandler comes in)
Chandler Hey
All Hey
Phoebe Never mind But it was going to be really good
Ross What's going on
All What is it
Chandler So it's a typical day at work I'm inputting my numbers and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor
All That's great
Chandler So I quit
All Why
Chandler Why This was supposed to be a temp job
Monica Yeah Chandler you've been there for five years
Chandler If I took this promotion it'd be like admitting that this is what I actually do
Phoebe So was it a lot more money
Chandler It doesn't matter I just don't want to be one of those guys that's in his office until twelve o'clock at night worrying about the WENUS
(Everyone looks at him confused)
Rachel the WENUS
Chandler Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems A processing term
Rachel (sarcastic) Oh That WENUS
Joey So what're you going to do
Chandler I don't know That's the thing I don't know what I want to do I just know I'm not going to figure it out working there
Phoebe Oooh I have something you can do I have this new massage client Steve (pause) Anyway he's opening up a restaurant and he's looking for a head chef
Monica (taps Phoebe on her shoulder) Um hi there
Phoebe Hi (turns back to Chandler then to Monica) Oh yeah no I know You're a chef I know and I thought of you first but um Chandler's the one who needs a job right now so
Chandler Yeah I just don't have that much cheffing experience Unless it's an alltoast restaurant
Phoebe (to Monica's tapping) Yeah yeah
Monica Well what kind of food is he looking for
Phoebe Well he wants to do some ecclectic so he's looking for someone who can you know create the entire menu
Monica (excited) Oh my God
Phoebe Yeah I know (turns to Chandler) So what do you think
Chandler Thanks Phoebe But I just don't really see myself in a big white hat
Phoebe OK (pause) Oh Monica Guess what
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Chandler walks in wearing a suit]
Chandler Can you see my nipples through this shirt
Rachel No But don't worry I'm sure they're still there
Phoebe Where are you going Mr SuityMan
Chandler Well I have an appointment to see Dr Robert Pillman career counselor agogo (pause) I added the agogo
Rachel Career counselor
Chandler Hey you guys all know what you want to do
Rachel I don't
Chandler Hey you guys in the living room all know what you want to do You know you have goals You have dreams I don't have a dream
Ross Ah the lesserknown I don't have a dream speech
(Monica enters excited)
Monica Oh I love my life I love my life
Phoebe Ooh Brian's Song
Rachel The meeting with the guy went great
Monica So great He showed me where the restaurant's going to be It's this it's this cute little place on 10th Street Not too big not too small Just right
Chandler Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears
Monica So anyway I'm cooking dinner for him Monday night You know kind of like an audition And Phoebe he really wants you to be here which will be great for me because then you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' and make yummy noises
Rachel What are you going to make
Phoebe (as though Rachel wasn't paying attention) Yummy noises
Rachel (pause) And Monica what are you going to make
Monica I don't know I don't know It's just going to be so great
Phoebe Ooh I know what you could make (runs over to join Monica and Rachel in the kitchen) I know Oh you should definitely make that thing you know with the stuff (Monica doesn't know) You know that thing with the stuff OK I don't know (sits down)
Ross Hey guys does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood
Joey How about Tony's If you can finish a 32ounce steak it's free
Ross OK ahem hey does anybody know a good place if you're not dating a puma
Chandler Who are you going out with
Phoebe Oh is this the bug lady
Rachel (trying to sound like a bug) Bzzzz I love you Ross
Ross Her name is Celia She's not a bug lady She's curator of insects at the museum
Rachel So what are you guys going to do
Ross Oh I just thought we could go out to dinner and then maybe bring her back to my place and I'd introduce her to my monkey
Chandler And he's not speaking metaphorically
Joey (aside to Ross) So back to your placeyou thinking maybe (gestures with hands back and forth) huhhuh
Ross Well I don't know (gestures) huhhuh but I'm hoping (gestures) huhhuh
Joey I'm telling you that monkey is a chick magnet She's going to take one look at his furry cute little face and it'll seal the deal
[Scene Ross's apartment Marcel is hanging from Celia's hair and she is screaming trying to get him off]
Ross Celia don't worry  Don't scream  He's not going to hurt you Soothing tones Celia Soothing tones Marcel
Celia I can't stand this He's got his claws in my
Ross Alright (lifts Marcel away)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's everyone is there but Ross and Chandler Monica is making food and having everyone try it]
Monica (to Joey) OK try this salmon mousse
Joey (tasting) Mmmm Good
Monica Is it better than the other salmon mousse
Joey It's creamier
Monica Yeah well is that better
Joey I don't know We're talking about whipped fish Monica I'm just happy I'm keeping it down y'know
(Chandler kicks the door closed angrily His clothes are askew he looks beat)
Rachel My God What happened to you
Chandler Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests intelligence tests personality tests and what do I learn (he taps the results and reads them) You are ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation
Phoebe That's so great 'Cause you already know how to do that
Chandler Can you believe it I mean don't I seem like somebody who should be doing something really cool You know I just always pictured myself doing somethingsomething
Rachel (comes up and rubs him on the chest) Oh Chandler I know I know oh hey You can see your nipples through this shirt
Monica (brings a plate of tiny appetizers over) Here you go maybe this'll cheer you up
Chandler Ooh you know I had a grape about five hours ago so I'd better split this with you
Monica It's supposed to be that small It's a preappetizer The French call it an amouzbouche
Chandler (tastes it) Well it is amouzing
(Phone rings Monica answers it)
Monica (on phone) Hello (Listens) Oh hi Wendy (Listens) Yeah eight o'clock (Listens) What did we say Ten dollars an hour (Listens) OK great (Listens) All right I'll see you then Bye (hangs up)
Phoebe Ten dollars an hour for what
Monica Oh I asked one of the waitresses at work if she'd help me out
Rachel (hurt) Waitressing
Joey Uhoh
Monica Well of course I thought of you But but
Rachel But but
Monica But you see it's just this night has to go just perfect you know And well Wendy's more of a professional waitress
Rachel Oh I see And I've sort of been maintaining my amateur status so that I can waitress in the Olympics
Chandler You know I don't mean to brag but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76 (dead silence) Amouzbouche (holds out tray)
[Scene Ross' apartment Girl You'll Be A Woman Soon (the original not that cruddy Urge Overkill version) is playing Ross and Celia are kissing passionately]
Celia Talk to me
Ross OK um a weird thing happened to me on the train this morning
Celia No no no Talk dirty
Ross (embarrassed) Wha what here
Celia Yes
Ross Ah
Celia Say something hot
Ross (panicked) Er um
Celia What
Ross Um uh vulva
Commercial Break
[Scene Chandler and Joey's Joey and Ross are there discussing what happened last night]
Joey (in disbelief) Vulva
Ross Alright I panicked alright She took me by surprise You know but it wasn't a total loss I mean we ended up cuddling
Joey (sarcastic) Whoaa You cuddled How many times
Ross Shut up It was nice I just I don't think I'm the dirtytalking kind of guy you know
Joey What's the big deal You just say what you want to do to her Or what you want her to do to you Or what you think other people might be doing to each other I'll tell you what Just try something on me
Ross (deadpan) Please be kidding
Joey Why not Come on Just just close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now
Ross OK (closes eyes) I'm in my apartment
Joey yeah what else
Ross That's it I'm in my apartment you're not there we're not having this conversation (gets up walks across room)
Joey (walks to catch up to him) Alright look I'll start OK
Ross Joey please
Joey Come on Come on Alright ready look (in a low voice) Oh Ross you get me so hot I want your lips on me now
Ross (impressed) Wow
Joey Alright now you say something
Ross I ahem I really don't think so
Joey Come on You like this woman right
Ross Yeah
Joey You want to see her again right
Ross Sure
Joey Well if you can't talk dirty to me how're you going to talk dirty to her Now tell me you want to caress my butt
Ross OK turn around (Joey looks taken aback) I just don't want you staring at me when I'm doing this
Joey (turning around) Alright alright I'm around Go ahead
Ross Ahem I want OK I want to feel your hot soft skin with my lips
Joey There you go Keep going Keep going
Ross I er
(At this point Chandler walks into the living room from his bedroom Ross and Joey both have their backs to him so they don't notice Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet watching)
Ross I want to take my tongue and
(Chandler is completely astounded)
Ross and
Joey Say it say it
Ross run it all over your body until you're trembling with with
(Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him Ross and Joey both notice at the same time They slowly stop and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them)
Chandler (smiling)with
Ross (rushing to explain) Funny story
Joey You're not going to believe this
Chandler It's OK It's OK I was always rooting for you two kids to get together
Joey Hey Chandler while you were sleeping that guy from your old job called again
Chandler Again
Joey And again and again and again (phone rings he answers) Hello (hands phone to Chandler) And again
Chandler (on phone) Hey Mr Kostelic How's life on the fifteenth floor (Listens) Yeah I miss you too (Listens) Yeah it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home you know (Listens) Well that's very generous (Listens) er but look this isn't about the money I need something that's more than a job I need something I can really care about (Listens) And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure you mentioned earlier (Listens) Look Al Al I'm not playing hardball here OK This is not a negotiation this is a rejection (Listens) No No No stop saying numbers I'm telling you you've got the wrong guy You've got the wrong guy (Listens) I'll see you on Monday (slams the phone down)
[Scene Chandler's new window office he is showing Phoebe around]
Chandler Well
Phoebe (excited) Wow It's huge It's so much bigger than the cubicle Oh this is a cube
Chandler Look at this (he opens the curtain to a view of New York City)
Phoebe Oh You have a window
Chandler Yes indeedy (they look outside) With a beautiful view of
Phoebe Oh look That guy's peeing
Chandler (walks away from window) OK that's enough of the view Check this out look at this Sit down sit down
Phoebe (sitting) OK
Chandler This is great (he presses a button on his intercom) Helen could you come in here for a moment
(An unamused woman walks into the office)
Chandler Thank you Helen that'll be all
(She leaves obviously perturbed)
Chandler Last time I do that I promise
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Monica is on the phone Rachel walks in and overhears the conversation]
Monica (shouting on phone) Wendy we had a deal (Listens) Yeah you promised Wendy Wendy Wendy (hangs up)
Rachel Who was that
Monica Wendy bailed I have no waitress
Rachel Oh that's too bad Bye bye (she walks away towards the door)
Monica Ten dollars an hour
Rachel No
Monica Twelve dollars an hour
Rachel Mon I wish I could but I've made plans to walk around
Monica You know Rachel when you ran out of your wedding I was there for you I put a roof over your head and if that means nothing to you (Rachel isn't buying it desperate) twenty dollars an hour
Rachel Done
[Scene Monica and Rachel's later Rachel is waitressing Monica is cooking Phoebe walks in with Steve (Crystal Duck winner Jon Lovitz)]
Rachel Well hello Welcome to Monica's May I take your coat
Monica Hi Steve
Steve Hello Monica (to Rachel) Hello greeter girl
Monica (to Steve) This is Rachel
Steve (unconcerned) Yeah OK
Phoebe (overemphasizing) Mmmmmm Everything smells so delicious You know I can't remember a time I smelt such a delicious combination of (Monica signals her to stop) of OK smells
Steve It's a lovely apartment
Monica Oh thank you Would you like a tour
Steve I was just being polite but alright
(They leave on the tour and Rachel goes to follow them but Phoebe stops her and drags her into the kitchen)
Rachel What's up
Phoebe (whispers) In the cab on the way over Steve blazed up a doobie
Rachel What
Phoebe Smoked a joint You know lit a bone Weed Hemp Ganja
Rachel OK OK I'm with you Cheech OK
Steve (from the living room) Is it dry in here (licks his lips)
Rachel Let me let me get you some wine
Monica Yeah I think we're ready for our first course (Steve sits Monica brings over a tray) OK um these are rotshrimp ravioli and celantro pondou sauce (Steve starts to eat them one by one quickly) with just a touch of mints and (he finishes) ginger
Steve Well smack my ass and call me Judy These are fantastic
Monica I'm so glad you liked them
Steve Like 'em I could eat a hundred of them
Monica Oh well um that's all there are of these But in about eight and a half minutes we'll be serving some delicious onion tartlets
Steve Tartlets Tartlets Tartlets The word has lost all meaning (he gets up and goes into the kitchen)
Rachel Excuse me Can I help you with anything
Steve You know I don't know what I'm looking for
(Rachel tries to get Monica's attention to tell her Steve is stoned She pretends to drag on a joint and Monica thinks she's giving her the 'OK' signal Then Rachel does it again inhaling deeply this time Monica waves it off as though she doesn't believe it)
Steve (from kitchen) Ah cool Taco shells (Rachel motions You see) You know these are they're like a little corn envelope
Monica (joining him and taking the taco shells) You know that You don't want to spoil your appetite
Steve (looking in cabinets) Hey SugarO's (grabs the cereal box)
Monica You know if you just wait another six and a half minutes
Steve Macaroni and cheese We gotta make this
Monica No we don't (reaches for box)
Steve Oh OK (he drops the box on the floor) Oh sorry (When she bends down to pick it up he grabs a package of Gummibears from the cabinet)
Monica Why don't you just have a seat here (he sits at the table then tries to secretly eat the Gummibears Monica spots him) OK give me the Gummibears
Steve (childishly) No
Monica Give them to me
Steve Alright we'll share
Monica No give me the
Steve Well then you can't have any (she grabs for the package and it breaks open Gummibears fly everywhere some into the punch bowl on the table) Bear overboard I think he's drowning (he throws some SugarO's into the punch bowl) Hey fellows Grab on a SugarO save yourself (Mimicking the bears) Help  I'm drowning   Help
Monica (furious) That's it Dinner is over
Steve What
Monica What
Steve Why
Monica Why It's just that I've waited seven years for an opportunity like this and you can't even wait four and a half minutes for a stupid onion tartlet
(The oven goes off)
Steve (excited) Hey
[Scene Central Perk all are there except Chandler]
Joey What a tool
Rachel You don't want to work for a guy like that
Ross Yeah
Monica I know it's just I thought this was you know it
Ross Look you'll get there You're an amazing chef
Phoebe Yeah You know all those yummy noises I wasn't faking
(Ross gets up and goes over to the counter and Joey follows him)
Joey (to Ross) So er how did it go with Celia
Ross Oh I was unbelievable
Joey All right Ross
Ross I was the James Michener of dirty talk It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard I mean there were characters plot lines themes a motif at one point there were villagers
Joey Whoa And the (gestures with hands) huhhuh
Ross Well ahem you know by the time we'd finished with all the dirty talk it was kinda late and we were both kind of exhausted so uh
Joey You cuddled
Ross Yeah which was nice
Phoebe You guys wanna try and catch a late movie or something
Rachel Maybe but shouldn't we wait for Chandler
Joey Yeah where the hell is he
[Scene Chandler's office he's on the phone agitated]
Chandler (on phone) Yes Fran I know what time it is but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy (Listens) Oh really really really Well let me tell you something you will care about it because I care about it You got it Good (slams phone down then leans back and realizes what just happened) Whooooaaaa
Closing Credits
[Scene Phoebe's massage parlour she has Steve on the table and is giving him an extrapainful massage]
Phoebe How's this (presses down hard)
Steve Eeeee
Phoebe Sorry How about over here (presses down hard again)
Steve Aaaaah
Phoebe See that just means it's working Does this hurt (presses down elsewhere)
Steve No
Phoebe What about this (she starts using her elbows on his back he yells in pain)
Steve Aaaaahhh
Phoebe There you go (She continues to work him over with her elbows and he continues to yell in pain)
End

115 麻客


咖啡 谢谢
卡布诺
摩妮卡热苹果酒
谢谢
瑞秋肉桂棒
橡皮擦
原起
钱德
泰姐天真漂亮
说件衣服真
然
制片：陶德史帝芬
科先生希班
办公室
果搞笑备忘录
干真…
导演：亚伦梅尔森
位钱德说天消息
时候…
算
定消息
底…
天常没什两样
输数字时
艾尔办公室
说电脑处理
真太 恭喜
辞职干
什
什暂时工作
钱德已公司五年
知道接受升职
承认目
赚更钱

想成坐办公室午夜
担心WEENUS
WEENUS
估计净值系统
电脑处理术语
啊
算
知道该办
知道会工作
份做工作
新摩客户史蒂芬
开家餐厅
正寻找总厨师

知道厨师
先想
钱德目前没工作
没太厨师验
非家卖土司餐厅
想什菜色
想菜色丰富变
找创造出整菜单
天啊
知道
意？
谢
概没资格戴白色帽吧
吧
摩妮卡猜着
透衬衫见乳头
见担心

西装笔挺先生
求职顾问
阿哥哥罗伯提曼博士约
阿哥哥加
求职顾问
已找生方
没
客厅里位
全知道未该走
目标梦想
没梦想
少见没梦想演说
爱生…
布莱恩歌
见面结果
相利
告诉未餐厅位置
第十街太太适中
前老板金发女熊
总周
煮餐品尝
点面试
菲场
样利
发出吃赞叹声
做什
发出吃声音
摩妮卡做什菜
知道定会棒
知道做什
做…知道
位谁知道附约会绝佳点
东尼餐厅
吃32盎斯牛排免费
谁知道美洲豹约会
点
谁约会
昆虫女
爱罗斯
希莉亚昆虫女
昆虫博物馆
算渡
出吃晚餐
带回住处
介绍猴子认识
没暗示
回住处想
知道…
希…
告诉猴子魅力十足
见毛绒绒爱脸
然切搞定
希莉亚担心
会伤害安抚语调
抱歉…会伤害
…
受
爪子
乖
试试鲑鱼慕斯
吃
鲑鱼慕斯吃
更滑更柔
更
知道谈条搅成泡沫鱼
吐出已错
天啊
8半时性测验
智力测验性测验
解什
适合型跨国公司
资料处理部门方面发展
太
已知道该做
相信
做种酷工作
总想做点
钱德知道
透衬衫
乳头
许开心点
5时前吃颗葡萄
该分
应该
前开胃菜
法国称阿姆兹布许
简直太神奇
温蒂八点
说时十块
见
什时十块
请餐厅里女服务生帮忙
服务生
然考虑

…
什
次绝出错
温蒂验丰富
职业服务生
懂
应该继续保持业余姿态
奥运会服务生
想吹擂
76年斯布鲁克服务生
阿姆兹布许
说话
早坐铁时
发生件诡异事
…说狠亵话
里？

快说点火辣
什
什
外阴
外阴
时害怕
吓跳
未完全
爱抚收场
爱抚次
闭嘴种感觉
种讲狠亵话
什起
说出想
想
想彼
样吧说吧
开什玩笑
快
闭眼睛告诉
现想干什
吧…住处
然呢？
样
住处
吧讲
拜托准备没听着
罗斯欲火焚身
舔
该
算吧
快嘛喜欢吧
喜欢
想见
然
果法说出狠亵话
说呢
说想爱抚屁股
吧转
想盯着
吧说吧

双唇感觉光滑皮肤
继绩
舌头…
快说啊
快说
舔遍全身直颤抖…
然呢？
真笑
会相信没关系赞成交
钱德
睡觉时老东家电话

直


科先生15楼情况
想念
偷家里笔较刺激
真慷慨钱问题
需份工作
真正想
稍早提年终红利外津贴
梦想…
艾尔意难
交涉拒绝
讲数字
告诉错
星期见

格间
话

窗户
没错美丽风…
便
风景够

坐
酷准备没

海伦进
谢谢海伦没事
次保证
温蒂答应
温蒂…
谁啊
温蒂丢
没服务生
真太糟糕
见
时十元
干
时十二元
希
已计划走走
瑞秋
逃婚直关心
方住
果样毫意义…
时二十元
成交
欢迎光外套
史帝头
摩妮卡招姐
瑞秋
味道香
早已忘记种…香味
房子真漂亮
谢谢想参观
客套
吧

坐计程车时燃根草
什
抽根麻…
懂
知道
里干燥
倒杯酒
第道菜
石虾方饺
芫萎调味酱加点点…
碎姜
屁股芙蒂
真太吃
真高兴喜欢
喜欢吃百

8分半钟
会献美味洋葱馅饼
馅饼
文字已失意义
请问需帮忙
知道找什
酷墨西哥馅饼
玉米卷
该影响食欲
糖欧
等6分钟半
干酪通心面
定做
做
抱歉
坐
熊软糖


吧分半

熊
抢走


熊落水快淹死
抓住糖欧逃命啊
救命啊淹水
受够晚餐结束
什？什？
什什
机会已等七年
等四分半钟
吃洋葱馅饼
真王八蛋
会想种工作
知道
机会
会成功
起厨师
记赞美声音
装
希莉亚状况
简直太神
干
詹姆斯密奇尼样满口狠亵话
天具巧思狠亵话
物剧情题
中段角村夫村姑
然呢
狠亵话讲完已晚
已精疲力竭…
爱抚？
种感觉
想晚场电影？

许吧该等钱德？
底跑
法兰知道现点
着WENUS相高兴
真告诉吧
会
懂
样
意思边
明白拉说明效果
痛痛
痛
样呢
Aaaaahhh
爽啦
爽呆

116 The One With Two Parts part 1
116 The One With Two Parts part 1

[Scene Rift’s Restaurant as seen in Mad About You Joey and Chandler are there]
Chandler This is unbelievable It’s been like a half an hour If this was a cartoon you’d be looking like a ham right about now
(Ursula Buffay Phoebe’s identical twin sister is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner)
Joey There’s the waitress Excuse me Miss Hello Miss
(Ursula spins around looking puzzled quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from)
Chandler It’s Phoebe Hi
(Ursula notices Joey waving his hand and comes over)
Ursula Hi Okay will that be all
Chandler Wait wait Whwhat are you doing here
Ursula Yeah um I was over there then you said Excuse me hello Miss so now I’m here
Joey No no how come you are working here
Ursula Right yeah ’cause its close to where I live and the aprons are really cute
Chandler Can we start over
Ursula Yeah Okay great I’m gonna be over here (She wanders away)
Chandler & Joey No no no
Opening Credits
[Scene A wintry February day in New York City snowplows are clearing the streets Inside Central Perk all three girls are paying court to Ross]
Ross I don’t know whether he’s testing me or just acting out but my monkey is out of control But he keeps erasing the messages on my machine supposedly by accident
Rachel No yeah I’ve done that
Ross And then like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did and peed all over the crossword
Rachel I’ve never done that
(Outside in the street Joey and Chandler arrive to peer through the window at Phoebe by bending down to look underneath the shop’s sign—a large steaming cup of coffee)
Chandler All right now look at her and tell me she doesn’t look exactly like her sister
Joey I’m sayin’ I see a difference
Chandler They’re twins
Joey I don’t care Phoebe’s Phoebe Ursula’s hot
(Joey and Chandler come indoors)
Chandler You know that thing when you and I talk to each other about things
Joey Yeah
Chandler Let’s not do that any more
(They hang up their coats and scarves then approach their friends on the main sofa)
All Hey guys Hey
Joey Hey Pheebs guess who we saw today
Phoebe Ooh ooh fun Okay um Liam Neeson
Joey Nope
Phoebe Morly Safer
Joey Nope
Phoebe The woman who cuts my hair
Monica Okay look this could be a really long game
Chandler Your sister Ursula
Phoebe (Her face dropping) Oh really
Chandler Yeah yeah she works over at that place uh
Phoebe Rift’s Yeah I know
Chandler Oh you do Because she said you guys haven’t talked in like years
Phoebe Hmmm Yeah So um is she fat
Joey Not from where I was standin’
Phoebe (Turning to Chandler) where were you standing
Rachel Um Pheebs so you guys just don’t get along
Phoebe It’s mostly just dumb sister stuff you know I mean like everyone always thought of her as the pretty one you know Oh oh she was the first one to start walking even though I did it later that same day But to my parents by then it was like yeah right well what else is new
Ross Oh Pheebs I’m sorry I’ve got to go I’ve got Lamaze class
Chandler Oh and I’ve got Earth Science but I'll catch you in Gym
Rachel So is this just gonna be you and Carol
Ross No Susan’s gonna be there too We’ve got dads we’ve got lesbians the whole parenting team
Rachel Well isn’t isn’t that gonna be weird
Ross No no (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean it mighta been at first but by now I I think I’m pretty comfortable with the whole situation
Monica Ross that’s my jacket
Ross I know
(Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket grabs his own and rushes out)
[Scene The Lamaze class several couples and one trio sit on the floor introducing themselves to the teacher who’s got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross Carol and Susan]
Woman Hi we’re the Rostins Err I’m JC and he’s Michael and we’re having a boy and a girl
Teacher Good for you Alrighty next
Ross Hi um I’m err (has to clear his throat) I’m Ross Geller and err ah (pats Carol’s bulge) that’s that’s my boy in there and uh (points) this is Carol Willick and this is Susan Bunch Susan is um Carol’s just com (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow who becomes incoherent until) who’s next
Teacher I’m sorry I didn’t get Susan is
Ross Susan is Carol’s Carol’s Carol’s friend
Carol Life partner
Ross Like buddies
Susan Like lovers
Ross You know how close women can get
(The teacher smiles but her eyebrows go up Susan and Carol pat each other affectionately)
Carol Susan and I live together
Ross Although I was married to her
Susan Carol not me
Ross Err right
Carol It’s a little complicated
Ross A little
Susan But we’re fine
Ross Absolutely (Turns back to the woman next to him) So twins hah That’s like two births (He struggles again) Ouch
[Scene Chandler's Office Chandler is working]
(Helen’s buzzer is heard on the intercom so Chandler presses his button too)
Chandler And (he imitates the buzzer) to you too Helen
Helen (Over the intercom) Nina Bookbinder is here to see you
Chandler Oh okay Send her in
(He hurriedly checks his hair in his computer screen before taking a sporting trophy from a drawer to place ostentatiously on his desk An attractive young woman opens the door)
Nina Hi
Chandler Hi Nina Come on in
Nina You wanted to see me
Chandler Uh Yes Yes I’ve just been going over your data here and little thing you’ve been postdating your Friday numbers
Nina Which is bad because
Chandler Well it throws my WENUS out of whack
Nina Your excuse me
Chandler WENUS (Coughs) Weekly Estimated Net
Nina Oh Net Usage Statistics right Gotcha gotcha Won’t happen again I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt your wenus
(Nina beams flirtatiously at Chandler who catches her drift but for once he’s lost for something to say &ndash so she nods her head to tell him that he’s thinking correctly)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Ross Chandler and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV]
Chandler It’s not just that she’s cute okay It’s just that she’s really really cute
Ross It doesn’t matter You don’t dip your pen in the company ink
(Marcel scampers about interfering with the neatness)
Monica Ross your little creature’s got the remote again
Ross Marcel Marcel give Rossie the remote Marcel Marcel you give Rossie the remote right now Marce you give Rossie the remote
(Marcel points the remote at Monica’s television pressing a particular combination of keys The logo SAP appears on the screen and suddenly the dialogue is dubbed into Spanish)
Monica Great
Ross Relax I’ll fix it
Rachel (Looking at the television) Cool Urkel in Spanish is Urkel
Ross (looking at the remote) How did he do this
Chandler (Looking out at the balcony) So tell me something is leaving the Christmas lights up part of your plan to keep us merry all year long
(Rachel slowly spins around finally noticing that the lights have outstayed their welcome)
Monica Ah no you see someone was supposed to take them down around New Year’s but obviously someone forgot
Rachel Well someone was supposed to write Rach take down the lights and put it on the re frigerate (finally noticing Monica’s note stuck to the refrigerator) How long has that been there
(Joey enters looking extremely pleased with himself)
Chandler Hey where you been
Joey I went back to Riff’s I think Ursula likes me All I ordered was coffee she brought me a tuna melt and four plates of curly fries
Chandler Score
Joey She is so hot
Chandler Yeah listen Okay before you do anything Joeylike you might wanna run it by err (he indicates Phoebe who is helping Ross understand the remote control)
Joey Pheebs
Phoebe (Jumping up) Yeah
Joey You think it would be okay if I asked out your sister
Phoebe Why Why would you wanna do that  Why
Joey So that if we went out on a date she’d be there
Phoebe Well I mean I’m not my sister’s you know whatever and um I mean it’s true we were one egg once but err you know we’ve grown apart so um I don’t know why not Okay
Joey Cool thanks
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about then exits Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe who slides back down next to Ross)
Ross You okay
Phoebe Yeah I’m fine
Ross You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain yet with a Latin lilt Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm)
[Scene Lamaze class Susan is there Each couple has a doll for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper As Ross rushes in stepping on the Rostins’ pretend baby squashing its head flat It bleats in protest He performs emergency surgery then hands the doll back to JC]
Ross Sorry
Ross Hi Sorry I’m late Where’s where’s Carol
Susan Stuck at school Some parentteacher thing You can go I’ll get the information
Ross No No No I think I should stay I think we should both know what’s going on
Susan Oh good This’ll be fun
Teacher Alrighty We’re gonna start with some basic third stage breathing exercises so Mummies why don’t you get on your back And coaches you should be supporting Mummy’s head
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down)
Ross and Susan What What What
Susan I am supposed to be the mommy
Ross Okay I’m gonna play my sperm card one more time
Susan Look I don’t see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because I’m a woman
Ross I see So what do you propose to do
Susan I will flip you for it
Ross Flip me for it No no no heads heads heads
Susan (Triumphantly) On your back Mom
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers cradled in Susan’s lap like all the other fathers)
Teacher Alright Mommies take a nice deep cleansing breath
(Forgetting herself Susan does the Mommy action with Ross)
Teacher Good Now imagine your vagina is opening like a flower
(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance)
[Scene Chandler's Office Chandler is playing with a toy as his boss Mr Douglas knocks and opens the door]
Chandler Mr D how’s it going sir
Mr Douglas Ohh it’s been better The Annual Net Usage Statistics are in
Chandler And
Mr Douglas It’s pretty ugly We haven’t seen an ANUS this bad since the seventies
Chandler So what does this mean
Mr Douglas Well we’re gonna be layin’ off people in every department
Chandler Hey listen I know I came in late last week but I slept funny and my hair was very very &ndash
Mr Douglas Not you Relax Ever have to fire anyone
[Scene Chandler's Office later that day Nina is in his office]
Chandler Nina Nina (He goes around his desk to where she is sitting) Nina (In pain) Nina
(She sympathetically reaches out to fondle the inner thigh of his left leg)
Nina Are you okay
Chandler (Looking down at her hand) Yes yes I am Err listen the reason that I called you in here today was err please don’t hate me
Nina (Taking her hand away) What
Chandler (Suddenly bright) Would you like to have dinner sometime
(Nina gasps in surprise and relief)
[Scene Central Perk Rachel is at the counter serving coffee to Phoebe]
Rachel So Pheebs what do you want for your birthday
Phoebe Well what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me
Rachel Okay Let me put it this way Anything from Crabtree and Evelyn
Phoebe Ooh Bath salts would be nice
Rachel Ooh okay good
(Jamie Buchman and Fran Devanow enter the coffee house They look about them as Jamie removes her coat and scarf)
Jamie What is this place
Fran Look you’re cold I have to pee and (indicating the sign) there’s a cup of coffee on the window How bad could it be
(Jamie notices Phoebe sitting at the counter)
Jamie I think we have an answer
Fran What’s she doing here
Jamie This could be God’s way of telling us to eat at home
Fran Think she got fired at Riff’s
Jamie No no no We were there last night She kept (shuddering at the memory) bringing swordfish (Indicating the ladies’ bathroom) are you gonna go to the um
Fran I’m gonna wait till after we order It’s her right
Jamie It looks like her
(Phoebe walks by ignoring the two strangers)
Jamie Um excuse me
Phoebe Yeah
Jamie Hi it’s us
Phoebe (Smiling blankly) Right and it’s me
Jamie So so you’re here too
Phoebe Much as you are
Jamie (Without moving her lips) Your turn
Fran Err we know what we want
Phoebe (Philosophically) Oh that’s good
Jamie All we want is two Caffe Lattes
Fran And some biscotti cookies
Phoebe Good choice
(Phoebe turns away so that the two weird women won’t see the face she pulls and sits down)
Jamie Definitely her
Fran Yeah
Commercial break
[Scene Monica and Rachel’s Phoebe is watching a Spanish version of The Waltons At a nearby table sit Monica knitting Rachel winding a ball of wool and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands]
(Phoebe uses the remote to stop the Spanish by turning off the television)
Monica I can’t believe you You still haven’t told that girl she doesn’t have a job yet
Chandler Well you still haven’t taken down the Christmas lights
Monica Congratulations I think you’ve found the world’s thinnest argument
Chandler I’m just trying to find the right moment you know
Rachel Oh well that shouldn’t be so hard now that you’re dating (Imitating men at their worst) Sweetheart you’re fired but how ’bout a quickie before I go to work
(Joey lets himself in carrying a large paper shopping bag)
Joey Hey
Rachel and Chandler Hey
(There is a loud knocking at the door through which Joey has just entered)
Chandler You know once you’re inside you don’t have to knock any more
Monica I’ll get it
(She rises dragging Chandler along by the wool Rachel has to leap over a chair to follow them Monica opens the door to find Mr Heckles standing there)
Monica Oh Hi MrHeckles
MrHeckles You’re doing it again
Monica We’re not doing anything We’re just sitting around talking quietly
MrHeckles I can hear you through the ceiling My cats can’t sleep
Rachel You don’t even have cats
MrHeckles I could have cats
Monica (Closing the door) Goodbye MrHeckles
Rachel We’ll try to keep it down
(The woolbound trio returns to the table Rachel has to rush ahead to avoid becoming tangled Joey brings the shopping bag over to Phoebe and takes out a nice cardigan)
Joey Phoebe could you do me a favour Could you try this on I just wanna make sure it fits
Phoebe Ooh my first birthday present (delightedly examining the cardigan in her lap) oh this is really
Joey Oh no no no It’s for Ursula I just figured you know sizewise
Phoebe Ohhh Sure yeah (disgustedly dropping the cardigan back into the bag) okay it fits
(The others have been taking all this in)
Rachel Are you seein’ her again tonight
Joey Yep Ice Capades
Chandler Wow this is serious I’ve never known you to pay money for any kind of capade
Joey I don’t know I like her you know She’s different There’s uh somethin’ about her
Phoebe That you like (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it You like her Great
(The circle freezes in apprehension)
Joey Hey Phoebe I asked you and you said it was okay
Phoebe Alright well maybe now it’s not okay
Joey Okay Well maybe now I’m not okay with it not being okay
Phoebe Okay
(An embarrassed silence finally broken by)
Chandler Knit good woman knit knit
(Monica frantically bursts into action as Rachel resumes winding tangling Chandler’s wool)


[Scene Chandler's Office Chandler & Nina are locked in a passionate embrace Someone knocks so they hurriedly separate to stare out of the window Chandler’s boss opens the door]
Chandler And that’s the Chrysler Building right there
Mr Douglas Nina
Nina MrDouglas (flirting defensively) cool tie
(She escapes fortunately so distracting Mr Douglas that he misses Chandler’s expression of alarm & guilt)
Mr Douglas (Shutting the door then pointing vaguely at Nina’s shapely departure) She’s still here
Chandler Yes yes she is Didn’t I memo you on this See after I let her go err I got a call from her psychiatrist Dr Flanennen Dr Flanen Dr Flan
(Thinking quickly Chandler desperately tries to remember anything to do with schizophrenia)
Chandler And err he informed me that uh she took the news rather badly in fact he uh mentioned the word frenzy
Mr Douglas You’re kidding She seems so
Chandler Oh no no Nina (miming fairies twinkling around his head) she is whooo weweewoo whoo whoo In fact if you asked her right now she would have no recollection of being fired at all none at all
Mr Douglas That’s unbelievable
Chandler And yet believable So I decided not to fire her again until I can be assured that she will be no threat to herself or others
Mr Douglas I see I guess you never really know what’s goin’ on inside a person’s head
Chandler Well I guess that’s why they call it psychology sir
(Mr Douglas screws up his eyes trying to credit what Bing has just said but turning to follow Nina down the corridor he realises Bing must be telling the truth since he would not have any personal interest in the girl would he)
[Scene Lamaze class Ross is again on the floor cradled in Susan’s lap but now Carol is cradled in his lap and she has a pretend baby on her lap The teacher is showing her class a video which is about to end]
Soothing male voice a sound Mom and Dad never forget For this after all is the miracle of birth
Teacher Lights please And that’s having a baby Next week is our final class
(People start getting up Ross grabs Carol’s doll to hold it upside down like a football slapping it with his other hand)
Ross Susan go deep
(Susan just glares back as Ross’s inappropriate joke falls flat Meanwhile a bubble is about to burst)
Carol This is impossible It’s just impossible
Susan What is honey
Carol What that woman did I am not doin’ that It’s just gonna have to stay in that’s all everything will be the same it’ll just stay in
Ross Carol honey shhh shhh everything’s gonna be alright
Carol (Turning on Ross) OH WHAT DO YOU KNOW NOONE’S GOING UP TO YOU AND SAYING HI IS THAT YOUR NOSTRIL MIND IF WE PUSH THIS POT ROAST THROUGH IT
Susan Carol Carol sweetie Cleansing breath
(Both women gulp in air Ross looks at his football then manipulates the head & limbs back into place until it resembles what it represents)
Susan I know it’s frightening but big picture The birth part is just one day and when it’s over we’re all gonna be parents for the rest of our lives
(Ross is staring blankly into space)
Susan I mean that’s what this is all about right Ross Ross
[Scene 13 Central Perk the gang is gathered around Monica comforting her brother who in a slight state of shock is cuddling a cushion for security]
Ross I’m gonna be a father
Rachel This is just occurring to you
Ross I always knew I was havin’ a baby I just never realised the baby was having me
Rachel (She comforts him too) Oh you’re gonna be great
Ross Aw how can you say that I can’t even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat How am I gonna raise a kid
Chandler You know Ross some scientists are now saying that that monkeys and babies are actually different
(Joey tires of this so he gets up to leave)
Phoebe Where’re you going
Joey Out
Phoebe With
Joey (Spreading his arms wide) Yes
Phoebe Alright could I just ask you one question
(Joey nods his head)
Phoebe Have you two you know like you know you know yet
Joey Well not that it’s any of your business but no we haven’t okay
(Joey walks toward the door then hesitates and turns back)
Joey You meant sex right
(Phoebe buttons her lip while the rest of the gang pretend they’re not there)
[Scene Chandler's Office Chandler is working as Nina knocks then opens the door]
Nina Do you have a sec
Chandler Ah sure Nina What’s up
Nina I don’t know For the past couple days people have been avoiding me and giving me these really strange looks
Chandler Oh well ah maybe that’s because they’re ah jealous of us
Nina Maybe But that doesn’t explain why they keep taking my scissors
Chandler Ah well maybe that’s ah because you’re getting a big raise
Nina I am
Chandler Sure why not
Nina Oh my god (Rushing over to give him a big hug) You’re amazing
Chandler Oh you don’t know (Presses a button) Helen could you make sure we put through the paperwork on Miss Bookbinder’s raise
Helen (Over the intercom) So you still want me to send her psychological profile to Personnel
Nina What
Chandler Helen drinks (Insincerely) Will you marry me
(Nina puts her hands on her hips then gives Chandler a quizzical look)
[Scene Monica and Rachel’s Ross Rachel Chandler and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set]
Chandler Well I ended up telling her everything
Rachel Oh how’d she take it
Chandler Pretty well Except for the stapler thing (He holds up a bandaged hand) Little tip if you’re ever in a similar situation never ever leave your hand (he mimes Nina taking her revenge) on the desk
Monica Okay I think I get how to do this
(Monica points the remote at her TV and punches out a key combination from the book but the dreaded SAP logo remains and Spanish still comes forth)
Phoebe Alright so can we turn this off Can we just make it make them go away Because I can’t I can’t watch
Monica (Remotely turning off the television) okay Pheebs they’re gone
Phoebe Okay
Monica Are you alright
Phoebe Yeah It’s just you know it’s this whole stupid Ursula thing it’s
Rachel Okay Pheebs can I ask So he’s going out with her I mean is it really so terrible
Phoebe Um yeah Look I mean I’m not saying she’s like evil or anything She just you know she’s always breaking my stuff When I was eight and I wouldn’t let her have my Judy Jetson thermos so she threw it under the bus And then oh and then there was Randy Brown who was like Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend
Monica and Rachel (Wistfully shaking their heads) No
Phoebe Well but that’s what he was for me And she you know kind of stole him away and then broke his heart and then he wouldn’t even talk to me any more Because he said he didn’t wanna be around anything that looked like either one of us
Rachel Oh Oh Pheebs
Phoebe I mean I know Joey is not my boyfriend or my thermos or anything but
Chandler You’re not gonna lose him
Monica Hon you gotta talk to Joey
Phoebe Yeah Okay
Ross No come on he doesn’t know this stuff If he knew how you felt
Phoebe But he’s falling in love with her
Rachel Oh please they’ve been going out a week They haven’t even slept together yet I mean that’s not serious
Phoebe Okay Okay
(Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now)
Phoebe Oh okay oh
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway but the door to Chandler and Joey’s apartment is shut She knocks and anxiously waits for Joey to come but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joey’s shirts)
Ursula (Surprised) Oh
(Phoebe reels back in shock while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place)
Ursula Yeah um may we help you
Closing Credits
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Balcony Rachel is taking down the Christmas lights Monica sees her so she leans out of the small side window]
Monica Rachel what are you doing It’s freezing out here Would you come back inside
Rachel No no no no no You wanted me to take them down so (she climbs onto the railing to reach the top of a pole) I’m takin’ ’em down Okay Whoa (Screams)
(Rachel slips loses her balance and falls over the edge)
Monica Ohmygod Rachel (Rushing out to look over the edge) Rachel
(In the apartment below MrHeckles is trying to relax and read his newspaper but Rachel is helplessly dangling upsidedown with her ankle wrapped up in the Christmas lights)
Rachel (To Monica) I’m okay I’m okay (She knocks on Mr Heckles's window) Mr Heckles Mr Heckles could you help me please
MrHeckles See this is just the kind of thing I was talking about
End


116 双胞胎两部曲（）



真令难置信
已半时
果卡通
应该起火腿样
女侍
抱歉姐…等等
菲
嗨
样？
等等干什


会工作
离住处
围裙漂亮
重
没问题现边
……
知道考验发泄情绪
猴子已失控制
断消答录机留言
应该意外
做种事
连续三天报纸前
猜字游戏尿尿
没做
着
告诉姐长样
处
双胞胎
菲菲
乌苏拉火辣
常谈事情
然
干事
嗨~
菲猜天遇见谁
哦趣趣嗯……
连恩尼逊

Morly Safer

剪头发女
底猜久
姐姐乌苏拉
哦真……
工作…瑞菲餐厅
知道
知道
说已年说话

胖
角度会
什角度
菲合
姐妹间事
家认漂亮
先学会走路
然天稍学会
爸妈言已新鲜
菲抱歉走
参加心理助产班
参加球科学班
健身房见
卡萝两
苏珊
爸爸女志…全部父母会
样会奇怪
会开始许会
现已坦然面
罗斯外套
知道
家姓罗洁西麦
男女
厉害位
罗斯
子
卡罗位苏珊
苏珊卡罗…
位谁
抱歉太明白苏珊…
苏珊卡萝朋友
象拍档象伙伴
象恋
知道女亲
苏珊住起
两结婚
卡萝
点复杂
点

完全错
双胞胎？生两次哦
噢
彼海伦
妮娜见
进
嗨
妮娜进
想见
刚资料
问题
直填迟周五数字日期
样
…
样WENUS出现问题
什？
WENUS
周估计净值统计……
净值统计…
明白
懂会发生
会做事伤害…WENUS
漂漂亮问题
…真真漂亮
样兔子吃窝边草
罗斯 动物玩遥控器
马修遥控器罗斯
马修现遥控器罗斯
马修遥控器罗斯

急会修
酷
Urkel西班牙文中Urkel
办
圣诞灯直开着想
快乐整年计划中部分
某应该新年期间
显然忘
某应该写瑞秋圣诞灯
然贴冰…
久

瑞佛餐厅
想乌苏拉喜欢 点咖啡
端鲔鱼四盘薯片
门
带劲
听着
做乔伊风格事情前许找…
菲
菲约姐出会介意
什样做
果约会时会身边
意思
呃……
没错颗卵子
发育
知道…
谢啦
吧

继续
抱歉迟
卡萝
学校事老师家长间事
走留课
…应该留
两该知道事情样
定会意思
首先第三阶段基呼吸练
位妈妈请躺
教练支撑妈妈头
什什什
该妈
吧次精子牌
懂什女
错教练训练
解说该办
掷铜板
掷铜板…头…
躺吧妈
位妈妈请深呼吸
现请想阴道
花样绽放着
迪先生

年度净值已算出
然呢
奇惨
70年代没惨
代表什
部门裁员
听着然星期迟
天睡姿良头发睡塌……
放松
开某
妮娜
没事吧
然
天进原…请恨

约进晚餐
菲想什生日礼物
想妈复活享生
吧
样吧
想想艾芙琳产品
想浴盐

什方
冷想尿尿窗户咖啡杯
点吧
想答案
会
老天爷明明回家吃饭嘛
瑞佛餐厅开
昨晚吃饭
断端剑鱼
…
点完
吧
起
抱歉
呀

样
该
知道什

两杯铁饼干
错选择
绝
真敢相信
没告诉失业
没圣诞灯
恭禧
发现世薄弱争
寻找适时机
应该会太难找
已开始约会
亲爱开
班前速战速决？
嗨
进门敲门
开
Heckles先生
做
什没做
坐静静聊天
透天花板听见
猫睡着
根没养猫
原机会养
见Heckles先生
会声
菲帮忙
试穿想知道合合身
第件生日礼物
衣服真…
送乌苏拉
想知道尺寸
呀
合身
晚约会
花样溜冰
回真
没想会花式玩意付钱
知道喜欢
众…
喜欢懂
喜欢太
菲问意
许现意
许意意
吧
快织快织女
克莱斯勒楼
妮娜
Douglas先生
错领带
里
没错
没通知
开接心理医生电话
佛…佛林夫
说时法适应
老实说提狂暴两字
开什玩笑…
妮娜…
果现问
根记开件事
难置信
信
决定暂时开
直确定构成威胁止
解
心中想什
永远法完全解
会心理学产生
爸妈永远忘声音
生产奇迹
请开灯
集生宝宝
周堂课
苏珊准备接球
根…

做女做事
会做
留体切原样
卡萝会事
知道
然会说：
鼻孔
肉块穿鼻孔
卡萝亲爱深呼吸
知道惶恐
远处想 生产程天
结束辈子子
怀胎生子
罗斯
爸爸
刚知道
直知道孩子
知道孩子
会爸爸
会知道
连阻止马修吃浴室垫办
养育女
罗斯
科学家说孩子猴子样

出
谁
知道
问问题
没嘛
关事
没行
指性吧
空
然什事
知道
家避开
奇怪眼神
许嫉妒
许吧
法解释走剪刀
许升职缘
升职
然什会？
天啊真太起

海伦快处理
布姐升职手续

心理分析结果事部
什
海伦喝醉
愿意嫁
切告诉
反应
坦然接受
钉书机钉外
告诉遇见类似状况
切记手放桌
想知道该做
电视关掉
弄走受
菲走

吧？
乌苏拉惹祸
菲问…
约会真糟
说坏
总添乱
8岁时热水壶
丢公车
然蓝迪布朗
没男友身兼友情况
没
时状况
抢走伤心
说话
说愿见俩

噢菲
知道乔伊男朋友者热水壶
会失
找乔伊谈

拜托事全然知
果解感受……
…爱
拜托约会星期
根没床八字没撇呢
吧
哦
帮什忙
瑞秋干什
外面冷进
…灯取
正做行
天啊瑞秋
没事…
Heckles先生…帮忙
指种事


117 The One With Two Parts Part 2
117 The One With Two Parts Part 2

Opening Credits
[Scene An Emergency Room Rachel and Monica enter  Rachel is limping and leaning on Monica for support]
Rachel Ow ow ow Ow ow ow ow Ow ow ow Ow Ow Ow Ow
(They reach the desk The bored nurse thinks she's heard it all before)
Monica Hi Uh my friend here was taking down our Christmas lights and and she fell off the balcony and may have broken her foot or or ankle or something
Nurse My god You still have your Christmas lights up
(Rachel glares at the nurse who gives Monica a form attached to a clipboard)
Nurse Fill this out and bring it back to me
(Monica helps Rachel over to a vacant seat)
Rachel Ow ow ow Ow ow ow Ow ow ow
(Monica starts on the form while Rachel catches her breath and massages her ankle)
Monica Okay ooh alright Name address Okay in case of emergency call
Rachel You
Monica Really
Rachel Yeah
Monica Oh that is so sweet (Touched she puts an arm around her friend and kisses her) Oh gosh love you Insurance
Rachel Oh yeah check it Definitely I want some of that
Monica (No longer touched) you don't have insurance
Rachel Why how much is this gonna cost
Monica I have no idea but Xrays alone could be a couple hundred dollars
Rachel Welwelwell what are we gonna do
Monica Well there's not much we can do
Rachel (Like a big baby) Um unless unless I use yours
Monica Hah no no no no no no no no no no
Rachel (Tapping the clipboard) well now wait a second who did I just put as my In case of emergency person
Monica (Looking around to check that noone's listening then lowering her voice anyway) That's insurance fraud
Rachel Well alright then forget it (Getting up to go) Might as well just go home Ow ow ow ow
Monica (Jumping up to make Rachel sit down) Okay okay I hate this
Rachel Thank you Thank you I love you
Monica (to the nurse) Hi (tiny laugh) um I'm gonna need a new set of (tiny laugh) these forms (tiny laugh)
Nurse Why
Monica (Tiny laugh) I am really an idiot (Tiny laugh) you see I was filling out my friend's form and instead of putting her information (tiny laugh) I put mine
Nurse You are an idiot (She hands over a blank form)
Monica (Tiny laugh) yep that's me (tiny laugh) I am that stupid (tiny laugh)
[Scene Central Perk Chandler has split up his newspaper so Joey can look at the funnies while Ross's inappropriate joke at Lamaze class has come back to haunt him]
Ross I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid
Chandler and Joey That's nice
Ross No no with him (He mimes holding the baby like a football) I'm on this field and they they hike me the baby and I I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right at me
Joey Tampa Bay's got a terrible team
Ross Right but it is just me and the baby so I'm thinkin' they can take us And so I uh hahhah I just heave it down field
Chandler What are you crazy That's a baby
Joey He should take the sack
Ross Anyway suddenly I'm down field and I realise that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him right Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time so I am running and running and that that is when I woke up See I I am so not ready to be a father
Chandler Hey you're gonna be fine You're one of the most caring most responsible men in North America You're gonna make a great dad
Joey Yeah Ross You and the baby just need better blocking
(Feeling a little better Ross fetches more coffee)
Joey Oh have either one of you guys ever been to the Rainbow Room Is it real expensive
Chandler Well only if you order stuff
Joey I'm takin' Ursula tonight It's her birthday
Ross Wowowhoa What about Phoebe's birthday
Joey When's that
Ross Tonight
Joey Oh man What're the odds of that happening
(Joey begins to contemplate his ill fortune)
Ross You take your time
(Joey looks at his friends thinks a bit more then realises)
Chandler There it is So what're you gonna do
Joey What can I do Look I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula
Chandler And your friend Phoebe
Joey Well if she's my friend hopefully she'll understand I mean wouldn't you guys
Chandler Man if you tried something like that on my birthday you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit
(Joey gestures to show that he wouldn't dare)
[Scene The Hospital Monica and Rachel are waiting for the doctors to arrive   They enter and are played by Noah Wyle and George Clooney]
Dr Mitchell you add a pinch of saffron it makes all the difference
(They approach the young ladies Dr Mitchell consults MsGeller's admissions form)
Dr Mitchell Okay errrr Monica
Monica Yes (jumping as Rachel punches her arm) yes she is
Rachel (as Monica) Hi this is my friend Rachel
Monica (as Rachel) Hi
Dr Mitchell (Smiling) Hi err Rachel I'm DrMitchell
Dr Rosen (Smiling even more and attempting to take over) And I'm his friend DrRosen
(Monica and Rachel smile back prettily)
Rachel Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor
Dr Rosen Excuse me
Rachel I meant er (struggling to concentrate) young young I meant young young to be a doctor Oh good Rach
Monica (as Rachel) Thank you
Rachel (as Monica) Right
[Scene Monica and Rachel's everyone but Joey is waiting for Phoebe to arrive for her surprise birthday party  Rachel and Monica is telling Chandler about Rachel's incident]
Rachel so he said it was just a sprain and that was it
Monica Uh you left out the stupid part
Rachel Not stupid The very cute cute cute doctors asked us out for tomorrow night and I said yes
Monica I think it's totally insane I mean they work for the hospital It's like returning to the scene of the crime You know I say we blow off the dates
Rachel What Monica they are cute they are doctors (spelling it out in the air for her slow friend) cute doctors doctors who are cute
Chandler Alright what have we learned so far
(There is a knock at the door Someone turns the music off then the whole party runs and hides except for Monica and Rachel who answer their door Ross stands in the doorway holding a box but everyone is too keyed up to notice that it's him)
The Whole Party (Jumping up) SURPRISE
(Ross is so startled that he throws his arms up to defend himself The box takes off then lands with a squishy thud its contents oozing out onto the floor Ross is not pleased)
Ross What the hell are you doing You scared the crap outta me
Rachel Was that the cake
Ross Yeah yeah I got a lemon schmush
Monica Come on she'll be here any minute
(The whole party gathers round as Ross puts the box on the coffee table)
Rachel I hope it's okay
(As Ross opens the lid everybody looks at the mess inside)
Monica Oh
Chandler (Reading) Happy Birthday Peehe
Monica Well maybe we can make a a a 'B' out of one of those roses
(Phoebe quietly wanders in to join the tableau)
Ross (Still annoyed) Yeah we'll just use our special cake tools
Phoebe Hey what's going on
Ross Oh we just
Phoebe's Friends (Finally noticing the guest of honour) Surprise
Phoebe (Delighted) oh oh oh This is so great Oh my god This was not at all scary Hi everybody Hi Betty Betty Hi (Thrilled) You found Betty Oh my god (Hugging people) This is great Everybody I love is in the same room (still happy) Where's Joey
(The party falls flat Chandler tries to think of a witticism but even he can't help)
Chandler Did you see Betty
(Betty waggles her fingers to say Hi but Phoebe feels her birthday has been ruined by her twin)
[Scene A Restaurant Ross is having lunch with his father who is examining his next forkful]
Mr Geller I tell you one thing I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sundried tomato business Five years ago if somebody had said to me here's a tomato that looks like a prune I'd say get out of my office
Ross Dad before I was born did you freak out at all
Mr Geller I'm not freaking out I'm just saying if somebody had come to me with the idea andndash
Ross Dad dad dad I'm talkin' about the whole uh baby thing Did you uh ever get this sort of panicky Oh my god I'm gonna be a father kind of a thing
Mr Geller No Your mother really did the work I was busy with the business I wasn't around that much Is that what this is about
Ross No no Dad I was just wondering
Mr Geller 'Cause there's time to make up for that We can do stuff together You always wanted to go to that Colonial Williamsburg How 'bout we do that
Ross Thanks Dad really I ju you know I just I just needed to know um when did you start to feel like a father
Mr Geller Oh well I I guess it musta been the day after you were born We were in the hospital room your mother was asleep and they brought you in and gave you to me You were this ugly little red thing and all of a sudden you grabbed my finger with your whole fist And you squeezed it so tight And that's when I knew
(Ross is so moved by his father's charming story that he stops eating)
Mr Geller So you don't wanna go to Williamsburg
Ross No we can go to Williamsburg
Mr Geller Eat your fish
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Monica is just getting off of the intercom and turns off the TV which is still in the SAP mode]
Monica Rachel the cute doctors are here
Rachel (entering from her room) Okay coming
(Monica opens the door for Dr Mitchell and Dr Geoffrey)
Monica Hi come on in
Dr Mitchell Hey
Monica Hi Geoffrey
Rachel Hi
Dr Rosen Ah here we brought wine
Dr Mitchell Look at this it's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine so how could we resist
Rachel Oh that's great Look at that
Dr Rosen So Monica how's the ankle
Monica It's uh
(Rachel discreetly coughs to warn her)
Monica (as Rachel) well why don't you tell them After all it is your ankle
Rachel (as Monica) You know what it's feeling a lot better thank you um Well listen why don't you two sit down and and we'll get you some glasses okay (They don't know what to do with their coats and Monica points to the living room) STAT
(Rachel joins Monica who is in the kitchen area opening the wine bottle Rachel checks that the doctors aren't listening then lowers her voice anyway)
Rachel Okay listen I'm thinking why don't we just tell them who we really are I mean it'll be fine I really think it'll be fine
Monica It will not be fine We'll get in trouble
Rachel Oh Monica Would you stop being such a wuss
Monica A wuss Excuse me for living in the real world okay
(Back at the couch Dr Mitchell and Dr Rosen have concerns of their own)
Dr Mitchell So
Dr Rosen So they sssstill seem normal
Dr Mitchell That's because they are
Dr Rosen (Nervously) okay but you have to admit that every time we go out Women we meet at the hospital It turns into
Dr Mitchell Willya relax Look around No pagan altars no piles of bones in the corners they're fine (Baring his teeth to clean them with his finger) Go like this (Dr Rosen obeys)
(Meanwhile back at the sink)
Monica I said we are not going to do it okay Sometimes you can be such a a big baby
Rachel (Resenting the truth) I am not a baby You know what I swear to god just because you get so uptight every time we
Monica Sure every time you're such a princess
Rachel You know what
Monica What
Rachel You know what
Monica What
Rachel You know what
Monica (getting angry) What
Rachel Every day you are becoming more and more like your mother
(Rachel brightly limps back across the apartment with glasses of wine for the cute doctors leaving an openmouthed Monica in her wake)
Rachel Hello Here we go
Dr Rosen This is a great place How long have you lived here
Rachel (as Monica) Thanks I've been here about six years and Rachel moved in a few months ago
Monica (as Rachel) Yeah (joining the others) see I was supposed to get married but um I left the guy at the altar
(Rachel tries to hide her alarm but she squirms in her chair)
Dr Mitchell Really
Monica (as Rachel) Yeah Yeah I know it's pretty selfish but haha hey that's me (Indicating a dish on the table) Why don't you try the hummus
Dr Rosen So Monica what do you do
Rachel (as Monica) Aahh I'm a chef at a restaurant uptown
Dr Rosen Good for you
Rachel (as Monica) Yeah it is mostly because I get to boss people around which I just love to do
Dr Rosen This hummus is great
Dr Mitchell God bless the chickpea
Monica (as Rachel) (Suddenly laughing) Oh god I am so spoiled That's it
(The doctors don't know what to make of all this)
Rachel (as Monica) And by the way have I mentioned that back in high school I was a cow
Monica (as Rachel) I used to wet my bed
Rachel (as Monica) I use my breasts to get other people's attention
Monica (as Rachel) (Revealing her anger to point at her best friend) We both do that
(Rachel lets her anger show too Hideously embarrassed the doctors drain their glasses in the vicious pause which follows The telephone rings but the girls just glower at each other silently daring the other to move first Finally both guys jump up and Michael wins)
Dr Mitchell (on the phone) Monica and Rachel's apartment Err yeh aayah yeh just one second (handing it to Monica) ah Rachel it's your dad
Monica (as Rachel) Hi Dad No no it's me (Getting up to move further away from Rachel) lilisten Dad I can't talk right now um but there's something um there's something that I've been meaning to tell you
(Monica glares triumphantly across the room scaring Rachel who also stands up)
Rachel Would you excuse me for a second
Monica (as Rachel) Remember back in freshman year (Talking fast before Rachel can catch her) Well Billy Dreskin and I had sex on your bed
(Completely undone by Monica's verbal destruction Rachel almost loses her balance as she staggers backwards eyes agog gasping for breath and literally not knowing which way to turn Finally she escapes into the bathroom while a resigned Dr Mitchell looks philosophically at Dr Rosen who seems about remind him of the good old days at the pagan altar)
Commercial Break
[Scene Monica and Rachel's the next morning Ross Phoebe Chandler and Monica sit round the coffee table playing Scrabble Rachel still in her dressing gown is pleading on the phone her free hand shaking with agitation]
Rachel (on phone) Daddy Daddy Daddy why whyyy would I sleep with Billy Dreskin His father tried to put you out of business (Rachel turns to Monica clasping the receiver to her bosom so DrGreen can't hear while mouthing You are) dead
(Monica smiles a sweet apology of regret until she's distracted by Marcel as he clambers all over her nice furniture)
Monica Ross he's got the remote again
Ross Good Maybe he can switch it back
(Marcel changes channel to Bugs Bunny who is speaking in Spanish)
Ross Maybe not
(Meanwhile Rachel has taken another call from a nurse she'd hoped never to hear from again)
Rachel Hello (Listens) Um yeah uh (snapping her fingers at Ross who takes the remote from Marcel then turns off the TV) Okay ah hold on a second lemme lemme just check and see if see if she's here
(All animosity forgotten Rachel holds the receiver out as she limps quickly over to her friend who stands up in concern)
Rachel It's the woman from the hospital admissions office She says there's a problem with the form Oh god oh god
Rachel and Monica Oh god waddawe do waddawe do waddawe do
Monica I don't know Why don't you just explain What do they want Find out what they want
Rachel Okay (desperately hands the receiver over) no you do it
Monica (taking the phone) Hello this is Monica Yeah Oh (Smiles at Rachel to reassure her) Okay yes we'll be right we'll be right down(Listens) Thank you (Hangs up)
Rachel What
Monica We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms
Rachel Ohhh (slumping in relief) Okay you were right You were right This was just not worth it
Monica Thank you
Rachel Okay let me just change
Monica Yes
(Rachel goes to her room)
Joey (entering quietly) Hey
Ross and Chandler Hey
Monica Hi
Phoebe Trouble
Joey Your sister stood me up the other night
Phoebe Oh no Don't you hate it when people aren't there for you
Ross Well did you try calling her
Joey I've been trying for two days When I called the restaurant they said she was too busy to talk I can't believe she's blowin' me off
(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey but as she watches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief she knows that it isn't his fault)
[Scene Riff's Phoebe is entering Ursula returns with two plates of chicken but she only has time to set one on the table when]
Phoebe Hey
(Ursula turns in surprise)
Ursula Oh
Phoebe Um you you got a minute
Ursula Um yeah I'm just (waving dismissively at the concept) working
(Ursula points out a vacant table so the twins walk over side by side to sit down Departing customers walk right past the pair Sitting at the back a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her The girls sit)
Phoebe So
Ursula Uhhuh
(Ursula is genuinely pleased that her sister has visited her after so many years Phoebe hesitates over how best to begin)
Phoebe Um oh I got you a birthday present
(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat while Phoebe removes a present from her bag)
Ursula Oh wow You remembered (Opening it) Oh It's a Judy Jetson thermos
(She laughs at the childhood memory Phoebe smiles at being able to make her point)
Phoebe Right like the kind you
Ursula Right Oh I got something for you too
(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the counter)
Phoebe How'd you know I was coming
Ursula Um yeah um twin thing
(Ursula puts the box directly into Phoebe's hand Phoebe brightens)
Phoebe I can't believe you did this
(Phoebe opens the box to find something familiar inside)
Phoebe I can't believe you (holding up Joey's cardigan) did this
(Phoebe's smile hardens as she packs the cardigan away)
Phoebe So What's the deal with umm you and Joey
Ursula Oh right He is so great But that's over
(Ursula resumes eating her lunch)
Phoebe Does he know
Ursula Who
Phoebe Joey You know um he's really nutsy about you
Ursula He is Why
Phoebe You got me
Ursula Right
(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken Ursula turns to him)
Ursula Excuse me Doesn't this come with a side salad
(The man gives up shaking his head)
Phoebe So um are you gonna call him
Ursula What (Indicating the departing waiter) Do you think he likes me
Phoebe No Joey
Ursula Oh No no he is so smart He'll figure it out (Offering to share her food) Do you want some chicken
Phoebe No No food with a face
Ursula You have not changed
(Ursula's eyes dance as she laughs and smiles simply glad to be back with her sister)
Phoebe Yeah you too
(Trying not to wrinkle her nose Phoebe smiles back realising it's down to her to make up for her negligent sister Meanwhile Ursula still hasn't received her side salad but when she attempts to attract the waiter's attention he ignores her)
[Scene The Emergency Room The officious admissions nurse is again on duty Rachel and Monica enter looking worried As they approach the desk Rachel adopts a winning smile while Monica struggles to smile at all]
Rachel (as Monica) Hi remember us
Nurse (Grimacing) Mmm hmmm
Monica (as Rachel) Um okay You just called a little while ago about needing a signature on the admissions form Well it turns out we need a whole new one (little laugh) because uh you see II I put the wrong name again (Little laugh) 'cause um
Nurse You're that stupid
Monica (as Rachel) I am I'm that stupid (Little laugh)
Rachel (as Monica) Yeah and and I'm just gonna pay for this with a check
Nurse Well you know your insurance will cover that
Rachel (as Monica) Yeah I know (mirroring her friend) I'm I'm just not that bright either
(The girls escape with a new form)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Chandler is neglecting the game of Scrabble for he's busily drawing on his own childhood in an attempt to help Ross Marcel chitters about]
Chandler Okay worst case scenario Say you never feel like a father
Ross Uhhuh
Chandler Say your son never feels connected to you as one Say all of his relationships are affected by this
Ross Do you have a point
Chandler You know you think I would
(Instead of scampering Marcel stretches his neck as much as possible and makes an unvoiced noise from his throat)
Chandler What's up with the simian
Ross It's just a fur ball
Chandler Okay (returning to the board) whose turn is it
Ross Yours I just got 43 points for 'KIDNEY'
Chandler No no you got zero points for 'IDNEY'
Ross I had a 'K' Where's where's my 'K'
(The unvoiced hissing continues In alarm Ross and Chandler look at the monkey who is now in some distress)
[Scene The Emergency Room Monica sits with Rachel who is filling out an honest form at last Ross and Chandler hurtle in Little Marcel wrapped in a fluffy towel is cradled in Ross's arms They dash up to the admissions desk Ross is frantic]
Ross You've got to help me my monkey swallowed a 'K'
(Hearing her brother's voice Monica gets up to stand behind Chandler followed by Rachel)
Nurse (angrily) You go get that animal outta here
Ross No no you don't understand the animal hospital is way across town he's choking I don't know what else to do
Monica What's goin' on
(Ross and Chandler turn at the voice)
Chandler Marcel swallowed a Scrabble tile
Rachel Oh
(then turn back to the desk when the surprise hits them and Ross and Chandler whip around once more Monica and Rachel recoil slightly)
Nurse Excuse me This hospital is for people
Ross Lady he is people He has a name okay He watches Jeopardy He he touches himself when nobody's watching Please please have a heart
(Ross's vigorous protest is attracting attention)
Dr Mitchell I'll take a look at him
(Rachel Monica Ross and Chandler whip around for a second time in formation)
Rachel and Monica Oh thank you
Monica Michael
Dr Mitchell Rachel
Rachel What
Monica (as Rachel) Monica
Rachel (as Monica) Oh
Monica (as Rachel) Hi
Rachel (as Monica) Hi
(Monica smiles to cover her embarrassment but Rachel sadly looks away)
[Scene Central Perk Joey is playing She Loves Me She Loves Me Not with the petals of a flower alternately looking hopeful and annoyed Phoebe enters but not as herself for she has changed the style of her hair and makeup to match that of her twin sister She hangs up her coat revealing her new cardigan Nervously she smooths out the identifying garment approaching Joey who sits next to the main sofa]
Phoebe (as Ursula) Hey
Joey Urse
(Phoebe nods as he stands up in delight)
Joey ah what're you doing here I've been trying to call you
Phoebe (as Ursula) Listen um
Joey No no no don't say listen I know that listen I've said that listen
Phoebe (as Ursula) I'm sorry
Joey I don't get it What happened What about everything you said under the bridge
(Phoebe is almost thrown by this)
Phoebe (as Ursula) Yeah um (nervously clears her throat) You know you you should just forget about what I said under the bridge I was talkin' crazy that night I was so drunk
Joey You don't drink
Phoebe (as Ursula) That's right I don't But I was I was drunk on you
Joey Oh Urse (He tries to take her in his arms but she fends him off)
Phoebe (as Ursula) Okay yeah so it's not gonna work
Joey Why Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe
Phoebe (as Ursula) If it was would you stop hanging out with her
Joey (Thinking carefully) no No I I couldn't do that
Phoebe (as Ursula) Um then yes it's 'cause of Phoebe So you know it's either her or me
Joey Then uh then I'm sorry
(He sinks to the sofa saddened by Ursula's ultimatum while Phoebe follows touched by Joey's good heart)
Phoebe (as Ursula) You know (unconsciously putting a hand on his knee) You're gonna be really really hard to get over
Joey I know
(He looks up at her face and Phoebe slipping out of character smiles back at him Joey's voice becomes soft and warm)
Joey I don't know whether it's just 'cause we're breakin' up or what but you have never looked so beautiful
Phoebe Really
(Phoebe smiles when Joey takes her face in his hands and kisses her Joey gets up to leave but stops suddenly Phoebe silently shouts Oh whoa to herself and leans back in the sofa to recover a hand to her tingling lips A thoughtful Joey is also feeling his lips so he hesitates for a moment then returns for a better view he thinks again cocking his head from side to side to regard her profile from various angles then)
Joey Pheebs
Phoebe (Automatically) Yeah Oooh (she's sprung)
[Scene The Hospital Marcel lies on the operating table while recovering from the anaesthetic tucked up under a sheet like an infant in a huge bed Ross sits beside him as a smiling Chandler Monica and Rachel look on]
Ross He looks so tiny
(The door bursts open and Joey and Phoebe rush in)
Joey We just got the message
Phoebe Is he alright
Ross Yeah The doctor got the 'K' out He also found an 'M' and an 'O'
Chandler We think he was trying to spell out 'MONKEY'
(Ross does not approve of Chandler's daft theory)
Ross Well the doctor says he's gonna be fine he's just sleeping now
Chandler (Tapping Ross on his shoulder) So you feel like a dad yet
Ross No why
Chandler Hey come on you came through you did what you had to do That is very dad
(Ross does approve of this but he's still not sure The tiny figure stirs)
Monica Oh look he's waking up
Ross (Quietly) hey fella How you doing
(All of a sudden Marcel grabs Ross's finger with his whole fist and he squeezes it so tight that Ross finally knows what it is to be a father He looks up at his friends who smile encouragingly Rachel tenderly resting her chin upon Monica's shoulder Ross realises that Chandler was right and he's gonna make a great dad)
Closing Credits
[Scene Monica and Rachel's everyone except Joey is there  Rachel is looking out of the window and Ross is handing out some Chinese takeout  There's a small SAP in the corner of the screen]
Ross Aqui est (Here it is)
Monica 緼 qui閚 pidio el pollo General Tso (Who ordered General Sal's chicken)
Chandler udo aver sido General Tso (It could've been General Sal)
(Rachel points out of the window)
Rachel ira mira el viejo desnudo esthaciendo el hula hoop (Look look Ugly Naked Guy is doing the hula)
(The others rush to the window for a look)
Allwww (Ewww)
(Joey enters happy again)
All ola Joey (Hi Joey)
Joey ola amigos (Hey everybody)
(Marcel grabs the remote)
Monica Mira Ross Marcel se llevo el control remoto (Look Ross Marcel's got the remote)
Ross o que sucedio es que no le gusta la tele (The thing is he doesn`t like the program)
(Everybody laughs)
End


117 双胞胎两部曲（二）


姐~
菲
样？
双胞胎
菲菲乌苏拉辣
乌苏拉
然？ 合身
马修？ 遥控器罗修
办？
全乌苏拉惹祸
约会？糟？
解妹妹
乔谈谈
爱
会失
没床 八字没撇呢
哦~需帮忙？
瑞秋…
没事没事~
哦哦哦哦哦哦哦哦哦~

朋友取圣诞灯时阳台跌落
脚者脚踝受伤
天圣诞灯亮着？
资料填
哦哦哦哦哦哦哦哦哦~
哦
姓名？址？
紧急联系电话？

真？

真
天啊爱
保险？
哦勾确实需
没保险？
什？着病花钱？
知道啊百块钱吧
该办？
没太办法想
呃……非
…
等等？紧急连络谁？
保险欺诈……
吧？算……回家
哦哦哦
吧回
讨厌做
谢谢爱
需新表格
什？
真笨蛋
朋友填资料时
填资料
真笨蛋
没错？
笨
昨晚梦见子玩足球
真温馨
？
球场子做裆开球
坦帕湾队防守球员逐渐逼
做出决定
坦帕湾队烂啊
没错？子
想找麻烦
传球
什？疯啦？子
难道应该擒抱？
样突然间已场边
发觉该接球
绝
跑啊跑
醒
没准备爸爸
没问题
全北美细心责感男
定爸爸
没错？子需更阻挡
彩虹厅？ 真贵？
非点什东西
带乌苏拉里天生日
菲生日该办？
什时候？
晚
哦真太巧……
慢慢想吧着急
想出……
算办？
办？
想乌苏拉开心
朋友菲呢？
果朋友希谅解
难道谅解？
兄弟果敢生日天做事

加少量蕃红花情况完全改观
嗯摩妮卡？
……
朋友瑞秋
瑞秋？米契尔夫
朋友罗森夫
医生否太帅点？
抱歉什？
哦指年轻做医生太年轻
说瑞秋
谢谢
没错
说扭伤
哦忘说蠢事
蠢呢
位两位帅哥夫约明晚出
答应
觉太疯狂
意思医院工作啊
样回犯罪现场？
知道？觉应该取消约会
什？
嘿帅哥医生长帅医生
目前止学什？
哦快快
惊喜
底干？
吓死
蛋糕？
柠檬口味
快？时会
希蛋糕没事
生日快乐……Peehe……
许玫瑰B
？特殊蛋糕工具
嘿？
惊喜
哦哦哦
真太
点怕
家贝蒂哦找贝蒂太棒
哦天啊喜欢房间里发生
乔伊里？
见贝蒂没？
告诉现介意吃种烤干蕃茄干
五年前果说蕃茄李子
滚出办公室
爸？出生前会紧张？
紧张说果说…
爸？谈孩事
否成父亲紧张？
没啊
会？妈处理
忙着生意事情没太时间
找？
爸爸奇
时间弥补起做点事情
直想威廉斯堡
样？
想知道
时感觉父亲
应该出生天
病房妈睡觉
交
时丑红
突然拳头紧抓住手指
紧紧捏住手指
时候感觉
想威廉斯堡？
啊
吃鱼吧
瑞秋？帅哥医生

嗨快进
嗨
嗨杰弗瑞
嗨
带瓶酒
恩尼斯托夫波尼酒窖
受样诱惑？呵呵
哦真棒
莫尼卡脚踝样？
嗯……
什告诉？
毕竟脚踝
感觉谢谢
哦快请坐酒杯
吧快点~
听者想什告诉真实身份呢？
想会事会问题
会惹麻烦
摩妮卡争气
争气？
抱歉生真实世界中
呢？ 似正常
承认
次女病患约会…
紧张四周
没异教徒神坛
角落里没堆堆骨头
错
嘿牙齿……
绝做
时候孩呢？
幼稚呢发誓次样紧张……
啊次公似……
知道？
什？
知道？
什？
知道？
什？
天天愈愈妈
喽
谢谢
方真错
住久？
谢谢住六年
瑞秋月前搬
应该结婚
未婚夫抛弃圣坛
真？
啊
啊啊知道私嘿
试试
摩妮卡事什工作？
城区家餐厅总厨师
真
没错
喜欢指
点心错
愿神保佑鹰嘴豆
哦哈哈天啊真宠坏
样
提高中？
高中肥猪
常尿床
胸部吸引注意
样
摩妮卡瑞秋公寓
等等瑞秋爸
爸？
现没空
话直想告诉
失陪
记时候？
利床做爱
爸爸爸爸……
爸干嘛利床？
爸想害倒闭
死定
罗斯？遥控器
许功变回
许会
等等
医院女
说表格问题
哦天啊天啊办？办？办？
知道想什？
吧
问
摩妮卡
马谢谢
？
忘签名
说该做
谢谢
换件衣服
嗨……
麻烦？
妹夜放鸽子
真怜
放鸽子滋味受吧
电话？
连两天
餐厅时说太忙
敢相信想甩掉
嗨
哦
空？
工作
嗯……
哦？
买生日礼物
记
茱蒂杰森热水壶
… 东西送
知道会？
双胞胎嘛
敢相信会做
敢相信会做
乔伊样？
结束
知道？
谁？
乔伊
着迷已
？什？
问倒……
没错
抱歉
道菜沙拉？
会电话？
认喜欢
乔伊
聪明会解
想吃鸡肉？
吃脸东西
没变
样
记？
啊…………
刚电话
表格签名？
需张全新表格
写错名字
…
笨
啊笨
支票付帐
知道保险会付？
知道没聪明
想象糟场景
未感觉爸爸
嗯……
子未感觉爸爸
关系全受影响
话没重点？
应该
猴子底？
毛球
吧该谁？
该刚刚KIDNEY43分
没分
拼idney
kk？
快帮猴子k吞
动物带走
懂动物医院离远
快窒息知道该办
？
马修吞字母
哦
抱歉病医院
姐名字
Jeopardy节目
没时摸
请点善心求

哦谢谢
麦克
瑞秋
什？
莫尼卡
哦
嗨
乌苏拉干什？直想电话
听着嗯……
听知道意思
抱歉
懂？
桥说话忘？
啊忘记桥说话
夜喝醉胡言乱语
喝酒
没错喝酒
爱爱痴醉
乌苏拉
没结果
什？ 菲朋友？
果愿意？
行办
没错

说抱歉
知道忘难件事
忘难件事
知道
知否分手
未漂亮
真？
菲？
什事？

刚听说
没事吧？
没事医生已取出k
发现mo
定想拼字monkey
医生说已碍睡着
爸爸感觉没？
没干嘛问？
拜托办
爸爸味道
？醒
老兄？感觉？
谁点Sal军鸡？
属Sal军
快快丑陋裸男正玩呼啦圈呢
嗨乔伊
家~~
罗斯马修着遥控器
喜欢节目

118 The One With All The Poker
118 The One With All The Poker

(The whole gang is helping Rachel mail out resumes while whistling the theme from The Bridge on the River Kwai)
Ross Uh Rach we're running low on resumes over here
Monica Do you really want a job with Popular Mechanics
Chandler Well if you're gonna work for mechanics those are the ones to work for
Rachel Hey look you guys I'm going for anything here OK I cannot be a waitress anymore I mean it I'm sick of the lousy tips I'm sick of being called 'Excuse me'
Ross Rach did you proofread these
Rachel Uh yeah why
Ross Uh nothing I'm sure they'll be impressed with your excellent compuper skills
Rachel (upset) Oh my Goood Oh do you think it's on all of them
Joey Oh no I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few
Opening Credits
[Scene Central Perk Ross and Chandler are sitting at a table Rachel is working Monica and Phoebe enter]
Monica Hey guys
Chandler and Ross Hey
Rachel Hey hi ladies uh can I get you anything (to Monica quietly) Did you bring the mail
Monica Lots of responses
Rachel (to Monica) Really (out loud) Sure we have scones left (to Monica) OK read them to me
Phoebe (reading) Dear Ms Green thank you for your inquiry however oh (crumples up letter)
Rachel (out loud) We have apple cinnamon
Monica (reading) OK Dear Ms Green yeah yeah yeah No (crumpes up letter)
Phoebe Wow
Rachel What
Phoebe (reading) Your Visa bill is huge
Rachel (grabs the bill) Give me that
(Camera cuts to Chandler and Ross at table)
Chandler You know I can't believe you Linda is so great Why won't you go out with her again
Ross I don't know
Chandler Is this still about her whole 'The Flintstones could've really happened' thing
Ross No it's not just that It's just—I want someone who who does something for me y'know Who gets my heart pounding who who makes me uh (begins to stare lovingly at Rachel)
Chandler little playthings with yarn
Ross What
Chandler Could you want her more
Ross Who
Chandler (sarcastically) Dee the sarcastic sister from Whats Happening
Ross Look I am totally totally over her OK I just (Rachel comes over Ross lays head on table) Hiiii
Rachel Hi How are you
Ross We're fine we're fine
Rachel OK (walks away)
(Ross keeps staring at her head on table Chandler smacks him with a newspaper Joey enters Ross and Chandler laugh at him)
Joey Shut up
Chandler We're not—we're not saying anything
Phoebe What
Ross Uhhhh Joey cried last night
Joey Thank you
Chandler (to the girls) We were playing poker alright
Joey There was chocolate on the three It looked like an eight alright
Ross Oh guys you should've seen him 'Read 'em and weep'
Chandler And then he did
Rachel Well now how come you guys have never played poker with us
Phoebe Yeah what is that Like some kind of guy thing Like some kind of sexist guy thing Like it's poker so only guys can play
Ross No women are welcome to play
Phoebe Oh OK so then what is it Some kind of you know like like some kind of y'know like alright what is it
Chandler There just don't happen to be any women in our games
Joey Yeah we just don't happen to know any women that know how to play poker
Girls Oh yeah right
Monica Oh please that is such a lame excuse
Rachel Really
Monica I mean that's a typical guy response
Ross Excuse me do any of you know how to play
Girls No
Rachel But you could teach us
Guys No
[Scene Monica and Rachel's the guys are teaching the girls how to play poker]
Chandler (teaching) OK so now we draw cards
Monica So I wouldn't need any right Cause I have a straight
Rachel Oh good for you
Phoebe Congratulations
(Microwave timer goes off Monica gets up)
Chandler OK Phoebs how many do you want
Phoebe OK I just need two the um ten of spades and the six of clubs
Ross No No uh Phoebs You can't—you can't do
Rachel Oh wait I have the ten of spades Here (gives it to Phoebe)
Ross No no Uh no see uh youyou can't do that
Rachel Oh nononononono that's OK I don't need them I'm going for fours
Ross Oh you're (gives up)
(Monica comes back to the table with plates of food)
Monica Alright here we go We've got salmon roulettes and assorted crudites
Phoebe and Rachel OOooooo
Joey Whoa whoa whoa Monica what're you doin' This is a poker game You can't serve food with more than one syllable It's gotta be like chips or dip or pretz(look of realization)
Chandler (changing subject) OK so at this point the dealer
Monica Alright you know we got it we got it Let's play for real High stakes big bucks
Ross Alright now you sure Phoebe just threw away two jacks because they didn't look happy
Phoebe But I'm ready so just deal
Chandler OK alright last minute lesson last minute lesson (holds up two cards) Joey three eight Eight three (Joey is unamused) Alright babe deal the cards
(Time lapse)
Monica (throws down her cards) Dammit dammit dammit
Phoebe (to Joey) Oh I see so then you were lying
Joey About what
Phoebe About how good your cards were
Joey Heh I was bluffing
Phoebe Aha And what is bluffing Is it not another word for lying
Rachel OK sorry to break up this party but I've got resumes to fax before work tomorrow (gets up to leave)
Guys Whoa whoa whoa
Chandler Rach Rach we gotta settle
Rachel Settle what
Chandler The Jamestown colony of Virginia You see King George is giving us the land so
Ross The game Rachel the game You owe us money for the game
Rachel Oh Right
Joey You know what you guys It's their first time why don't we just forget about the money alright
Monica Hell no we'll pay
Phoebe OK Monica I had another answer all ready
Monica And you know what We want a rematch
Ross Well that's fine with me Could use the money
Rachel (to Ross) So basically you get your yayas by taking money from all of your friends
Ross (pause)Yeah
Chandler Yes and I get my yayas from Ikea You have to put them together yourself but they cost a little less
Ross Look Rachel this is poker I play to win alright In order for me to win other people have to lose So if you're gonna play poker with me don't expect me to be a 'nice guy' OK Cause once those cards are dealt (claps hands three times)
Joey (pause)Yeah
Ross I'm not a nice guy
[Scene Ross' apartment Chandler and Joey are there Ross enters with a pizza]
Ross Alright boys let's eat
Chandler Oh did you get that from the 'I Love Rachel' pizzeria
Ross You still on that
Chandler Oh come on What was with that whole Black Bart speech (mimicking) When I play poker I'm not a nice guy
Ross You are way off pal
Joey No I don't think so see Ross because I think you love her
Ross Um no See I might've had feelings for her at one time—not any more I just—I
(Marcel makes a screeching noise in background)
Ross Marcel Where are you going with that disc
(Marcel puts a CD in the player)
Ross You are not putting that on again Marcel OK—if you press that button you are in very very big trouble
(The Lion Sleeps Tonight starts to play Marcel starts to dance)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Rachel Monica and Phoebe are there]
Rachel (opening mail) Can you believe what a jerk Ross was being
Monica Yeah I know He can get really competitive
Phoebe Ha Ha ha
Monica What
Phoebe Oh hello kettle This is Monica You're black
Monica Please I am not as bad as Ross
Rachel Oh I beg to differ The Pictionary incident
Monica That was not an incident II was gesturing aand the plate slipped out of my hand
Rachel Oooooh (reads letter) (surprised) Oh I got an interview I got an interview
Monica You're kidding Where Where
Rachel (in disbelief) Sak's Fifth Avenue
Monica Oh Rachel
Phoebe Oh it's like the mother ship is calling you home
Monica Well what's the job
Rachel Assistant buyer Oh I would be shopping for a living
(Knock on door)
Monica OK look That is Aunt Iris This woman has been playing poker since she was five You gotta listen to every word she says (opens door) Hi
Aunt Iris Is Tony Randall dead
Rachel No
Monica I don't think so
Rachel Why
Aunt Iris Well he may be now because I think I hit him with my car
Monica What
Rachel Oh my God
Monica Really
Aunt Iris No That's bluffing Lesson number one (walks into kitchen) Let me tell you something everything you hear at a poker game is pure crap (to Phoebe) Nice earrings
Phoebe Thank y (thinks about it)
Aunt Iris Girls sit down
Monica Uh Aunt Iris This is Phoebe and that's Rachel
Aunt Iris Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah listen I am parked at a meter Let's do it
[Scene Ross's apartment everyone but Rachel is seated around his table The Lion Sleep Tonight plays in the background]
Phoebe Ross could we please please please listen to anything else
Ross Alright
(Ross shuts off the CD player Marcel runs into the bedroom and slams the door)
Ross I'm gonna pay for that tonight
(Knock on door Ross opens it Rachel enters)
Rachel Hi
Ross Hey
Rachel Guys Guess what guess what guess what guess what
Chandler Um ok the the fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending Trident
Rachel Noooo the interview She loved me She absolutely loved me We talked for like two and a half hours we have the same taste in clothes and—oh I went to camp with her cousin And oh the job is perfect I can do this I can do this well
All That's great That's wonderful
Rachel Oh God oh and then she told the funniest story
Monica OK great You'll tell us and we'll laugh Let's play poker
Joey Alright now listen you guys we talked about it and if you don't want to play we completely understand
Chandler Oh yes yes we could play some other game like uh I don't know Pictionary
(The guys all duck under the table)
Monica Ha ha very funny very funny But I think we'd like to give poker another try Shall we ladies
Phoebe and Rachel Yes we should I think we should
Ross Uh Rach do you want me to shuffle those
Rachel No no thats OK Y'know I think I'm gonna give it a go
Ross Alright
Rachel Alright (shuffles cards expertly all the guys stare in amazement)
Commercial Break
[Scene Ross's Apartment continued from earlier]
Ross So Phoebs owes 750 Monica you owe 10 and Rachel you owe fifteen big ones
Joey But hey thanks for teachin' us CrossEyed Mary You guys we gotta play that at our regular game
Phoebe Alright here's my 750 (Hands them the money) But I think you should know that this money is cursed
Joey What
Phoebe Oh I cursed it So now bad things will happen to he who spends it
Chandler That's alright I'll take it Bad things happen to me anyway This way I can break 'em up with a movie
Ross Well that just leaves the big Green poker machine who owes fifteen
Rachel Mmmhmmm Oh so typical Ooo I'm a man Ooo I have a penis Ooo I have to win money to exert my power over women (hands over her money)
Monica You know what This is not over We will play you again and we will win and you will lose and you will beg and we will laugh and we will take every last dime you have and you will hate yourselves forever
Rachel Hmm Kinda stepped on my point there Mon
[Scene Monica and Rachel's everyone is there ready for another poker game]
Ross So you gals wanna hand over your money now That way we don't have to go through the formality of actually playing
Rachel Ooooh that's fine We'll see who has the last laugh there monkey boy
Monica OK we done with the chitchat Are we ready to play some serious poker
Phoebe (holding a card and waving it in front of her face) Hey you guys look the oneeyed jack follows me wherever I go (they look at her) Right OK serious poker
(Ross gets up from the table)
Monica Excuse me where are you going
Ross Uh to the bathroom
Monica Do you want to go to the bathroom or do you wanna play poker
Ross I want to go to the bathroom (exits)
Joey Alright well I'm gonna order a pizza (gets up)
Rachel Oh nonononono I'm still waiting to hear from that job and the store closes at nine so you can eat then
Joey That's fine I'll just have a TicTac to hold me over
Monica Alright Cincinnati no blinds everybody ante (deals cards)
Phoebe (looks at her cards) Yes (everyone looks at her) or no
(Ross comes back from bathroom)
Ross Alright (to Rachel) Your money's mine Green
Rachel Your fly is open Geller (he checks it and zips up)
(Time lapse)
Phoebe You guys you know what I just realized 'Joker' is 'poker' with a 'J' Coincidence
Chandler Hey that's that's 'joincidence' with a 'C'
Joey Uh Phoebe Phoebe
Phoebe Yeah Um I'm out (throws in cards)
Rachel I'm in
Monica Me too
Joey Me too Alright whattaya got
Ross Well you better hop outta the shower cause I gotta flush (lays down cards)
Rachel Well well well hop back in bucko cause I got four sixes (lays down cards) I won I actually won Oh my God Y'know what (collects chips) I think I'm gonna make a little Ross pile (holds up a chip) I think that one was Ross's and I think—oh—that one was Ross's Yes (Starts singing) Well I have got your money and you'll never see it
(Ross stands up)
Rachel And your fly's still open
(Ross looks down)
Rachel Ha I made you look
(Time lapse)
Rachel I couldn't be inner Monica
Phoebe Monica in or out
Monica (slams down cards) I hate this game
(Joey slides a plate away from Monica towards Chandler who hides it under the table)
Phoebe OK Joey your bet
Joey Ahhh I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face (the girls look at him confused) Oh I'm out
Phoebe Ross
Ross Oh I am very in
Phoebe Chandler
Chandler Couldn't be more out (throws in cards)
Phoebe Me too Rachel
Rachel Uh I will see you and I'll raise you (throws chips in pot) What do you say want to waste another buck
Ross No not this time (he folds) So what'd you have
Rachel I'm not telling (collects chips)
Ross Come on show them to me (reaches for her cards Rachel covers them up)
Rachel No
Ross Show them to me
Rachel Get your hands out of there No
Ross Let me see Show them
Chandler Y'know I've had dates like this
Rachel (deals new hand) Boy you really can't stand to lose can you Your whole face is getting red little veins popping out on your temple
Phoebe Plus that shirt doesn't really match those pants
(Ross is visibly upset)
Ross First of all I'm not losing
Rachel Oh you are losing Definitely losing (phone rings)
Ross Let's not talk about losing Just deal the
Rachel (answering phone) Hello Rachel Green
Ross (mimicking Rachel) Mee mee meemee mee
Rachel (on phone) Excuse me (covers up phone to Ross) It's about the job
(Rachel walks into kitchen to talk on the phone)
Rachel Barbara Hi how are you (Listens) Uhhuh (Listens) No I understand Yeah Oh oh come on no I'm fine Don't be silly Yeah oh but you know ifif anything else opens up plea—Hello Hello (hangs up phone very depressed)
(Rachel goes back and sits down The rest don't know what to say)
Monica Sorry Rach
Phoebe Y'know there's gonna be lots of other stuff
Rachel Yeah(sigh)OK Where were we Oh OK five card draw uh jacks or better nothing wild everybody ante
Joey Look Rachel we don't have to do this
Rachel Yes we do (pause)
Monica Alright check
Joey Check
Ross I'm in for fifty cents (throws it in)
Chandler Call
Phoebe I'm in
Rachel I see your fifty cents and I raise you five dollars (throws it in)
Ross I thought uh it was a fifty cent limit
Rachel Well I just lost a job and I'd like to raise the bet five bucks Does anybody have a problem with that
(Everyone says no and folds except for Ross who thinks about it)
Rachel (to Ross) Loser
(Chandler Monica Joey and Phoebe back their chairs away from the table)
Ross No I fold (lays cards down and gets up)
Rachel What do you mean you fold Hey come on What is this I thought that 'once the cards were dealt I'm not a nice guy' I mean what were you just full of it
(Ross thinks it over finally sits down and picks up his cards)
Ross I'm in (throws in chips)
Rachel How many you want
Ross One (Rachel gives him the card)
Rachel Dealer takes two (she deals herself two cards) What do you bet
Ross I bet two dollars (throws it in)
Rachel OK see your two and I raise you twenty (throws it in)
Ross I see your twenty raise you twentyfive (throws it in)
(The other four look amazed at the large pot)
Rachel See your twentyfiveanduh Monica get my purse
(Monica gets up looks in Rachel's purse)
Monica Rachel there's nothing in it
Rachel OK then get me your purse
(Monica gets Rachel her purse)
Monica OK here you go Good luck
Rachel (to Monica) Thank you (to Ross) I saw your twentyfive and I raise you seven
Phoebe teen (throws in a tendollar bill)
(Ross looks in his wallet pulls out two dollars)
Ross (to Joey) Joey I'm a little shy
Joey That's OK Ross you can ask me What
(Ross looks at Joey dumbfounded at his stupidity)
Chandler (to Ross) What do you need what do you need
Ross Fifteen
Chandler Alright here's ten (gives it to him)
Joey Here I got five I got five (Ross takes the money)
Ross Thank you
Chandler Good luck
Ross (to Rachel) OK I am calling your seventeen What do you got
(Long pause as they both look at each other)
Rachel (lays down cards) Full house
(Ross stares at her Thinks about it Puts cards on table face down)
Ross You got me
(Monica and Phoebe get up and start celebrating in the kitchen pouring wine and singing Rachel shocked goes to join them)
Joey (to Ross) Ahhh that's alright Y'know that's a tough hand to beat
Chandler (to Ross) I thought we had them
Ross Oh well when you don't have the cards you don't have the cards you know (looks at Rachel) But uh look how happy she is (smiles)
(Chandler and Joey look at her and then look back at him They dive for Ross's hand to see what he had and he tries to stop them from looking)
Closing Credits
[Scene Monica and Rachel's all six are playing Pictionary at Monica's apartment Monica is drawing a picture and the three guys are guessing She draws what looks like an airplane]
Chandler Airplane Airport Airport '75 Airport '77 Airport '79
(Timer goes off)
Rachel Oh time's up
Monica (pointing at the drawing upset) Bye bye BIRDIE
Joey Oh
Phoebe That's a bird
(Monica glares at Phoebe)
Phoebe That's a bird
(Monica sits Rachel gets up)
Rachel OK OK it's my turn (reads the answer)
Chandler Go
(Rachel starts drawing what looks like a bean)
Ross Uh bean Bean
(Rachel begins tapping the picture of the bean frantically)
Joey (triumphantly) The Unbearable Likeness of Being
Rachel Yes
Monica That you get That you get
(Monica picks up a glass to take a drink everyone ducks as though she was about to throw it)
End

118 玩扑克



瑞秋履历表已完
真想众机械师班
果真想技工工作
倒试试
位什试试
服务生
说真已厌倦微薄费
已厌倦说麻烦
瑞秋已校
问题
没事电恼技巧
定会印象深刻
糟份面样
没复印机弄掉
位
两位姐需什
信件带没
里
然烤饼
快念听
亲爱格林姐感谢您询问然…
苹果肉桂…亲爱格林姐…
………………
没戏

信卡帐单呀

真敢相信
琳达约会
知道
认石头族真发生事
（科幻电影情节）
样
感觉
心跳加速…
变成拜倒裙玩物？
什
渴着
谁
蒂发生事中
尖酸刻薄女孩
早忘行
样？

闭嘴
什没说
？
昨晚乔伊哭
谢谢
玩扑克牌
3面沾点巧克力起8仅已
惜没
说开牌哭吧
结果哭
什没玩扑克牌
什男专利
性歧视男专利
扑克男专利？
怪女生欢迎加入
什………………
……算反正什
刚女生没加入罢
刚找会玩扑克女生
拜托口真烂
男种反应
请问谁会玩扑克牌
会
教

现开始抽牌
需换牌吧
条
太
恭喜
菲张
需两张
黑桃10梅花6
样做
等等黑桃
谢谢
…样
……没问题需4
呃……
鲑鱼拼盘水果色拉
莫妮卡干什
正玩牌
食物名称超词
：薯片蘸汁脆饼…
现发牌……
知道
开始真吧
钱出钱进
真开始菲刚刚扔张J
起开心
准备发牌吧
终提醒终提醒
乔伊38
83发牌吧
该死该死该死
明白骗
骗什
骗牌
唬
什唬
骗义字
抱歉玩
明天工作前履历表
瑞秋算帐(定居)
什定居
维吉尼亚詹姆斯城殖民
乔治三世土……
（历史乔治三世北美殖民采取强硬态度
终导致美国革命）
赌局瑞秋赌局赌局欠钱
哦
知道 第次
计较钱
会付钱
莫妮卡答案
呀
知道次
行钱花
说组合家俱
朋友钱买
呀
没错宜家家俱买
动手装便宜许
瑞秋玩扑克
赌博赢钱
赢钱输
果想玩牌指手留情
牌发出
然呢
六亲认
两位东西吃
爱瑞秋萨屋买
取笑
样嘛学起黑社会说话？
玩起牌六亲认
扯太远
认
认爱
许意思
现早已没感觉
…马修碰CD碟干
放马修
果播放
知道罗斯混蛋烂
知道实太强

喂凯蒂莫妮卡黑
拜托
没罗斯烂
认猜字游戏件事呢
意
做手势时盘子心脱手
面试通知面试通知
真？里？
第五道萨克斯
瑞秋
瑞秋旗舰队
什工作
采购助理购物……
谋生
听着艾莉丝姑姑
五岁起便开始玩牌
说字牢记心
东尼•蓝道（著名演员）死
想没吧
什问？
现已死开车撞
天啊……真？
唬第课
告诉玩牌听字狗屁
错耳环
谢……
坐吧位
艾莉丝姑姑位菲瑞秋
车停计时器前
开始吧
罗斯听点
吧
晚倒楣
嗨
嗨
猜猜样快猜猜猜猜
第五牙医终屈服？
现推荐Trident香口胶？
（香口胶广告：45牙医推荐Trident）
面试喜欢
谈两半时
服饰品味致
前表妹起露营
工作简直太棒
胜办
太……
然告诉笑事
讲时定会笑
玩牌吧
位听谈事
果想玩完全解
玩
猜字类
真笑
想扑克牌次机会
姐
应该
瑞秋需洗牌
想试试
吧
菲输7块5莫妮卡输10块瑞秋输……15元
谢谢教斜眼玛丽
玩时候
7块5
知道钱已受诅咒
什
已咒
花钱会倒楣
谓反正够倒楣
样场电影喘口气
刚离开格林扑克牌机欠15块
男生副德行
男弟弟
赢钱增加力量征服女
知道没结束
会找玩
会赢会输
会求饶会笑
会赢走分钱
会永远恨死
意见致莫妮卡
现交出钱
必正式玩
倒谁笑猴子男
聊完没开始玩真没
独眼杰克（J）处踪
玩真
意思
浴室
想厕玩牌
想厕
吧订萨
等着工作电话通知
萨店9点关门时候吃吧
行含薄荷糖提神
未见牌注注吧


钱格林
拉链没拉盖勒
刚刚意识
Joker（爱开玩笑）Jpoker（扑克牌）
巧合？
J碰巧C起
菲



什牌
逃出浴室
花(马桶)
慢着慢着回吧子
四张六
赢赢
想罗斯钱赚
想罗斯
罗斯
赚钱
法见
拉链然没拉
低头
莫妮卡？
莫妮卡
讨厌玩牌
乔伊呢
满脸伤痕胖子
撞肚子二流妓女

罗斯

钱德

样瑞秋
加注
想浪费钱
回会
快嘛

开手
吧

样约会验
天啊真输起家伙
脸涨红
太阳穴血露出
衣裤相称
第没输
谈输快发牌吧输定
瑞秋格林
请稍等
关工作电话
芭芭拉
嗯
明白
没事快说
否职缺请
喂？ 喂？
遗憾瑞秋
工作满街
嗯
玩
五张牌
J较家注
瑞秋玩
玩注


5毛钱


5毛钱
加…
5块钱
5毛限
刚失工作想加5块
位问题
然没


输家
退出
退出什意思
发牌六亲认狠角色
虚张声势

张牌
张
庄家两张
少？
二块
加20块
哇
20块
加25块
25块
莫妮卡皮包
瑞秋里面没钱
皮包
祝运
谢谢25块加
7块……
加10块
乔伊钱点够
没问题
少
15块
里10块
里5块
谢谢
祝运
十七块什牌
葫芦（三带二）
赢
输
会赢
没牌没牌
瞧开心
飞机机场
机场75机场77机场79
时间
见…鸟
鸟
鸟
该
开始
豆豆
生命中法承受轻
答
样猜中
样猜中？

119 The One Where the Monkey Gets Away
119 The One Where the Monkey Gets Away

[Scene Central Perk Rachel is talking to a customer]
Rachel Okay okay I checked We have Earl Grey English Breakfast Cinnamon Stick Camomile Mint Medley Blackberry and oh wait there's one more um Lemon Soother You're not the guy that asked for the tea are you (Guy shakes his head) Okay
Opening Credits
[Scene Central Perk Monica enters with some mail]
Monica Mail call Rachel Green bunk seven
Rachel Thank you (Examines it) Oh cool Free sample of coffee
Monica Oh good 'Cause where else would we get any
Rachel Oh Right Oh great
Monica What is it
Rachel Country club newsletter My mother sends me the engagement notices for 'inspiration' Oh my God Oh my God it's Barry and Mindy
Monica Barry who you almost
Rachel Barry who I almost
Monica And Mindy your maid of
Rachel Mindy my maid of Oh
Monica (Takes it) That's Mindy Wow she is pretty (Sees Rachel's look) Lucky To have had a friend like you
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Rachel and Ross are eating Chinese]
Ross Marcel Bring me the rice c'mon Bring me the rice c'mon Good boy Good boy C'mere gimme the rice (Marcel brings the rice) Thank you good boy Well I see he's finally mastered the difference between 'bring me the' and 'pee in the' (Rachel ignores him) 'Bring me the' and Rach
Rachel What
Ross Hi
Rachel Oh I'm sorry Oh this is so stupid I mean I gave Barry up right I should be happy for them I am I'm happy for them
Ross Really
Rachel No Oh oh I guess it would be different if I were with somebody
Ross Whoah uh what happened to uh 'Forget relationships I'm done with men' The whole uh penis embargo
Rachel Oh I don't know I guess it's not about no guys it's about the right guy y'know I mean with Barry it was safe and it was easy but there was no heat With Paolo that's all there was was heat And it was just this raw animal sexual
Ross Waitwait I I got it I was there
Rachel Well I mean do you think you can ever have both Y'know Someone who's like who's like your best friend but then also can make your toes curl
Ross Yes Yes Yes Yes I really do In fact it's funny very often someone who you wouldn't think couldcould curl your toes might just be the one who
(Enter the other four)
Monica Hi
Ross Gets interrupted Hi
Rachel Hi how was the movie
Monica Wonderful
Phoebe So good
Joey Suckfest
Chandler Toootal chickflick
Phoebe II'm sorry it wasn't one of those movies with like y'know guns and bombs and like buses going really fast
Joey Hey I don't need violence to enjoy a movie Just so long as there's a little nudity
Monica There was nudity
Joey I meant female nudity Alright I don't need to see Lou Grant frolicking
Monica and Phoebe Hugh Hugh Grant
Ross Alright I've gotta go C'mon Marcel C'mon We're gonna go take a bath Yes we are aren't we Yes we are
Chandler They're still just friends right
Rachel (To Marcel) And I will see you tomorrow
Ross That's right you're gonna spend tomorrow at Aunt Rachel's aren't you
Monica Oh hang on hang on Does Aunt Monica get a say in this
Ross 'Pwease Aunt Monica pwease' Oh unclench You're not even gonna be there
[Scene JoeG's Pizza the guys are there]
Chandler I can't believe we are even having this discussion
Joey I agree I'm like in disbelief
Chandler I mean don't you think if things were gonna happen with Rachel they would've happened already
Ross I'm telling you she said she's looking for a relationship with someone exactly like me
Joey She really said that
Ross Well I added the 'exactly like me' part But she said she's looking for someone and someone is gonna be there tonight
Joey 'Tonight' tonight
Ross Well I think it's perfect Y'know it's just gonna be the two of us she spent all day taking care of my monkey
Chandler I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey
Ross Anyway I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine go over there and uh try to woo her
Chandler Hey y'know what you should do You should take her back to the 1890's when that phrase was last used
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Rachel is taking care of Marcel and they are watching a soap opera]
Rachel Now now the one in the feather boa that's Dr Francis Now she used to be a man Okay now look see there's Raven We hate her We're glad she's dying Okay (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh wh Marcel are you playing with Monica's shoes You know you're not supposed to pl whoah Marcel did you poo in the shoe (Takes the shoe into the kitchen) Marcel bad monkey Oh Oh (She notices the newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto it then folds it shut) Sorry Barry Little engagement gift I'm sure you didn't register for that (She leaves the apartment holding the newsletter at arm's length However she leaves the door open Marcel runs out in the opposite direction There is a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who died Who died Roll him over Oh c'mon roll him over Oh Well we know it wasn't Dexter right Marcel Because (Looks down and notices he is missing) Marcel Marc (Notices the open door)
[Time lapse Now everyone but Ross and Phoebe is back at Monica and Rachel's]
Joey How could you lose him
Rachel I don't know We were watching TV and then he pooped in Monica's shoe
Monica Wait He pooped in my shoe Which one
Rachel I don't know The left one
Monica Which ones
Rachel Oh Oh those little clunky Amish things you think go with everything
Phoebe (Entering) Hey
All Hi
Phoebe Whoah ooh why is the air in here so negative
Chandler Rachel lost Marcel
Phoebe Oh no how
Monica He he pooped in my shoe
Phoebe Which one
Monica Those cute little black ones I wear all the time
Phoebe No which one The right or left 'Cause the left one is lucky
Rachel C'mon you guys what're we gonna do what're we gonna do
Joey Alright alright You're a monkey You're loose in the city Where do you go
Chandler Okay it's his first time out so he's probably gonna wanna do some of the touristy things I'll go to Cats you go to the Russian Tea Room
Rachel Oh my God c'mon you guys He's gonna be home any minute He's gonna kill me
Monica Okay we'll start with the building You guys take the first and second floor Phoebe and I'll take third and fourth
Rachel Well what'm I gonna do What'm I gonna do
Monica Okay you stay here and just wait by the phone Spray Lysol in my shoe and wait for Ross to kill you
(They all leave)
Rachel Anybody wanna trade Oh
[Cut to a hallway in the building Monica and Phoebe are knocking on a door Mr Heckles emerges]
Mr Heckles Whaddyou want
Monica Mr Heckles our friend lost a monkey Have you seen it
Mr Heckles I left a Belgian waffle out here did you take it
Monica No
Phoebe Why would you leave your Belgian waffle in the hall
Mr Heckles I wasn't ready for it
Monica A monkey Have you seen a monkey
Mr Heckles Saw Regis Philbin once
Phoebe Okay thank you Mr Heckles (They move off)
Mr Heckles You owe me a waffle
[Cut to Monica and Rachel's]
Rachel (On the phone) Okay he's a he's a black capuchian monkey with a white face (Enter Ross) with with Russian dressing and and pickles on the side Okay Thanks
Ross Hey How did uh how'd it go today
Rachel Great It went great Really great Hey is that wine
Ross Yeah You uh you want some
Rachel Oh I would love some But y'know what Y'know what Let's not drink it here I'm feeling kinda crazy You wanna go to Newark
Ross Uh okay yeah we could do that but before we head off to the murder capital of the NorthEast I was uh kinda wanting to run something by you Y'know how we were uh y'know talking before about uh relationships and stuff (Uncorks the wine) Well
Rachel Oh God Ross I cannot do this
Ross Okay quick and painful (Starts to cork the wine)
Rachel Oh God Okay Alright Alright Okay Ross please don't hate me
Ross Oh what Whatwhat
Rachel Y'know Marcel
Ross Yeah
Rachel Well I kind of I kind of lost him
[Cut to outside the window with Ross reacting with disbelief The shot pans back until we see Marcel sitting on the window ledge]
Commercial Break
[Scene Monica and Rachel's continued from earlier]
Ross (Angry) I I I ca I can't believe this I mean all I asked you to do was keep him in the apartment
Rachel I know I know I'm sorry
Ross No y'know what I guess it's partially my fault Y'know I shouldn't've uh asked you to start off with a monkey I should've started you off with like a pen or a pencil
Rachel (Tearfully) Ross I'm doing everything that I can I've got everybody looking for him and I (Door buzzer goes and she runs to get it) Oh Who is it
Intercom Animal Control
Rachel See I've even called Animal Control
Ross You called Animal Control
Rachel Uhhuh why do you not like them
Ross Marcel is an illegal exotic animal I'm not allowed to have him in the city If they find him they'll take him away from me
Rachel Ookay now see you never ever ever told us that
Ross That's right I 'cause I didn't expect you were gonna invite them to the apartment
(A knock on the door Rachel swiftly opens it)
Rachel Hi thanks for coming
Luisa (Animal Control) Somebody called about a monkey
Rachel Oh y'know what That was a complete misunderstanding (Ross puts his arms around her and they act all sweetness and light)
Ross Yeah we thought we had a monkey but wewe didn't
Rachel Turned out it was a hat
Ross Cat
Rachel Cat What'm I saying Cat
(Luisa nods but then Monica and Phoebe run in)
Monica Hi We checked the third and fourth floor noone's seen Marcel
Luisa Marcel
Ross My uncle Marcel
Phoebe Oh is that who the monkey's named after
Luisa Oookay Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is uh punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal
Phoebe Oh my God You'd put that poor little creature in jail
Monica Pheebs you remember how we talked about saying things quietly to yourself first
Phoebe Yes but there isn't always time
Monica Look I'm sure there's some friendly way to reconcile this Um have a seat First of all we haven't been introduced I'm Monica Geller
Luisa Oh my God you are And you're Rachel Green
Rachel Yeah
Luisa Luisa Gianetti Lincoln High I sat behind you guys in home room
Rachel Luisa Oh my God Monica It's Luisa
Monica The Luisa from home room
Rachel Yes
Luisa You have no idea who I am do you
Monica No none at all
Rachel None
Luisa Well maybe that's because you spent four years ignoring me I mean would it have been so hard to say 'Morning Luisa' Or 'Nice overalls'
Monica Oh I'm I'm so sorry
Luisa Ah it's not so much you you were fat you had your own problems (To Rachel) But you What a bitch
Rachel What
Monica Be that as it may d'you think you could just help us out here on that monkey thing Y'know just for old times' sake Go Bobcats
Luisa I could but I won't If I find that monkey he's mine (Leaves)
Phoebe Dundunduuuur Sorry
[Cut to another part of the building We see Marcel jump in through a window and run down some stairs then Chandler and Joey come down from the upper floor without noticing]
Chandler Marcel
Joey Marcel
Chandler Marcel
Joey Marcel
(They come to a door and silently agree to try it A very sweaty woman emerges)
Woman No 1 Hi can I help you
(Chandler and Joey are dumbstruck for a moment)
Chandler Um we're kind of having an emergency and wewe were looking for something
Joey A monkey
Chandler Yes have you seen any
Woman No 1 No No haven't seen a monkey Do you know anything about fixing radiators
Joey Um sure Did you uh did you try turning the knob back the other way
Woman No 1 Of course
Joey Oh Then no
(Another sweaty woman comes to the door and speaks to her friend)
Woman No 2 Did I put too much rum in here
(Joey and Chandler shoot each other glances)
Woman No 1 Just a sec (To Chandler and Joey) Hope you find your monkey (She starts to shut the door)
Chandler Oh nononowaitwaitwaitnono Uh we may not know anything about radiators per se but we do have a certain amount of expertise in the heating and cooling mileu
Joey Uh aren't we kind of in the middle of something here
Chandler Yes but these women are very hot and they need our help And they're very hot
Joey We can't alright (To the women) We're sorry You have no idea how sorry but We promised we'd find this monkey If you see him he's about yea high and answers to the name Marcel so if we could get some pictures of you you'd really be helping us out
(The women quickly shut the door)
Chandler Okay from now on you don't get to talk to other people
Joey Marcel
Chandler Marcel
[Cut to Monica and Phoebe searching the basement]
Phoebe Marcel
Monica Marcel
Phoebe Marcel
Both Marcel
Phoebe OhmyGod
Monica Whaaat
Phoebe Something just brushed up against my right leg
Monica What is it
Phoebe Oh it's okay it was just my left leg
(Marcel makes a monkeyish noise He is sitting in the corner)
Monica Look Phoebe
Phoebe Yeah Oh c'mere Marcel Oh Marcel c'mere
(Luisa appears on the stairs)
Luisa Step aside ladies (She loads a gun)
Monica What're you gonna do
Luisa Just a small tranquiliser
(In slow motion we see Phoebe look at Marcel then at Luisa She jumps toward Marcel just as Luisa fires the gun)
Monica Run Marcel run Run Marcel (Marcel runs off and Luisa runs after him Monica goes to check up on Phoebe) Are you okay
Phoebe Yeah think so Oh (She notices the tranquiliser dart has hit her in the butt and removes it) Huh (Sways back) Whoah
Monica Oh gosh
[Cut to Marcel walking along a hallway He notices a banana on the floor and picks it up The hand of an unseen person grabs him and carries him away Then cut to Ross and Rachel on the street outside]
Ross Marcel
Rachel Marcel
Ross Marc oh this is ridiculous We've been all over the neighbourhood He's gone he'she's just gone
Rachel Ross you don't know that
Ross Oh come on It's cold it's dark he doesn't know the Village (Kicks a sign in frustration) And now I have a broken foot I have no monkey and a broken foot Thank you very much
Rachel Ross I said I'm sorry like a million times What do you want me to do You want me to break my foot too Okay I'm gonna break my foot right here (Kicks the sign) Ow Oh Oh my God oh my God There are you happy now
Ross Yeah yeah Y'know now that you kicked the sign hey I don't miss Marcel any more
Rachel Y'know it is not like I did this on purpose
Ross Oh no no no Nono this is just vintage Rachel I mean things just sort of happen around you I mean you're off in Rachelland doing your Rachelthing totally oblivious to people's monkeys or to people's feelings
Rachel Ross
Ross I don't even wanna hear it you're just
Rachel Ross
Ross Oh forget it okay
Rachel Ross
Ross What What
(A man carrying a box of bananas walks past them They stare for a minute and then hobble after him)
Both Hey Hey Bananaman
(Scene 4 Everyone in the hall outside Mr Heckles' door Ross is carrying the box of bananas He bangs on the door)
Phoebe Oh this is so intense One side of my butt is totally asleep and the other side has no idea
(Mr Heckles opens the door)
Ross Hi did you order some bananas
Mr Heckles What about it
Ross Gimme back my monkey
Mr Heckles I don't have a monkey
Rachel Then what's with all the bananas
Mr Heckles Potassium
(There is a monkeylike noise from within and Ross pushes past Mr Heckles and enters his apartment)
Ross Marcel Marcel Okay where is he Where is he Marcel Marcel
(Marcel jumps into view wearing a pink dress Everybody gasps)
Ross Marcel What've you done to him
Mr Heckles That's my monkey That's Patti Patti the monkey
Ross Are you insane C'mere Marcel c'mon (Marcel starts to go to him)
Mr Heckles C'mere Patti (Marcel turns round)
Ross C'mere Marcel (Turns to Ross)
Mr Heckles C'mere Patti (Turns to Mr Heckles)
Luisa (Out of shot) Here monkey Here monkey Here monkey (Marcel runs to the door and into Luisa's cage which she slams shut) Gotcha
Ross Okay gimme my monkey back
Mr Heckles That's my monkey
Luisa You're both gonna have to take this up with the judge
Mr Heckles That's not my monkey Just the dress is mine you can send that back whenever
Ross Alright I want my monkey
Luisa No
Rachel Oh c'mon Luisa
Luisa Sorry prom queen
Ross (To Rachel) You had to be a bitch in high school you couldn't've been fat
Rachel Alright In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you were also there But if you take this monkey I will lose one of the most important people in my life You can hate me if you want but please do not punish him C'mon Luisa you have a chance to be the bigger person here Take it
Luisa Nope
Rachel Alright Well then how about I call your supervisor and I tell her that you shot my friend in the ass with a dart
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Rachel and Ross are there Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel]
Ross It'll be nice to get this off finally won't it Yes it will (Marcel resists) Or we can leave it on for now that's fine
Rachel Y'know with the right pair of pumps that would be a great little outfit
Ross Listen I'm I'm sorry I was so hard on you before it's just I
Rachel Oh Ross c'mon It's my fault I almost lost your
Ross Yeah but you were the one who got him back y'know You you were great Hey we uh we still have that uh that bottle of wine You in the mood for uh something grape
Rachel That'd be good
Ross Alright (He goes to get the glasses Then he hesitates and turns off the main light Rachel looks round and he acts surprised) The uh the neighbours must be vacuuming (He sits down and starts to pour the wine) Well so long as we're here and uh not on the subject I was thinking about uh how mad we got at each other before and um I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we um
(Barry bursts in)
Barry Rachel
Rachel Barry
Barry I can't I can't do it I can't marry Mindy I think I'm still in love with you
Ross and Rachel Oh
Ross We have got to start locking that door
Closing Credits
[Scene Central Perk Monica Joey Phoebe and Chandler are looking through Monica's high school yearbook]
Monica This is me in The Sound of Music See the von Trapp kids
Phoebe Nope
Monica That's because I'm in front of them
Chandler Eh I thought that was an alp
Monica Well high school was not my favourite time
Joey I dunno I loved high school Y'know It was just four years of parties and dating and sex
Chandler Yeah well I went to boarding school with four hundred boys Any sex I had would've involved a major lifestyle choice
Monica Gosh doesn't it seem like a million years ago
Phoebe Oh Oooh Ooh Ooh (She stands up and starts to dance around) Ooh My butt cheek is waking up Oooh Ooh
End

119 猴子送走


刚
伯爵茶英式早餐茶
肉桂茶菊花茶薄荷茶黑莓茶
想哦…柠檬派
喝茶吧
瑞秋信
谢谢
酷免费试喝咖啡
太
免费咖啡
太
什
乡村俱乐部日公报
妈寄通知订婚
噢天
巴瑞明蒂
巴瑞
巴瑞
明蒂伴娘
明蒂伴娘

明蒂真漂亮
真幸运…
样朋友
马修饭快…
真乖谢谢
终分辨
尿差
瑞秋啦
抱歉真太笨
巴瑞
应该高兴
真高兴
真

果起
说忘段感情
男起
厌恶男
知道
想没男问题
合适男问题
巴瑞起安全
没激情
保罗起充满激情
野兽般原始性爱
懂
两起样子
认两者时拥
找知
感受激情
呀认
实说笑
时常认法感受激情
…
断
电影
错
错
逊毙
根妞嘛
真遗撼枪林弹雨
公车速度奇快种电影
暴力吸引
裸体镜头满足
电影裸体镜头
指女生裸体镜头
爱卢葛兰春宫
休葛兰
走
走吧马修快
洗澡


朋友
明天见
明天瑞秋阿姨家
等等摩阿姨说句话
摩阿姨请说
紧张会
法相信竟讨事
意法相信
认
果瑞秋会爱情产生话
会直拖现
告诉说寻找样
真样说
样加
说寻找某
晚会出现
天晚
样
两
整天顾猴子
早已忘记女顾猴子
总班买瓶酒
示爱
知道该做
带回示爱十九世纪
果继续样
发誓星期
浑蛋结束
围羽毛围巾法博土
男
出现蕾文
讨厌
真高兴快死
什
马修想玩摩妮卡鞋
玩…
马修鞋里便
天啊坏猴子
抱歉巴瑞订婚礼物
相信没登记
谁死
翻
崔斯勒 马修
…马修…
会弄丢呢天晓
正电视
摩妮卡鞋便
鞋里便
知道左脚
双
搭配什阿米许鞋
片愁云惨雾
瑞秋马修弄丢
会吧丢
鞋里便

常穿黑鞋
左脚右脚
左脚幸运鞋
家快想办法
该办
果猴子
迷失城市时
会
第次出门
概般游客样
百老汇找
俄罗斯茶坊
闹
马会回家
会饶
栋公寓开始找起
找楼二楼
菲找三楼四楼
该办
留家里等电话
鞋啧芳香剂
便等罗斯回杀
交换
干嘛
哈先生
朋友遗失猴子
见
放威化饼


会放威化饼走廊
想吃
见猴子
见次理吉斯菲邦（著名电视节目持）
谢谢哈先生
欠威化饼
白脸黑卷尾猴
加俄国酱外加腌黄瓜
谢谢
天啊
啊
真错酒
想喝
喝
感觉点疯狂
纽华克
什
然
前东北犯罪首府
话想说
谈感情问题
罗斯受
回绝倒快嘛
吧罗斯恨
底什
马修…
…弄丢
真敢相信
麻烦跑出
知道起
该负半责
该顾猴子
应该顾笔
罗斯已努力
已家分头找
谁
动物控制中心
瞧甚动物控制中心
动物控制中心
喜欢
马修非法外动物
非法饲养
万找会带走
没告诉家
没错没想会请
谢谢
遗失猴子
误会
养猴子
没
结果帽子
猫
猫
猫刚说什
问三楼四楼
没见马修
叔叔马修
猴子叔叔命名
知道持非法外动物
判刑两年没收动物
天啊猴子关进监牢
菲记先声说
记总时候
相信友善处理方式
请坐
首先没介绍
摩妮卡
天啊莫尼卡
瑞秋
露莎林肯高中
坐面
露莎
摩妮卡露莎
面
没错
根知道谁
点
许四年
存
难道说早安露莎
漂亮连身裤困难
起
怪时胖
烦恼
实贱货
什
计较
真认帮找猴子
份
帮找

找猴子

抱歉
马修
马修
需帮忙
急事
找东西
猴子
见
没见猴子
知道修理散热器
然试转钮转回
然
知道
试试加太兰姆酒
等等希找猴子
等等
散热器许太懂
冷暖环境专家
正忙
热需帮助
火辣
行
抱歉知道
抱歉
答应家找猴子
果见
约高名马修
果拥片
算帮忙
现起准讲话
马修
马修
马修
马修
噢天
东西碰右脚
什
没什左脚
菲
马修…
站两位姐
干什
镇定剂
快跑马修快跑
吧
行哦
马修…简直太荒谬
处找遍
见消失
罗斯定
拜托天气冷天黑
根认识路
现脚受伤
猴子换受伤脚
真感谢
罗斯已道歉数次
底样
底想样脚受伤
瞧高兴吧
踢完路标
突然想念马修
真意
然典型瑞秋
种事常发生身
活世界中
完全视猴子
感觉…
罗斯
想听
罗斯
罗斯
搬香蕉

边屁股睡觉
边毫知
订香蕉
干
猴子
没猴子
干嘛买箱香蕉补充钾
马修
马修
马修

猴子佩蒂
疯成
马修…
佩蒂
猴子…
总算逮
猴子
猴子
法官面前争吧
猴子
衣服
时送回
猴子
露莎拜托抱歉舞会皇
高中时干嘛贱
胖妹
学校舞会皇
返校皇班代
场
果猴子带走
失生命中重
恨
请折磨
时机会成物
握机会吧

告诉长官
朋友屁股开枪
终脱件衣服
样错
配鞋完整套
抱歉凶
错
差点…
找回
做
瓶酒
心情喝杯葡萄酒
呀

隔壁定吸尘器
谈话题
想刚刚实恶言相
概…
瑞秋
办
法明蒂结婚
想爱然
开始锁门
演真善美
见范崔普孩子没
挡前面
阿尔卑斯山
高中时代意
爱高中知道

四年舞会约会做爱

住宿学校四百男孩子
次做爱次生活方式重抉择
天啊回史前时代
屁股醒

120 The One With the Evil Orthodontist
120 The One With the Evil Orthodontist

[Scene Monica and Rachel's everyone is there]
Chandler I can't believe you would actually say that I would much rather be MrPeanut than MrSalty
Joey No way MrSalty is a sailor all right he's got to be like thetoughest snack there is
Ross I don't know you don't wanna mess with corn nuts They're craaazy
Monica (looking out of the window) Oh my God You guys You gotta come see this There's some creep out there with a telescope
Ross I can't believe it He's looking right at us
Rachel Oh that is so sick
Chandler I feel violated And not in a good way
Phoebe How can people do that (All but Phoebe walk away from the window in disgust) Oh you guys look Ugly Naked Guy got gravity boots
Opening Credits
[Scene Central Perk everyone but Rachel is there]
Chandler I am telling you years from now schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time It was unbelievable We could totally be ourselves we didn't have to play any games
Monica So have you called her yet
Chandler Let her know I like her What are you insane (The girls make disgusted noises) It's the next day How needy do I want to seem (To the guys) I'm right right
Joey and Ross Oh yeah Yeah Let her dangle
Monica I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me to find one of you people
Phoebe Oh God just do it (Grabbing the phone) Call her Stop being so testosteroney
Chandler Which by the way is the real San Francisco treat (Calls her then hurriedly hangs up) I got her machine
Joey Her answer machine
Chandler No interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up
Phoebe So uh why didn't you say anything
Chandler Oh nononono Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase Yes indeedyo
Monica Look look It's Rachel and Barry No don't everybody look at once
Ross Okay okay what's going on
Phoebe Okay they're just talking
Ross Yeah well does he look upset Does he look like he was just told to shove anything
Phoebe No no actually he's smiling and Oh my God don't do that
Ross What What What
Phoebe That man across the street just kicked that pigeon (Rachel enters) Oh
Chandler (bluffing) And basically that's how a bill becomes a law
All Oh Right
Chandler Hey Rach
Monica How'd it go
Rachel Y'know it was uh it was actually really great He took me to lunch at the Russian Tea Room and I had that chicken where y'know you poke it and all the butter squirts out
Phoebe Not a good day for birds
Rachel Then we took a walk down to Bendall's and I told him not to but he got me a little bottle of Chanel
Ross That's nice now was that before or after you told him to stop calling stop sending you flowers and to generally leave you alone hmm
Rachel Right well we never actually got to that Oh it was just so nice to see him again y'know It was comfortable it was familiar it was just nice
Ross That's that's nice twice
Monica Rachel what's going on I mean isn't this the same Barry who you left at the altar
Joey Duh where've you been
Rachel Yeah but it was different with him today And he wasn't like Orthodontist Guy y'know I mean we had fun Is there anything wrong with that
(Ross 'prompts' Chandler by hitting him on the arm)
Chandler Yes
Rachel Why
Chandler I have my reasons
Monica Okay how about the fact that he's engaged to another woman who just happens to be your exbest friend
Rachel All right All right all right all right all right I know it's stupid I will go see him this afternoon and I will just put an end to it
[Scene Barry's Office the postcoital Barry and Rachel are recovering on the chair]
Rachel Wow Wow
Barry Yeah
Rachel I'm not crazy right I mean it was never like that
Barry Nooo it wasn't
Rachel Ooh and it's so nice having this little sink here
[Scene Monica and Rachel's everyone is there except Rachel]
Chandler (on phone reading from a script) Oh Danielle I wasn't expecting the machine Give me a call when you get a chance (Rattles some dishes) Byebye (Hangs up) Oh God
Monica That's what you've been working on for the past two hours
Chandler Hey I've been honing
Ross What was with the dishes
Chandler Oh uh I want her to think I might be in a restaurant y'know I might have some kind of life like I haven't been sitting around here honing for the past few hours
Monica (looking out the window) Look look He's doing it again the guy with the telescope
Phoebe Oh my God (Walks to the window) Go away (Gesturing) Stop looking in here
Monica Great now he's waving back
Joey Man we gotta do something about that guy This morning I caught him looking into our apartment It creeps me out I feel like I can't do stuff
Monica What kinda stuff
Joey Will you grow up I'm not talking about sexy stuff but like when I'm cooking naked
Phoebe You cook naked
Joey Yeah toast oatmeal nothing that spatters
(A pause as they look at Chandler)
Chandler What are you looking at me for I didn't know that
[Scene Barry's Office Rachel and Barry are getting married]
Barry What's the matter
Rachel Oh it's just Oh Barry this was not good
Barry No it was It was very very good
Rachel Well what about Mindy
Barry Oh way way better than Mindy
Rachel No not that I mean what about you and Mindy
Barry Well if you want I'll just—I'll just break it off with her
Rachel No Nononono no I mean don't do that Not I mean not for me
Bernice (over intercom) Dr Farber Bobby Rush is here for his adjustment
Barry (into intercom) Thanks Bernice (To Rachel) Let's go away this weekend
Rachel Oh Barry Come on this is all way too
Barry We can we can go to Aruba When I went there on what would have been our honeymoon it was uh it was really nice You would've liked it
(Pause as Rachel realises)
Rachel I had a bra
(Barry finds it draped on a cupboard and gives it to Rachel they kiss as Bobby enters)
Bobby Hey Dr Farber
(Rachel and Barry quickly split and pretend Barry is examining Rachel's mouth)
Barry All right Miss Green everything looks fine Yep I think we're starting to see some real progress here
(Bobby looks on deadpan)
Rachel What
Bobby I'm twelve I'm not stupid
(Rachel glares at him)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Chandler enters clutching his phone]
Chandler Can I use your phone
Monica Yeah uh but for future reference that thing in your hand can also be used as a phone
(Chandler dials his own phone and it rings)
Chandler Yes it's working Why isn't she calling me back
Joey Maybe she never got your message
Phoebe Y'know if you want you can call her machine and if she has a lot of beeps that means she probably didn't get her messages yet
Chandler Y'don't think that makes me seem a little
Ross desperate needy pathetic
Chandler Ah you obviously saw my personal ad
(He calls and quickly hangs up)
Phoebe How many beeps
Chandler She answered
Monica Y'see this is where you'd use that 'hello' word we talked about
Chandler I'm not gonna talk to her she obviously got my message and is choosing not to call me Now I'm needy and snubbed God I miss just being needy
(Rachel enters)
All Hey Hi
Phoebe How'd he take it
Rachel Pretty well actually (Wandering into the kitchen)
Monica (wandering in after her) Uh Rach how come you have dental floss in your hair
Rachel Oh do I
Monica Uh huh
Rachel (in a low voice) We ended up having sex in his chair
Monica You had sex in his chair I said that a little too loudly didn't I
Ross Youyou had what
Phoebe Sex in his chair
Ross What uh what were you thinking
Rachel I don't know I mean we still care about each other There's a history there 'S'like you and Carol
Ross No No no it is nothing like me and Carol
Rachel Please If she said to you Ross I want you on this couch right here right now what would you say
(Ross flounders)
Chandler If it helps I could slide over
Ross It's it's it's uh a totally diferent situation It's it's apples and oranges it's it's orthodontists and lesbi I gotta go
Phoebe Where are you going
Ross (leaving) I just have to go all right Do I need a reason Huh I mean I have things to do with my life I have a jam packed schedule and I am late for keeping up with it Okay
(Ross exits a phone rings and Chandler dives for his phone)
Chandler Hello Hello
(Rachel picks up their phone and the ringing stops  As she talks on the phone an elaborate visual gag is spun out which is too difficult to describe in words)
Rachel (on phone) Hello(Listens) Mindy Hi Hey how are you (Listens) Yes yes I've heard congratulations that is so great (Listens) Really (Listens) Oh (Listens) Okay Okay well I'm working tomorrow but if you want you can you can you can come by and (Listens) Okay (Listens) Great (Listens) Great (Listens) All right so I'll so I'll see you tomorrow (Listens) Okay (Listens) Okay (Listens) Bye (Hangs up and sits down heavily) Oh God Oh God Oh God
Chandler So how's Mindy
Rachel Oh she wants to see me tomorrowOh she sounded really weird I gotta call Barry (Does so on phone) Hi it's me I just Mindy Mindy Hi No I figured that's where you'd be
Commercial Break
[Scene Monica and Rachel's the next morning  Chandler is sitting and staring at his phone  Monica enters and creeps up next to Chandler]
Monica Brrrrrrr
(Chandler clutches at his phone before realising)
Chandler Hell is filled with people like you
Joey (entering) He's back The peeper's back
(Rachel enters from her room)
Joey (ducking) Get down
Rachel Get down
Chandler And boogie
Rachel Thanks but I gotta go to work and get my eyes scratched out by Mindy
Monica Relax Y'know she may not even know
Rachel Please I haven't heard from her in seven months and now she calls me I mean what else is it about Oh She was my best friend you guys We went to camp together she taught me how to kiss
Joey (intrigued) Yeah
Rachel And now y'know I'm like I'm like the other woman I feel so
Joey Naughty
Rachel Right I'll see you guys later
Joey Oh hold up I'll walk out with you Now Rach when she taught you to kiss you were at camp and were you wearing any kinda little uniform or (Rachel exits and slams the door in his face) That's fine yeah
(Joey exits)
Chandler Okay I'm gonna go to the bathroom Will you watch my phone
Monica Why don't you just take it with you
Chandler Hey we haven't been on a second date she needs to hear me pee
Monica Why don't you just call her
Chandler I can't call her I left a message I have some pride
Monica Do you
Chandler No (Calls) Danielle hi It's uh it's Chandler (Listens) I'm fine Uh listen I don't know if you tried to call me because uh idiot that I am I accidentally shut off my phone (Listens) Oh uh okay that's fine that's great (Listens) Okay (Puts down the phone) (to Monica) She's on the other line she's gonna call me back (He starts doing a little jig) She's on the other line she's gonna call me back she's on the other line gonna call me back
Monica Don't you have to pee
Chandler 'S'why I'm dancing
[Scene Central Perk Rachel is serving coffee as Mindy enters]
Rachel Mindy
Mindy Hey you
Rachel Hey you So what's up
Mindy Um we should really be sitting for this
Rachel Sure we should So
Mindy Now I know things've been weird lately but you're like my oldest friend in the world Except for maybe Laurie Schaffer who I don't talk to anywhere 'cause she's all bitter now that she lost the weight and it turns out she doesn't have a pretty face Okay I'm just gonna ask you this once and I want a straight answer
Rachel Okay
Mindy Will you be my maid of honour
Rachel Of course
Mindy Oh that's so great
Rachel Was that all you wanted to ask me
Mindy That's all
Rachel Ohhhh (Mindy starts to sob) What What
Mindy That's not all
Rachel Oh sure it is
Mindy Oh no it isn't No I think Barry is seeing someone in the city
Rachel Um what what would make you think that
Mindy Well ever since we announced the engagement he's been acting really weird and then last night he came home smelling like Chanel
Rachel (draws back) Really Mindy if it'll make you feel any better when I was engaged to him he went through a whole weird thing too
Mindy Oh God You see that's what I was afraid of
Rachel What What's what you were afraid of
Mindy Okay okay when Barry was engaged to you he and Ikind of had a little thing on the side
Rachel What
Mindy I know I know and when he proposed to me everyone said Don't do it he's just gonna do to you what he did to Rachel and now I feel so stupid
Rachel Uh Oh Mindy you are so stupid Oh we are both so stupid
Mindy What do you mean
Rachel (offers her arm to Mindy and she sniffs) Smell familiar
Mindy Oh no
Rachel Oh I am so sorry
Mindy No me I am so sorry
(They hug and Joey enters)
Joey (watches them for a while) Oh my
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Phoebe and Ross are doing a crossword Monica is cooking and Chandler is still staring at his phone]
Ross Four letters Circle or hoop
Chandler Ring dammit ring
Ross Thanks
Joey (entering) Hey you know our phone's not working
Chandler What
Joey I tried to call you from the coffee shop and there was no answer
Chandler (investigating) I turned it off Mother of God I turned it off
Monica Just like you told her you did (Chandler glares at her) Just pointing out the irony
Joey Hey so listen I went across the street and talked to the doorman I got the peeper's name Can I use the phone
Chandler Nngghhh
Joey (to Monica) Can I use your phone (On phone) Yeah the number for a Sidney Marks please
Ross Heating device
Phoebe Radiator
Ross Five letters
Phoebe Rdtor
Joey (on phone) Yeah is Sidney there (Listens) Oh this is (To the gang) Sidney's a woman
Monica So she's a woman So what
Joey Yeah Yeah so what (On phone) Look I live across the street (walking to the window) and I know all about you and your little telescope and I don't appreciate it okay (Listens) Yeah I can see you right now (Listens) Hello (Listens) If I wanna walk around my apartment in my underwear I shouldn't have to feel like—(Listens)—Thank you but that's not really the point (Listens) The point is that (Listens) Mostly free weights but occasionally
Monica Joey
Joey (on phone) Yeah my neighbor (Listens) Yeah the brunette (to Monica) She says you looked very pretty the other day in the green dress
Monica The green dress Really
Joey Yeah she said you looked like Ingrid Bergman that day
Monica (waves dismissively to Sidney) Nooo
[Scene Barry's Office Barry is preparing his tools alone as Rachel enters]
Rachel Hey Got a second
Barry Sure sure Come on (Mindy enters) in
Mindy Hello sweetheart
Barry Uh uh what're'you what're'you guys doing here
Rachel Uh we are here to break up with you
Barry Both of you
Mindy Basically we think you're a horrible human being and bad things should happen to you
Barry I'm sorry I'm sorry God I am so sorry I'm an idiot I was weak I couldn't help myself Whatever I did I only did because I love you so much
Rachel Uh which one of us are you talking to there Barr
Barry Mindy Mindy of course Mindy it was always Mindy
Rachel Even when we were having sex in that chair
Barry (to Mindy) I swear whatever I was doing I was always thinking of you
Rachel Please During that second time you couldn't have picked her out of a lineup
Mindy (to Rachel) You did it twice
Rachel Well the first time didn't really count I mean y'know 's'Barry
Mindy Okay
Barry (to Mindy) Sweetheart just gimme gimme another chance okay we'll start all over again We'll go back to Aruba
Bernice (over intercom) Dr Farber we've got a bit of an emergency hereJason Costalano is choking on his retainer
Barry Oh God (Into intercom) I'll be right there Bernice (to Mindy) Look please please don't go anywhere okay I'll be I'll be right back
(Barry exits)
Rachel Okay Okay we'll be here Hating you Did you see how he was sweating when he walked out of there Listen honey if I'm hogging the ball too much you just jump right in there and take a couple punches because I'm telling you this feels great
Mindy Yeah I'm pretty sure I'm still gonna marry him
Rachel What are you talking about Mindy the guy is the devil He's Satan in a smock
Mindy Look I know he's not perfect but the truth is at the end of the day I still really wanna be Mrs Dr Barry Farber DDS
Rachel Oh God
Mindy I hope you can find some way to be happy for me And I hope you'll still be my maid of honor
Rachel And I hope Barry doesn't kill you and eat you in Aruba
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Monica and Rachel are there]
Monica You okay
Rachel Yeah
Monica Really
Rachel Yeah Y'know ever since I ran out on Barry at the wedding I have wondered whether I made the right choice And now I know
Monica Aww (They hug)
(Joey enters and looks on approvingly)
Joey Big day
Closing Credits
[Scene Central Perk everyone is there]
Joey All right I'll give you this Mr Peanut is a better dresser I mean he's got the monocle he's got the top hat
Phoebe You know he's gay
Ross I just wanna clarify this are you outing Mr Peanut
Danielle (entering) Chandler
Chandler Danielle Hi Uh everybody this is Danielle Danielle everybody
All Hi Hi
Chandler What are you doing here
Danielle Well I've been calling you but it turns out I had your number wrong And when I finally got the right one from Information there was no answer So I thought I'd just come down here and make sure you were okay
Chandler I'm I'm okay
Danielle Listen uh maybe we could get together later
Chandler That sounds good I'll call you or you call me whatever
Danielle You got it
Chandler Okay
Danielle G'bye everybody
All Bye
Phoebe Whoohoo
Monica Yeah there you go
Ross Second date
Chandler I dunno
Rachel You don't know
Chandler Well she seems very nice and everything but that whole thing about her coming all the way down here just to see if I was okay I mean how needy is that
(They all groan and hit him)
End

120 风流牙医


真敢相信会说
盐先生非花生先生
怪盐先生水手
应该顽强点心
知道
会想玉米作
简直疯
帝呀
变态着远镜
真敢相信
真呕心
感觉犯爽
会样
丑陋裸男双重力鞋
告诉
年学童会
奉第次约会典加研读
太令法置信
完全作
须玩游戏
电话没
知道喜欢
疯成
制片：陶德史帝芬
真
第二天显渴
吧
慢慢等吧
法相信爸妈
强迫找种男
快起电话
摆出付臭男样子
旧金山真道菜
机器
答录机
真意思落叶机清扫机
说话
行
次留话时
结果说确
瑞秋巴瑞
起

讲话
否神情落寞
否告知死样子
没正微笑
老天样干
啦
街男踢鸽子
法案成法律原
瑞秋
情况
极
带俄国茶室吃饭
点种鸡肉
刺奶油啧出种
天真鸟日子
然精品店
告诉买香奈
真体贴
说前送
电话
送花烦
老实说没机会开口
见感觉真
感觉熟悉
感觉真
已讲两遍
瑞秋
圣坛前甩掉巴瑞

天起感觉
天牙医
玩开心
样什
然
什
理
订婚象前知呢
吧吧吧
知道样做傻
午找谈分手
疯狂吧未样
未
水槽真
丹妮尔
没想答录机接
空请回电
见
两时忙
演练
盘子关系
餐厅
着错生活
演练数时样子
远镜
拜托走开
挥手
想办法阻止
早逮
真令毛骨惊然
感觉法办事
什样事情呀
成熟点行？
指性
光着屁股做饭
光着屁股做饭
吐司燕麦
会溅出东西
干嘛毫知情

巴瑞样

非常非常
明蒂呢
干明蒂
指明蒂
果愿意分手
万万行样做
样做
法夫巴做调整
谢谢
周末渡假
巴瑞样太…
许阿鲁巳
蜜月时
感觉棒定会喜欢
穿胸罩
法夫
格林姐切正常
进步许
干嘛
十二岁笨
电话

指点
支电话
电话没问题啊
回电
许没听留言
果愿意留言机
果听见许哔声
代表许没听见留言
难道认样会感觉点…
绝渴悲
显然征友启事
哔声
接
时该招呼
讲话
显然听留言选择回电
渴冷落
真想念纯渴滋味
嘿表现
错
瑞秋
头发牙线

椅子做爱
椅子做爱
否说太声
什
椅子做爱
底想什
知道
方
相爱
卡萝样
卡萝
拜托
果说：罗斯躺沙发
时会回答
果需点
完全两回事
苹果橘子
牙医女志
走

走行
需理
生
许事做
已某事耽误
明蒂
听说恭喜
真太
明天班
果愿意店里
太
明天见
天呀 天呀 天呀
明蒂
明天想见
语调诡异
电话巴瑞
明蒂
想会
种该狱
偷窥狂出现蹲
蹲
接着跳舞
谢谢
班
接受明蒂审判
放轻松许知道
拜托七月没连络
突然电话会什事呢
朋友
起夏令营
教亲吻

成第三者
感觉…
守规矩？
回头见
等等起出
夏令营时教亲吻
穿着制服着
没事
洗手间
帮守着电话
带进
没第二次约会
需听尿尿声音
干脆
已留言
男性尊严

没
丹妮尔钱德

知道否电话
白痴心电话关
太
正讲电话
等会回电话
正讲电话
等会回电话…
想尿
跳舞原
明蒂
什事
需坐谈谈
然啦

感觉点奇怪
认识久朋友
萝瑞外
已没
已减肥成功脸蛋然丑陋
问次爽快回答
愿意伴娘
然
太
想问件事
样


样
认巴瑞女
会样想
宣布订婚变样
昨晚回家时香奈味道
真
果样点
巴瑞订婚时变样
瞧担心
什担心什
巴瑞订婚时
正偷偷恋爱
什
知道求婚时
劝接受
会瑞秋样
觉笨
明蒂真笨
两笨
什意思
熟悉味道
抱歉…
抱歉…
四字母圈圈圆圈（填字游戏）
快响呀该死快响呀(ring)
谢啦
电话坏
什
咖啡店没应答
关机
天啊关机
告诉样
真讽刺
街门房谈
告诉偷窥狂名字
电话
电话
请帮查辛尼马克斯电话
热装置（填字游戏）
散热器
五字母
辛尼
辛尼女
女样
样
住街
注意着远镜
喜欢样
现见
果穿着裤室走
须感觉…谢谢
重点
重点…部份时间谓偶尔
乔伊
邻居
黑褐色头发
说穿绿色套装
绿色套装真
说英格丽褒曼
少啦
嘿
嘿
时间
进呀
亲爱
干什
分手
两
基认烂
该遭天雷劈
起…白痴
懦夫法拔
做什太爱
巴瑞指
明蒂
然指明蒂
直深爱着明蒂
椅做爱
发誓做什想
拜托第二回合时连姓啥忘
做两次
第次算解巴瑞
懂
明蒂亲爱
次机会
重新
阿鲁巴
阿鲁巴
法夫紧急状况
强森牙套噎
拜托马
请离开马回
会
恨
见走出时满身汗没
样吧抓住
然狠狠拳
感觉定爽
想嫁
说什
明蒂家伙恶魔
衣冠禽兽
知道完美
老实说想医生夫
医生夫
天
希高兴
希愿意伴娘
希巴瑞阿鲁巴会宰然吃掉


真
真
婚礼抛巴瑞
直想决定否正确
已答案
真高兴
日子啊
告诉花生先生穿着较讲究
单片眼镜高帽
知道男志
想知道判花生先生出局
钱德
丹妮尔
位丹妮尔
丹妮尔家
会出现
直电话直错号码
问查号台知道号码
没接电话
想否恙
没事
许改天见面
意错

言定
见位
真棒
第二次约会
知道
知道
错
老远想确定没事
必

121 The One With The Fake Monica
121 The One With The Fake Monica

[Scene Monica and Rachel's everyone is looking at papers]
Joey How could someone get a hold of your credit card number
Monica I have no idea But look how much they spent
Rachel Monica would you calm down The credit card people said that you only have to pay for the stuff that you bought
Monica I know It's just such reckless spending
Ross I think when someone steals your credit card they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind
Chandler Wow what a geek They spent 6995 on a Wonder Mop
Monica That's me
Phoebe Oh The yuk Ross he's doing it again (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the sofa)
Ross Marcel stop humping the lamp Stop humping Now Marcel come back (Marcel runs toward Rachel's room) come here Marcel
Rachel Oh no not in my room I'll get him
Monica Ross you've got to do something about the humping
Ross What It's it's just a phase
Chandler Well that's what we said about Joey
Ross Would you all relax It's not that big a deal
Rachel (Out of shot) Stop it Marcel Bad monkey
Ross What
Rachel Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious
Opening Credits
[Scene Monica and Rachel's late at night Monica is still examining her bill as Rachel emerges from her room]
Rachel Oh Monica You are not still going over that thing
Monica This woman's living my life
Rachel What
Monica She's living my life and she's doing it better than me Look at this look She buys tickets for plays that I wanna see She she buys clothes from stores that I'm intimidated by the sales people She spent three hundred dollars on art supplies
Rachel You're not an artist
Monica Yeah well I might be if I had the supplies I mean I could do all this stuff Only I don't
Rachel Oh Monica c'mon you do cool things
Monica Oh really Okay let's compare shall we
Rachel (Yawning) Oh it's so late for 'Shall we'
Monica Do I go horseback riding in the park Do I take classes at the New School
Rachel (Yawning) Nooo
Monica This is so unfair She's got everything I want and she doesn't have my mother
[Scene Central Perk Joey and Chandler are discussing stage names]
Chandler How about Joey Pepponi
Joey No still too ethnic My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral
Chandler Joey Switzerland
(The waitress brings their coffee)
Joey Plus y'know I think it should be Joe Y'know Joey makes me sound like I'm I dunno this big (Waitress looks at him funny) Which I'm not
Chandler JoeJoeJoeStalin
Joey StalinStalindo I know that name It sounds familiar
Chandler Well it does not ring a bell with me
Joey (Writes it down) Joe Stalin Y'know that's pretty good
Chandler Might wanna try Joseph
(Joey visibly thinks 'Of course' and writes it down)
Joey Joseph Stalin I think you'd remember that
Chandler Oh yes Bye Bye Birdie starring Joseph Stalin Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Monica is there as Phoebe and Rachel enter]
Rachel Hey
Phoebe Hey
Monica Hi (On the phone) Hi uh yes this is Monica Geller Um I believe I'm taking some classes with you and I was wondering what they were
Phoebe What are you doing
Monica (Hushes her) Alright great Thanks a lot (Hangs up) I'm going to tap class
Rachel What what so that you can dance with the woman that stole your credit card
Monica This woman's got my life I should get to see who she is
Rachel Go to the post office I'm sure her picture's up Okay Monica y'know what honey you're kinda losing it here I mean this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing
Phoebe This is madness It's madness I tell you for the love of God Monica don't do it Thank you
[Scene A Tap Class the girls are standing at the door]
Monica What d'you think
Phoebe Lotsa things
(They go in and sit down)
Rachel Which one do you think she is
(The teacher comes up to them)
Teacher May I help you
Monica Oh no thanks we're just here to observe
Teacher You don't observe a dance class You dance a dance class Spare shoes are over there
Rachel What does she mean
Phoebe I think she means (Imitates) 'You dance a dance class' Oh c'mon c'mon (They put on some spare shoes)
Monica Okay d'y'see anybody you think could be me
Teacher (To the class) People Last time there were some empty yoghurt containers lying around after class Let's not have that happen again
Rachel She could be you
(Music starts)
Teacher Let's get started Five six afive six seven eight
(Everyone starts to dance in unison Monica flounders)
Monica Okay I'm not getting this
Phoebe (Dancing in a swirly Phoebe kind of way) I'm totally getting it
Monica Did you ever feel like sometimes you are just so unbelievably uncoordinated
(Rachel taps into view she is in perfect sync with the rest of the class)
Rachel What You just click when they click
Teacher Alright people now everyone grab a partner
(The girls are unsure how to pair off Phoebe settles it)
Phoebe Okay And my dead mother says you are it I'm with Rachel
Monica Great It's gym class all over again
Phoebe and Rachel Aww
Teacher Well that's all right you can come up to the front and dance with me
Monica Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare
(She starts to walk very slowly toward the front of the room The teacher grabs her hand and pulls her Suddenly a woman bursts in)
Woman It's okay it's okay I'm here I'm here Sorry I'm late okay here I am Who's the new tense girl
Teacher She's your partner
Woman Hi I'm Monica
Monica Oh Monica Hi I'm Mo nana
Woman (Fake Monica) Monana
Monica Yeah It's Dutch
Fake Monica You're kidding II spent three years in Amsterdam (Asks her something in Dutch)
Monica Um Pennsylvania Dutch
Teacher And we're dancing Afive six seven eight
[Scene Central Perk Ross is entering]
Ross (Mortified) Hi
Chandler and Joey Hey
Joey Where've you been
Ross At the vet
Chandler She's not gonna make you wear one of those big plastic cones is she
Ross She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase Apparently he's reached sexual maturity
Joey (To Chandler) Hey He beat ya
Ross She says as time goes on he's gonna start getting agressive and violent
Chandler So what does this mean
Ross I'm gonna have to give him up
Commercial Break
[Scene Central Perk scene continued from earlier  They guys are sitting there like the Three Monkeys]
Joey I can't believe it Ross This sucks
Chandler I don't get it I mean you just got him How can he be an adult already
Ross I know I know I mean one day he's this little thing and before you know it he's this little thing I can't get off my leg
Joey Isn't there any way you can keep him
Ross No no The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some monkey lovin' he's just gonna get vicious I've just gotta get him into a zoo
Joey How do you get a monkey into a zoo
Chandler I know that one No that's Popes into a Volkswagen
Ross Well we're applying to a lot of them Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos y'know like uh San Diego right But that might just be a pipe dream because y'know he's out of state Uh my vet uh knows someone at Miami so that's a possibility
Chandler Yeah but that's like two blocks away from the beach I mean it's a total party zoo
(Phoebe Monica and Rachel enters)
Phoebe Hey We found her we found the girl
Chandler What
Joey Did you call the cops
Rachel Nope We took her to lunch
Chandler Ah Your own brand of vigilante justice
Ross What Are you insane This woman stole from you She stole She's a stealer
Monica Y'know what After you're with this woman for like ten minutes you forget all that I mean she is this astounding person with this with this amazing spirit
Ross Yeah which she probably stole from some cheerleader
Chandler Take off their hats
Phoebe Popes in a Volkswagen I love that joke
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Monica Rachel and Fake Monica are there]
Rachel No way No way did you do this
Fake Monica Monana was very brave
Monica It was so wild We told them we were the Gunnersens in room six fifteen Only to find out the Boston Celtics had taken over the entire sixth floor
Fake Monica So once they caught on to the fact that we're y'know short and have breasts
Monica They threw us out I was thrown out of a hotel Me
Rachel Go Monana Well you ladies are not the only ones living the dream I get to go pour coffee for people I don't know Don't wait up (Exits)
Fake Monica Oh by the way tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show
Monica 'Scuse me
Fake Monica There's an open call for Cats I'm thinking we go down there sing Memories and make complete fools of ourselves Whaddya say
Monica Nononononono Think who you're dealing with here I mean I'm not like you II can't even stand in front of a tap class
Fake Monica Well that's just probably 'cause of your Amish background
Monica What
Fake Monica Well you're Pennsylvania Dutch right
Monica Right Till I bought a blow dryer then I was shunned
Fake Monica II used to be just like you And then one day I saw a movie that changed my life Did you ever see Dead Poets' Society
Monica Uhhuh
Fake Monica I thought that movie was so incredibly boring I mean that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play What was that It's like kid wait a year leave home do some community theatre I walked out of there and I thought 'Now that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back' And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do
Monica Wow Then I would definitely not recommend Mrs Doubtfire
[Scene Monica and Rachel's tiem lapse  Everyone but Joey and Monica are there]
Ross (Reading letters) Oh God (To Marcel) We didn't get into Scranton (To the others) That was like our safety zoo They take like dogs and cows See I don't know who this is harder on me or him
Phoebe I'd say that chair's taking the brunt
Ross Marcel Marcel Marcel no Good boy See how can nobody want him
Rachel Oh somebody will
Joey (entering) You know there already is a Joseph Stalin
Chandler You're kidding
Joey Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people You'd think you would've known that
Chandler Y'know you'd think I would've
Joey Phoebe Whaddyou think a good stage name for me would be
Phoebe Flame Boy
[Scene Central Perk Ross is talking to Dr Baldhara a zookeeper]
Ross Where exactly is your zoo
Dr Baldhara Well it's technically not a zoo per se it's more of an interactive wildlife experience Let me ask you some questions about is it uh Marcel
Ross Yes
Dr Baldhara Does he uh fight with other animals
Ross Nono he's he's very docile
Dr Baldhara Even if he were cornered
Ross Well I I don't know Why
Dr Baldhara Uh how is he at handling small objects
Ross He can hold a banana if that's whatcha mean
Dr Baldhara How about a hammer or a small blade
Ross Why why why would he need a blade
Dr Baldhara Well if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns you've got to give the little guy something Otherwise it's just cruel
(Chandler and Joey burst in with Marcel)
Chandler and Joey He he he got in he he got in to San Diego
Joey We we come back from our walk and the the phone was ringing
Chandler He's in
Ross He's in Oh did you hear that Marcel San Diego San Diego
Dr Baldhara You're making a big mistake here I mean San Diego's all well and good but if you give him to me I'll start him off against a blind rabbit and give you twenty percent of the gains
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Rachel is dusting She comes to the table lifts all the magazines and wipes under them then just puts them down again Monica bursts in obviously drunk]
Monica Yo hooo
Rachel Where the hell've you been
Monica Monica and I just crashed an embassy party
Rachel Are you drunk
Monica Noooo (Comes closer and whispers) I'm lying I am so drunk
Rachel Oh God oh Great Monica y'know what you could've called I have been up here I've been worried
(Monica is drinking from the tap)
Rachel Monica Monica
Monica Water rules
Rachel Yes yes it does Okay look the restaurant called they wanna know if you're gonna be showing up for work
Monica Nope Going to the Big Apple Circus today
Rachel Okay Monica what are you doing You're gonna lose your job This is not you
Monica No it is me Y'know I'm not just the person who needs to fluff the pillows and pay the bills as soon as they come in Y'know when I'm with her I am so much more than that I'm I'm Monana
(The phone rings and Rachel answers)
Rachel Hello Yes she is hold on a second please Monana it's for you the credit card people
Monica Helloooo Yeah Oh my God Thanks
Rachel What
Monica They've arrested Monica
[Scene New York City Department of Correction Monica is visiting Fake Monica]
Monica Hi
Fake Monica Hey
Monica How are you
Fake Monica I'm not too bad Fortunately blue's my colour Howhow did you know I was here
Monica Because I'm Monica Geller It was my credit card you were using
Fake Monica That I was not expecting
Monica I want you to know it wasn't me who turned you in
Fake Monica Oh Thanks
Monica No thank you You have given me so much I mean if it wasn't for you I would never have gotten to sing Memories on the stage at the Wintergarden Theater
Fake Monica Well actually you only got to sing 'Memo'
Monica I just can't believe you're in here I mean what am I gonna do without you Who's gonna crash the embassy parties with me Who's gonna take me to the Big Apple Circus
Fake Monica Monica I started my day by peeing in front of twentyfive other women and you're worried about who's gonna take you to the Big Apple Circus
Monica Well not worried just wondering
Fake Monica There's nothing to wonder about Monica You're gonna go back to being exactly who you were because that's who you are
Monica Not necessarily
Fake Monica Yes necessarily I mean I dunno what it is maybe it's the Amish thing
Monica Um I'm not actually Amish
Fake Monica Really Then why are you like that
[Scene Tap Class Monica is standing by the door]
Teacher You by the door In or out
Monica In (She joins in the dancing She still flounders)
Teacher You in the back you're getting it all wrong
Monica Yeah but at least I'm doing it
[Scene The Airport everyone but Monica is there to see off Marcel]
PA This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego boarding at gate 42A
Phoebe Okay Goodbye little monkey guy Alright I wrote you this poem Okay but don't eat it 'till you get on the plane
Ross Aww Thank you Aunt Phoebe
Phoebe Oh
Chandler Okay bye champ Now I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego but remember there's also a lot to learn
Joey I dunno what to say Ross Uh it's a monkey
Ross Just just say what you feel
Joey Marcel I'm hungry
Ross That was good
Rachel (Brings Marcel a teddy bear) Marcel this is for you It's uh just y'know something to um do on the plane
Ross Uh if you guys don't mind I'd like to take a moment just me and him
All Oh sure Sure absolutely (They just stand there then realise what he means and go to the other end of the room)
Ross Marcel c'mere c'mere (He sits down and Marcel jumps down and sits beside him) Well buddy this is it There's just a coupla things I want to say I'm really gonna miss you and I'm never gonna forget about you You've been more than just a pet to me you've been more like a be (Marcel climbs down and starts humping his leg) Okay Marcel please could you leave my leg alone Could you just stop humping me for two seconds Marcel would okay just take him away Just take him
(Marcel is put in a cage and taken away)
Closing Credits
[Scene A Theater there is a casting session going on for a play]
Actor (Very melodramatically and very badly) Oh that I were a glove upon that hand that I might touch thy cheek
Casting Director No 1 That's fine thank you
Casting Director No 2 Next (Joey walks onstage)
Joey Hi uh I'll be reading for the role of Mercutio
Casting Director No 2 Name
Joey Holden McGroin
End

121 假莫妮卡


知道信卡号码
知道
花少钱
摩妮卡冷静
信卡说
须付买东西
知道真挥霍度
想偷信卡时
根已忘王法
真变态
花69•95元买神奇拖
买
真
马修侵犯盏灯
马修回…
房里
抓出
罗斯想办法阻止
什阶段
时说乔伊
冷静点行
没什起
马修停坏猴子

说
奇乔治玩偶奇
摩妮卡法释怀
女着生活
什
着生活

买戏票直想戏
买衣服早想买
花三百块买艺术品
艺术家
果艺术品
许已艺术家
现
导演：盖尔曼库索
摩妮卡泄气
做工作酷
真做较
现说点太迟
公园骑马
新学校课
没
太公
拥想切
没妈
乔帕波尼
太种族意味
纪认
该取中立点名字
乔伊瑞士
应该乔
乔伊感觉…


乔…乔斯林
斯林认识名字
听熟悉
没印象
乔斯林名字
许想试试乔瑟夫
乔瑟夫斯林
记名字
鸟乔瑟夫斯林演
屋顶提琴手中乔瑟夫史达林
摩妮卡格勒
想里课
想知道课
干什
太谢谢
踢踏舞课
样
偷信卡起课
女偷走生活
应该方神圣
邮局
想片会公布
摩妮卡点失理智
件事完全操控
疯狂
帝保佑摩妮卡做
谢谢
认

认
帮什
参观
舞蹈课参观
舞蹈课跳舞
舞鞋
什意思
想进跳
真
吧
见分身
位回教室留酸乳空瓶
希发生种事

开始吧

完全融
会觉
时毫协调感

踢时候踢
位找舞伴
死妈说
瑞秋

体育课旧事重演
谓起跳
脱衣服场恶梦
没关系抱歉迟

紧张新谁
舞伴
摩妮卡
摩妮卡
摩娜娜
摩娜娜
荷兰名字
开玩笑吧
阿姆斯特丹住三年
宾州荷兰
开始吧

刚兽医回
没戴种塑胶套吧
说马修乱性暂时
显然已性成熟
嘿找呢
说会越越暴力
侵略性越强
代表什
养
真敢相信真太扯
懂刚养
会突然性成熟
知道前东西
知觉中紧抓住腿放
没办法饲养
没办法
说非方获正常猴爱
会变愈愈残暴
送动物园
送进动物园
知道
教皇进入福斯汽车
处申请
然型州立动物园优先考虑
方说圣牙哥动物园
遥梦想
加州
兽医说认识迈阿密朋友
许
似离海滩两条街
定疯狂动物园
找
喊警察
没吃午餐
治正义
疯
女偷东西
偷
女相处十分钟
会全忘
简直奇女子
振奋心
某位啦啦队队员
偷
脱帽子
福斯车教皇
喜欢笑话
做
摩娜娜相勇敢
真太疯狂
说615房冈氏姐妹
结果波士顿塞尔提克已包整六楼
知道矮胸部时
轰出
轰出饭店
干摩娜娜
活梦中
认识倒咖啡
等
明天参加百老汇试演
什
猫剧缺额
想唱回忆
傻子
记身旁谁
样
连站踢踏舞教室前困难
阿米许血统
什
宾州荷兰
直买吹风机逐出村里
样
天出改变生电影
春风化雨
认电影实太…
聊
孩子电影结局时杀
法演出话剧
干什
等年离家社区话剧团
走出电影院时想
逝两时生命
永远回
想法震惊
便时行乐
敢推荐窈充奶爸
帝
进斯克兰顿
选择
连狗牛收
懂较难受
想应该椅子怜
马修…
乖没
定会
早乔瑟夫斯林
开什玩笑
显然屠杀种民族俄国独裁者
会知道
啊
菲认该取什艺名
火焰男孩
动物园
技术言算动物园
种互动式野生动物体验
想请教问题
想请教问题
会动物架
会非常温驯
果逼进角落里时呢
知道干嘛问
掌控东西力
会香蕉果意思话
铁槌刀呢
什刀
面狮虎角动物
东西防卫
否太残忍
圣牙哥
什
散步回声见电话铃响
然录取
听见没马修圣牙哥
错特错
圣牙哥环境良没错
果交
训练抗瞎眼兔子
百分二十门票收入
底跑
摩妮卡刚跑参加馆舞会
喝醉
没呢
骗醉醺醺
摩妮卡该通电话回
直家里担心
摩妮卡
瘾
没错
餐厅天电
想知道班

天苹果马戏团
摩妮卡干什
快丢掉工作变
正
种必须拍松枕头
帐单立刻缴款
起
超越种
摩娜娜
等等
摩娜娜电话
信卡公司
天
谢谢

已逮摩妮卡

太糟
幸喜欢蓝色
会知道
摩妮卡格勒
信卡
真没想
想知道
报案
谢谢
带太
果
冬园剧场唱回忆
老实说开口唱回已
敢相信会
失该办
谁会馆宴会
谁带苹果马戏团
摩妮卡
堆女
面前尿尿展开天生活
担心没带马戏
担心怀疑
没什怀疑
继续做
真正
没必呀
必
知道什
许阿米许关
阿米许
真怪
门旁加加入
加
面完全跳错
少跳
飞圣牙哥67班机
次登机通知
请42A门登机
见猴子
写首诗
飞机吃
谢谢菲阿姨
见
知道圣牙哥
许漂亮美眉
记学
知该说什罗斯
猴子
说出感觉成
马修饿
句错
马修
飞机玩
果介意想独处
然
马修
兄弟样
想说句话
会想
会忘记
心中宠物
更
马修放开腿
暂时乱
马修…带走
带走
希手手套
样抚摸脸颊
行谢谢
位
试马丘修角色
名字
麦克葛罗尼

122 The One With the Ick Factor
122 The One With the Ick Factor

(Scene Central Perk Everyone is there)
Monica Tell him
Rachel No
Phoebe Tell him tell him
Monica Justplease tell him
Rachel Shut up
Chandler Tell me what
Monica Look at you you won't even look at him
Chandler (sarcastically) Oh come on tell me I could use another reason why women won't look at me
Rachel All right all right all right Last night I had a dream that uh you and I were
Phoebe Doing it on this table (points at the table)
Chandler Wow
Joey Exellent dream score
Ross Why why why would you dream that
Chandler More importantly was I any good
Rachel Well you were pretty damn good
Chandler Interesting cause in my dreams I'm allways surprisingly inadequate (Monica pats him on his lap)
Rachel Well last night you seemed to know your way around the table
Ross I love it when we share
(Ross goes over to the counter Chandler follows him)
Chandler You're okay there
Ross I can't belive you two had sex in her dream
Chandler I'm sorry it was a onetimething I was very drunk and i was somebody else's subconscious
Opening Credits
[Scene Central Perk continued from earlier Chandler is sitting on the table]
Chandler Hello Rachel
Rachel Get off
Phoebe (points at Joey's pen) Uh uh gimme Can you see me operating a drill press
Joey I don't know What are you wearing
(Chandler Monica and Phoebe looks at him)
Ross Pheebs why would you want to operate a drill press
Phoebe Just for some shorttermwork You know until I get back some of my massage clients
Chandler Pirates again
Phoebe No nothing like that I was justsuch a dummie I taught this massageyourselfathomeworkshop And they are
Joey Hey hey Chan She could work for you
Chandler (sarcasticly) Thanks Joey that's a good idea
Phoebe What I could I could do it What is it
Chandler Well my secretary is gonna be out for a couple of weeks She is having one of her boobs redused (Ross looks at her) It's a whole big boob story
Phoebe I could be a secretary
Chandler Well you know Phoebs I don't know if it's your kinda thing because it involves a lot of being normal For a large portion of the day
Phoebe I could do that
(Ross's beeper goes off)
Rachel What are you playing with
Ross Oh it's my new beeper
Joey What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for
Monica Is it like for dinosaur emergencies 'Help come quick they're still extinct'
Ross No it's for when Carol goes into labor She can get me wherever I am I mean all she has to do is to dial 55JIMBO
Chandler A cool phone number and a possible name for the kid
Monica All right I'll see you guys later (raises)
Rachel Off to see young Ethan
Monica Thank you
Joey How young is young Ethan Young
Monica He's our age
Chandler When we were
Monica Okay he's a senior in college
Ross College
Chandler Whoa And this manchild has no problem with how old you are
Monica No of course not It's not even an issue Cause I told him I was 22
All What
Monica Oh I can't pass for 22
Phoebe Well maybe 2526
Monica I am 26
Phoebe There you go
[Scene Chandler's office he and Phoebe are there when the phone starts ringing]
Chandler Can you hear that
Phoebe (plays with a thumbtack remover) Yeah
Chandler See that'll stop when you pick up the phone
Phoebe Oh Uh I'm on (picks up the phone)
Phoebe (with a deep voice) Mr Bing's office (Listens) No I'm sorry he's in a meeting right now
Chandler I'm not in a meeting I'm right Whoops
Phoebe Will he know what this is in reference to (Listens) And he has your number (Listens) All right I'll see that he gets the message Bye bye
Chandler What
Phoebe Ross says hi
Chandler Ah
Phoebe This is so fun All right what do we do now
Chandler Well now I actually have to get to work
Phoebe Most likely (raises and goes toward the door) Okay I'm gonna be out there
Chandler Okay
Phoebe All right Bye bye
Chandler Bye bye
(The intercom buzzes)
Chandler (answering it) Yes
Phoebe Whatcha doin'
Chandler Ooh (leans against the desk)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Monica and Rachel are there Monica is just finishing cleaning the windows]
Monica Windows are clean candels are lit Uh belt's to tight gotta change the belt Did I turn the fish (goes over to the kitchen to check on the dinner) No cause I made lasagne (to Rachel) Am I out of control
Rachel Just a touch Mon I don't understand I mean you've been dating this guy since like what his midterms I mean why all the sudden are you so Oh
Monica What
Rachel Could tonight be the Night
Monica I don't know Look he's a great guy and I love being with him but you know Things happen and they happen You don't plan these things
Rachel So did you shave your legs
Monica Yeah
Rachel Aha
[Scene Central Perk Joey and Ross are there]
Joey Would you let it go Ross It was just a dream It doesn't mean
(Ross's beeper goes off)
Ross Oh oh Oh oh Oh this is it Oh my god it's baby time Baby time
Joey All right relax relax Just relax just relax Be cool be cool
(Ross dials a number on his cellular phone)
Ross (on phone) Yeah hi I was just beeped (pause) No Andris not here (to Joey) Third time today (on phone) Yes I'm sure No sir I don't perform those kind of services
Joey Services (Ross looks at him) Oh services
Ross (on phone) Yeah you want 55JUMBO Yeah that's right That's right JUMBO with a U sir (pause) No belive me you don't want me Judging by his number I'd be a huge disappointment (pause) All rightie bye bye
(Phoebe and Chandler enter)
Joey Hey hey How was the first day
Phoebe Oh exellent Everyone was so so nice
Chandler See it pays to know the man who wears my shoes (Joey and Ross wonder what he means) Me
Phoebe No I didn't tell anybody that I knew you
Chandler Why not
Phoebe Oh because you know they don't like you
Chandler What
Phoebe I thought you knew that
Chandler Noho Who doesn't they like me
Phoebe Everyone Except for uh no everyone
Chandler What are you talking about
Phoebe Don't feel bad You know they used to like you a lot But then you got promoted and you know now you're like Mr Boss Man You know Mr Bing Mr Bing Boss Man Bing
(Joey and Ross laughs)
Chandler I can't belive it
Phoebe Yeah yeah They even do you
Chandler They do me
Phoebe You know like uh okay uh 'Could that report be any later'
(Joey and Ross laughs)
Chandler I don't sound like that
Ross Oh oh Chandler
Joey Oh Yeah you do
Ross 'The hills were alive with the sound of music'
(Phoebe Joey and Ross laughs)
Joey (reaches for hi scones) My scones
Phoebe Joey and Ross 'My scones'
(Phoebe Joey and Ross laughs again)
Chandler Okay I don't sound like that That is so not true
(Joey and Chandler laughs)
Chandler That is so not That is so not That Oh shut up
(Phoebe Joey and Ross laugh)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Monica and Young Ethan are sitting in the couch]
Monica Did not
Young Ethan I am telling you up until I was like nine I thought that gunpoint was an actual place where crimes happen
Monica How was that possible
Young Ethan Well think about it It's always on the news 'A man is being held up at gunpoint' 'Tourists are being terrorised at gunpoint' And I just kept thinking why does people continue to go there (He checks his watch) Oh ah I should go
Monica Okay
(They kiss)
Young Ethan Okay
Monica Unless
Young Ethan What
Monica Uh ah Unless you wanna stay over I mean I'm going to so
Young Ethan Yeah I'd really like that
(They kiss)
Young Ethan Uuh before we get into any stayingoverstuff there is something you should know
Monica Okay is this like 'I have an early class tomorrow' or 'I'm secretly married to a goat'
Young Ethan Well it's somewhere in between You see in a strictly technical sense of course I'm not uh well I I mean I haven't ever uh
Monica Ethan
Young Ethan Yeah
Monica Are you a virgin
Young Ethan Well if that's what you kids are calling it these days then yes I am I uh I've kinda been waiting for the right person
Monica Really
Young Ethan Yeah You do know I was talking about you right
(They kiss)
[Time lapse They are now in Monica's bedroom on the bed]
Young Ethan Wow
Monica You keep saying that
Young Ethan You know you read about it you see it in the movies Even when you practice it at home man oh man it is nothing like that
(They kiss)
Monica Listen uh you told me something that was really difficult for you And I II figured if you could be honest then I can to
Young Ethan Oh god don't tell me I did it wrong
Monica Nono Nothing wrong about that
Young Ethan Oh
Monica Um okay here it goes I'm not 22 I'm I'm 25 and thirteen months
Young Ethan Huh
Monica But I figured you know that shouldn't change anything I mean what the hell does it matter how old we are
(They kiss)
Young Ethan Uh listen um as long as we're telling stuff uh I have another one for you I'm a little younger than I said
Monica You're not a senior
Young Ethan Oh I'm a senior in High School
Monica Okay
Commercial Break
[Scene Monica's Bedroom continued from earlier]
Monica What we did was wrong Oh god I just had sex with somebody that wasn't alive during the Bicentennial
Young Ethan I just had sex
Monica Ethan focus How could you not tell me
Young Ethan Well you never told me how old you were
Monica Well that's different My lie didn't make one of us a felon in 48 states What were you thinking
Young Ethan I wasn't thinking I was too busy fallin'
Monica Don't say it (closes Ethan's mouth with her hand)
Young Ethan in love with you
Monica Really
Young Ethan (nods) Sorry
Monica Wellfall out of it You know you shouldn't even be here it's a school night Oh god oh god I'm like those women that you see with shiny guys named Chad I'm Joan Collins
Young Ethan Who
[Scene Monica and Rachel's everyone exept Monica is there]
Ross (on phone) Okay Andrshould be there in like 45 minutes All rightie bye bye (to Phoebe) Just easier that way
Chandler Oh come on You told me about the last dream
Rachel No forget it
Chandler Oh why not Was I doing anything particularly saucy
Rachel All right fine Um you were not the only one there (Camera fades to Ross who's listening very carefully) Joey was there too
Joey All right (Moves closer)
Ross Was thereuh huh huh huh andybody anybody else there
Rachel No
Ross You're sure Nobody uh handed out uh mints or anything
Rachel No it was just the three of us
Ross Huh
Joey So tell me Was it like you and Chandler and then you and me or you and me and Chandler
Rachel (laughs) You know what
Joey What
Rachel There were times when it wasn't even me
(Chandler and Joey laughs until they look at each other then recoil in horror)
Phoebe That is so sweet you guys (hugs them)
(Monica enters wearing a walkman so she doesn't hear what the others say)
Ross Rachel and Phoebe Hey Mon
Rachel Mon Ethan called again Mon
All (shouting) Mon
(Monica takes of her walkman)
Monica What
Rachel Ethan called again
Monica Oh
Ross Are you not seeing him anymore
Monica No You know sometimes just things doesn't work out
Chandler And this has nothing to do with the fact that he needs a note to get out of gym
(Monica stares at Rachel)
Rachel I I didn't say any I sw I did not say anything I swear He stopped by
Joey Listen the next time you talk to him can you ask him which one the strongest Power Ranger is
(Ross and Chandler laughs)
Ross Oh yeah
Monica Haha ha oh my life is just so amusing Could we drop it now
Joey Chander and Ross Sorry
Ross It's morphin time
Joey Stegosaurus
Chandler Tyrannosaurus
(They all cross they're arms like the Power Rangers do)
Phoebe Ooh oh I've gotta go (raises) Whoa oh head rush One more and then I have to go (sits down and then raises again) Cool
Rachel Where are you going
Phoebe Um oh I've got a birthday party with some work people
Chandler Work people Nobody told me
Phoebe No I know That's a part of the whole you know themnotlikingyouextravaganza
Chandler You know I don't get this A month ago these people were my friends You know just because I'm in charge doesn't mean I'm a different person
Phoebe Well then you should come tonight You know just hang out with them Let them see what a great guy you still are
Chandler You think I should
Phoebe I really do yeah
Chandler Okay
Phoebe Okay
Chandler Okay
Phoebe Oh but could we not go together II don't wanna be the geek that invited the boss
[Scene Chandler's office he and Phoebe are taking a break from work]
Chandler I Think last night was great You know the Karaoke thing Tracy and I doing Ebony and Ivory
Phoebe You were great But they still made fun of you
Chandler What
Phoebe You know now you're more like you know like Mr Caring Boss Mr you know I'm one of you Boss Mr I wanna be your buddy Boss Man Bing
Chandler Then I don't get it
Phoebe Well you know what Chandler I think you've gotta face it You're like the guy in the big office you know You're the one that hires them that fires them They still say you're a great boss
Chandler They do
Phoebe Uh huh But they're not your friends anymore
Chandler I just wan't to
Phoebe No but you can't
Chandler But I just wa
Phoebe Uh uh
[Scene Central Perk Everyone exept Phoebe and Chandler is there Ross's beeper goes off and everyone exept him react]
Monica Aren't you gonna
Ross Oh Carol and I have a new system If she punches in 911 it means she's having a baby otherwise I just ignore it
Joey What about Andr
Ross Oh well this morning he got a call from who I think was our cousin Nathan and frankly it was a little more than I needed to know
(Ethan enters)
Young Ethan Hey
Monica That was gonna be my opener
Rachel (understands that Monica and Ethan wanna be alone) Hey did you guys check out those new handdryers in the bathroom
Ross I thought that was just a rumour
Rachel True story
Joey They're here already
(Rachel Ross and Ross go to the bathroom)
Young Ethan All right look I've gotta tell you something I'm not 17 I only said so that you'd think I was cute and vunerable I'm actually 30 I have a wife I have a job I'm your Congressman Monica this is ridiculous we're great together We can talk we make each other laugh and the sex Oh man okay i have no frame of graft but I thought that was great
Monica It was
Young Ethan Then what's the problem
Monica Ethan it's um it's icky
Young Ethan Icky You're actually gonna throw this away because it's icky
Monica This isn't easy for me either I wish things were different I If you were a few years older or if I was a few years younger or if we lived in biblical times I would really
Young Ethan No don't say it (closes Monica's mouth with his hand)
Monica love you
(Ross Rachel and Joey come back from the bathroom They discover that Monica and Ethan aren't finished talking to each other yet)
Ross Are you're hands still wet
Joey Uh moist yeah
Rachel Let's dry 'em again
(They go to the bathroom again)
[Scene A hall on the floor where Chandler works Chandler and Phoebe enters and overhears some employees's conversation One of them is doing Chandler]
Gerston Uh like could these margaritas be any stronger (They discover that Chandler is listening) Hey Chandler
Santos Hello Mr Bing
Petrie Loved your Stevie Wonder last night
Chandler Thanks Listen about the weekly numbers I'm gonna need them on my desk by nine o'clock
Santos Sure
Gerston No problem
(They go away trying very hard not to laugh at Chandler)
Chandler You have to give 'em something you know Okay now that was Gerston Santos and who's the guy with the moustache
Phoebe Petrie
Chandler Petrie right right Okay some people gonna be working this weekend
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Ross is watching TV but turns it off and Rachel is sleeping on the couch Ross puts a blanket over her]
Rachel (talking in her sleep) Oooooooooh (Rachel strokes her hand over the pillow Ross mimicks her silently) Oh that's nice Oh oh Huh Ross
(Ross gets all excited and starts to dance on the coffee table but slips allmost immediatly and falls onto the couch Rachel wakes up)
Rachel Ross
Ross I'm here
Rachel You are Well um We we we were just  Wow
Ross What (his beeper goes off) Great now I'm having a baby
Rachel What
Ross Ooh Ooh
Rachel What
Ross I'm having I'm having a baby (jumps back onto the table again) I'm having a Where's the phone The phone
Rachel I don't know where the phone is
(Ross runs from the table over the couch but slips and falls onto the floor)
Rachel Ross
Ross I'm hurt
Closing Credits
[Scene The Hallway Ross is eagerly waiting for the others to get ready to go to the hospital]
Ross Monica let's go Come on now people woman in labor
(Chandler struts out from his apartment)
Chandler (doing a little dance) Hey Ross look what I've got going here
Ross Yeah save it for the cab okay
(Rachel comes out from their apartment with a mirror and a lipstick in her hands)
Ross What are you doing We're going to a hospital
Rachel What so I can't lokk nice There might be doctors there
Ross Joey get out of the fridge
Joey All right all right (he comes out from their apartment with a huge sandwich in his hand)
Ross What is that (refering to the sandwich)
Joey For the ride
Chandler Yeah like in a cab
Ross Save it
Chandler Okay hating this
Ross Monica come on now Let's go baby coming
(Monica enters from their apartment crying)
Monica I can't belive it I'm gonna be an aunt I'm gonna have like a nephew
Ross That's nice Get out Let's go come on
Joey All right I'm going I'm going
(They all go down the stairs but Ross turns around looking like his in a coma The others also turns around to get him)
Chandler Here we go here we go
Rachel Rossy Rossy
End


122 倒胃口约会


告诉嘛…
告诉嘛
告诉什
连正眼肯
拜托快告诉
回女时新藉口
吧吧
昨晚梦见
桌做爱
梦中分
会种梦
重棒
简直棒极
真意思
梦中总力心
昨晚桌表现神
真高兴分享
没事吧
敢相信会梦中做爱
抱歉次
醉醒事
某潜意志
呀瑞秋
起

想操作钻床
知道时穿什
知道想操作钻床
暂时工作
直找回部份摩客户
海盗
没回事
笨蛋
教家动手作摩
结果家里作
嘿钱德勒工作？
谢意
什工作
秘书周法班
动消乳手术
言难波霸事
秘书
知否块料
份工作表现正常
白天量正常
办
玩什
call机
古生物学家玩意干嘛
恐龙紧急事件
救命啊快
绝种
卡萝生产买
时连络
需拨号码55J●MB0
号码真酷孩子名字
位回头见
见伊森子
谢谢
伊森底
年纪差

学四年级学生
位朋友年纪
然
告诉22岁
什
22岁
2526说
年26

听见没
听见
接电话断

宾先生办公室
抱歉正开会
没开会…谁
知道件事
号码
会转告见
什
罗斯问候
真玩
现做什
现开始工作
没错(Magicball显示)
出
出拜拜
拜拜
什事？
干
窗户擦蜡烛点
皮带太紧换条
鱼翻没
没做千层面
否已走火魔
点点
懂
期中考开始约会
突然间…

夜
知道
男孩
喜欢起
难说
事情会发生会发生
种事法事先计划
腿毛刮没
刮
罗斯折磨
场梦代表…
时候宝宝出世
放轻松…冷静点
call？
安卓
天已第三次
确定
没错做种服务
服务
服务
55JUMB0
没错
UJUMB0
先生相信会想
号码
会失
吧见
第天班
太棒棒
瞧认识穿鞋子代价

没告诉认识
什
喜欢
什
早知道
知道
谁喜欢
…

说什
难
喜欢
升职
感觉司
物老板
简直法相信
甚模仿
模仿
报告时交
没样

山谷音乐变生动
烤饼
烤饼
没样说话
真
…闭嘴
会吧
告诉九岁时
枪口犯罪现场
会
新闻老报导犯罪事件
某枪口
惊慌观光挟持枪口
直想总
该走
非
非夜
反正里夜…
想
样做前告诉
明天早课
已什家伙秘密结婚？
两者间
严格技术言
然没
伊森处男
果孩子
现样称呼话
处男
直等梦中情出现
？

知道说吧
直哇停
书报杂志电影断出现
甚家里练
感觉实没
听着难肯实相告
果坦白想
告诉做错
件事没做错
说
22岁
25岁
13月
猜间会改变
年龄根距离
坦承际话说
知年纪
四年级
四年级
高中
错
竟建国两百年国庆
没出生男做爱
刚做爱
伊森注意听
早告诉
没告诉实际年龄
样
谎言会成罪犯
底想什
没想什
忙
准说
爱
真？
起
走吧该
该学校夜
天啊专门勾引帅哥女
成琼考琳丝
谁
安卓45分钟会
见
样省事
快已告诉昨晚梦
死条心
什
难道梦中粗鲁？
吧
仅场
乔伊场

没
确定旁边没蠢蠢欲动
没三
钱德勒
三时
知道
次甚没
真
摩妮卡…
伊森电
摩妮卡…
摩妮卡
什事？
伊森电
想见
事法勉强
需假条离开学校关
什没说发誓
路
回见时
问闪电侠中强谁
生活简直太采姿
换话题
起
啡时间
暴龙
剑龙
走
哇哦脑充血
次走
酷

参加学生日会
事
没说
希驾光
懂
月前朋友
代表会变
说晚该
相处
知道
真认该
该
起
想成邀请司家伙
昨晚真太棒卡拉0K
崔西合唱首乌木象牙
表现
家然取笑
什
现成家婆司
司
称兄道弟司
更迷糊
钱德勒面现实
坐办室里样
权录取
权开
说司

朋友
想

…
卡萝新系统
果911代表生产
否根理会
安卓呢
早接表弟纳森电话
老实说知道太幕
开场白
浴室里新吹风机没
谣传
千真万确
早装
谈谈
17岁
样说
会认爱惹怜
实年30
老婆工作
国会议员
摩妮卡太荒谬
起开心
聊天说笑做爱
然验切美
确
问题出
伊森长久
长久
想放弃
已
希情形样
果年长岁年轻岁
生活圣时代
…
说
爱
手没干
湿
烘次
萄葡酒烈点
钱德勒
宾先生
爱昨晚史提夫汪达
谢谢
关周数
九点前请送办公室
没问题
总话题嘛
刚刚格斯顿山托斯
留胡子什
派崔派崔
周末加班
真
罗斯
罗斯？



什
宝宝
宝宝
…电话
电话
罗斯
受伤
摩妮卡快走位快点生
罗斯什
留着付计程车吧
干什医院
漂亮点许医生
乔翻冰箱
干
坐车时候吃
真讨厌摩妮卡快宝宝出世
真敢相信
快姑姑
快侄子
真感走吧
走吧

123 The One With the Birth
123 The One With the Birth

[Scene The hospital Ross Rachel Chandler Joey and Monica are in the waiting room waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive]
Ross She's not here yet She's not here She's having my baby and she's not here
Monica I'm sure everything's fine Has her water broke yet
Ross I don't know but when I spoke to her she said she had already passed the mucus plug
(Joey makes a sound of absolute disgust)
Joey Do we have to know about that
Monica Joey what are you gonna do when you have a baby
Joey I'm gonna be in the waitin' room handing out cigars
Chandler Yes Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's
Ross God I don't believe this She could be giving birth in the cab
Rachel Oh Ross relax It's probably like two dollars for the first contraction and then fifty cents for each additional contraction
(Everyone looks at Rachel as though she made a tasteless comment)
Rachel What it's ok when Chandler does it
Chandler You have to pick your moments
(Phoebe arrives guitar in hand)
Phoebe Did I miss it did I miss it
Ross She's not even here yet
Monica What's with the guitar
Phoebe I just thought we might be here for awhile You know things might get musical
(Carol and Susan arrive)
Ross (to Carol) Where the hell have you been
Susan We stopped at the gift shop
Carol I was looking at stuffed animals and Susan wanted a Chunky
Ross Susan wanted a Chunky We're having a baby ok a baby you don't stop for Chunkys
Chandler I used to have that bumper sticker
(Everyone is amused by Chandler's comment)
Chandler (to Rachel) You see what I mean
Opening Credits
[Scene Carol's Hospital Room Carol is on the bed Ross and Susan are at her side]
Ross Stopped for a Chunky
Carol Let it go Ross
Susan I got an extra one You want this (holds the candy in front of Ross' face)
Ross (weakly) No
(Carol's doctor Dr Franzblau arrives)
Dr Franzblau Hey how's my favorite parenting team doing
Ross Dr Franzblau hi
Dr Franzblau So I understand you're thinking of having a baby Well I see you're nine months pregnant That's a good start How you doing with your contractions
Carol Oh I love them Each one's like a little party in my uterus
Susan They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds
Ross 59 seconds (holds up his watch) Quartz ha
Susan Swiss quartz ha ha
Carol Am I allowed to drink anything
Dr Franzblau Ice chips just ice chips They're at the nurses' station
Ross I'll get it
Susan No I'm getting it I'll be right back
Ross I got it—I'm getting it
(They both leave just as Rachel enters the room holding a cup)
Rachel Hi I thought you might like some ice chips
Carol Thanks
Rachel And if you need anything else I—(notices the handsome Dr Franzblau)—do not believe we've met Hi I'm uh Rachel Green I'm Carol's exhusband's sister's roommate
Dr Franzblau It is nice to meet you I'm Dr Franzblau I'm your roommate's brother's exwife's obstetrician
Rachel Oh that's funny
[Scene The Waiting Room Chandler is falling asleep on Monica's shoulder]
Monica I want a baby
Chandler Mmmm Not tonight honey I got an early day tomorrow
Monica Get up Come on Let's get some coffee
Chandler Oh ok 'cause we never do that
(Chandler and Monica leave Cut to Joey watching the KnicksCeltics game on television)
Joey (to the screen) Shoot Shoot Shoot Shoot or just fall down That's good too
(A young pregnant woman enters)
Lydia Knick fan
Joey Oh yeah
Lydia Oh boy do they suck
Joey Hey listen lady(sees that she's pregnant)whoa
Lydia Look look at your man Ewing Nice shot You know what he couldn't hit water if he was standing on a boat
Joey Oh yeah And who do you like
Lydia The Celtics
Joey The Celtics Ha They couldn't hit a boat ifwait They suck alright
Lydia Oh shut up You know it's a rebuilding year You waah
Joey Wha Whaaa Let me get the father Hey we need a father over here We need a father
Lydia There is no father
Joey Oh oh oh sorry
Lydia Ok that's ok I'm fine I'm oh
Joey Oh uh ok Right this way All the other pregnant women seem to be goin' in here
Lydia Ok
(Joey accompanies Lydia to a hospital room)
[Scene The Waiting Room Phoebe is playing a song Chandler Monica and Ross are there as well]
Phoebe (singing)
They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch
and soon they'll grow up and resent you so much
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why
you cry and you cry and you cry
And you cry and you cry and you cry
(Ross gives Phoebe a dollar)
Phoebe Thanks Ross
Ross Yeah I'm paying you to stop
Phoebe Ok
(A woman passes by carrying newborn twins)
Phoebe Oh look twins Hi guys Oh cute cute
Monica No fair I don't even have one How come they get two
Chandler You'll get one
Monica Oh yeah When
Chandler All right I'll tell you what When we're 40 if neither one of us are married what do you say you and I get together and have one
Monica Why won't I be married when I'm 40
Chandler Oh no no I just meant hypothetically
Monica Ok hypothetically why won't I be married when I'm 40
Chandler No no no
Monica What is it Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me
Chandler (trapped) Uh uh
Monica Well
Chandler Dear God This parachute is a knapsack (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)
(Rachel enters in a formal dress)
Rachel Hey
Phoebe Hey Ooh look at you dressydress
Monica Did you go home and change
Rachel Yeah well it's an important day I wanna look nice Um has uh Dr Franzblau been by
Monica No I haven't seen him
Rachel Well where is he He is supposed to be here (Pause) What if the baby needs him
Chandler Rachel what is the deal with you and doctors anyway Was like your father a doctor
Rachel Yeah why
Chandler No reason (turns around makes an 'Oh my God' gesture with his eyes)
[Scene Joey and Lydia in the hospital room Lydia is on the phone with her mother]
Lydia Mom we've been through this No I'm not calling him I don't care if it is his kid the guy's a jerk No I'm not alone Joey's here (pause) What do you mean Joey who (covers the phone to Joey) Joey who
Joey Tribbiani
Lydia Joey Tribbiani Yes ok Hold on (to Joey) She wants to talk to you Take the phone
Joey (takes phone) Hi yeah it's me (Listens) Oh no no no we're just friends (Listens) Yeah I'm single (Listens) 25 (Listens) An actor (Listens) Hello
Lydia She's not much of a phone person
Joey Yeah so uh so uh what's the deal with this father guy I mean if someone was havin' my baby somewhere I'd wanna know about it you know
Lydia Hey Knick fan am I interested in your views on fatherhood Uh no
Joey Ok look maybe I should just go
Lydia Maybe you should
Joey Good luck and uh take care huh
(He leaves but then returns a moment later)
Joey You know what the Celtics problem is They let the players run the team
Lydia Oh that is so not true
Joey Oh it is
Lydia It isn't
Joey It is
Lydia Isn't
[Scene Carol's Hospital Room Ross and Susan are coaching Carol]
Ross Breathe
Susan Breathe
Ross Breathe
Susan Breathe
Ross Breathe
Susan Breathe
Carol You're gonna kill me
Ross 15 more seconds 14 13 12
Carol Count faster
Susan It's gonna be ok just remember we're doing this for Jordie Just keep focusing on Jordie
Ross Who the hell is Jordie
Susan Your son
Ross Nonono I don't have a son named Jordie We all agreed my son's name is Jamie
Carol Well Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend so we went back to Jordie
Ross What Whoa whoa whoa whoa what do you mean back to Jordie We never landed on Jordie We just passed by it during the whole Jessy Cody Dylan fiasco
Carol Ow ow ow ow leg cramp leg cramp leg cramp
Ross I got it
Susan I got it
Ross I got it Hey you get to sleep with her I get the cramps
Susan No you don't
Carol All right that's it I want both of you out
Ross Why
Susan He started it
Ross No you started it
Susan You did
Carol I don't care I am trying to get a person out of my body here and you're not making it any easier
Ross But
Carol Now go
Ross (to Susan) Thanks a lot
Susan (to Ross) See what you did
Ross (to Carol) Yeah listen
Carol Out
(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room)
[Scene Lydia's Hospital Room Joey is helping Lydia go through labor a nurse is now present in her room as well]
Nurse Breathe breathe breathe
Lydia Oh no
(Joey looks down at Lydia)
Joey Ew What is that Something exploded
Nurse It's just her water breaking Calm down will you
Joey (panicked) Water breaking what do you mean What's that water breaking
Nurse (to Joey) Breathe breathe breathe
[Scene The Hall Ross and Susan are arguing]
Ross Please This is so your fault
Susan How how is this my fault
Ross Look Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along
Susan Yeah Well there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along
Ross You tryin' to be clever A funny lady
Susan You know what your problem is You're threatened by me
Ross Oh I'm threatened by you
Susan Yes
(Phoebe has heard them arguing and comes down the hall taking them into a broom closet)
Phoebe Hey hey ok all right that's it Get in here Come on My god you guys I don't believe you There are children coming into the world in this very building and your negative fighting noises are not the first thing they should be hearing So just stop all the yelling just stop it
Ross Yeah Susan
Phoebe Don't make me do this again I don't like my voice like this
(Phoebe goes to leave the room but the door is locked)
Phoebe Ok who wants to hear something ironic
Commercial Break
[Scene The Broom Closet Ross and Susan are trying to get out]
All Help
Ross I'm having a baby in here Ok everyone stand back (Walks backwards as if he is going to break down the door but steps in a bucket and falls) Ow
[Scene Carol's room Rachel and Dr Franzblau are there with her]
Carol Are they here yet
Rachel No honey they're not but don't worry because we are going to find them and until we do we are all here for you ok
Carol Ok
Rachel Ok
Carol Ok
Rachel (to Dr Franzblau) Ok so anyway you were telling me about Paris it sounds fascinating
Dr Franzblau It really was There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel (Carol sits up in pain Rachel and Dr Franzblau casually lay her back down) There you go dear
[Scene Lydia's Room Joey is helping her deliver]
Joey Come on Lydia you can do it Push Push 'em out push 'em out harder harder Push 'em out push 'em out way out Let's get that ball and really move hey hey ho ho Let's— (notices the nurse looking at him strangely) I was just—yeah right Push Push
[Scene The Broom Closet Ross has picked up a vacuum and is holding it at the door]
Susan What're you gonna do suck the door open
Ross Help Help
Phoebe (singing) They found their bodies the very next day they found their bodies the very next(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la
Susan and Ross (even louder) Help
[Scene The Waiting Room Monica is on the phone with her mother Chandler is standing behind her]
Monica Now Mom everything's going fine really (Listens) Yeah Ross is great He's uh he's in a whole other place (Listens) No he's gone (Listens) No no you don't have to fly back really (Listens) What do you mean this might be your only chance (Listens) Would you stop I'm only 26 I'm not even thinking about babies yet
(Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby puts the phone to her chest and starts to cry Chandler takes the phone makes a noise in it resembling static and hangs up Joey enters)
Chandler Where have you been
Joey Oh just had a baby
Chandler Mazel tov
[Scene The Waiting Room Rachel and Dr Franzblau have gone to get coffee]
Dr Franzblau I don't know could be an hour could be three but relax she's doing great So uh tell me are you currently involved with anyone
Rachel (anxiously) No no not at the moment no I'm not Are you
Dr Franzblau No it's hard enough to get women to go out with me
Rachel Right yeah I've heard that about cute doctors
Dr Franzblau No no really I suppose it's because I spend so much time you know where I do
Rachel Oh
Dr Franzblau I try not to let my work affect my personal life but it's hard when you do what I do It's like uhWell for instance what do you do
Rachel I'm a waitress
Dr Franzblau Ok all right well aren't there times when you come home at the end of the day and you're just like 'if I see one more cup of coffee'
Rachel (getting the point) Yeah Gotcha
Dr Franzblau I'm gonna go check up on your friend
Rachel Ok That's fine (takes her earrings out)
[Scene The Hall Outside Lydia's Room Joey is walking up to Lydia's room with balloons but before he enters he sees that the baby's father has arrived He listens at the door]
Lydia So how did you know I was even here
Guy Your mom called me So is this her
Lydia No this is a loaner
Guy I'm sorry you had to do this by yourself
Lydia I wasn't by myself I had a doctor a nurse and a helper guy (Joey smiles) So did you see who won the game
Guy Yeah the Knicks by 10 They suck
Lydia Yeah they're not so bad
(Joey closes the door and ties the balloons to the knob Then he walks away holding the hand of an inflated balloon animal he had brought)
[Scene The Broom Closet Ross is trying to open the door with a credit card with no success]
Ross Come on come on Damnit damnit damnit damnit (to Susan) This is all your fault This is supposed to be like the greatest day of my life y'know My son is being born and I should be in there you know instead of stuck in a closet with you
Susan The woman I love is having a baby today I've been waiting for this just as much as you have
Ross No no no believe me No one has been waiting for this as much as I have ok And you know what the funny thing is When this day is over you get to go home with the baby ok Where does that leave me
Susan You get to be the baby's father Everyone knows who you are Who am I There's Mother's Day there's Father's Day there's no Lesbian Lover Day
Ross Every day is Lesbian Lover Day
Phoebe This is so great
Ross You wanna explain that
Phoebe I mean well 'cause when I was growing up you know my dad left and my mother died and my stepfather went to jail so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most And it's not even born yet It's just it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world (pause) I'm sorry you were fighting
[Scene Carol's Room she is ready to give birth Everyone is there except for Phoebe Ross and Susan who are in the broom closet]
Carol Where are they
Monica I'm sure they'll be here soon
Rachel Yeah honey they wouldn't miss this
Joey Relax You're only at nine centimeters And the baby's at zero station
Chandler (to Joey) You are really frightening me
(Carol suddenly screams in pain and grabs Chandler by the shirt)
Chandler Somebody wanna help me tryin' to rip out my heart (they pull her hand off of him) Uh that's great (looking around) Anybody seen a nipple
Dr Franzblau All right ten centimeters here we go
Nurse All right honey time to start pushing
Carol But they're not here yet
Dr Franzblau I'm sorry I can't tell the baby to wait for them
Carol Oh god
[Scene The Broom Closet Ross has used a broom to open the air vent in the ceiling Phoebe is wearing a janitor's uniform ready to go up in the vent]
Ross Ok got the vent open
Phoebe (reading the nametag on the uniform) Hi I'm Ben I'm hospital worker Ben It's Ben to the rescue
Ross Ben you ready All right gimme your foot Ok on three Ben One two three Ok That's it Ben
(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent)
Susan What do you see
Phoebe Well Susan I see what appears to be a dark vent Wait Yes it is in fact a dark vent
(A janitor opens the closet door from the outside)
Ross Phoebs It's open It's open
(Ross and Susan run to the delivery room leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent)
Janitor (to Ross and Susan) Wait You forgot your legs
[Scene Carol's Room Ross and Susan rush in]
All Push push
Ross We're here
Carol (irked) Where have you been
Ross Long story honey
Dr Franzblau All right Carol I need you to keep pushing I need—(reaches for an instrument Rachel's hand is on it) Excuse me could I have this
Nurse All right all right there's a few too many people in this room and there's about to be one more so anybody who's not an exhusband or a lesbian life partner out you go
All Good luck
(Everyone heads for the door)
Chandler (to nurse) Let me ask you do you have to be Carol's lesbian life partner
Nurse Out
Dr Franzblau All right he's crowning Here he comes
Ross Let me see I gotta see I gotta see Oh a head Oh it's it's huge Carol how are you doing this
Carol (straining) Not helping
Dr Franzblau You're doing great you're doing fine
Ross (puts his head near the baby) Hello (to Dr Franzblau) Oh sorry
Susan What do you see What do you see
Ross We got a head we got shoulders we got arms we got oh look at the little fingers oh and a chest and a stomach It's a boy definitely a boy All right Ok legs knees and feet Oh oh He's here He's a person
Susan Oh look at that
Carol What does he look like
Ross Kinda like my uncle Ed covered in Jello
Carol Really
Phoebe (from the air vent overhead) You guys he's beautiful
Ross Oh thanks Pheebs
(They look up towards the vent and wave at Phoebe)
[Scene The Delivery Room Carol is holding the infant]
Susan No shouting but we still need a name for this little guy
Ross (thinking) How 'bout Ben
Susan I like Ben
Carol Ben Ben Ben's good How come you never mentioned Ben before
Ross We uh we just cooked it up
Susan That's what we were off doing
(Monica opens the door)
Monica Hi
Ross Hey
Monica Can we come in
(The whole gang enters)
Ross (to Ben) I know I know Everybody there's someone I'd like you to meet Yeah This is Ben Ben this is everybody
Phoebe Susan he looks just like you
Susan Thanks
Rachel Oh god I can't believe one of us actually has one of these
Chandler I know I still am one of these
Monica Ross can I
(Monica holds Ben)
Ross The head the head You gotta
Monica (getting choked up) Hi Ben Hi I'm your Aunt Monica Yes I am I'm your Aunt Monica II will always have gum
Closing Credits
[Scene The Hospital the camera is placed as though it were Ben's eyes]
Ross Ben I want you to know that there may be some times when I may not be around like this (walks out of the picture) But I'll still always come back like this (returns) And sometimes I may be away longer like this (walks away) But I'll still always come back like this (returns)
(Chandler comes into the picture)
Chandler And sometimes I'll want you to steal third and I'll go like this (Does a baseball sign)
(The rest of the group come into the picture)
Monica He is so amazing
Rachel Oh I know Look at him
Joey Ben Ben hey Ben Nothing I don't think that's his name
Phoebe Oh look look he's closing his eyes (screen goes blank) Look he's opening his eyes (picture comes back)
Joey He doesn't do much does he
Ross No this is pretty much it
(long moment of silence)
Rachel You guys wanna get some coffee
All Yeah
Ross All right I'll see you guys later
(They all leave but Ross but they all come back a few seconds later They make faces at the baby)
Phoebe Oh look he's closing his eyes again
(The screen fades to black)
End


123 出世


强森夫七线电话
没
生孩没
会事
羊水破知道
通话时说已分泌粘液
需知道
乔伊孩时会做
会等室中送雪茄
乔伊准备孩子出生50年代电影中
敢相信会计程车中生产
罗斯冷静点第次收缩收费二块钱
收缩次收五毛钱
什钱德样说时没事
选时间
错
没根没出现
干嘛带吉
想会阵子
点音乐
底
中途礼品店会
买什
想买填充玩具苏珊想买矮胖
苏珊矮胖快生宝宝
宝宝中途车买矮胖
汽车贴纸
懂意思
车买矮胖介意罗斯
想想
喜爱父母团队
法头
解考虑生宝宝事
知道已怀胎九月
开始
收缩情况
喜欢阵子宫中舞会
喜欢阵子宫中舞会
制片：陶德史帝芬
59秒石英表
瑞士石英表
喝饮料
碎冰喝碎冰护士站

马回…
想许想喝碎冰谢谢
果需…没见吧
瑞秋格林
卡萝前丈夫妹抹室友
幸会法夫
室友哥哥前妻医生
真趣
宝宝
晚行亲爱明天早起
起买咖啡
吧没做
投…进行
尼克迷
烂透
女士
尤恩漂亮
连坐船投进水里
支持谁
支持谁
法投进船…
反正烂
闭嘴年重建年•
帮孩子爹
需爸爸…
没爸爸
抱歉
没关系没事
边洼
孕妇似走
肉摸起感觉
久长会开始恨
现吼
知原
知原
谢谢罗斯
停止吧
双胞胎爱
公没
会两
会
什时候
吧告诉
40岁时果单身
起生
40岁时单身
假设
假设40岁时单身
假设40岁时单身
适婚姻毛病
降落伞背包
盛装登场
回家换衣服
天重日子
想漂亮点
法夫…没见
应该
万孩需办
瑞秋医生底
难道爸医生
干嘛问
没理
没理
找
孩子浑蛋
乔伊
什意思乔伊什
什意思乔伊什
等等谈
等等谈

朋友
单身
25岁演员
擅讲电话
孩子爸
果生孩子
会想知道
尼克迷爸爸观点
许吧
祝运
保重
知道塞尔提克什问题
球员营球队真
球员营球队真
球员营球队真
会窖死
剩15秒
141312数4央点
会没事记样做全裘帝
全力集中裘帝裘帝底谁
子子裘帝
协议子洁米
洁米苏珊第女友名字
决定裘帝
什意思
根没讨裘帝
讨洁希寇帝迪伦时提
脚抽筋
脚抽筋
睡觉处理抽筋
行
够出
什引起…
想生孩
根愈帮愈忙
卿走
卿走
出
出
东西爆炸
破水
冷静点行
破水什意思
什破水
什破水
拜托错
说什错
起前卡萝未赶出房间
出现前许事卡萝没做
出现前许事卡萝没做
知道问题出
感岌岌危
说件事问题
感岌岌危
底说什
够进快
简直敢相信两
宝宝诞生栋建筑
听见第声音该吵闹声
吵
苏珊
发次脾气
喜欢样
谁想听反讽事
救命啊…宝宝诞生
退
退
退
找前会陪
告诉巴黎事真棒
真家糕饼店住饭店隔壁
真家糕饼店住饭店隔壁
加油莉迪亚办
加油莉迪亚办
…
…
想干嘛门吸开
想干嘛门吸开
终发现尸体
妈切利
罗斯
方
见
飞回
唯机会什意思
说行26岁
连孩事没想

刚生孩
起
说定许时三时
请放心状况良
告诉目前象
没现没
呢没容易找象
听关帅哥夫传间
没真
想工作关
试着工作影响生活
果
事什工作
服务生
难道班回家会觉…
果见咖啡杯…
懂
朋友
会知道
妈电话告诉
捡
抱歉承担切

夫护士善心士
知道谁赢
尼克胜十分
烂
没差劲
恶…错
生快乐日子
子出世
应该
困
爱女生
样期已久
相信没期
讽刺带着宝宝回家
讽刺带着宝宝回家
家知道
谁世父亲节母亲节
没女志节
天女志节
精彩
愿意解释
时候爸离开
妈世继父入狱
根父母爱
爱三父母
甚谁爱吵架
根未出世
真全天幸福宝宝
抱歉正吵架

快会会错
放轻松
开九公分宝宝没快出
吓
谁愿意帮想掏出心脏
见乳头
十公分开始力
力
没
抱歉法宝宝等
抱歉法宝宝等
通气口开
宾
医院工宾
宾前抢救
宾准备没
脚
数
数
数
见什
见黑暗通气孔
等等真黑暗通气孔
菲门开
等等忘脚

说话长
卡萝断力
抱歉…
里太
会会
前丈夫女志终身伴侣者请出
见…祝运…
问卡萝女志终身伴侣行
出
头露出…
头…
卡萝办
事补
做…
抱歉
见什
时见头肩膀手臂出
手指肚子
男
百分百男孩
百分百男孩
出


谁
叔叔艾德果冻包着
叔叔艾德果冻包着
位漂亮
谢菲
准吼
需取名字
宾
喜欢宾
宾名字错
前没提名字
刚想出
时做事
进
然请进
知道
位介绍
宾
宾家
宾家
苏珊起
谢谢
天啊没想啤生宝宝
知道中
罗斯

头必须…
宾姑姑摩妮卡
没错姑姑摩妮卡
永远…牙齿
永远…牙齿
知道时会
样
会回
样
时会离开更久
样
会回
样
时三垒
会样
太神奇
知道
知道
没反应
想喜欢名字
闭眼睛
张开眼睛
常动吧
样已算动
想喝咖啡想…
口引门会见
闭眼睛

124 The One Where Rachel Finds Out
124 The One Where Rachel Finds Out

[Scene Central Perk the whole gang is there Ross is showing pictures of his new baby boy Ben to the group]
Ross And here's little Ben nodding off
Monica Awww look at Aunt Monica's little boy
Phoebe Oh look he's got Ross's haircut
Rachel Oh let me see (grabs picture) Oh God is he just the sweetest thing You must just want to kiss him all over
(Ross is practically drooling over Rachel at this point)
Ross (quietly) That would be nice
(Chandler annoyed with Ross's fawning makes a 'pfft' noise)
Rachel Pardon
Chandler Nothing just a little extra air in my mouth Pffft Pffffffft (walks over to where Joey is seated)
(Joey is looking at his check)
Joey Hey Chan can you help me out here I promise I'll pay you back
Chandler Oh yeah right OK inlcuding the waffles last week you now owe me 17 jillion dollars
Joey I will really I'll pay you back this time
Chandler (sigh) And where's this money coming from (gives money to Joey)
Joey Well I'm helping out down at the NYU Med School with some research
Ross (overhearing) What kind of research
Joey Oh just y'know science
Ross Science Yeah I think I've heard of that (everyone's interest is piqued they all look over)
Joey (sigh) It's a fertility study
(Rachel laughs)
Monica Oh Joey please tell me you're only donating your time
Joey Alright come on you guys it's not that big a deal Really I mean I just go down there every other day and make my contribution to the project Hey hey but at the end of two weeks I get seven hundred dollars
Ross Hey
Phoebe Wow ooh you're gonna be making money hand over fist
Opening Credits
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Monica and Phoebe are preparing for a barbecue for Rachel's birthday]
Monica OK we got the cole slaw we got the buns
Phoebe We've got the groundup flesh of formerly cute cows and turkeys ew (hands meat to Monica)
(Chandler and Joey enter with charcoal)
Chandler (in a deep voice) Men are here
Joey We make fire Cook meat
Chandler Then put out fire by peeing no get invited back
Monica and Phoebe Ewww
Monica Oh Joey Melanie called said she's gonna be late
Joey Oh OK
Phoebe So how are things going with you two Is she becoming your (provocatively) special someone
Joey I don't know she's uh she's pretty great
Monica Yeah What does she think of your little science project
Joey What you think I'm gonna tell a girl I like that I'm also seeing a cup
Monica Man's got a point
Joey Well the tough thing is she really wants to have sex with me
Chandler Crazy bitch
Joey Yeah well I still got a week left to go in the program and according to the rules if I want to get the money I'm not allowed to conduct any ersonal experiments if you know what I mean
Monica Joey we always know what you mean
[Time lapse Chandler and Joey are making the fire Monica and Phoebe are inside Ross enters carrying luggage]
Phoebe Hey
Monica Hey
Ross Hey (Phoebe sees his bags)
Phoebe How long did you think this barbecue was gonna last
Ross I'm going to China
Phoebe Jeez you say one thing and
Monica You're going to China
Ross Yeah iit's for the museum Someone found a bone we want the bone but they don't want us to have the bone so I'm going over there to try to persuade them to give us the bo—it's—it's a whole big bone thing Anyway I'm gonna be gone for like uh like a week so uh if you wanna reach me yyou can't So here's my itinerary (hands a sheet of paper to Monica) Um here's a picture of me (hands it to Monica)
Phoebe Oh let me see (takes the picture)
Ross (to Monica) Could you take it to Carol's every now and then and show it to Ben just so he doesn't forget me
Monica Yeah
(Phoebe puts the picture of Ross up to her face)
Phoebe Hi Ben I'm your father I am the head Aaaaaahhhh (puts picture down sees Ross staring at her) Alright this barbecue is gonna be very fun
Ross Hey is Rachel here Um I wanted to wish her a happy birthday before I left
Monica Oh no she's out having drinks with Carl
Ross Oh (pause) Hey who's Carl
Monica You know that guy she met at the coffeehouse
Ross No
Phoebe Oh well see there's this guy she met at the
Ross At the coffeehouse right
Phoebe So you do know who he is (laughs Ross stares at her) Sorry
Ross OK I'm gonna go say goodbye to the guys
Phoebe Oh hey y'know what Tell them that bone story
(Ross goes outisde on the balcony)
Ross Hi
Joey Hey
Chandler Hey
Ross (sigh)I have to go to China
Joey The country
Ross No no this big pile of dishes in my mom's breakfront Do you guys know who Carl is
Chandler Uh let's see Alvin Simon Theodore no
Ross Well Rachel's having drinks with him tonight
Joey Oh no How can she do that when she's never shown any interest in you
Chandler Forget about her
Joey He's right man Please Move on Go to China Eat Chinese food
Chandler Course there they just call it food
Ross Yeah I guess I don't—I don't know Alright just just give her this for me OK (gives Chandler a gift for Rachel)
Joey Listen buddy we're just looking out for you
Ross I know
Joey We want you to be happy And I may only have a couple beers in me but I love you man (Joey gives Ross a hug)
Chandler I'm still on my first I just think you're nice
[Time lapse Melanie Joey's girlfriend is there with Joey Chandler Monica Phoebe and Rachel Ross is gone]
Melanie Anyway that's when me and my friends started this whole fruit basket business We call ourselves 'The Three Basketeers'
Joey Like the three musketeers only with fruit
Chandler (sarcastic) Ooooh (looks dumbfounded at Joey's stupidity)
Monica (gets up) OK how does everybody like their burgers
Rachel Oh no no no Presents first Food later (walks into living room)
(Everyone follows Rachel to the living room Monica pulls Joey aside)
Monica Hey hold on there tiger How's it going How you holding up
Joey Well not so good She definitely thinks tonight is the night we're gonna complete the transaction if you know what I
(Monica rolls her eyes)
Joey Then you do Heh heh
Monica So uh have you ever thought about being there for her
Joey What do you mean
Monica Y'know just be there for her
(Long pause Joey looks confused)
Joey Not following you
Monica Think about it
(They both walk over to where Rachel is opening her gifts Rachel sees her first gift is a fruit basket)
Rachel OK I'm guessing this is from
(Melanie smiles)
Rachel Well thank you Melanie
Chandler (pointing out a gift) OK this one right here is from me
Rachel (picks it up) OK ah it's light (shakes it)it rattles it's (opens it) Travel Scrabble Oooohhh thank you (she gives it back to him)
(Chandler looks dejected Rachel picks up another gift)
Rachel This one's from Joey feels like a book Thinks it's a book feels like a book And(opens it)it's a book
Phoebe Oh it's Dr Seuss
Joey (to Rachel) That book got me through some tough times
Melanie There is a little child inside this man
Chandler Yes the doctors say if they remove it he'll die
(Rachel picks up the next gift)
Rachel Who's this from
Chandler Oh that's Ross's
Rachel Oh (opens it) (sees it is a pin) Oh my God He remembered
Phoebe Remembered what
Rachel It was like months ago We were walking by this antique store and I saw this pin in the window and I told him it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl Oh I can't believe he remembered
Chandler Well sure but can you play it on a plane (pats his Travel Scrabble game)
Phoebe Oh it's so pretty This must have cost him a fortune
Monica I can't believe he did this
Chandler Come on Ross Remember back in college when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck
(Everyone looks at him He realizes he just spilled the beans about Ross's crush on Rachel You can hear this entire classic scene by clicking here)
Rachel What did you just say
Chandler (panicked) ahem um Crystal duck
Rachel No no no the um the 'love' part
Chandler (stuttering incoherently) Fhah flennin
Rachel Oh my God
Chandler (rubbing his temples) Oh nonononono
Joey (pats Chandler on the leg) That's good just keep rubbing your head That'll turn back time
Commercial Break
[Scene Monica and Rachel's continued from earlier]
Rachel I mean this is unbelievable
Phoebe I know This is really really huge
Chandler No it's not It's small It's tiny It's petite It's wee
Phoebe Nuhuh I don't think any of our lives are ever gonna be the same ever again
Chandler OK is there a mute button on this woman
Monica I think this is so great I mean you and Ross Ddid you have any idea
Rachel No None I mean my first night in the city he mentioned something about asking me out but nothing ever happened so I just (to Joey) Wwell what else did he say I mean does he like want to go out with me
Joey Well given that he's desperately in love with you he probably wouldn't mind getting a cup of coffee or something
Rachel Ross All this time Well I've got to talk to him (gets up to leave)
Chandler (quickly) HHe's in China
Joey The country
Monica No no wait (checks Ross's itinerary) His flight doesn't leave for another fortyfive more minutes
Chandler What about the time difference
Monica From here to the airport
Chandler Yes (Rachel walks towards door) You're never gonna make it
Monica Rachel what're you gonna say to him
Rachel III don't know
Chandler Well then maybe you shouldn't go
Joey He's right cause if you're just gonna like break his heart that's the kind of thing that can wait
Monica Yeah but if it's good news you should tell him now
Rachel I don't know Maybe I'll know when I see him
Phoebe Here look alright does this help
(Phoebe gets up holds the picture of Ross up to her face)
Rachel Noooo look all I know is that I cannot wait a week until I see him I mean this is just too big Y'know I just I've just gotta talk to him I I gotta OK I'll see you later (opens door)
Chandler Rachel I love you Deal with me first (she leaves)
[Scene Airport Ross has headphones on and is listening to a 'How To Speak Chinese' tape Occasionally he makes an outburst in Chinese in accordance with the tape He is getting on the jetway The flight attendant is there]
Ross (something in Chinese)
Flight Attendant Alright
Ross Nichou chima (walks onto jetway)
(Rachel runs into the airport trying to catch Ross moving people out of the way)
Rachel Ross Excuse me pardon me excuse me
(Rachel gets up to the jetway)
Flight Attendant Hi
Rachel Hi
Flight Attendant May I see your boarding pass
Rachel Oh no no I don't have one I just need to talk to my friend
Flight Attendant Oh oooh I'm sorry You are not allowed on the jetway unless you have a boarding pass
Rachel No I know but I—he just went on He's right there he's got the blue jacket on I can I jjust
Flight Attendant No no no Federal regulations
Rachel OK alright OK um then could you please uh just give him a message for me Please This is very important
Flight Attendant Alright What's the message
Rachel Uh I don't know
[Cut to the Jetway the flight attendant enters walks past Ross and approaches an older man with his wife who is also wearing a blue jacket]
Flight Attendant Sir Sir Excuse me sir Uh I have a message for you
Man (confused) What
Flight Attendant It's from Rachel She said that she loved the present and she will see you when you get back
Man (to wife) Toby Oh for God's sake I don't know what she's talking about There's no Rachel Don't give me that deep freeze
[Scene Joey's Bedroom he and Melanie are in bed together]
Melanie Mmmmmm Oh Joey Joey Joey I think I blacked out there for a minute
Joey Heh heh It was nothin'
Melanie Well now we've gotta find something fun for you (she starts kissing his chest)
Joey (panicked) Uhhh y'know what Forget about me Let's uh let's give you another turn
Melanie (surprised) MMe again
Joey Sure Why not
Melanie Boy somebody's gonna get a big fruit basket tomorrow
(Joey starts to kiss her)
Melanie Oooh I gotta tell you you are nothing like I thought you would be
Joey How do you mean
Melanie I don't know II guess I just had you pegged as one of those guys who're always 'me me me' But you you're a giver You're like the most generous man I ever met I mean you're practically a woman
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Monica Phoebe and Rachel are there Monica is holding the wrapping paper from one of Rachel's gifts]
Monica Uh so uh Rach uh do you wanna save this wrapping paper I mean it's only a little bit torn so are you gonna go for it with Ross or should I just throw it out
Rachel I don't know I don't know I thought about it all the way there and I thought about it all the way back and uh oh you guys y'know it's Ross Y'know what I mean I mean it's Ross
Monica and Phoebe Sure
Rachel I don't know I mean this is just my initial gut feeling but I'm thinking oh I'm thinking it'd be really great
Monica Oh my God me too Oh Oh we'd be like friendsinlaw Y'know what the best part is The best part is that you already know everything about him I mean it's like starting on the fifteenth date
Phoebe Yeah but y'know it's it would be like starting on the fifteenth date
Monica Another good point
Phoebe No I mean I mean when you're at the fifteenth date y'know you're already in a very relationshippy place Y'know it's you're committed
Rachel (confused) Huh
Phoebe Well I mean then what happens if it doesn't work out
Monica Why isn't it working out
Rachel I don't know sometimes it doesn't
Monica Is he not cute enough for you
Rachel No
Monica Does he not make enough money
Rachel No I'm just
Phoebe Maybe there's someone else
Rachel Wha
Monica Is there Is there someone else
Rachel No There is there is noone else
Monica Then why the hell are you dumping my brother
[Scene Chandler and Joey's Chandler is eating breakfast Joey quietly opens his bedroom door]
Chandler Hey big
Joey Shhhh
Chandler (quietly) spender
Joey She's still asleep
Chandler So how'd it go
Joey Oh it was amazing You know how you always think you're great in bed
Chandler The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how little you know me
Joey Well it's like last night I couldn't do the thing that usually makes me great So I had to do all this other stuff And the response I got man oh man it was like a ticker tape parade
Chandler Yes I know as it happens my room is very very close to the parade route
Joey It was amazing And not just for her uhuh For me too It's like all of a sudden I'm blind But all my other senses are heightened y'know It's like I was able to appreciate it on another level
Chandler I didn't know you had another level
Joey I know Neither did I
[Scene Monica and Rachel's one week later Monica is seated Rachel comes out of her bedroom]
Monica Hey great skirt Birthday present
Rachel Yeah
Monica Oh from who
Rachel From you I exchanged the blouse you got me
Monica Well it's the thought Hey doesn't Ross's flight get in in a couple hours At gate 27B
Rachel Uh yeah Uh Monica y'know honey I've been thinking about it and I've decided this—this whole Ross thing it's just not a good idea
Monica Oh why
Rachel Because I feel like I wouldn't just be going out with him I would be going out with all of you Oh and there would just be all this pressure and I don't wanna
Monica (gets up) No no no no no no pressure no pressure
Rachel Monica nothing has even happened yet and you're already so
Monica I am not 'so' OK I was a teensy bit weird at first but I'll be good I promise
(Door buzzer goes off Rachel answers it)
Rachel Who is it
Intercom It's me Carl
Rachel C'mon up
Monica Behind my brother's back (Rachel glares at her) is exactly the kind of crazy thing you won't be hearing from me
[Scene Chandler and Joey's Chandler is seated and the apartment is filled with baskets of fruit Joey enters check in hand]
Joey Seven hundred bucks
Chandler Alright you did it Do we have any fruit
Joey Man hell of a two weeks huh Y'know what though I really feel like I learned something
Chandler Really So you're gonna stick with this 'it's all for her' thing
Joey What are you crazy When a blind man gets his sight back does he walk around like this (Joey closes his eyes and walks around with arms spread)
[Scene Monica and Rachel's Balcony Rachel is having drinks with her date Carl]
Carl I'm just sayin' if I see one more picture of Ed Begley Jr in that stupid electric car I'm gonna shoot myself I mean don't get me wrong I'm not against environmental issues per se it's just that guy
(Rachel looks bored At this point Ross—a figment of Rachel's imagination— shows up on the balcony and starts talking to her)
Ross I can't believe you'd rather go out with him than me
Rachel Would you excuse me please I'm trying to have a date here
Ross Fine just stop thinking about me
(She tries and Ross disappears momentarily He reappears standing closer to her)
Ross Can't do it can you
Rachel So I'm thinking about you So what
Ross I don't get it What do you see in this guy anyway
Rachel Well he happens to be a very nice guy
Carl I mean come on buddy get a real car
Ross Rachel come on Give us a chance
Rachel Ross it's too hard
Ross No no no why because it might get weird for everyone else Who cares about them This is about us Look II've been in love with you since like the ninth grade
Rachel Ross you're like my best friend
Ross I know
Rachel If we broke up and I lost you
Ross Whoa whoa whoa What makes you think we're gonna break up
Rachel Well have you been involved with someone where you haven't broken up
Ross (pause) No But it only has to happen once Look you and I both know we are perfect for each other right I mean so the only question is are you attracted to me
Rachel I don't know I mean I've never looked at you that way before
Ross Well start looking
(They kiss Ross walks away and then fades out)
Rachel Wow
Carl Exactly And you just know I'm gonna be the guy caught behind this hammerhead in traffic
Rachel Right You're right
Carl Heh y'know
Rachel You know what
Carl What
Rachel I forgot I am supposed to pick up a friend at the airport I am so sorry I'm so if you want to stay and finish your drinks please do (gives him her drink) I mean—I'm sorry III gotta go I'm sorry
(Rachel leaves)
Carl But
[Scene Airport Madonna's Take A Bow plays in the background as Rachel waits at the gate with flowers]
Rachel (sifting through crowd) Excuse me pardon me excuse me excuse me sorry Hi
[Cut to the jetway the old man who the flight attendant delivered Rachel's message to gets off the plane his wife still upset with him]
Man For God's sake will you let it go There's no Rachel
(A Chinese woman getting off the plane drops one of her bags Ross gets off next)
Ross Oh hey hey I got that
(Ross picks up the bag then he and the woman kiss)
Julie Oh thanks sweetie
Ross No problem I cannot wait for you to meet my friends
Julie Really
Ross Yeah
Julie You don't think they'll judge and ridicule me
Ross No no they will I just uh
Ross and Julie Can't wait
Ross Come on they're gonna love you
[Cut to a closeup of Rachel eagerly awaiting Ross's arrival not knowing he is getting off the plane with another woman]
End



124 瑞秋恍然悟


彬彬睡着
莫妮卡姑姑男孩
瞧罗斯发型

天啊真爱
定想吻遍
感觉定
？
没什
嘴里余空气
钱德愿意帮？
保证定会
包括星期威化饼
现欠数清钱
次真会
钱？
正帮纽约学医学院做研究
什研究？
嗯……科学研究
科学？想听说
生殖研究
乔伊请告诉贡献时间
拜托没什
真两天趟
计划作贡献
两周七百元
手赚钱
酸卷心菜丝面包
绞牛肉火鸡肉
男回
生火
烧肉
然撒尿熄火
结果邀请
真逗
乔伊玛莲妮电说会迟

俩进展？
会成心？
知道
？
研究计划感想？
认会告诉
杯子约会？
男考虑真
麻烦想做爱
娘疯
计划剩星期
根规定
果想钱
做实验
果懂意思话
乔伊直懂意思
嗨
嗨
烧烤久？
中国
说件事…
中国？
博物馆出差
找骨头
骨头
想骨头
派说服骨头
骨头事
总星期
联络
行程表
片

时时片卡萝家彬？
样会忘记
彬爸爸
头
回烧烤定玩
瑞秋？
想离开前祝生日快乐
卡尔外面喝酒
卡尔谁？
咖啡屋认识
认识
…咖啡屋认识
说知道谁
道
告诉骨头事吧
中国(磁器)趟
国家？
妈家中堆盘子
知道卡尔谁？
想想
艾文赛门希尔朵…认识
瑞秋晚起喝酒
没表示前
样做？
忘吧
说伙计
吧中国吃中国菜
然称菜
？概吧知道
帮交？
兄弟着想
快乐
许喝两瓶
爱
喝瓶
觉真
总朋友开始水果篮事业
称三篮
三剑客水果
吧谁想吃汉堡？
先拆礼物会吃东西
等等猛男
进展？
太利
想晚敲定笔交易
果…懂
想着想？
什意思？
着想
懂
想想
猜…谢谢玛莲妮
送
轻声音
……旅游拼字
谢谢
乔伊送
感觉书
猜书
感觉书
书
苏博士
书度许难关
男里面孩
医生说移走会死
谁送？
罗斯送
天啊记
记什？
月前家古董店
橱窗见胸针时
告诉时候祖母
没想记
然飞机玩？
漂亮
真漂亮
定花少钱
没想会做
拜托罗斯？
记学时候卡萝谈恋爱时
送贵死水晶鸭
刚说什？
水晶鸭
……恋爱部份
谈…谈……
天啊
糟……
继续挠头
时间会倒流
太思议
真太思议
知道真太
细霉
认生活产生变化
女身静音钮？
认样啊
罗斯
感觉？
没
纽约第夜
提约出
没提邀出
……
说什？
想约出？
果爱爱法拔
概想
喝杯咖啡什
罗斯？日子？
找谈谈
现中国
国家
等等飞机45分钟会起飞
时差呢？
机场？

赶
试试
瑞秋说什？
知道
许该
没错伤心
妨等等
果消息
立刻
知道
许见面时知道
帮助？
没
知道等星期
件事太严重
谈谈见
瑞秋爱
先事情解决
笑什？
罗斯抱歉
请出示登机证
没想找朋友
抱歉非登机证
否进
知道刚走
穿蓝色夹克
…
行……联邦法规
吧请帮传话？
件事非常重
吧请说
知道
抱歉先生
传话
什
瑞秋
说喜欢送礼物
回想见
什？
桃碧拜托
知道说什
认识瑞秋
脸色
呣……乔伊……
想爽昏
算什
现伺候

伺候回
？
然？
明天会收水果篮
告诉
想中样
什意思？
说
概认
顾享受
乐付出
见慷慨
简直女
瑞秋包装纸留？
破点点
罗斯留
丢掉？
知道
左思右想
罗斯罗斯
然
心深处感受
想样应该会错
天啊样想
样成亲戚兼朋友
知道棒什？
棒已指掌
第15次约会开始

第15次约会开始
观点错
第15次约会时
感情已相深厚
已定
果感情破裂该办？
会感情破裂？
知道感情勉强
觉帅？
什？
钱赚够？

许？
？外男？
没没
甩掉哥？
什
…挥霍者
睡觉
情况？
简直太神奇
没老觉床功夫错？
会问种问题
表示根解
昨晚做满足事
搬出全套功夫
结果什回应？
天啊
盛游行
知道
游行发生时
房间非常接游行路线
简直太神奇

样
突然失明
感官更加敏感
达更高境界
知道更高境界
懂知道
漂亮裙子生日礼物？

谁送？

送衬衫换
真聪明
罗斯飞机时抵达？
27B出口？

直想
决定罗斯起
样许
什？
感觉
出
家起出
压力…

……没压力…
八字没撇…
没
开始觉点奇怪
没事保证
谁啊？
卡尔

背着哥？
做出种疯狂事
七百块
样办
水果吃？
折腾两星期
感觉学
真？
说继续牺牲成全？
疯成
瞎子重见光明会样走路？
说果见
艾德贝格拉二世电车
举枪
误会意思
反环保
讨厌家伙
难相信约会

抱歉正约会
行想
办？
想样？
懂会选种？
男
老兄买台真正车吧
瑞秋机会吧
罗斯太难
什？家会感觉劲？
谁理啊
两事
九年级开始爱
罗斯朋友
知道果分手失
认会分手？
起分手

种事会发生次
知道天生？
关键
感觉？
知道
未种方式
开始吧
没错困车阵中
……
知道？
什
忘应该机场接朋友
真抱歉
果想继续喝请便
走抱歉

…………
桃碧胡思乱想
没瑞秋
嘿掉东西
谢谢甜心
客气
迫想介绍朋友
真？

认会评头足取笑？
会
实等
担心定会喜欢




文档香网(httpswwwxiangdangnet)户传

《香当网》用户分享的内容，不代表《香当网》观点或立场，请自行判断内容的真实性和可靠性！
该内容是文档的文本内容，更好的格式请下载文档